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ShiftedJewel -> And finally... Respect (3/9/2005 1:49:33 PM)
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The four cornerstones mean a great deal to me and mine. Through them we have achieved a most incredible relationship. There is nothing that I cannot talk about to Scooter and vice versa. In the two and a half years that we have been together there has never been a harsh word between us. That is part of the reason I'm sharing my thoughts on them with you. They (the Cornerstones) deserve to be revived and centered on, taught and learned, practiced and perfected. Not just here, in the lifestyle, but in all relationships.
Respect
In any given situation the outcome is always dependant on how you personally handle yourself, how you speak to others, how you react to what they say or do and the tone of voice you use. It’s often the only real separator between a debate and an argument, a disagreement and fight or friends and enemies. All of it comes down to one thing. Respect. Whether it’s respecting the opinions of others or their own personal space, it’s still the one factor that can make all the difference in the world.
It’s like sunbathing at the beach, lying there, feeling the sun beat down on you, and then someone comes along and puts up their umbrella right next to you and blocks the sun. At that moment you feel angry, frustrated, and incredulous. No words were exchanged, no hard looks, no malicious intent. They simply did not respect your own personal space. They probably didn’t even think about it.
How often are we guilty of not thinking about it? Starting as teenagers and rolling the eyes as a show of disrespect, right up to blowing off others because what they have to say doesn’t fit into your world. It’s all about respect. I know, you think to yourself, what does it matter to me, I’ll probably never see that person again? But that isn’t it at all, it’s about learning to see respect as a daily part of your life, it’s about listening and caring, understanding and interacting. It’s about knowing in your heart that you are respectful.
It seems like it’s just too easy to forget about respect in a 24/7 relationship, to see it as a given between people involved in that relationship. Respect is so simple that we often fail to see it and use it. Saying please, thank you and your welcome is showing respect for the other person’s efforts and in our daily lives it’s so easy to say these things to the stranger waiting on us at the restaurant yet so difficult to say the same things to loved ones.
Respect: to treat with consideration, show courtesy to, heed. The lack of respect includes but is not limited to the lack of listening to what the other person is saying or feeling. When my kids were teenagers I heard “I didn’t hear you say that” more times then I can count. My reply was always the same, you should always listen to everything someone is saying otherwise someday you may miss something very important.
In the BDSM lifestyle respect is considered to be one of the “biggies”. If there is no respect for the limits and abilities of each other scenes would be disastrous and relationships would be a joke. In regards to the four cornerstones it is a vital part necessary to achieve any of the others. I cannot trust someone I have no respect for, nor can I believe all of what they say to me and communication is all but impossible. Knowing this make it easy to see how tightly woven the cornerstones are. Without respect there cannot be trust, without trust there cannot be honesty and without honesty there cannot be communication. It is a circle that once broken falls apart. To lie is to be dishonest, to be dishonest is to lose the respect of others, and to lose the respect of others is to lose the trust that was once given to you and when that happens the communication has died.
So many argue that respect is earned. Granted, in some instances that may be true…but only to a degree. How much you respect another depends on how they treat you and others, the way they carry themselves in different situations, as well as the level of respect they have for themselves. When you understand that you also understand that how much others respect you is based on the same things. It is a fine line that needs to be noticed, nurtured and cared for. Only what you are willing to give will be returned to you. It is not a given, it is not automatic in a relationship. It is something that needs to be exercised daily. Please, thank you and you’re welcome are small gestures with huge rewards. Respecting the efforts of those around you will always be met with a smile.
After working on these articles I’ve realized that the four cornerstones represent the harmony that everyone tries to achieve in their relationships. The ability to speak freely, openly and honestly, about anything and everything because each person knows that they are respected and trusted, that they can communicate with out fear of retribution or ridicule, to be able to share every part of their being with someone they love and in return be able to accept the same from their partner is a goal that is attainable.
I hope my "ramblings" here have touched a few lives and helped in some way.
Jewel
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