RE: A Primer for male submissives

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 6/23/2004 10:52:28 PM

Laura

Posts: 393
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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That was very well said CruelDomina.

Someone else asked about putting it on a website. I'd like to run it in the BDSM community at BackWash. I'll send you a note.

Thanks for posting it!

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 7/1/2004 11:40:12 AM

Silvertonguedevl

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Joined: 6/1/2004
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For Cruel Domina, and Sinergy and all who posted advice. Thank you very much, MesDames et Patrons, and I think I get it, but did you want your house painted before or after dinner? And, by the way, how is your day going?--My apologies if this was misplaced. I am new at this message board thing.

< Message edited by Silvertonguedevl -- 7/1/2004 11:46:32 AM >

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 7/1/2004 4:50:55 PM

sarbonn

Posts: 193
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Grand Rapids, MI
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quote:

1) Somebody asking me if they can be my submissive and do whatever I command them to do.

I usually think something on the order of "paint my house."

Some years back, a pro domme who knew me through friends used the same line (I think it became a common line after Exit to Eden), and for the next three weeks, I painted her house. I think she had me do it because she wasn't convinced I was serious when I said I would do it. When it was done, she laughed and said that yes, I was a true submissive, and I now earned her attention. I said thank you and left. I never returned any of her phone calls.

People have ridiculed me for years after that (because she was quite hot and highly desired by a lot of submissives), but I felt there was a lack of respect issue going on here. To this day, I think I'm the only person who understood why I left, and I've stopped trying to explain it because I don't think anyone truly understands until they are put into the same situation.

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 7/1/2004 5:17:45 PM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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Hello,

Interesting point, sarbonn. I have never seen the movie Exit To Eden, although from what I understand that line is in it.

I am a bit puzzled why you feel there is a lack of respect issue. I have heard Dom/Domme's express that they feel they are perceived by submissives as a life support system for a single tail. True or not, a submissive who comes up to me and
immediately wants to know what sort of scening I would do to her and what sort of
sexual acts I would like doing to her me start wondering if they are truly submitting to my will or whether they see BDSM as a way to get their own jollies and are not really interested in being submissive to Me.

There is an aspect to that approach which qualifies in my mind as Topping from the bottom.

So I use the line "paint my house" as a way of expressing my idea that a true act of submission involves the submissive submitting to my (in this case performing an act I need done with no thought of recompense) will, and in doing so they will get what they need. I am not a sadist. I derive no inner satisfaction from the physical act of causing pain. But I find what attracts me to Dominance is the ability to change or alter the emotional state of another person and drive her to a place of happiness and bliss, as opposed to inflicting pain for it's own sake and being called Sir and having her kneel next to me at parties.

Just me, probably wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 7/1/2004 9:53:50 PM

Mondschein

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Joined: 3/23/2004
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Well at least I'm not the only one who has gone thru such experiences...

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 7/3/2004 5:30:41 PM

Laura

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Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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Putting myself in your place I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of painting her house but I would have felt I didn't need to earn her attention either. You have to value yourself. Being a sub or a Dom or a Switch makes no difference, you are first of all, yourself.

Did she at least say thank you?

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 7/3/2004 5:51:05 PM

sarbonn

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From: Grand Rapids, MI
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quote:

Did she at least say thank you?

Actually, she never did. She left me a bunch of messages on my answering machine that seemed to get angrier and angrier, and then she started to tell people in the community that I was some kind of ungrateful submissive who just uses women. And then she started calling me again. I moved to Michigan soon after that to go back to grad school.

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 7/3/2004 5:51:18 PM

iwillserveu

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Not my experience, but perhaps I can shed some light and instead of just saying why again sarbonn can correct that pompous jerk, iwillserveu.

The Domina did not think he was "worthy". She did not trust him. It is akin to not being served at a restaurant until you prove you can pay for the meal. Might make sense from the restaurant's perspective, but that "show me the money" attitude is insulting.

She demanded he "show her the submission".

When Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman got dressed nice that scene where she went back to the store that didn't serve her and told them she would've spent a lot of money but now she has everything she needs would have not been as good if she bought some outfits. The same thing with sarbonn just leaving instead of "buying" what that Domina had.

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 7/3/2004 5:52:43 PM >

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 7/4/2004 2:30:12 PM

MistressZanthia

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
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Cruel, thank you. Thanks for taking the time to so eloquently say what many boys need to hear.

Now if we could just get it posted everywhere... how about Bondage.com forums too? LOL.
Kudos!!!

~Mistress Zanthia~
www.zanthia.com

< Message edited by MistressZanthia -- 7/4/2004 2:43:14 PM >

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 7/5/2004 6:34:06 AM

LadyRobin

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Thank you for this essay. I get so tired of the one liners from these people who have no clue. After I read this yesterday I immediately opened up a journal page to direct submissives to "Ask a Mistress." If it is permissible CruelDomina, I would like to reference your primer article specifically. This is exactly what I am looking for in a D/s relationship. Thank you for writing it and more importantly, sharing it with the rest of us.

In Leather,
Lady Robin
www.houseofsaade.com

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RE: A Primer for male submissives - 7/5/2004 9:28:16 PM

LadyAngelika

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Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
I have heard Dom/Domme's express that they feel they are perceived by submissives as a life support system for a single tail. True or not, a submissive who comes up to me and immediately wants to know what sort of scening I would do to her and what sort of sexual acts I would like doing to her me start wondering if they are truly submitting to my will or whether they see BDSM as a way to get their own jollies and are not really interested in being submissive to Me.

There is an aspect to that approach which qualifies in my mind as Topping from the bottom.

Agreed Sinergy. More often then not, messages I receive from male subs are very demanding about what kind of sexual acts I could do to please their own desires. I'm not a whipping machine!

I guess that is what the delete button is for...

I understand that if subs didn't get pleasure out of BDSM, they wouldn't be here. And I believe in giving a sub what pleasures them in return for proper servitude and submission. (Just note that I am not so pompous to believe that I don’t have to prove myself to them as a good Domme.)

I’m tired of I want this! I want that! types of messages. Start telling me what you have to offer!

Lady Angelika

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