Mistress wants companionship (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

luckyslaveboync -> Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 1:48:59 PM)

Hypothetically, it can happen that a sub's mistress over time loses some of Her interest in bdsm and wants a higher and higher proportion of the slave's time spent on service and companionship, which both acknowledge as important. Should the slave be patiently obedient? Express needs for bdsm submission even though this may seem topping from the bottom? Try to redefine his needs to be less erotic and more taking joy in service submission? Move on? Other advice?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 1:57:39 PM)

If you enter the relationship with a mutual understanding and expectations of how the relationship will progress, and the relationship ACTUALLY ends up progressing in a very different direction, then you need to assess whether the direction will work for you or not, what compromises can/should be made, and what you actually need to be fulfilled.

It's not topping from the bottom to say "This isn't what you said you wanted 2 years ago, and I'm really not sure if it's right for me." It's just the truth.



amayos -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 2:02:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: luckyslaveboync
Should the slave be patiently obedient?


Of course. Should a slave ever be impatiently obedient?

A slave should be willing to serve in any capacity, and with equal enthusiasm, no matter what level of interest their owners have in "BDSM".



slavejali -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 2:03:12 PM)

Relationships over time change, thats a given. However the scenario you are describing kinda sounds similar to me to a couple who has finished their *honeymoon* period....its a kinda dangerous time in a relationship...i think the statistics on that are around the 6 month period....you've done all the exciting things together...if one person has been hiding different facets of their personality time has gone on long enough for it to be exposed.... perhaps she was never really into D/s...it was just a fun thing for a period of time...perhaps she was never really Dominant and so the pretense of having to be in *role* has got tiring and uninteresting....perhaps she just has other stresses in her life...god knows..there could be so many scenarios...I guess the thing to think about is..whats the foundation of your relationship built on..and if this is being rocked at all...hard work needs to be done to keep the relationship productive for both people.



truesub4u -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 2:07:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos


quote:

ORIGINAL: luckyslaveboync
Should the slave be patiently obedient?


Of course. Should a slave ever be impatiently obedient?

A slave should be willing to serve in any capacity, and with equal enthusiasm, no matter what level of interest their owners have in "BDSM".



oopps.. jut noticed the word "slave"..... I forgot....some think a slave can't think or have no feelings.. wants or needs either.


From a submissive side....... I personally... would just openly ask ..... WTF is happening to us?



angelic -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 2:10:30 PM)

quote:

From a submissive side....... I personally... would just openly ask ..... WTF is happening to us?


ROFL, true... you have such a way with words [;)]



amayos -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 2:14:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos


quote:

ORIGINAL: luckyslaveboync
Should the slave be patiently obedient?


Of course. Should a slave ever be impatiently obedient?

A slave should be willing to serve in any capacity, and with equal enthusiasm, no matter what level of interest their owners have in "BDSM".



oopps.. jut noticed the word "slave"..... I forgot....some think a slave can't think or have no feelings.. wants or needs either.


From a submissive side....... I personally... would just openly ask ..... WTF is happening to us?


Does a slave have feelings, thoughts and wants? Of course. Am I obligated to serve them? No.




truesub4u -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 2:19:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

Does a slave have feelings, thoughts and wants? Of course. Am I obligated to serve them? No.




Bites Tongue......... shakes head...



HouseofBear -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 2:27:55 PM)

I think that honesty is important in a relationship, and if a slave has concerns they should respectfully be voiced to their dominant. One thing I noticed with your post, that she had less interest in bdsm and then you said she was more interested in service and companionship. Those two aspects are part of bdsm, and part of what I expect from a slave, as well as the aspects of play.

Lady Ursa



Slipstreme -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 2:28:53 PM)

you all can probably benefit by open communication. In fact, your Mistress might really need to know what is going on in your head before you can serve her to the best of her abilities. After all something continually nagging at you will eventually interfere with those abilities. A relationship rarely ever works out in the end if one partner is holding back something from the other all the time, even if it is to protect that other from some preconcieved calamity.

True she is not obliged to respond to how you feel, but shouldn't she at least know?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 3:07:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos
Am I obligated to serve them? No.


People in vanilla personal relationships aren't obliged to do something just because the other person wants it either- has nothing to do with being a slave.

However, if a master goes into a relationship telling the slave "If you are my slave, you will be expected to do X" then the master is obliged (by his/her own sense of self-commitment) to either follow-through with expecting X, work out a new situation with Y, or admit that the slave and master really don't fit in with eachothers expectations after all.

It would be extremely unethical for a dominant to allow a slave to consent to a situation, completely change around the situation, and then suggest the slave is somehow forcing an inappropriate obligation on the dominant. The dominant agreed to a set of expectations within the relationship just as much as the slave does.

The only difference is that the dominant is the only one who enforces the authority upon both/all in the relationship.



amayos -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 5:11:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos
Am I obligated to serve them? No.


People in vanilla personal relationships aren't obliged to do something just because the other person wants it either- has nothing to do with being a slave.


In general, a "vanilla" relationship is one based upon two equals in socially accepted folkways of courtship consisting often of traditional, romantic pursuits; it is really in no way comparable to slave and owner—they are completely two different forms of interrelation and comparing the two in order to justify any system or ideal inherent in one or the other is utterly bogus.

Having to obey is in fact everything that has to do with being a slave.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

However, if a master goes into a relationship telling the slave "If you are my slave, you will be expected to do X" then the master is obliged (by his/her own sense of self-commitment) to either follow-through with expecting X, work out a new situation with Y, or admit that the slave and master really don't fit in with eachothers expectations after all.



A slave isn't thus if he/she only obeys when the sun is out. Any being under your wing operating under negotiation of terms and rights is not a slave. Any being that does not display complete and unquestioning loyalty and obedience in serving you is not a slave. Anyone who obeys only when it suits them or gets them off is—in turn—not a slave.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It would be extremely unethical for a dominant to allow a slave to consent to a situation, completely change around the situation, and then suggest the slave is somehow forcing an inappropriate obligation on the dominant. The dominant agreed to a set of expectations within the relationship just as much as the slave does.


The only difference is that the dominant is the only one who enforces the authority upon both/all in the relationship.


Well said, and this may indeed fly in your world when speaking of slaves, but for me your description—as eloquently spoken as it may be—is not one of slavery. It is more the well articulated trademark wisdom inherent in submission and dominance, as popularly defined by the BDSM mainstream. Enjoyable as both forms may be, slave and submissive are not interchangeable in meaning—or at least, they are not in my mind.



littlesarbonn -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 8:19:38 PM)

To be honest, I'd be overjoyed if she wanted me for service and companionship as that's more my style of comfortability anyway.



theRose4U -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 8:39:44 PM)

quote:

sub's mistress over time loses some of Her interest in bdsm and wants a higher and higher proportion of the slave's time spent on service and companionship


I think what he's tring to say is that he's not being used/ played with enough for his tastes. My question would be what tasks were outlined in your original arrangement. I know my previous boy hit a point where he complained that he was performing all the household tasks that I asked of him but wasn't being played with enough. My question to him is the same as it is to you : What do you believe that submission is? If your definition is tied more to play and hers is to obedience then you have a fundimental problem. In her eyes you're being pleasing as you're accomplishing the tasks set out for you in the form of service. In your mind it's not working because she's please with you and not giving you enough spanky time and may be tempted to act out to intentionally get punished. Before you do something that's more likely to get you dismissed than rewarded I would suggest that you talk to her. Tell her that you care about her and enjoy her companionship but your spanky needs are feeling neglected. While demanding anything will cause you problems subtly polishing and conditioning her favorite flogger a few days after a discussion with her may be a way to break the ice without topping from the bottom.



brightspot -> RE: Mistress wants companionship (3/8/2006 9:51:14 PM)

quote:

Move on?


You have every right to express and redefine your needs as long as her's are changing. If she is not open to this I would pick the above option.

*Brightspot



Page: [1]

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
2.929688E-02