RE: Lying.

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RE: Lying.

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Lying.

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RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 9:00:25 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 633
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

its a lonely scary road ahead of me.

Only if you allow it to be. Only if the only way you can define and validate your own existence is by being owned by someone else.

Leave the liar. Go to the munch. Make some friends. Give yourself a break - some time to think about what it is you're REALLY looking for in this life. Then, in six months or so - go find what you want. You should know what that is by then.

_____________________________

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to trooperlv)

Post #: 41

RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 9:19:04 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 212
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

How many people , I wonder, who have given advice been in a similiar situation?

I was in a similar situation...I'm divorced, then, well not really divorced, but separated, then ummm getting a separation.

So, I stand by my words, yes, I am better off *alone*, than in that situation. It was the most miserable two months of my life. I may not have a Dom/Master at the moment, but I am certainly not alone.

Go to the munch, make friends, free yourself to find what you really want as opposed to settling for something that really isn't filling your needs.

mbmbn

_____________________________

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

(in reply to trooperlv)

Post #: 42

RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 9:31:38 PM

angelic

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Leave the liar. Go to the munch. Make some friends. Give yourself a break - some time to think about what it is you're REALLY looking for in this life. Then, in six months or so - go find what you want. You should know what that is by then.

i'm going to disagree here... right now... she needs to comfort herself (that is if she makes the conscious choice to leave)... that in the end will be her choice... it's easy to say 'go get back on that horse'... it's so easy to say that... so for now i think she needs to find solice in herself, after all that's the only place it is, within herself.

if she makes the conscious choice to stay and continue being lied to.. again that is her choice...

_____________________________

i am a slave... i am not Your slave!

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 43

RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 9:41:49 PM

valeca

Posts: 60
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

quote:

Leave the liar. Go to the munch. Make some friends. Give yourself a break - some time to think about what it is you're REALLY looking for in this life. Then, in six months or so - go find what you want. You should know what that is by then.

i'm going to disagree here... right now... she needs to comfort herself (that is if she makes the conscious choice to leave)... that in the end will be her choice... it's easy to say 'go get back on that horse'... it's so easy to say that... so for now i think she needs to find solice in herself, after all that's the only place it is, within herself.

if she makes the conscious choice to stay and continue being lied to.. again that is her choice...

Erm, angelic...I think if you re-read that, you'll see that's the same advice that was given. "Make some friends", "Give yourself a break - some time to think about what it is you're REALLY looking for in this life."

I don't read "go to that munch, make some friends" as "go get back on that horse".

_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 44

RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 9:57:06 PM

angelic

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I don't read "go to that munch, make some friends" as "go get back on that horse".

what if that "munch" she goes to turns out to be a click? her safety zone may very well be right where she is... it is not for me to tell her to do anything more than take one day at a time... which is what i will continue to do.... her first step will be leaving him... going to a 'munch' won't make that happen.

_____________________________

i am a slave... i am not Your slave!

(in reply to valeca)

Post #: 45

RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 10:27:52 PM

valeca

Posts: 60
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline

And what if it's not?

I see it as potentially finding a supportive network of like-minded people, commonly known as friends.

And after a little scrolling, evidently trooper see's it in the same light.

quote:

I am going to my first munch this friday and I hope to develop a support system.

Evanesce was supporting her in her choice.

As a side note: Sometimes one has to step out of their 'safety zone' in order to grow.

_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 46

RE: Lying. - 3/7/2006 10:30:52 PM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Better to travel alone and be true to yourself than travel in the company of deceivers and thieves...

_____________________________

Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear

Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly

(in reply to valeca)

Post #: 47

RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 2:32:41 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 681
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
Don't be so quick to judge, Sir... it may be the oldest trick in the book... but even the most honorable fall for it on occassion... none of us are perfect.. and Wwe ALL get hurt... just don't kick the hurt when they are hurting the most... it serves no purpose, imo

The person I wouldn't kick is the one person not likely to be in the wrong. The wife that is being cheated on. The other two, if they are hurting, well gosh who have they got to blame? Only themselves!

I don't bloody cheat and I don't like cheaters. Even if they have done so by giving themselves excuses, turned a blind eye to the obvious in order to do what they wanted to do, it doesn't change a damn thing.

There is too much of this crap goes on in society and people IMO are too ready to make excuses for this inexcusable behaviour! Maybe if they didn't think they could get support and sympathy for this crap they might think twice before wrecking peoples lives by doing it.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 48

RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 2:35:51 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 681
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
if she makes the conscious choice to stay and continue being lied to.. again that is her choice...

Yep her choise.... like the choise to turn a blind eye that took her into the situation that she is now seeking sympathy for.

The biggest piece of advice she needs to take is to LEARN from this and NOT repeat the same damn mistakes again in the future.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 49

RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 2:37:46 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 681
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Better to travel alone and be true to yourself than travel in the company of deceivers and thieves...

Again old friend, we are in compleat agreement on that point.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 50

RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 2:47:38 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 681
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

I am going to my first munch this friday and I hope to develop a support system. Yes I am walking a fine line. It is so much easier said then done. How many people , I wonder, who have given advice been in a similiar situation? When you give yourself to someone..to tie you up to trust him with your life..it is a more deeper relationship then a vanilla one. Im sure there will some comments arguing on this point. So when you deciede to walk out..it is a hard decision to make as you have devoted your soul to this person. It is akin to leaving a part of yourself behind. I relate it to my past marriage. I was in the military and married military..so when I divorced I knew nothing of the civilian world..it scared me. BDSM is very much like that a subculture that if you immerse yourself into..and suddenly you are walking away from it..its a lonely scary road ahead of me.

Trooper.

You didn't give your heart to him... you gave your heart to the LIE he told you! Setting aside the fact that I don't consider you blameless in the least in this for a moment. Petal He lied to his main partner, he lied to you, chances are the low-life is even lying to himself........ THAT ISN'T about to change overnight if ever. You stay then don't bother looking for sympathy because you already know the lying will continue, there is not trust, no stability... no RELATIONSHIP!

There is nothing but an illusion to walk away from. Sure it hurts, move on! Put yourself back together and go build something real.... but don't repeat the mistakes of the past, learn from them.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

(in reply to trooperlv)

Post #: 51

RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 2:57:38 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 654
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

I was in almost a mirrored situation where he completely lied to me about his marriage. I fell in love and was his collared slave. It took me a additional 6 months to actually walk away. Its hard when you are someones slave to be the one to own up to the situation, take charge and leave.
it was the best thing i could have ever done, because ive met my new Master 6 months later in November , and he lies about nothing.

(in reply to trooperlv)

Post #: 52

RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 3:04:16 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 681
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny
I was in almost a mirrored situation where he completely lied to me about his marriage. I fell in love and was his collared slave. It took me a additional 6 months to actually walk away. Its hard when you are someones slave to be the one to own up to the situation, take charge and leave.
it was the best thing i could have ever done, because ive met my new Master 6 months later in November , and he lies about nothing.

Well done sweetheart. Right decision and VERY right outcome

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 53

RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 4:37:22 AM

slavejali

Posts: 721
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

If I should decide to stay anyway... I would see him and relate to him as "My Master who lies to me"... everything and anything would be within that parameter, even day to day conversation.

I think thats an important point.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 54

RE: Lying. - 3/8/2006 6:49:54 AM

angelic

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I see it as potentially finding a supportive network of like-minded people, commonly known as friends.

And after a little scrolling, evidently trooper see's it in the same light.

quote:

I am going to my first munch this friday and I hope to develop a support system.

Evanesce was supporting her in her choice.

As a side note: Sometimes one has to step out of their 'safety zone' in order to grow.

Agreed.

i missed her comment about the munch.

_____________________________

i am a slave... i am not Your slave!

(in reply to valeca)

Post #: 55

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