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girlToServeYou -> RE: One Dominants controversial thought on d/s (3/8/2006 5:57:38 PM)
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quote:
But over time, would he prefer her to be secure with him? For example i know that as long as i am pleasing to him i will be his. Thus, i will always work to be pleasing and find new and creative ways to do so. However, if loss of the relationship were used to manipulate me, i would think that would only have fed my insecurity, and my focus would end up being on something fear driven than HIM-driven. Hence, my focus becomes on me rather than on him. Whereas if i am secure on the foundation he provides, then i am not distracted by needless worry. Would you agree? Then all barriers are removed and you have a slave with no hangups, ready to expand her own boundaries, however difficult, to please you and make you happy. You are her goal - not her security. You did say subtle, however, which leads me to believe you are not outwardly hanging demise over her head as a form of negative motivation. Negative motivation (a different subject) has its place, but i tend to think fear driven approaches can lead to dangerous ground.
Wow...How beautifully articulated. My very first Dominant used the fear tactic, and at the time, I *was* very insecure about losing him...perhaps too needy at the time, and very vulnerable. And boy did he use it. I cringe to this day when I admit that it worked. That was a bunch of years ago and I have since matured emotionally and become more secure with my own perceptions of what my submission is, and what a healthy relationship should be. So I never have to feel that way again. But, wow, you surely did explain this 'cause and affect' theory absolutely beautifully. I agree completely; fear of the Dominant ending the relationship really should NOT be used as a tool. It fosters and exacerbates an insecurity that is sometimes already present in the submissive, and I cant see how using this as a tool of manipulation would really help the relationship to evolve. It may get immediate results, but in the long term, it would be a recipe for disaster. And I would pity the woman that it *does* work on. I was once she. But not anymore. And I have no desire to dis Cilly, cuz I dig his writings, but I have to ask, what kind of man would use such a tactic? I do not think he would have much character as a man or a dom. However, I can see how Cilly would see this as a possible tool, without realizing the long term affect that it can have on a submissive's psyche. I do know first hand that it *can* and *does* work (with *some* anyway). So I must admit that he has a point, I just dont agree with using it. Thanks for reading. :)
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