masochistic vs non masochistic

Join Our Community

As the Collar Turns:

Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home Login Event Calendars Search

Espanol

Deutsch

Francais

Italiano

Portugues

masochistic vs non masochistic

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive/Slave >> masochistic vs non masochistic

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 6:13:52 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 212
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

I recently recieved an e mail from another submissive who was questioning me about my being a non masochistic submissive and not deriving pleasure from pain. She asked me some very thought provoking questions, which I answered, but her questions have left me thinking and re thinking. Which, IMO, is the best kind of question.

I would love to hear others thoughts on the same questions posed to me:

For the non masochistic sub regarding not desiring pain:

Was it always this way? Or did it evolve from that other state of desiring pain?

For the masochistic submissive:

Do you think your journey will take you past the longing for pain...and begin to transcend that longing, to another state of submission?

I know the answers seem clear cut, but after thinking on them quite a bit, the answers are not clear cut for me.

mbmbn

PS: these questions are being made public with the permission of the person who asked me privately.

_____________________________

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

Post #: 1

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 6:19:51 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 534
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot

For the masochistic submissive:

Do you think your journey will take you past the longing for pain...and begin to transcend that longing, to another state of submission?

i'm not quite sure if it will. For right now i long for pain inflicted by my Master. Who knows what state i will be in 10 years from now. People do change. i will be having kids and raising a family. Could my body change and i have no desire for pain but a longing to serve and nurture? Possibly. i can't really predict the future but i know i'm very content right now with the journey i am on.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 2

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 6:20:15 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot
Was it always this way? Or did it evolve from that other state of desiring pain?

Nope, never liked it.

quote:

Do you think your journey will take you past the longing for pain...and begin to transcend that longing, to another state of submission?

The state of masochism is not the same as the state of submission (though it may be experienced simultaneously by some people).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 3

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 6:59:46 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 228
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The state of masochism is not the same as the state of submission (though it may be experienced simultaneously by some people).

Masochism is only a part of my submission to Him. We discovered it together, I was a newbie who hadn't experienced any BDSM before we found each other. I've found I'm able to take more pain as we've gone along, but to the OP I don't think it will change the way I submit to Him. It is not the be all and end all of our relationship, I do enjoy being His pleasure slut just as much as His pain slut

The service aspect is a big part of our life too.

All of it is just melded together, no one part of it takes precedence, it just IS.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 7:09:11 PM

TheGaggingWh0re

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline

Hmm...
Being a masochist I have to say that I've already transcended those elements. I find myself in a bit of a block because I lack what people would consider "thought provoking" or "epiphanies". My life experiences (NOT my happiness) has pretty much been in a straight line. Nothing really surprises me anymore or changes my views. I just become enhanced from time to time.

To answer your questions, I'm already longing- both with and without pain. There's nothing more special to me than my Master. However, if it were anyone else, I couldn't get this close to them. I've already tried, and there's just no one like who I have. It's a difficult thing to explain to someone who can find someone in anyone, but I can't. Everything down to the way the person writes is important to me. Master is...perfect. That's all I can explain it as. There's no one who can match him. So, again, I'm already in the state of love with or without the pain. I'm just happy to be his!

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 5

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 8:51:55 PM

foxglove716

Posts: 588
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Was it always this way? Or did it evolve from that other state of desiring pain?

As I dont know if masochists call it pain under pleasurable circumstances, being a non masochist I can say what some may call emotional pain is not pain to me under pleasurable or consentual circumstances. I guess I do think of myself as a masochist, but only a mental masochist. But no, Ive never had a desire for physical pain.

Interesting questions, I don't really know if one leads to another. *stumped*

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 6

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 9:33:11 PM

DragonNphoenix

Posts: 248
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot

For the masochistic submissive:

Do you think your journey will take you past the longing for pain...and begin to transcend that longing, to another state of submission?

Okay... I have an answer for this. It already has taken me past the original longing for pain. I am a total pain slut. It also helped in my tranistion from a submissive to an owned slave. I know that I no longer have control when I am in a state of bliss from pain. I need my Master to help me... to make sure that I do not go to far.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 7

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 9:37:07 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Was it always this way? Or did it evolve from that other state of desiring pain?

I've never liked pain. And I can't imagine being in a place where I will ever find it pleasant. Yes, I will take it, in order to please. I've always felt much more service-oriented.

_____________________________

Will you show me something that nobody else has seen?
- R.E.M.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 8

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 9:43:43 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 212
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

The question was meant to ask if I was always non masochistic or if there was a time I enjoyed pain and * changed*

quote:

The state of masochism is not the same as the state of submission (though it may be experienced simultaneously by some people).

I agree LA, but that is a piece of what has had me re thinking. As nothing is a constant and all things are evolving, cannot either state move towards the other? From my own personal experience: I was in a very long term D/s relationship, where our roles were well defined and my submission/his dominance were very structured and well defined. As his health deteriorated and his death approached < approx two years>, many aspects which I craved were not able to be attained. On reflection, my submission changed. No less gratifying, but different, and I adapted. The things that had long been a part of the " who I am " dynamic were gone but what I felt and the role I took on, were equally fulfilling. Which got me to thinking.. if I were a masochist, that element would have been gone also, but I don't think my submission or fullfilment would be less.

I do not think there are any clear answers, as we do not know how we will react in situations we have not experienced.
It is more speculation of the " what if " factor.

mbmbn

_____________________________

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

(in reply to foxglove716)

Post #: 9

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 11:05:23 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 688
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot

The question was meant to ask if I was always non masochistic or if there was a time I enjoyed pain and * changed*

[

i never liked pain. Pain always made me quite angry. Now i receive pain, for him. i learned not to protest it. In deep subspace i crave it. And sometimes, when i really miss him...i need to sting for him. i would not call myself a growing masochist; It is not the pain itself i have come to desire, it is his infliction of it.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 3/4/2006 11:06:33 PM >

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 10

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 11:09:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
i never liked pain. Pain always made me quite angry. Now i receive pain, for him. i learned not to protest it. In deep subspace i crave it. And sometimes, when i really miss him...i need to sting for him. i would not call myself a growing masochist; It is not the pain itself i have come to desire, it is his infliction of it.

That actually freaked me out in my first relationship- when I began fantasizing about being hurt. I KNEW I didn't want the pain, I KNEW that if he were actually hurting me that I'd hate it. But here I was, fantasizing.

Then I realized it was because the only time I ever had his full attention, his full energy, and his fully open intimacy, was when he was playing with me in a pain scene. That was what I was craving and connected to.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 11

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/4/2006 11:17:23 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 688
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
i never liked pain. Pain always made me quite angry. Now i receive pain, for him. i learned not to protest it. In deep subspace i crave it. And sometimes, when i really miss him...i need to sting for him. i would not call myself a growing masochist; It is not the pain itself i have come to desire, it is his infliction of it.

That actually freaked me out in my first relationship- when I began fantasizing about being hurt. I KNEW I didn't want the pain, I KNEW that if he were actually hurting me that I'd hate it. But here I was, fantasizing.

Then I realized it was because the only time I ever had his full attention, his full energy, and his fully open intimacy, was when he was playing with me in a pain scene. That was what I was craving and connected to.

With me it was (and still is) a gradual changing of desires, to incorporate his pain. It doesn't freak me out so much but i think it's because of how we talk about it. What surprised me by it was that i DO have his attention and intimacy without it, but as i have come to completely open myself up to him, it seems it's just the last "barrier" to remove, and allow him full access.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/5/2006 8:09:20 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 1767
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

Do you think your journey will take you past the longing for pain...and begin to transcend that longing, to another state of submission?

Hmmm pain is something that puts me there, but I perfer to be pushed past that threshold. For me it's like a circle...starts with pain, goes into space, then into darkness, then back to pain again. A complete circle. It's has been my own experience though that not many are willing to take a person through the complete cycle though; their own concerns for my safety often pull them back.

_____________________________

"I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful, beautiful life"
Daryl Worley

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 13

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/5/2006 8:40:09 AM

fastlane

Posts: 1386
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Do you think your journey will take you past the longing for pain...and begin to transcend that longing, to another state of submission?

Hmmm pain is something that puts me there, but I perfer to be pushed past that threshold. For me it's like a circle...starts with pain, goes into space, then into darkness, then back to pain again. A complete circle. It's has been my own experience though that not many are willing to take a person through the complete cycle though; their own concerns for my safety often pull them back.

Well, in my opinion safety is a major concern and though it is erotic to push the envelope a tad, one must know when to draw back. This is especially true if the masochist does not like to use a safeword , because it is much more pleasureable for me to know that my partner will still be alive the next day for more pleasure.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 14

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/5/2006 9:09:07 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 1850
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Hmmm pain is something that puts me there, but I perfer to be pushed past that threshold. For me it's like a circle...starts with pain, goes into space, then into darkness, then back to pain again. A complete circle. It's has been my own experience though that not many are willing to take a person through the complete cycle though; their own concerns for my safety often pull them back.

Well, in my opinion safety is a major concern and though it is erotic to push the envelope a tad, one must know when to draw back. This is especially true if the masochist does not like to use a safeword , because it is much more pleasureable for me to know that my partner will still be alive the next day for more pleasure.

Yes. its called trust. <sits back and waits for the flurry of responses>

_____________________________

"I would rather 30 seconds of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Steel Magnolias

Mistress Hathor

Proud owner of subtoFemDommes--who is known as Her private label in training.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 15

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/5/2006 9:15:09 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 332
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline

I AM a masochist.

I don't like most kinds of physical pain...(although some kinds are nice)

I do like mental torture for some reason.

Not all masochists are pain-tramps. Not all masochists enjoy pain...

Some of us mostly enjoy the reaction of the other when we are doing what pleases him/her. For some, that is enough.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 16

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/5/2006 9:20:54 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
Not all masochists enjoy pain...

Some of us mostly enjoy the reaction of the other when we are doing what pleases him/her. For some, that is enough.

Then that's not being a masochist- that's something else.

I love everything about pain play except the pain part. I'm not a masochist.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 17

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/5/2006 9:32:14 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 1850
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
Not all masochists enjoy pain...

Some of us mostly enjoy the reaction of the other when we are doing what pleases him/her. For some, that is enough.

Then that's not being a masochist- that's something else.

I love everything about pain play except the pain part. I'm not a masochist.

Isn't the dance of the mental edge--masochism?

_____________________________

"I would rather 30 seconds of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Steel Magnolias

Mistress Hathor

Proud owner of subtoFemDommes--who is known as Her private label in training.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/5/2006 9:53:46 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
Isn't the dance of the mental edge--masochism?

Depends on who you ask. For me it's very clear- I don't like pain, I don't get pleasure from pain. The same thrills and happiness I get from pain play I can get in fear play or bondage or other types of play I DIRECTLY enjoy, withOUT the whole "I'm hating this and want to kill myself to stop the pain" I have during a pain scene.

So to me there is no mental edge in pain play.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 19

RE: masochistic vs non masochistic - 3/5/2006 11:57:59 AM

proudsub

Posts: 3896
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

Six years ago i would of run the other way if someone mentioned pain and sex in the same sentence. But at that point i had never tried it. Now i crave pain, can't get enough mainly because Hubby is afraid of hurting me.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive/Slave >> masochistic vs non masochistic

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition

Terms of Service

0.086