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RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/26/2006 9:13:13 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 428
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Aww sorry he did a no show :( in his defense, not that I'm defending his cowardly actions of not calling to cancel and leaving you hanging, it can be quite the daunting thing to show up at someone's home. So keep in mind a lot of these boys will get all that they can out of phone/online play and learning this does happen this early in your journey is a good thing ;)

Some you'll find will be genuinely fearful and work themselves into an emotional lather just thinking about knocking on your door, though others will say whatever you want to hear and then run a mile when backed into a corner. Most will invariably try to get back in your good books and if feeling generous I'll invariably give them at least one more chance, although I remain skeptical until proven wrong. A second no show is banished from the queendom ;)



_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/27/2006 6:17:45 PM   
september


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		thank you jasmym for your support. Letting the boy come to my house was, I now realize, putting his money where his mouth is. He had been pursuing me for sometime and I was tired of the virtual masturbation. Yet, I also wanted a toy to play with. I do not regret my actions, though I will take more precautions. While I am a little anxious about how long it is taking me to find a submissive, I am humbled in the fact that I have only been at it for about three weeks. So I appreciate everyone listening to my whining.

Best regards, princess september

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/27/2006 9:18:55 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

While I am a little anxious about how long it is taking me to find a submissive, I am humbled in the fact that I have only been at it for about three weeks.


Three weeks is a mere drop in the bucket. There are people on this forum who have been searching for the right partner for YEARS. I, personally, spent 3 years searching for Sir Right Dom before He found me, and I consider myself lucky to have found someone who matched my needs so perfectly even that quickly!

Three weeks is barely long enough to have coffee, exchange a few emails and a phone call or two. Patience.

_____________________________

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/1/2006 8:52:33 PM   
september


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Three weeks is barely long enough to have coffee, exchange a few emails and a phone call or two. Patience.


Yes, I am developing more patience. And I want to wait to find the right one. I do understand I have to start small and expand from within.

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/1/2006 9:23:56 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 361
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

quote:

well, here it is . The Sub, who had been pursuing me, crap out... He even had the nerve to say he was coming by cell phone, 45 minutes ahead of time. On the phone he said he was afraid...


Just a note about meeting people - it sounds as if you were planning on playing first meet? Generally not a good idea, and not terribly safe. I usually meet a couple times in a social setting (coffee, dinner, movie) before I'd consider playing with them, so I get a decent feel for who they are as a person.


And actually, not necessarily safe for the submissive either. How experienced was he? Don't discount him when he said he was scared. He had never actually met you. It's hard to develop trust to put yourself entirely in someone's hands when you've never actually met them...unless the sub is just a player.

Patience is a virtue.



_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

"Myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths." - Joseph Campbell

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/2/2006 4:36:17 AM   
september


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, yes, yes, yes, better safe than sorry. Lesson learned. Heard everyone loud and clear.

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/2/2006 9:58:58 AM   
imadom4u


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: september

Yes, yes, yes, yes, better safe than sorry. Lesson learned. Heard everyone loud and clear.

Please don't take what everyone is saying as a pounding lesson or that they are using harsh words. Just understand that a lot of us lose our breath when we simply hear the words, "New to bdsm". There are soooo many precautions you need to know about, and the suggestions we use are just that. Suggestions. And there are more precautions than just using a condom. What if you wanted to play with electrical devices? I would never suggest "just" to read a book. I would suggest to read a book AND go to classes, then play. Try to understand that we are here to help and not to put you down.

I wish you luck in your search and welcome to bdsm. This is the ultimate ride that never stops!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
(When hee-haw meets bdsm)
Where oh where are you tonight, how could you leave me here all alone.
I searched the world over and thought I found the true one. You met
collarme and you were gone.

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/2/2006 10:29:57 AM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 254
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline
I'm not going to add in on the "be careful" thing, but there's another way to look at this. New folks tend to think of some of us veterans as far too cautious and far too slow because of how long we take to get things going. What you may learn in the coming weeks and months is that sometimes waiting one more week or taking one step off the path is the difference between getting your hopes dashed and finding a real partner.

In a case similar to yours, I would have had him meet me for a vanilla lunch somewhere. When I do this, I make sure it's somewhere that I want to go to lunch anyway regardless of whether they show up or not. If they don't show, then no harm, no foul. wha tI learn, though is that they are not going to take the big step any further. It keeps me from getting my hopes (and hormones) revved up so high that it hurts when they fall. It is about reatining a bit of control over my own excitement.

That being said, generally anyone who gets involved with cyber right away tends to only stay cyber. They may taunt me with "real-life" scenarios or "when we finally meet to play for real," but none of those have ever come to fruition. I know that other Mistresses have had other experiences, so consider that as well. Needless to say, playing online does not get me what I want, so I don't do it. It's a choice. I prefer real. Going really slow means that i finish the game with someone who is as serious about it as I.

Again, I also recommend getting in touch with local groups. Lots of groups. Make no judgements about the groups or people for a while. Just hang out and spend time with whatever meetings or events are going on. You can learn a lot just by being around other people.

Good luck. Have fun. Don't rush, simply for the sake of sanity.

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/2/2006 4:54:09 PM   
september


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Please don't take what everyone is saying as a pounding lesson or that they are using harsh words. Just understand that a lot of us lose our breath when we simply hear the words, "New to bdsm". There are soooo many precautions you need to know about, and the suggestions we use are just that. Suggestions. And there are more precautions than just using a condom. What if you wanted to play with electrical devices? I would never suggest "just" to read a book. I would suggest to read a book AND go to classes, then play. Try to understand that we are here to help and not to put you down.

I wish you luck in your search and welcome to bdsm. This is the ultimate ride that never stops!


I do appreciate your wisdom. Thank you so much for the the BDSM love. Thank you.

quote:

Again, I also recommend getting in touch with local groups. Lots of groups. Make no judgements about the groups or people for a while. Just hang out and spend time with whatever meetings or events are going on. You can learn a lot just by being around other people.


Yes, this is my next step. I tend to not be a joiner but I am interested in learning and meeting. I have heard DC has a lot of good munches.

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/3/2006 4:50:22 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 506
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Talbot County, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

Yes, this is my next step. I tend to not be a joiner but I am interested in learning and meeting. I have heard DC has a lot of good munches.



Black Rose is a decent group - they hold regular socials and educational functions. You can find them at www.br.org.

There's a femdom munch in Laurel, MD on the third Monday of every month. You can find info on them at groups.yahoo.com/group/YourMAMA.

There's also BESS in Baltimore at www.bess-md.org.

There's also an assortment of other munches and such in the area.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist."
Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/3/2006 6:33:39 PM   
september


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you, MissSonnetMarwood, for the info. I will get to work.

In addition, in considering that it will take a long time to find my submissive, you know it has a fantastic effect on my communication with the prospectives. I use to conversate with all of them, just to get a feel for any I might miss, only to find that they are wankers. Now, if I detect a whiff of anything sketchy or anything I find uneven. I give them the "thank you for your interest, but . . ." you have trained me to be a discriminating Domme. It makes me feel good because it puts me on the road more purposefully. On the one hand I have not had any coffee meeting but the positive side is I have not wasted my time on wankers.

Thank you for the support.

Best Regards, Princess September

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/3/2006 9:38:55 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 495
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I got played. He even had the nerve to say he was coming by cell phone, 45 minutes ahead of time. On the phone he said he was afraid. So I have a lot to learn about honesty.


Watch that jump to conclusions you might get caught on something uncomfortable. Being a novice and likely having been approached by another novice it's possible that he really was on his way and freaked out. Personally all new play partners and ESPECIALLY potential subs are met at a restaurant or coffee house...clothes on no play. I don't want wierdos having directions to my home or those with malicious intentions being close in private. For a novice, sub in my mind, public meetings should be MANDITORY.

My last boy probably would have chickened out too had I not been on the phone with him reassuring that it's just some drinks...maybe some chips and dips minus the chains and whips. Novices can be like trying to feed wild deer. They may come close enough to have a look but the wrong scent or move and they spook.


< Message edited by theRose4U -- 3/3/2006 9:52:53 PM >

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/3/2006 9:48:17 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 495
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I am humbled in the fact that I have only been at it for about three weeks.


OMG!!! Three weeks isn't enough time to be worried about not finding "the one" regardless of what people claim about the numbers of available male subs it takes a LOT of time to weed through the wankers, marrieds, do-me boys and life support systems for fetishes. My last boy took about three months to find after becomeing serious in that intent. I went about 3 YEARS since the one before that, a few months before that, and another couple years before that.

Some days I wish that the search was as easy as some seem to think...go to the drive through of sub castle..yeah I'll have a 6'+ sub with cheese, I'd like to upsize to a graduate degree and a good job...oh yeah and hold the back hair please

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/4/2006 9:07:49 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Some days I wish that the search was as easy as some seem to think...go to the drive through of sub castle..yeah I'll have a 6'+ sub with cheese, I'd like to upsize to a graduate degree and a good job...oh yeah and hold the back hair please


I'd like a side of humor with that, please. And hold the ex-wife, thanks.

_____________________________

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/4/2006 9:15:25 PM   
september


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		Well everything you say is true. I just spent the last twenty-four hours emailing a sub who in the end is of everything. I asked for a photo and he said he wasn't ready because, "I'm always paranoid that we'll find out we know each other in real-life somehow." I mean what did he think we were talking about doing, wanking in cyber space forever. I don't think he considered we might meet. Actually I think it would be great to find out that a person I see from day to day shares this interest. Neeedless to say, he is not in the consideration anymore. It just gave me an ick feeling. And I have learned that ick is enough to go to the next one.

I feel for him. I see he is not ready and told him so. I wish him well.

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/6/2006 8:54:18 PM   
MarinaBlack


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline 		Domination is about control. No props or costuming required for that.
BDSM? Don't need a dungeon or a suspension rack for that.

I've been doing pro-Domme work on-again/off-again for 22 years and gotta say I have had great hotel sessions with equipment that fit into an overnight bag and shite sessions with a 3 storey BDSM playhouse at my disposal.

Leather? Not necessary, unless you happen to have a heavy leather fetish.
Now, I am well-aware that the "right" outfit can realy get you in the mood, but there are so many other ways to "dress as a Woman in Power" that do not require the budget for leather.
You probably already have such clothing in your wardrobe.
When in doubt, throw a corset on it.:)

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 36
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