Poof!.. You're Poly!

Poof!.. You're Poly! (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles

Message

SimplyV -> Poof!.. You're Poly! (2/22/2006 2:41:46 PM)
I have been in a "love triangle" of sorts for several months now. My first/main/primary sub (A), his best friend/caregiver (B), and myself. I have known them both for about the same amount of time, though I met my primary sub first a few months before I was introduced to his best friend. To start things out.. I'm fairly new to Domme. So things are going rather quickly by most standards. I collared _A_ back in Sept. He knew I was new, but loved me and wanted to be with me. So we started our journey. _A_ is a bit jealous. He has lots of reasons for it as he's had quite a traumatic past, and _B_ stole his GF 2 yrs ago. He was in a horrible accident a year ago and is disabled as he is still healing. _B_ is currently his roomate and caregiver. _B_ and I have flirted and had crushes on each other since back in Aug, but at that time _B_ was engaged to someone else so it was all innocent. That ended, and he got involved with a Mistress that abused him. After that, I stepped in as a friend and helped guide and councel him. _A_ was ok with this as it was non-sexual, on a friendly level. Last night, things changed. Everything came to a boil. _B_ and I got into a huge fight, mainly as we both wanted more but couldn't admit it because we were afraid of hurting _A_. After much talking, we three came to an agreement which allows me to collar _B_ . I have not done so yet, as _B_ and I are waiting to make certain that _A_ is not being hurt by this and will be ok with it. So now it seems I will have two subs. Any advice? I'm happy as a clam, and overwhelmed at the same time.

knees2you -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (2/22/2006 2:57:18 PM)
SimplyV.[:)] I was in 2 poly Relationships. If all three parties aren't in agreement then it won't work. I know when 1 is Jealous, it is hard not to have problems. As I mentioned I was in 2 Poly relationships. Obviously they did not work. quote: Why? Jealously! Sincerely, Ant[;)]

SimplyV -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (2/22/2006 3:34:43 PM)
Yes I know.. the green eyed monster.. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Right now I'm struggling with equality issues.. I guess you'd call it that. They are both different and have different needs. What is a huge punishment to one, is a slap on the hand to the other. So giving them the same punishments just isn't working, and if I give them different ones.. then it looks like i'm going easier on one of them. We're working it out with lots of communication, and crossing fingers. [:)]

TMaster2 -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (3/4/2006 11:11:10 AM)
wow, good luck with that! Any relationship takes time, cooperation, and understanding to grow and mature, but all these things need to come from all people involved, so the more people, the higher the odds. Oh, add patience to that list, too... Best of luck!

Lordandmaster -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (3/4/2006 11:25:15 AM)
If it's all right with A, just collar B and enjoy both of them. If it's not all right with A, ask yourself whether you'd rather have A or B. And then follow through on your choice. Sometimes people make situations more complicated than they really are because they introduce irrelevant concerns like what you're "supposed" to do. You're supposed to collar the person you want to keep. quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyV After much talking, we three came to an agreement which allows me to collar _B_ . I have not done so yet, as _B_ and I are waiting to make certain that _A_ is not being hurt by this and will be ok with it. So now it seems I will have two subs. Any advice? I'm happy as a clam, and overwhelmed at the same time.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (3/4/2006 4:39:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster If it's all right with A, just collar B and enjoy both of them. If it's not all right with A, ask yourself whether you'd rather have A or B. And then follow through on your choice. Sometimes people make situations more complicated than they really are because they introduce irrelevant concerns like what you're "supposed" to do. You're supposed to collar the person you want to keep. I ditto that. Given the past of the stealing of the girlfriend (and the fact that they still consider themselves friends...which is weird to me) shows that this line is already messy. If A is truly cool with it, then be together and form a solid foundation. If not, make a clear choice. It's the only ethical thing to do.

Dragonzaymaster -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (3/4/2006 5:57:07 PM)
I wish you the best of luck SimplyV. I for one do not have a "perfect" life , or make "perfect" decisions. Try to enjoy all the curves life has and do your best, we are all at different levels. Be well and enjoy the moment.

Kane -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (3/5/2006 8:51:10 PM)
quote: We're working it out with lots of communication, and crossing fingers. [:)] I teach that communication is the essence of everything and without it there is no point of trying to examine, let alone entertain, any notions of a single thing. It can be hard at first but it's rewarding in the end. Setup a day and a time where all three of you can express all concerns, likes, dislikes, whatever else you have and do it without anger. Let what is said simply be said. This makes it easier for someone to come forward and speak what is on their minds without fear. Whether your a Dom, Domme, Switch, Sub, Slave, Top, Bottom, etc... you have feelings and your feelings should be discussed without fear of anger or punishment. It took time to really build that bridge but my submissive and I have a very fulfilling life together. Although is it is just her and I, we are seeking a third and this is tricky because the third must understand what her position is and be able to openly communicate with both of us. Only with communication can these things be understood. Once a week we have "NATO" day. For a couple of hours there are no tops and no bottoms. We have a white flag wavin' peace talks in progress. IT WORKS. Best of luck to you and I truly hope you can make it work.

SimplyV -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (3/7/2006 4:23:57 PM)
Excellent suggestions.. Thank you. :) Now if I can only convince them that its ok to talk about their issues. V

thetammyjo -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (3/8/2006 7:49:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyV I have been in a "love triangle" of sorts for several months now. My first/main/primary sub (A), his best friend/caregiver (B), and myself. I have known them both for about the same amount of time, though I met my primary sub first a few months before I was introduced to his best friend. To start things out.. I'm fairly new to Domme. So things are going rather quickly by most standards. I collared _A_ back in Sept. He knew I was new, but loved me and wanted to be with me. So we started our journey. _A_ is a bit jealous. He has lots of reasons for it as he's had quite a traumatic past, and _B_ stole his GF 2 yrs ago. He was in a horrible accident a year ago and is disabled as he is still healing. _B_ is currently his roomate and caregiver. _B_ and I have flirted and had crushes on each other since back in Aug, but at that time _B_ was engaged to someone else so it was all innocent. That ended, and he got involved with a Mistress that abused him. After that, I stepped in as a friend and helped guide and councel him. _A_ was ok with this as it was non-sexual, on a friendly level. Last night, things changed. Everything came to a boil. _B_ and I got into a huge fight, mainly as we both wanted more but couldn't admit it because we were afraid of hurting _A_. After much talking, we three came to an agreement which allows me to collar _B_ . I have not done so yet, as _B_ and I are waiting to make certain that _A_ is not being hurt by this and will be ok with it. So now it seems I will have two subs. Any advice? I'm happy as a clam, and overwhelmed at the same time. I would say that since your A has posted on the general board about this issue that he is not ok with it. I would also strongly caution you against adding anyone new to your household because 1) you are very new to this by your own words, 2) being poly is bloody hard work and you need firm foundations to build on, 3) there are clearly issues in this relationship with A and if he is going to continue with you, he and you are that foudation. Your foundation needs work, it needs to be strong, solid, and secure before you bring someone else into the picture. Even if you do not have feelings beyond ownership for A, you either need to build up a firm ownership where he is mostly freed from his past issues or you need to cut him loose and start over. Frankly I have no idea why someone would be friends with a person they feel stole their girlfriend. If you were me, you'd not be seeing the two of them nor would you see even one of them cause they clearly got some weird problems between them. You aren't me, at least the last time I checked you weren't, so you have to do what you think is right. Remember though that being poly or having multiple slaves (I don't think these are the same thing) is very hard work.

SimplyV -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (3/8/2006 8:56:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo I would say that since your A has posted on the general board about this issue that he is not ok with it. I would also strongly caution you against adding anyone new to your household because 1) you are very new to this by your own words, 2) being poly is bloody hard work and you need firm foundations to build on, 3) there are clearly issues in this relationship with A and if he is going to continue with you, he and you are that foudation. Your foundation needs work, it needs to be strong, solid, and secure before you bring someone else into the picture. Even if you do not have feelings beyond ownership for A, you either need to build up a firm ownership where he is mostly freed from his past issues or you need to cut him loose and start over. Frankly I have no idea why someone would be friends with a person they feel stole their girlfriend. If you were me, you'd not be seeing the two of them nor would you see even one of them cause they clearly got some weird problems between them. You aren't me, at least the last time I checked you weren't, so you have to do what you think is right. Remember though that being poly or having multiple slaves (I don't think these are the same thing) is very hard work. Thanks Tammyjo for your advice, I've always liked your posts. Yes, (A) and I had a long talk about it last night, where he finally opened up to me about his real feelings and doubts. And yes.. there are issues, but I feel they can be worked out. As for why they are friends, it is because they need each other. They were not friends for some time after the "gf stealing" incident, but when A became laid up/disabled and needed someone to rely on and take care of him, B was there for him and has been there when others just walked away. They have a much tighter bond than any two not-sexually-involved people I've ever met before. They are friends/brothers, and since B has come out of the closet about his BDSM desires, they have been talking and helping each other along this path. As any two people in a relationship, we all have issues. A & B have their own issues. B & I have our own issues. A & I have our own issues. Talking through those together is the one thing that is going to help us all get through this unscathed, no matter how it turns out. I do understand that this is a lot of work. Its going to be very hard work for all 3 of us. I posted here to get some clarity of my own in this and maybe some good advice on how best to handle this. For now, lots and lots of talking is being prescribed for us (by me), so we can meet problems head on as they arise. V

thetammyjo -> RE: Poof!.. You're Poly! (3/8/2006 11:03:54 AM)
Good luck, SimplyV. These issues and new ones will come up time and again, we human beings are very resistant to change especially in ourselvs. With three people you get 7 relationships to deal with -- each person is their own relationship, then each pairing, and finally the unit as a whole. FUN!

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition

Terms of Service

2.734375E-02