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RE: My first time as a sub


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RE: My first time as a sub - 2/14/2006 9:02:59 PM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 72
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		Im sorry I dont understand. I did go to the hospital yes due to pain along with bleeding and the second time from severe craping accompanied it. This wa internal damage done to me. I dont understand the question because I am expecting our first encounter to be only external. He has told me there will be no sexual play. I believe him. Maybe I am naive but I was thinking there will be a difference in the pain/pleasure.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/14/2006 9:30:04 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 458
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline

This comment suggest to me that you will be having your first time on Wednesday. Is this your first session ever or just with him?
quote:

We talked about my first time on this Wednesday. I am so excited I cant sleep, but Im scared to death of what it will actually happen when my fantasy becomes reality.


If it is your first session ever then what does this mean?
quote:

I signed up on another site and have had trouble with dom's talking me into submitting into what they say is a relationship and then taking me for one night of rough sex. Its only been a week and I have got to the doctor once and think I will have to go from what a different dom did to me.

And, if your first encounter is going to be meeting in a public place having coffee or whatever, then how come you told us you already know him "face to face"?
quote:

I am expecting our first encounter to be only external. He has told me there will be no sexual play.



I am confused.

_____________________________

MoGa
Happiness Is Having An Obedient Puppy!

(in reply to ShivaTS)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/14/2006 9:42:26 PM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 72
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		When I refer to my first session, I mean my first bdsm session. I have had sexual dominant sessions with a few guys but this will be my first...I dont know what. I am expecting it to be of pain, humiliation, bondage....It might just be me cleaning his house from top to bottom and then cooking dinner for his family. I dont know what to expect.

If I am not ready, then when will I know when I am?

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/14/2006 10:02:13 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 458
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShivaTS

When I refer to my first session, I mean my first bdsm session. I have had sexual dominant sessions with a few guys but this will be my first...I dont know what. I am expecting it to be of pain, humiliation, bondage....It might just be me cleaning his house from top to bottom and then cooking dinner for his family. I dont know what to expect.

If I am not ready, then when will I know when I am?


You have had sexual dominant sessions with a few guys. Do you mean "rough sex"?
I think it is important for you to know what to expect. I think it is important for you to ask him what you should be expecting on your first visit to him. There is nothing wrong with ASKING him what is going to be taking place on the first meeting. If he refuses to answer or worse says "I am the Dom, dont worry about it", then please for Gods sakes worry. That to me is an unacceptable answer. Just because he is dominant doesnt mean you have no right to know what to expect on your first meeting with him. If he isnt willing to tell you, then maybe you should consider cancelling until he is willing to share with you what is going to be happening to YOU.

_____________________________

MoGa
Happiness Is Having An Obedient Puppy!

(in reply to ShivaTS)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/14/2006 10:19:38 PM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 72
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		Yes rough sex. That's one of the reasons why I am interested in persuing a relationship now, because I wont have to factor sex into it.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/14/2006 10:27:59 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 458
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShivaTS

Yes rough sex. That's one of the reasons why I am interested in persuing a relationship now, because I wont have to factor sex into it.


What do you mean? Do you intend to be a service slave only? If so, is this Dominant aware of this?

_____________________________

MoGa
Happiness Is Having An Obedient Puppy!

(in reply to ShivaTS)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/14/2006 10:33:34 PM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 72
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		like I said previously in this post, he doesnt want this to be about sex, atleast not yet. It is about bdsm. After he knows my limits and I am ready for new things, he will talk to me about incoperating sexual acts into it.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/15/2006 5:57:17 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Im sorry I dont understand. I did go to the hospital yes due to pain along with bleeding and the second time from severe craping accompanied it. This wa internal damage done to me. I dont understand the question because I am expecting our first encounter to be only external. He has told me there will be no sexual play. I believe him. Maybe I am naive but I was thinking there will be a difference in the pain/pleasure.


When you said "internal" vs "external," I read it as emotional/psychological pain as compared to physical pain. However, this revelation puts a whole new light on the situation. Physical is physical, whether it be sexual or not. You're still putting yourself at needless risk in search of immediate gratification, when what you SHOULD be doing is figuring out who you are and what it is you really want.

Forget the play for a while and THINK! Enough of us have said this to you over the past couple weeks, that one would think you'd heed the advice being offered.

_____________________________

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to ShivaTS)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/15/2006 10:50:42 AM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 72
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, so nothing is happening today, now. We are going to talk more on the phone.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/15/2006 12:32:47 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 3896
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

like I said previously in this post, he doesnt want this to be about sex, atleast not yet. It is about bdsm. After he knows my limits and I am ready for new things, he will talk to me about incoperating sexual acts into it.


I am curious what your expectations are. If you expect him to tie you up, spank you, torture your tits, do anything to your genitals, then I would say it is about sex. If you are going to be fully clothed on your knees waiting for him to order you to go get his coffee then no it isn't sex, JMHO.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .


(in reply to ShivaTS)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/15/2006 5:49:42 PM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 72
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		I never though of it like that. Ive always considered the first and second not sexual. The third and fourth on your list is a HELL NO! I am expecting a large part of it to be simple service like getting coffee, making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning his house, helping him dress, drawing a bath and cleaning him......

I always thought of disapline, bondage to be outside of sex, but your saying it is part of sex?

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/16/2006 1:59:37 PM   
PenelopePitstop


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShivaTS

His wife is a sub turned vanilla. He does have 2 subs. He wants to help me get started the right way and let me learn slowly what I like and dislike. He made it clear that if I was to be considered for collaring, it wouldnt be for aleast a year, till I have learned enough and would be in a proper position to accept it.

I am worried I will fall for him, but I have gotten better with my self love.

Happy Valentines day!


I hope this doesn't sound unkind as it's not meant that way, but after reading a little more of what you have to say, I don't think lack of self-esteem is the biggest problem you have - I think you also have a responsibility issue. You sound as though you want to hand over all responsibility for your life to someone. This is unhealthy and of course, dangerous. It's our duty to take care of ourselves, even in the context of submission - in a way it's the frame of reference that we build a lot of the other things on.

Please take care.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

(in reply to ShivaTS)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/16/2006 2:13:08 PM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 72
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		It doesnt sound unkind at all. You're right. This (gurl) DOES want to hand everything over to a Master(s)/Mistress(es). This (gurl) would like to learn to be a slave. How can a true slave have responsabilities to anything other than what Master(s)/Mistress(es) give this (gurl)? Why should this be different? This (gurl) has lived this way for a good portion of life. Peoples definitions and opinions are different and this (gurl) is having a hard time understanding it. It's simply easier to live life to its fullest, the way this (gurl) has in the past.

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/16/2006 2:52:22 PM   
PenelopePitstop


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		Those are fair questions so i will have a go at answering them.

~ You must take responsibility for communicating effectively with your Dom. If you don't, you may mislead them. And then bad things may happen.
~ Ypu must take responsibility for your health. If you don't, you may next be swapping that hospital for a morgue, as others here have said. If it helps, and you feel that you would give your life for your Dom, well...don't be responsible for them getting a jail term, then!
~ You must take some responsibilitiy for your life simply because most subs agree that the act of submission is one of giving, I personally do not feel a person should be a burden on someone, that is taking, and total responsibility is too much to ask of the vast majority of people. Although I am sure some Dom's feel differently: but everyone is entitled to their own space, and by expecting a Dom to carry you through life is to rob them of some of that.
~ You must take responsibility for your identity, because no-one has ever lived a fufilled life by being someone they are not. It is also deceitful and unattractive.

...is any of this making sense? Of course you are free to reject this advice - I just worry that something bad might happen to you.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

(in reply to ShivaTS)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/19/2006 10:49:37 PM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 72
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		I did my preperations and my homework and chose to follow my heart and went to my dominants house. I spent the weekend with him learning about not only him, but myself. He has taken me slowly into play scenes. I was punished twice while with him, but still feel very safe in his hands. I am a wild horse wanting to run out of contol, but he has the reins and is holding me firm in place keeping me from letting me go too far too quickly in my quest to please him and myself. He is everything I want in a Master and look forward to our future meetings.


(in reply to PenelopePitstop)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/19/2006 10:57:32 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 3896
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

He is everything I want in a Master and look forward to our future meetings.


Glad it went well for you.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .


(in reply to ShivaTS)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: My first time as a sub - 2/21/2006 11:24:08 AM   
friskiesub


Posts: 23
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		I'm fairly new at this myself, and I do have to say - thanks for the huge smile..."just remember to breathe".
I wish you all the luck. Don't worry about the nervousness, if you have a decent Master - he will take great care of you.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 37
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