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Narrow Mindedness - 8/14/2004 7:09:39 PM   
Laura


Posts: 393
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		As a Switch, how do you react to people who "don't believe in that concept"? Do you ignore it, does it offend you or do you have some great comeback?

I had someone kind of rude on an email list and I did indulge in a bitchy comment. I wasn't too offensive but I was peeved. I really wanted to have the perfect comeback to that narrow minded cliquy-ness.

(I won't post the URL to his BDSM discussion board as that would only give him traffic).
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/14/2004 7:28:29 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

As a Switch, how do you react to people who "don't believe in that concept"? Do you ignore it, does it offend you or do you have some great comeback?

I had someone kind of rude on an email list and I did indulge in a bitchy comment. I wasn't too offensive but I was peeved. I really wanted to have the perfect comeback to that narrow minded cliquy-ness.

(I won't post the URL to his BDSM discussion board as that would only give him traffic).


When faced with such comments I usually remark that I was not aware life could exist in a place as small as the person's mind.

JM, CBW, BTYG

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/14/2004 7:51:18 PM   
muse


Posts: 24
Joined: 4/30/2004
Status: offline 		i believe duality is human nature....if we existed on only one facet, how boring would that be....i dont believe that those who class themselves only as Dom or sub are being false, just that they may not express the more vulnerable or more firm side of their personality away from others. stealing a line: thats just my opinion i could be wrong

_____________________________

there she was, in platform double suede....there she was, like disco lemonade.

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/14/2004 9:02:24 PM   
SherriA


Posts: 553
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I admit to getting bitchy about it when people try to invalidate my existence based on their limited personal perspective. Sometimes I try to just let it slide, reminding myself that it means nothing. I don't always succeed though, and sometimes a serious zinger gets through. I figure they deserve it, either way (being ignored, or being zinged).

Honestly, I don't NEED anyone to validate who and what I am, but it does get annoying to continually hear that I'm just confused and don't know myself well enough. I think after 20 years of doing wiitId, I have a pretty damned good idea of what works best for me.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/15/2004 12:13:21 PM   
MistressEden


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		It has taken me a long time to accept that I am switch, having been taught by an insecure Dom that I needed to suppress my more dominate side of my personality. It is only recently due to a wonderful group here in Las Vegas and discussion boards such as this that I have come to understand that I have the best of both worlds, especially with a Master who incourages me to explore the more bitchy side of myself, but will then turn me over his knee when I have gotten really out of hand So for me when I am confronted with narrow minded peopel I normally offer my condolences. That I am sorry that they are limited to just their little corner of the world while mine world is unlimited. That is if I don't just ignore them totally.

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/15/2004 8:23:02 PM   
Laura


Posts: 393
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		I changed my profile here from Switch to Domme. Partly out of curiousity, to see what kind of response it gets from the personals side. But, I am looking for a male sub or male switch. So, maybe it's not such a bad plan.

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/16/2004 8:36:41 PM   
Laura


Posts: 393
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		I had a sub offer to be my pimp tonight. That was different.

Maybe it's just beyond them to realize that nice grrls Dom too. They see any woman who Doms as being hard core professional. Only a hard core type could be a "real" Domme.

That's why their defense is always to accuse us of not being "real".

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/17/2004 9:55:36 PM   
ModeratorFour


Posts: 152
Status: offline 		I apoligize, I goofed. I was deleting the posts by Swede as she is banned both from the forum and the site. her name will be removed from the other side asap, and a ban will be put back in place. I forgot to unclick so that the posts below hers were not removed.

Mod 4

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/17/2004 10:09:54 PM   
lrishlass


Posts: 20
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		I was wondering how she was getting away with using that handle on this site.

_____________________________

humility is not thinking less of yourself......it is thinking of yourself less

(in reply to ModeratorFour)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/17/2004 10:28:42 PM   
Reviewer9


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/29/2004
Status: offline 		Because there are close to 60,000 member now with less than a dozen people as moderators and reviewers. The reviewers get hundreds of new pictures, profiles and journal entries a day. We are told to look at things like does the description match the picture. Most probably don't know the name, and most probably didn't know she was banned. I have brought the name issue up to see if there is a way to stop people from opening an account with a name like that.

Reviewer9

< Message edited by Reviewer9 -- 8/17/2004 10:30:24 PM >

(in reply to lrishlass)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/17/2004 11:38:20 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		I thought your reply was pretty mellow Laura. *smile*

I wouldn't find his site enjoyable either. I chuckled at your post a bit.

I ignore it, myself. It's THEIR baggage, THEIR issue, and I simply flat out refuse to lug around some doofus' baggage for them, when I have my own to try to lose at a terminal. LOL.

Someday that viewpoint may bite them in the ass. I sorta hope it does. lol.

They don't affect my life, nor the people that I adore and care about, so screw it. I feel pity for them and the people they are around, and move on.

JMO.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Reviewer9)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 8/19/2004 11:36:47 PM   
Laura


Posts: 393
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		It took me awhile to be that mellow. lol

You know you're getting old when you really do learn to control your temper.

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 9/10/2004 3:39:46 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 543
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		::Clears throat politely:: ahem... well, since that ugliness is apparantly far behind us, is it still possible to return to the subject at hand (admittedly nearly a month after the fact)? I don't know how many posts were accidentally deleted, but it seems the topic is far from tapped out.

Being a switch in many communities is rather like being bisexual. Many people find the idea somehow threatening, or else will accuse you of going through a phase. I have had the extraordinary good fortune to come of age in a place and community where there were few limits beyond those you set for yourself. Practice safe sex, follow the basic rules of consent, don't do anything that can get you or your lover thrown in jail. The rest can take you as far as you want. Because of this miracle in my youth, I find the idea of someone NOT being at least a little bit of a switch to be rather odd. I know straight people who have tried one or two homosexual liasons, I've known bottoms to take up the whip, I've seen tops allow themselves to be overpowered and carried away. Most people have their preferences, but to never try it? That would be like eating the same meal every day of my life. I don't know how anyone can stand it.

This sheer incredulity on my part makes for wonderful character armor on the few rare occasions when some trollish sort has attacked me for claiming to have a "give and take" attitude to SM. I laugh. It's much more effective face to face than online, but my laughter means I can't take their comments seriously, which has helped keep me out of a few flame wars. Life is too short for troll baiting.

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 9/11/2004 12:25:28 PM   
smile2cu


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/21/2004
From: Dayton, OH
Status: offline 		Hi Laura,
I'm sometimes a switch, mostly because I love giving oral, and I found that subs like getting oral too. And I'm sometimes bi. I like everyone and everything!

So naturally I get the occasional rude email. I take the high road, and answer super politely. I'm articulate, but usually find something in what they said that could be interpreted as nice (if you try hard enough).
I think it drives them nuts.


I started reading your column, and like it. Great job!

~smile~

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 9/11/2004 1:01:06 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2245
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		In the same vein as Sulieman, while I am not a switch, I get much of the same reaction for being bisexual/pansexual.

Anytime someone tells me that "they don't exist" I simply say, "well, I don't know about anyone else, but I exist."

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to smile2cu)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 9/11/2004 11:28:35 PM   
asensualpet


Posts: 11
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		Maybe I'm stepping into a topic that seems to be replied to by more female switches, but I thought I would add my two cents as a female submissive. I was very interested in a male switch at one time who was nothing but Dominant with me. I had never even considered being involved with a switch before meeting him. The main reason for me was that I knew I couldn't dominate another, even though I enjoy having a Dominant who will "let me please him" without ordering me to sometimes... someone who will on occasion lay back and let me do some sensual things to him. But with this switch, we talked about him being dominated by others at group events in a non-sexual way. He was like I am about being strictly monogamous. I thought I could be very open to that until it got closer to a time when that would happen. I just couldn't handle seeing the one who was in total control of me being dominated by someone else. It wasn't that I was close-minded about the situation, but it somehow changed the level of Dominance he had in my eyes.

I have many friends who are thoroughly happy in switch relationships and I say more power to you all! The great thing about this lifestyle is everyone has their individual definition of what he/she wants, and there is no one right or wrong way to do things. Hell, I've had some people tell me I'm not submissive because I don't bow down to them soon enough or my definition of BDSM is different from theirs. We all have jerks to weed through, especially if we meet them online.

asensualpet

(in reply to smile2cu)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 9/12/2004 3:41:15 PM   
Laura


Posts: 393
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Thank you smile2cu. Glad you enjoyed the column.

(in reply to smile2cu)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 9/12/2004 7:44:45 PM   
cellis


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		I am more submissive than dominate but I do consider myself to be a switch... a poor excuse for one but a switch none the less... I have experienced the prejudices of being bisexual and not lesbian as well.

Sad when you think about it.... there is a gamut... a wide range and there should be room for us all.

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 9/12/2004 7:52:39 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

It took me awhile to be that mellow. lol

You know you're getting old when you really do learn to control your temper.


There is a lovely line from a book I am familiar with which seems to apply.

While on the surface it could have D/s meanings, for me it is much more pertinent to how much impact I allow other people to have on me.

The line is...

"Either you are in control of yourself, or somebody else is."

Peyton Quinn, "The Bouncers Guide To Barroom Brawling."

Oddly enough, considering the title, I think it is one of the best self defense books ever written.

I generally dont allow most people to alter my emotional state. I will attempt to soothe upset people, and failing that, I will simply indicate to them that I refuse to have a conversation with somebody who is unable to calm themself down. And then I wait, I have plenty of time.

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to cellis)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Narrow Mindedness - 9/12/2004 7:58:07 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I am more submissive than dominate but I do consider myself to be a switch... a poor excuse for one but a switch none the less... I have experienced the prejudices of being bisexual and not lesbian as well.

Sad when you think about it.... there is a gamut... a wide range and there should be room for us all.


Hello cellis, I had a couple of comments.

submissive is an adjective, dominate is a verb. The word you are looking for is dominant. :)

Secondly, I am not sure I think it is sad as an infinitive. The problem, to me, is that too many people are slaves to their preconceptions and unable to think outside their minds
and consider that perhaps (*shocked look*) other people might actually be DIFFERENT than they are. For myself, I find the only real emotion I can come up with is a sense of pity for people trapped in their assumptions and preconceptions.

"I used to be disgusted, now Im just amused." Elvis Costello.

Good luck in your journey, cellis.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 20
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