sissymaidlola
Posts: 480
Joined: 3/27/2004
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quote:
Just to point out, a huge majority of female submissives love being told to wear sexy/feminine things as well that will over exagerrate their femininity.
As a culture we still associate female with submissive, subservient, weaker. We associate female as being prettier, softer, sweeter, to be used to entertain. So it makes sense that being in the submissive position in a relationship would highlight those parts of ourselves.
Well, that was a home run you just hit, LA.  It doesn't account for every and all reasons for why fetishistic transvestites associate their crossdressing with both submission and humiliation, but it does go to the heart of the matter very elegantly.
sissy Particularly liked the way you reminded everyone that "female submissives love being told to wear sexy / feminine things as well that will over exaggerate their femininity." If Dominant Women that have also played with, or own, female subs and therefore know this truth still don't understand (or are not willing to admit) that the same dynamic also works for males, but ONLY MUCH MORE SO because of the way masculinity is highly constructed in our society, could it just possibly be that the reason for this lack of understanding / denial is that these Dominant Woman can't get past their own insecurities over the intrusion of the male over onto Their side of the fence?
Everybody has erotic fantasies. The erotic fantasies of most submissive males (whether they crossdress to any extent or not) usually involve them reaching some sort of "perfect sub-space." What that actually is will vary considerably from sub male to sub male, and may well vary over the course of each sub male's lifetime. The mechanism by which a purely sensual D/s submissive/slave believes that his ultimate blissful state of surrender can be achieved is primarily mental pain (viz., humiliation, degradation, contempt, etc.) ... the more mental pain that is inflicted on him the more helpless, vulnerable and out of control he feels ... and therefore the more mental pain he craves because it takes him nearer that abstract elusive ideal that is his own "perfect sub-space." Similarly (and this is where sissy, who is not a physical pain masochist, has to ASSUME here, with all the attendant risks that making assumptions carries), a pure "pain slut" masochist believes that his ultimate blissful state of surrender can be achieved primarily via physical pain ... the more physical pain that is inflicted on him the more helpless, vulnerable and out of control he feels ... and therefore the more physical pain he craves because it takes him nearer that abstract elusive ideal that is his own "perfect sub-space."
Clearly, most of us sub males have a mixture of both elements of the masochist and D/s sub/slave in us. However, most TVs will normally lie at the mental pain / sensual D/s end of the spectrum rather than the physical pain / S&m end. Crossdressing is NOT about forcing the release of endorphins with whips and floggers. It's all about being out of control - or more specifically, under the control of that special person we want to surrender ourselves up to (our Mistress, Domina, Goddess, Wife, whatever). We crave to be controlled against our will and forced to submit and serve, but we don't, for the most part, associate a lot of intense pain with getting there. Coercion through mental humiliation and degradation is our preferred route. Crossdressing is a "mindf**k" for us. cloudboy describes it as a form of "mental bondage." Same difference really.
Every time one hears the term "feminization" in BDSM it is usually preceded by the terms "forced" or "enforced" ... there is a subtle difference of nuance between these terms, but it really doesn't matter here. This sissy is of the school of thought that says that the difference between a transvestite that emasculates / feminizes himself (such as lola), and one that goes to a Domina / Mistress in order to do it, is similar to the difference between a swimmer that jumps straight into the cold water in the pool and one that stands on the side of the pool hesitating about it, and who ultimately needs a shove. They both want to go swimming and they both end up in the water doing so. Whether a male feminizes himself, or whether he goes to a Domina that "forcibly feminizes" him, in the end it is something that he secretly wants to do, and he ends up doing it. 
Far too much emphasis is put on that "helping shove" from the Domina. If the guy didn't really want to do it he wouldn't go to the Domina in the first place so that She could "force him."  Even for male subs whose crossdressing was totally the idea of their Mistress (i.e., it had never been on their own laundry list of fantasies), if they tacitly agree to do it then they also have a secret proclivity to do it (maybe the desire isn't as strong as in the other two cases, but the desire and curiosity to explore this very taboo area for all modern males is still there). However, if they don't have this secret proclivity (however weak) then actually "forcing" such males to crossdress against their will seriously violates the rules of SSC ... in fact, it's the difference between BDSM and Abu Ghraib! 
The key to breaking down a man's ego is for him to tell his Domina up-front his biggest insecurities so that She can fully exploit them. As a competitive male conditioned to promote his strengths and hide his weaknesses in his vanilla life this seems like total anathema to most males. And indeed it is for every successful competitive male. But the only way to truly achieve vulnerability and helplessness with a Domme is for the male to let down his eternal male guard and expose his Achilles heel to Her. In order for him to do that he must first understand and acknowledge to himself what his own Achilles heel actually is. A man's true kink is almost definitely tied to one of his darkest fears and the two together hold the key to his being able to tunnel down deep into his subconscious.
For most men, the way they are socially conditioned throughout their childhood and teenage years to prepare them for adult manhood, the idea of completely failing as the male they have been trained and conditioned to become, is one of their biggest fears, if not their actual biggest one. The embodiment of a failed masculine male is an emasculated male. One of the most obvious ways to emasculate a male, but NOT the only one, is to feminize him. The architypal image of a feminized or emasculated male that we all carry with us in our subconscious from our childhood playground days is the "sissy" ... the very thing we were all terrified of being called when we were children! From a period very early in our childhood development, the "sissy" image is one of failure and weakness and therefore ridicule, scorn and humiliation ... and with that comes loss of - in fact, almost a total lack of - power and control within a social group. So the "sissy" image connotes teasing, humiliation, embarrassment, scorn and even degradation. The "sissy" image also connotes lack of control; being picked on; being told what to do; and generally having to submit to the will of others.
Thus the submissive male transvestite, in wanting to attain his "perfect sub-space" where he feels totally liberated and at peace, taps into that one guaranteed source of lack of power and control that he is familiar with from childhood (most likely, it is the only one he knows), when he emasculates himself by feminizing himself to match the long feared image of the "sissy." He can either do this himself, and reach deep into his own psyche to address his darkest fear (or, at least, one of his darkest fears) or he can go to a Domme to "force" him to do it. In order to do the latter he has to "fess up" to Her that this is a secret fantasy of his. Which is how his Domme willl ultimately get inside his head and break him down and make him feel totally helpless and vulnerable, thereby allowing him to achieve the sense of freedom - that liberating "perfect sub-space" - that he so passionately craves. But he has to give Her that key on a platter up-front. That is the gift of CD submission ... the true gift of trust.
Emasculation - or failure as a male - is probably the deepest subconscious male fear of all. The tension of it can be extremely erotic - that is, thinking about it can get us instantly stiff. Emasculation itself is probably too much of an abstract concept to focus on, so it is instead at the heart of many other more tangible male erotic kinks, NOT just crossdressing. Thus feminization / sissification is NOT the only way that a submissive male can "fetishize" (i.e., make a fetish of) his fear of emasculation. Feminization is just a more easily attainable and pragmatic method of doing so. Many submissive males have castration and/or penectomy fantasies ... but clearly few are going to act on them. However, some do (at least, if you believe any of the BDSM fantasy literature! ). Long term chastity is also another emasculation engendered fetish or kinky turn on. Most forms of CBT arousal also probably stem from the tension caused by the ultimate fear of emasculation and/or failure as a male. Cuckoldry is also another one.
With castration / penectomy the male physically loses his male genitalia - the very bodily attributes that distinguish him as a virile man. With long term chastity he retains his distinguishing male equipment but is powerless to use it of his own accord, but can only do so at his Mistress' whim. With CBT the male offers up his special jewels to his Mistress in order to be trampled on, kicked, prodded, stabbed, shocked, encased, or splayed on a butterfly board, etc. In the end he gets his jewels back but for the duration he is living on the edge ... one false slip and the pain could be even more excruciating than he bargained for. But the other real tension that is present in CBT is that one false slip could cause him to not be able to function and perform as a virile male anymore. And with cuckoldry, although the male has his genitalia and they function perfectly, he is now a failure and must watch as other men get to do with their male equipment what he really wants to do with his, but he is not permitted to do.
With sissification the male's physical presentation in front of others is reduced to one that everyone instantly recognizes as effeminate and weak, with the associated connotation that he cannot perform adequately as a virile male (even though under all those petticoats and frillies his equipment is in fine working order). In most people's minds, the "sissy" image of "male inadequacy" usually implies both a very small inadequate pecker (and/or an inability to get it up) and/or homosexuality, although most men that are turned on by this kink are usually deficient in none of these areas. [Note: sissy didn't really mean to imply that being homosexual means a male is deficient in any way; that was simply the most succinct way he could find of expressing that thought.] In fact, the less deficient they are the more likely the "sissy" role will be a turn-on for them. If either or both conditions were true, the role would be far too close to the truth and therefore couldn't be a kink because there would be no room for fantasy in it. But that's more of a guideline rather than a hard or fast rule.
Most "sissy" roles are usually further intensified by adding one or more of the other fetishes to it. The web is now full of images of cuckold sissy maids that are kept in chastity devices under their petticoats, and who are regularly treated to CBT. While all of the other fetishes mentioned address the non-performance or failure of the male in some way, as if that wasn't enough, the "sissy" role also includes connotations of non-performance of the male with women. As mentioned above, the "sissy" role encapsulates an effeminate appearance which suggests homosexuality, and with the addition of butt plugs; the concept of being taken by the FemDom's strap-on; and the expectation that sissies also suck cock when instructed; all of these activities add to this gay imagery. Any one of the above activities by itself is enough to put a submissive male into his submissive headspace, and some people refer to any of these extraneous activities as being "sissy play" as well. But butt plugs, strap-ons, chastity devices and cuckoldry are not really "sissy play" by themselves since there is no feminization involved. "Emasculation" or "failed male" play might be more accurate terminology for these activities. OTOH, the "sissy" image does not always connote "man in a dress" to people; it also connotes simply "weak or inadequate male" and so maybe the term "sissy play" is appropriate after all.
Probably the most powerful facet of "sissy play" is that it provides a kind of "fetish portal" for all of the constituent kinks so far mentioned. All of the kinky activities mentioned above, plus a whole slew of others not mentioned - such as the bondage aspects of corsets, 5" heels, hobble skirts and posture collars, etc. - are neatly integrated into the concept of the "sissy maid" role, although in its purest form it really doesn't imply many of them (such as cuckoldry, chastity, posture collars, CBT, etc.). This one simple term has come to represent a veritable smorgasbord of kink. This may also offer one possible answer to the question posited by the OP - "why so much sissy/fem male subs?" Many of the males contacting Her may only be turned on by just one or two of the kinks / BDSM activities mentioned here, but in browsing the web the prospective male sub may have come to the conclusion that all of the activities that he enjoys are typical "sissy" activities and that he is himself consequently a "sissy" sub male. He may not even have any burning desire to crossdress, but have only come to the conclusion that he should want to do that based on all of the other stuff he is into!
Like so many other aspects of BDSM, the whole area of "forced feminization / sissification" play is loaded with paradoxes, contradictions and things that seem to be completely the opposite of what they really are. The feeling of "perfect sub-space" that the sissified male is seeking is usually associated with a great feeling of freedom and liberation. To obtain this liberating experience the sissy must give up all control and decision-making to his Mistress - the freedom he enjoys is the liberation of surrender! As already stated above, the more a male is the opposite of the perceived image of the "sissy" and has good self-esteem and security WRT his own masculinity, the more he is likely to be turned on by this kink. If his whole life has been plagued by a perception that he is effeminate and weak then the "sissy" role will almost not be an illusive "fantasy kink" for him, but will instead be a "reality nightmare" that he is always trying to avoid. And remember that all of the above identified ways of emasculating himself, and making it appear he is a male incapable of performing, are all designed at the end of the day to make him perform and explode more intensely and passionately than he otherwise ever could.
Finally, as MistressofGA so astutely pointed out, if a woman is made to feel uncomfortable or feels that her femininity is threatened by a feminized male then that is much more a reflection of her OWN feminine insecurity than it is a reflection on the male. It says that her own femininity is derived from the masculinity of the males around her rather than being inherent in herself. Jasmyn is also someone that really gets this (unlike the OP) and Her description that Her male sub's gender is secondary to his submissive role is probably a very useful one here. As an alpharish male this sissy finds it difficult to submit to a Woman ... his normal male gender appearance and presentation is too associated with his performance as such a male in the outside vanilla world. The transformation of alpharish male to sissy maid, although it appears on the surface to be a male to female transformation, it is really an independent dominant male to obediently submissive third gender transformation.
The "sissy" role is not about passing as a woman and resolving gender dysphoria issues (which a male to female transformation achieves for someone that has GID and is TG/TS). It is about looking recognizable as a man in a dress (but not in a Corporal Klinger sort of way that cloudsub described so well). Even if you pass totally as a woman when en femme you are still going to be wearing visual and audible clues that you are a "sissy" (e.g., bells attached to your frilly panties, bows in your hair with the word "sissy" or "pansy" written on them, etc.). The status "sissy" is a third gender - you are a "non-male" NOT a female. Not being male does not make one a female ... as many transsexual M2F discover too late to their chagrin. But nevertheless, they are still close to being what they desire to be. OTOH, a "sissy" is a pretty third gender non-male ... with none of the privileges or power of a real man or a real woman. He is powerless and has no choice but to obey his controller (his Mistress or one of Her designates). Therein lies the BDSM power exchange from "sissy" to Mistress, and therein lies his total, sublime surrender that he finds so liberating.
Despite what all the homophobes and transphobes on this site will tell you, "Mistress/sissy maid" play is at the heart of D/s play, and is not some kind of peripheral adjunct BDSM activity like most people in other areas of the scene appear to treat it. It is a kind of mental bondage (as cloudsub claimed) but there are also elements of physical bondage - viz., corsets, cinchers, heels, even white gloves and silk stockings (when you are under strict orders to never get them dirty or ladder them while performing your tasks!) - and elements of corporal punishment - viz. OTK spankings (very intimate and appropriate for the sissy maid role), and paddlings, canings and floggings for really naughty sissies - plus lots of foot worship, boot-licking, ass worship, oral service, etc. And, of course, because he is a maid, there is oodles of obedient household chores service (for some perverse reason, certain Women really like this aspect best!). In addition to all of that there is also the cuckoldry, chastity, and CBT play etc. that was discussed earlier that can be thrown into the mix, too. As sissy has already stated, "sissy play" is a veritable smorgasbord of kink!
sissy Hopes everyone that made it this far found this useful.
sissy maid lola
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If i don't seem submissive to You, it may be because i'm NOT submissive to You.
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RE: Why SO much sissy/fem male subs??? - 
Profile
RE: Either your numbers are off ... - 
A Veritable Smorgasbord of Kink - 
RE: Most women don't know how to ... - 
LOL 
RE: At best, I kinda get something - 
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