KnightofMists
Posts: 823
Joined: 7/29/2005
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Firstly, thanks to everyone that contributed to the thread. There were a few points that caused me to consider things from a different perspective and just increased my own understanding and for that I am thankful. This question “Does a submissive earn submission” just popped in my head as I was reading another thread. The thread raised the flip side of the coin in asking does a Dominant earn Dominance. I provided my thoughts in that thread to the question, but it somehow seemed inadequate for me. So, to provide a little more depth to my own understanding, I asked the question in this thread and now here are my thoughts:
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“Does a submissive earn submission?”
Before I venture into explanation of my thoughts on the question, I provide “my” definitions in the D/s context of the following terms.
Submissive (n) a person that obeys and complies with authority in a relationship.
Submission (n) a person that realizes a state of Obedience and Compliance in a relationship.
Dominant (n) a person with a commanding and controlling authority in a relationship.
Dominance (n) a person that realizes a state of Command and Control in a relationship.
When I consider the question of “Does a submissive earn submission”, I can’t help but consider a related question of “Does a dominant earn dominance? I do believe that a person’s definitions and the context we understand them in to have a huge impact on the answer to these questions. It was this reason that I provided my definitions of these terms first and foremost.
Dominance and Submission is a realized state of being. To obtain a realized state of being, a person must demonstrate or achieve the appropriate standard that establishes this state of being. With regards to Dominance, a person needs to be the commanding and controlling authority in the relationship. With regards to Submission, a person needs to be obeying and complying with authority in the relationship. A person that is effective in exercising the appropriate behaviors that demonstrate Command/Control or Obedience/Compliance will realize the appropriate consequences to these behaviors. In essence, dominance is the dominant person that realizes dominating behaviors into dominant consequences and submission is the submissive person that realizes submitting behaviors into submissive consequences.
In establishing that Dominance and Submission is a standard to be realized, it begs to question who establishes that standard. The obvious answer to that question is that we each individually establish our own standards to which we define Dominance and Submission. To obtain these standards one must actively demonstrate the behaviors that reflect and fulfill the standard that we individually establish. As individuals with varying ideals and opinions on various demonstrated behaviors, it is not surprising that we will each perceive demonstrated behaviors differently and thus will have different opinions on who realizes Dominance or Submission in our eyes. It also reflects that we will have varying thoughts on who is a Dominant and who is a Submissive based on our own behavioral value system.
Since it is the demonstration of behaviors that establishes if the standard of Dominance/Submission is reached, it raises the question. “Do these appropriate behaviors naturally occur or do we exert efforts to demonstrate them?” But, not only demonstrate them, but effectively demonstrated them with the desire of realizing a predefined consequence. In essence do we earn Dominance/Submission by the efforts we exert to demonstrate the appropriate behaviors or do we naturally demonstrate them?
Like so many things, there is no simple answer. I do agree that dominant and submissive behaviors are a personality trait of a person. A specific personality trait that is one of many possible traits that can be a part of a person’s whole being. Since it is part of who we are, we don’t actually earn to have it as a part of us, we just have it. However, we must use it effectively to realize the consequences that we strive for. The most talented athletes, gifted artists and brilliant minds still must take the latent abilities of self and work to realize the desired goals. Raw talented, abilities will only go so far in the achievement and realization of our goals. Often as our effectiveness in realizing goals and standards, we don’t rest on it; we raise the challenge or standard to strive for. Some of the strongest Dominant and Submissive persons I know are constantly seeking to improve on the quality of their behaviors to enhance the quality of their results.
It is my thoughts that thou we do not earn the abilities to realize Dominance or Submission. We must make efforts to earn the results that we are to receive. We reap what we sow! The farmer can have the richest land in the county, but if he does not plant the seeds, tills the ground… what will be the quality of what he shall harvest? I believe we do indeed earn our Dominance/Submission, they are the consequences of behavior applied effectively and it is the efforts to maximize our consequences that earns our Dominance/Submission.
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Knight of Mists
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