RE: Can you be too thoughtful?

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/3/2006 4:47:48 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
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If it comes from the heart, it's not too much.
If it's done to gain attention it is.
Hopefully the person receiving the attention can tell the difference.

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/3/2006 5:59:14 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenrageTheKeeper

It becomes a matter of expectation. If you buy a sex toy, unannounced, for a Dominant to use on you, then you are expecting a possible unwarranted reward from the purchase.

Thinking ahead and doing something unexpected is one thing (and potentially a very sweet thing), but buying a toy and saying "Here, I bought this out of the kindness of my heart. Please use this on me" would be, at least in my eyes, a method of topping from the bottom and translanted as "Here, I bought this for you to use on me. Now do as I say and use it."

Ok Now this I will agree on. There is a differance between the two here.

I agree there is a difference.

But is there something wrong with perhaps "Hey I was out and saw this, made me think of you and that we might enjoy it together"?

I don't think so.

Even if the dom decides "No I don't like it at all" that doesn't mean the sub was wrong to pick it up in hopes of enjoyment (unless obviously they have been ordered not to).

I don't see anything wrong with doing something that she/he hopes EVERYONE will enjoy, including herself. There's only a problem if it's a presumption that it WILL BE enjoyed, or that the dom SHOULD do something with it.

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/3/2006 6:16:48 AM

phoenixslave

Posts: 66
Joined: 6/13/2004
Status: offline

It really depends on the level of the relationship sometimes. Buying sex toys seems pushy on the surface. But even that could be a signal. If the sub has feared something and in turn provides it to their dom/me i think its a good thing. As for doing something to get sex. subs want sex. Everything i do is not asking for sex as reward but i still want it. And anything i do that gets it is not neccesarily done for that reason , but i accept the consequence with joy. Is it wrong for subs/slaves to want that?
Personally i could have sex without a Master, but i could not have a Master, without sex. It is in the same catagory as air, food, etc. Basic. Finding a Master that agrees was the start of a great journey.

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/3/2006 6:21:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixslave

It really depends on the level of the relationship sometimes. Buying sex toys seems pushy on the surface. But even that could be a signal. If the sub has feared something and in turn provides it to their dom/me i think its a good thing. As for doing something to get sex. subs want sex. Everything i do is not asking for sex as reward but i still want it. And anything i do that gets it is not neccesarily done for that reason , but i accept the consequence with joy. Is it wrong for subs/slaves to want that?
Personally i could have sex without a Master, but i could not have a Master, without sex. It is in the same catagory as air, food, etc. Basic. Finding a Master that agrees was the start of a great journey.

I agree, and IF the dom feels it is too presumptuous, then obviously that's the time to sit the sub down, explain it and learn their style. Some doms would love it, some would not. I don't think the sub is wrong in TRYING to do good, until they have been told specifically otherwise. That's what training is all about.

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/3/2006 6:31:48 AM

wolffeathers

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline

I'm going to answer these from the Dom instead of the FemDom perspective (as you did place this in General BDSM instead of Ask a Mistress). BTW, I'm not changing names/sexes/sitations, even though most of these I would not have (not into guys wearing panties, as I'm not into male subs). Also, on most, I'm going to show why it's a bad idea to think of it (just realized that while I was typing)

quote:

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

Did I tell Stanley that he needs new panties? Or did he just deside he did. That would get me. Perhaps he buys the wrong pair, or I have other ideas on what type (he buys thongs even though I can't stand them on a male).

quote:

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

This is Joe thinking about something that is unpleasing to him. However, nice as it is, the thing is that he saw me use it ONCE. Perhaps I was attempting to get rid of it because it was a gift? Would still thank him in a...pleasent way.

quote:

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

When I notice, I will reward him. That is thinking for the future.

quote:

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

Even though thinking ahead, I know that after a 5 day VACATION, I just want to rest when I get home. A 5 day business trip will be worse. Again, differnt if I told George to "be ready for me". Seems to me that George just wants some play.

quote:

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

"Well, I was talking more about cutting, then strap ons."

quote:

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

Ok, this one I like. He that would be a nice thing. Even though I'm sure Daniel is waiting for it to be tested on him.

quote:

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

And it never gets turned on. Maybe I want a vanilla dinner?

quote:

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

But, I like flowers (and I do)

So, yes, overthinking can be a bad thing. Not because they were attempting to be nice, but they didn't COMMUNICATE about what they were planning. Hints are always nice, so that the Dom/FemDom can say NO if there is a reason around it.

If I get time today, I may reply with the way that I would like to see each of those situations done. That would be intresting....

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/3/2006 8:52:15 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 851
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Submissives that proactively think about how they can please their dominant partner are top notch. It's one of the qualities that makes a sub stand above the rest. However, there's a careful balance -- subs sometimes have to sit back and consider who they are trying to please with their actions. My examples are from a Femdom/malesub perspective because that's what I'm familiar with.

Femdoms, do you think you would appreciate/be flattered by all of these gestures? Some of them more than others? Would any of them be not appreciated?

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

Since I don't like to see panties on men, I'll just deal with this question as though it was a generic "nice undergarment" purchase question.

Dressing up to please me is always a good way to please me.

quote:

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

Buying personal items I need or like is also a good way to please me.

quote:

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

If he paid for it, damn straight its appreciated. Not mentioning it lets me notice and give praise without feeling pressured to praise. (Fox does things like this all the time and I always notice, it make take an hour or a day but I do notice.)

quote:

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

No -- that assumes my trip was good.

Picking me up at the airport or the train or whatever is a much better way to please me.

quote:

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

Ah, trying new things and assuming which ones are a leap.
Better to get a few catalogs or look at together or picture books to enjoy and then see how the conversation goes.

quote:

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

Again, seeing that something I have needs replacing or repairing and just doing it is very welcomed.

quote:

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

Assuming that play is desired at a public scene, unless you are certain of it, is very likely to backfire around me.

quote:

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

How about a gift certificate to a kink store or someplace like that instead. Stripping your dominant of her authority to chose activities is unlikely to cause positive reactions. Giving her a range of choices and the power to chose (the gift card so she doesn't have to spend her own money) reaffirms my authority and also says "I want to play with you".

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Post #: 26

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/4/2006 12:51:13 AM

Padriag

Posts: 700
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: NC, USA
Status: offline

Ah... another good thread I missed on vacation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Submissives that proactively think about how they can please their dominant partner are top notch. It's one of the qualities that makes a sub stand above the rest. However, there's a careful balance -- subs sometimes have to sit back and consider who they are trying to please with their actions. My examples are from a Femdom/malesub perspective because that's what I'm familiar with.

Sure, anything can be taken to an extreme and become a problem. An insecure submissve who is overly needy about praise and reassurance can just about drive you batty with thoughtful gestures trying to fulfill that need. But then again there are always ball gags and cages in the basement now aren't there?

There's also the question of motive... are they being thoughtful to please you... or themselves? Actually that very subject came up just the other day talking with one of my relatives. I got a gift from a family friend this year that was really just totally inappropriate... it was something anyone who had thought about my likes and dislikes could have guessed I wouldn't have liked. My mom, however, admonished that it was the thought that counts to which I promptly replied,"Well I would if there had been any." And that's the point, the person who gave the gift didn't put any thought into it... they just bought something to be giving me a gift. They didn't do it for me, they did it to make themselves feel good. Compare that to my favorite cousin and his wife... they got me a set of John Deere coffee mugs. It wasn't expensive or even the nicest gift I got this year, but it is my favorite. See, I have this one John Deere mug that I'm always drinking tea out of... have had it for years... and its damn near glued into my hand. Its old and tea stained and well... its just my favorite mug. And they obviously thought about that and went out and bought me four more... now I got five of them so I can always have a clean one. Now that was a thoughtful gift, and it was that thought that made it special to me... not how much it cost. So looking at the list below from that perspective...

quote:

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

Stanley's being selfish, he's giving her what he wants, not what she wants.

quote:

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

This is a thoughtful gift... he made a note of what he saw, what he believes she likes and tried to give her something accordingly.

quote:

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

Considerate and unselfish, he did something nice without seeking anything in return... not even recognition for it.

quote:

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

Selfish... he want's to be played with, she probably wants a hot bubble bath and a back rub.

quote:

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

Slight selfish, but not in a bad way... this isn't really a thoughtful gesture so much as it is one of opening up to something new they might share.

quote:

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

Thoughtful

quote:

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

Probably selfish, unless he knows this is something she particularly enjoys.

quote:

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

Not the most romantic gift, but then perhaps they don't have a romantic relationship... it was thoughtful in that he was trying to do something creative he thought she would like... even if it completely misses the mark.

Selfishness isn't always a bad thing... in fact some enlightened self interest can be a healthy thing. Submissives do have needs that do need to be met and a good dominant will see to that (if they don't, time for the submissive to find a good dominant). But the question I have for any submissive is this... if you aren't here to serve me, then why are you here? That puts the focus back where it needs to be.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/4/2006 1:10:57 AM

slatyb

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

...

Femdoms, do you think you would appreciate/be flattered by all of these gestures? Some of them more than others? Would any of them be not appreciated?

My prediction is that you would appreciate numbers 2, 3, and 6, but might feel that the others were more about the sub's needs than yours.

(in reply to AAkasha)

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Post #: 28

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/4/2006 6:44:15 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 1752
Status: offline

Okay from the other end, as i'm not a fem dom, but a fem sub.

!. A song playing on the radio, that your <d-type> really enjoyed, but not knowing the name of it. (as they mentioned after the song played) the <s-type> tracking down the song with a couple of lyrics (google search, song lyrics) and downloading it and emailing it to the <d-type> Amoung with other song from the same author, just incase the <d-type> might enjoy them.

2. Waking up before the <d-type> and making a breakfast they love. THO its a bity iffy, as who is to say the <d-type> will be wanting breakfast?

3. Picking up a bottle of their favorite liquor.

Thats all of my proactive suggestions for the moment. Lack of sleep leaves no room for memory or thought to work.

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

Wouldnt do. Granted, you might KNOW what type of panties your <d type> might enjoy, who says they want you to have another pair, who says they didnt want something different this time, who says the <d type> wants to think about panties when they get home from work?

If i were to buy panties, i would prolly not take the tags off and after my <d type> got home, had time to relax, i might present them to him/her and ask if she likes them. Quietly, in an off the wall way. If it was a yes, i'd be happy and put them away if it was a no, i'd be disapointed and wouldnt buy any more clothes, just on the OFF chance he/she wouldnt like them. Walking around in them, is i an a way asking for something.

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

Only if i knew my <d type> liked it. i would know this by hearing how the <d type> talked about it.

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

Wouldnt do it. How do i know the <d type> was consciously letting it get low, while they waited for the gas prices to drop? how do i know the <d type> doesnt have a special place to fill up, because they have some sort of card that every time they get gas, it takes them one step closer to a free filling or something? What if the <d type> re set the mleage each time because they liked to keep track of how many miles to the gallon and i didnt know this? And if i did, not as a proactive thing, but just cos i had used the gas, i would definetly tell. Its not my car, i've no right to do anything with it.

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

Would definetly NOT do it. Most prolly, play would be the last thing on their mind. It pressumes the <d type> wants you to be in such a manner. Which should not be pressumed, but left completely up to the discretion of the <d type> though a catch would be, if on the phone previously the <d type> mentioned anxious to play with you, is feeling extra horny, ect. Though, i would personally just make sure i was completely if the <d type> did want to play. (IE a fresh shave and complete shower less then a couple of hours from the planned arrival, and wearing something flattering)

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

Nope again. Unless of course, i saw the <d type> admiring it greatly in a store when we had been out looking before. Saying all sorts of pleasant things about it, how they'd love to have it, ect. Seeing them, specifically point to one on the shelf. Saying something along the lines of having this one before and how great it was and ect the story on it. i would prolly not call and say anything about anything. i would prolly wrap it up and leave it unobtrusively. Maybe bring it out when we are sitting back relaxing. Dunno really, as i have never bought toys for Master. its not my place to decide what he wants, when he wants it or his priority of what toys he will be getting. tho i did recently buy him some shirts, because seeing them made me think of him. They were just so perfect for him, they screamed his name. And of course he loved them. But as for toys, i dunno, i'm not even allowed to touch the ones we have!

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

Like i said, not allowed to touch the toys. Like some one else said, who says the <d type> didnt want something different? i know Master likes to change up the toys he uses. but it'd be hard, since its the <d type>'s favorite!

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

i would never assume anything sexual. Nor would i touch any toys. LOL Too many variables on whether it would please them or not. Plus, that just seems to be the SUB telling the <d type> that they were going to do something, ie play.

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

Knowing Master and his love for chastity belts and the like, i would prolly do this. Tho, it is assuming the <d type< wants you in a locking cock and ball harness! But if you KNOW your <d type> does want you in one.... Though, who says they want you in something of the sort then? Maybe they think you need to "progress" further before a step like that is taken?

Its not up to a sub to decide what happens when. Alot of these seem to be that way.

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/4/2006 7:28:02 AM

LadyKim

Posts: 157
Joined: 11/11/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

I would not like this at all since I am not into feminization. I would take this has Stanley trying to control what play occurs in our relationship. Since I have a strong preference for alpha males, I would let him leave wearing his panties and not allow him back.

quote:

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

I would consider that being attentive and very sweet. I'd probably reward him. However, if the lavender bath set had been a gift I was using up before purchasing a scent another scent I preferred, I would make a big deal of his attention to detail how appreciative I was. I would then tell him to grab the receipt, so we could exchange it for a scent that I want to use to remind me of him rather than someone else.

quote:

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

This is something I would appreciate. I would notice the next time I got into my car, and I would plan a special time together I know would include something he has really been wanting but not mentioning.

quote:

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

If George was not under orders to be this way whenever I returned home from a business trip, I would be appreciative; however, if he took it on himself, I would feel he was pushing for play and would leave him like that for twenty or thirty minutes after returning home. I would then remove the clamps and shackles, and ignore him the rest of the evening. I know myself. I would be exhausted and wanting to kick back. A sub pushing for play would piss me off.

quote:

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

I would take this as topping from below also. I would probably have him wear it when we had sex (denying his real cock the pleasure) until he complained or mumbled about it. I would remind him that he chose to be the submissive in the relationship and give me control as the dominant. By buying a device we I had not directed him to purchase, he was taking control. I would then ask him if he felt more sated when I choose the activities or when he tries to control them.

quote:

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

I would think this was being attentive and sweet. I'd probably reward him with a red butt.

quote:

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

Again topping from the bottom. I would instruct him to go remove it, wash it, and return it to me. From there I may put it on the table between us for the evening to embarrass him, throw it away, or put it in my purse and not allow him access to it again. He would also be punished once in private.

quote:

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

If I had talked to him about wanting one, I'd be thrilled. If I had not, then it would be the same as the vibrating plug.

MzKim

(in reply to AAkasha)

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Post #: 30

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/4/2006 8:27:41 AM

LadyJC

Posts: 97
Joined: 5/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyKim

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

If he knew the specific type that I liked on him ok fine. However wearing them when I got home from work would presume play. Usually when I get home I want to sit and relax, pending on the hour have dinner and usually a quiet evening.

quote:

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

Since I break out from perfumed soaps...I would find this thoughtless. Maybe someone did give it to me as a gift and it's sitting for decoration beside the tub. (Ppl give me this stuff all the time) Now if it was a product I could use, let's say Goat's Milk...then yes it would be well appreciated especially if I got home to find a bath already made for me.

quote:

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

Yes I'd appreciate it that, maybe I didn't have time to go to the gas station so far that week. The fact that he doesn't mention may show he's not doing it to impress but just being thoughtful.

quote:

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

Definitely not...I had a sub who used to do something similar. I would get home from work and he would have himself tied to the bed. After I called and distinctly said I'm on my way home, I'm really tired and would like to have a nap. I find this to be thoughtless of the dom. If the dom did state they wanted to play over the phone then that's different. However once again a hot bath, coffee made, and maybe a movie that he knew I'd enjoy.

quote:

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

Did I say I wanted to start playing with strapons specifically? Does he want to try them as well or not? If I said I wanted to..and he didn't then I would not take this as him wanting attention. However if I didn't say where I wanted to explore then yes this would be for his own pleasure and I'd tell him to take it back.

quote:

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

If that's my favorite one and I had mentioned something about it, yes that would be a very sweet and thoughtful thing. If he expected me to use it the minute I got it then he would get a surprise.

quote:

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

Definitely not. Maybe I wanted a quiet dinner, maybe I didn't feel up to playing. If I did I probably would have said something before hand. If I had then this would be a nice surprise.

quote:

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

Like MzKim said, if I had said something about wanting one it would be a fabulous gift. If not then hand me the dozen roses. I may be a Domme, but I also am a woman too...I enjoy those things.

LadyJC

(in reply to LadyKim)

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Post #: 31

Fine Line - 1/4/2006 3:07:53 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 832
Joined: 2/6/2005
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Good point, Katy.

I'm the last person to grok the mF dynamic, but I can offer from a male perspective what I have told girlfriends:

A fine line exists between mothering and babying.

Men love to be babied.

Men hate to be mothered.

Most of the difference is control.

(in reply to KatyLied)

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Post #: 32

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/4/2006 6:49:21 PM

GentleLady

Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
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quote:

Femdoms, do you think you would appreciate/be flattered by all of these gestures? Some of them more than others? Would any of them be not appreciated?

For Me the submissives who actively think about what their particular Dominant needs are the best kind.

quote:

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

The above three examples would be ones that I would appreciate. If Stanley's Mistress enjoys having him wear panties (which I do) then it would make a nice surprise and would indicate to Me that he was thinking about what might make Me smile. If Stanley's Mistress did not enjoy this kind of activity then this would be a self-serving gesture on his part.

Examples 2 and 3 show both awareness and thoughtfulness. I would hope that the submissive first confirms that the bath products were ones that She enjoyed and not something She received as a gift and was just using up though.

quote:

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

These two examples are ones that would make Me very annoyed. When I come home from a business trip I am tired and the very last thing I want to do is scene. A cold drink and some salad plus nap time while he unpacks would win My praise. Example 4 comes across as someone looking to fill his own needs and not Hers.

Allen in example 5 has gone way past the line as far as I am concerned. His Mistress said She would be open to trying new things...not necessarily strapon play. On top of that, strapons are a very personal item (as I see it). How would Allen know what size harness She takes and what style She will prefer? It took Me an hour to choose My first strapon. Allen is pushing for what he wants and I would class this as an example of topping from the bottom.

quote:

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

That is sweet of him as well as being practical.

quote:

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

Both of these would fall into the same category for Me. Whether or not they were good decisions would depend on the tastes and interests of the Dominant involved. If Robert's Mistress enjoyed using butt plugs and if Tom's Mistress already used a cock and ball harness then the gifts would be appreciated. If the Dominants did not use those devices in their play sessions then the gifts would fall flat and be self-serving for the submissive.

On a personal level I would enjoy both gifts but escpecially the surprise butt plug. I would not see this as being the submissive choosing when and what to do because My boy knows that I would adore the surprise. He also knows that whether or not the device got turned on is up to Me. In the meantime he still has to wear the plug while sitting and should be squirming by the end of the meal.

Mind you, both of these examples are ones that I have threatened to do to My submissive so he would not be stepping over the line to buy them as gifts. If any other submissive I was seeing made these purchases and presented Me with these gifts then I would be considerably annoyed. My boy would have made an INFORMED choice but the others would not necessarily know Me well enough to know what I would like.

< Message edited by GentleLady -- 1/4/2006 7:18:31 PM >

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Post #: 33