RE: After forgiveness...........

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RE: After forgiveness...........

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RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/3/2006 12:27:15 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

When you forgive someone you are usually simply saying you will continue the relationship even though what happened is always going to be in your mind, affecting things.

For me forgiving someone and continuing a relationship with someone are completely separate things.

And if it's always going to be in my mind and affecting things, I'd be very doubtful of trying to continue the relationship. I'd at least need a pause to collect myself and see if we could move on together. Obviously whatever happened will always BE there, but if we can't work through it, if it will always be there, then it would be best just to end it then.

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Post #: 21

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/3/2006 12:33:05 PM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 392
Joined: 1/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

When you forgive someone you are usually simply saying you will continue the relationship even though what happened is always going to be in your mind, affecting things.

For me forgiving someone and continuing a relationship with someone are completely separate things.

And if it's always going to be in my mind and affecting things, I'd be very doubtful of trying to continue the relationship. I'd at least need a pause to collect myself and see if we could move on together. Obviously whatever happened will always BE there, but if we can't work through it, if it will always be there, then it would be best just to end it then.

Sure, that is the decision you make...to end it or not. You weigh things and if you decide to continue, you do so, but things are still changed. No one really forgets of forgives is my point. You work in your self-interest of what is best for you in spite of circumstances.

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Post #: 22

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/3/2006 12:36:01 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel
No one really forgets of forgives is my point. You work in your self-interest of what is best for you in spite of circumstances.

I think we can and do forgive. Iknow I've forgiven my father, mother, sister, lovers and other people for many things in life. Sometimes they didn't even ask for it. Forgiveness is partly a way for ourselves to move on and accept things, and partly a way to be merciful to others.

We shouldn't forget.

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Post #: 23

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/3/2006 12:42:54 PM

ExistentialSteel

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I'll add one last response because I don't want to take up so much space. Forgiveness is an interesting topic, but wiith family, for instance, I would not think of it as forgiving. It is just family doing this and that and it would not affect me in such a say that I would have to forgive or go away. If something needs forgiving, then by my defintion, it is serious and not a family or friends thing.

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For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

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Post #: 24

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/3/2006 12:55:13 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel
If something needs forgiving, then by my defintion, it is serious and not a family or friends thing.

I'm confused, are you saying that serious things don't happen between family or friends?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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Post #: 25

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/3/2006 1:51:58 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 1767
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel
If something needs forgiving, then by my defintion, it is serious and not a family or friends thing.

I'm confused, are you saying that serious things don't happen between family or friends?

I am with LA on this one, confused also, and could use some clarification please lol.

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Post #: 26

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/3/2006 1:58:30 PM

daredevil865

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/9/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel
If something needs forgiving, then by my defintion, it is serious and not a family or friends thing.

I'm confused, are you saying that serious things don't happen between family or friends?

I am with LA on this one, confused also, and could use some clarification please lol.

Must be a different story with my family.....for I know I needed to be forgiving many times with them..and they even had to be a few times with me

DareDevil

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Post #: 27

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/3/2006 2:32:05 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 823
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

When you forgive someone you are usually simply saying you will continue the relationship even though what happened is always going to be in your mind, affecting things.

For me forgiving someone and continuing a relationship with someone are completely separate things.

And if it's always going to be in my mind and affecting things, I'd be very doubtful of trying to continue the relationship. I'd at least need a pause to collect myself and see if we could move on together. Obviously whatever happened will always BE there, but if we can't work through it, if it will always be there, then it would be best just to end it then.

"Forgiveness is what we do for our own benifit.... Reconcilation is what we do for the benifit of the relationship."

I agree forgiving someone and continuing the relationship are very different things.

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Post #: 28

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/3/2006 2:51:10 PM

girl4you2

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Joined: 8/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
"Forgiveness is what we do for our own benifit.... Reconcilation is what we do for the benifit of the relationship."

I agree forgiving someone and continuing the relationship are very different things.

what he said. very true.

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Post #: 29

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/3/2006 3:28:28 PM

ExistentialSteel

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Joined: 1/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel
If something needs forgiving, then by my defintion, it is serious and not a family or friends thing.

I'm confused, are you saying that serious things don't happen between family or friends?

LA, I hope this hasn’t lost the freshness of our back and forth, but I’ll try to continue again.

In my mind, it is not forgiveness with some people…family being one. Family can get away with a lot without me feeling the need to forgive them. Remember I said in my mind, what it takes for me to think forgiveness is needed. (Remember how I defined forgiveness, also :) All this is subjective.

Whether I am only forgiving on some level is debatable, but my point is that some things by some people don’t meet the test of needing forgiving. Your example of forgiving family struck me as being one I would view this way. Of course, what we have come to in the discussion is that we all have ways to get past some things. Whether it is forgiving, accepting, overlooking, repressing or subduing (ha, love that word…subduing) is again unsettled..

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For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 30

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/4/2006 6:39:41 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 89
Joined: 12/13/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

do they have to "make it up" to you in some way? YOU forgave THEM, now what is their half of the equation? Or isn't there one?

Forgiveness is for YOU, not the other person, in my book. It is for you to stop torturing yourself with the victim role. This is actually very empowering and mature.

There is no "their half of the equation" with the forgivness part. If you have something you need to express about some interaction you had with them that hurt or offended you then you need to say that. But once you forgive, make sure you are clean and clear with the matter. In other words, speak all now, and don't keep the matter alive in your mental conversation. If it comes up remind yourself YOU CHOSE to let it go and let it go again.

Sometimes the choice to forgive on a single issue must be made over and over again as your ego kicks in to remind you to be a victim. Just say NO to it.

< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 1/4/2006 6:48:21 PM >

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Post #: 31

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/4/2006 6:59:07 PM

Gomez

Posts: 51
Joined: 12/30/2005
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As many others are saying, I can forgive a person for doing wrong to me, but in the same regard, I will NEVER forget what they have done. Nine times out of ten, I have walked away after they have broken that trust as it is hard to trust them after the fact. But there is the rare occasion that I have stayed friends with them, but at a further distance than what we were originally. They can try everything in their power to try and make me remain friends with them, but it is MY choice not theirs to make. It hurts sometimes but thats life and the nature of the best for you.

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Sometimes people would rather believe in a lie as its a lot easier and less complicated than the truth!

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Post #: 32

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/4/2006 9:54:39 PM

Petruchio

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Joined: 2/6/2005
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quote:

I can forgive a person for doing wrong to me, but in the same regard, I will NEVER forget what they have done.

My mother used to say, "I forgive, but I'll never forget."

I used to argue that if you don't forget, then you haven't forgiven.

I'm still not sure which of us was right.

A truly awful thing is to 'forgive over and over again'; say, if one party has cheated and returns begging forgiveness, the injured party can have a terrible time getting it out of their head, tormenting themselves and their mate.

(in reply to Gomez)

Post #: 33

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/4/2006 10:00:45 PM

Gomez

Posts: 51
Joined: 12/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

quote:

I can forgive a person for doing wrong to me, but in the same regard, I will NEVER forget what they have done.

My mother used to say, "I forgive, but I'll never forget."

I used to argue that if you don't forget, then you haven't forgiven.

I'm still not sure which of us was right.

A truly awful thing is to 'forgive over and over again'; say, if one party has cheated and returns begging forgiveness, the injured party can have a terrible time getting it out of their head, tormenting themselves and their mate.

Both are right in a way; I do forget but in the back of my mind it still lingers. Its not like I think about every day/time I see them. So in a way, both are correct; just a matter of seeing how you look at it.

_____________________________

Sometimes people would rather believe in a lie as its a lot easier and less complicated than the truth!

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Post #: 34

RE: After forgiveness........... - 1/5/2006 2:43:34 AM

FionaFineass

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/4/2006
Status: offline

If some one has done some hurtful thing and it was purly by accident, misunderstanding, I will forgive. However if some one does something hurtful all the while they knew it was decietful and it was deliberate. There is no forgiveness EVER.
May they forever have that hang over their head.
That is my peace

(in reply to Gomez)

Post #: 35

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