experience with a quad? (Full Version)

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angelynne -> experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 11:57:15 AM)

Greetings All,

i'm starting a new post because i could find very little information in the threads about poly relationships of more than 3... maybe someone could help me find a thread where this was discussed before or at least offer some opinions.
i am considering joining an arrangement where there would be one Master and 3 female slaves. it would obviously be mostly a "vee" where we are all bonded to the Master. but my question is, when left on their own, what happens among the females? my first inclination would be that 2 would bond and one be sort of left out. i'd expect the Master would do what he could to correct that but sometimes you just can't...
so does anyone have experience in a house with a Master and 3 or more slaves living together? i'm very curious to hear about others' experiences.

respectfully,
slave angela



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 12:07:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelynne
i am considering joining an arrangement where there would be one Master and 3 female slaves. it would obviously be mostly a "vee" where we are all bonded to the Master. but my question is, when left on their own, what happens among the females?

Whatever the master is happy with/whatever forms between them.

quote:

my first inclination would be that 2 would bond and one be sort of left out. i'd expect the Master would do what he could to correct that but sometimes you just c

In a poly everyone has to form an individual relationship with everyone else while SIMULTANEOUSLY forming a relationship as a "group."

There's nothing really to "correct" unless someone isn't fulfilled with the situation. And then it's not so much a "correction" as it is working through communication and seeing what can be developed and what can't.
quote:


so does anyone have experience in a house with a Master and 3 or more slaves living together? i'm very curious to hear about others' experiences.

I've never been in a LIVE IN situation like that. However, my former master lived with his submissive with whom he has been in a relationship with for over a decade. He also has a long distance sub in Boston, and one in NYC. I lived about a half hour away from him.

We each also had our OWN partners. His live-in had her own subs and partners, his Boston sub was married (and her husband remains one of my partners) and her her own partners, and I have my own partners.

My current situation is that I have a boyfriend who is long distance as he goes through graduate school, a local partner and a long distance Boston partner. I also date and play with others when I have the time and inclination.

No matter HOW your poly relationship is put together, what matters is that there is SOME connection and understanding reached between everyone. You don't have to be everyones "best sissy mate" (blech), but you do have to at least respect them and consider them a valuable part of your relationship as a whole. Living together makes a lot of things more complicated and in your face, and adding a new person into an actual house should be a very serious decision that takes time to come about.

It doesn't matter if it is a poly or monogamous relationship- when someone feels left out, you have problems. However, that doesn't mean you always have to be giving kisses and valentines to have a solid and stable fulfilling relationship.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 12:22:42 PM)

I can't tell you about a quad, but I -can- tell you about the dynamics in a larger group than that, in a particular form of this dynamic that is primarily M/s, with poly overlaid.

When I served the House originally, we had a full staff, some long-term and some who only stayed a short time. The servants got along pretty much like a family... there were some disagreements, and occasionally one group would "gang up" on another group or on the "newbie"... but, in general, we all worked together to keep things flowing the way our (multiple) owners preferred. I think, for us, it helped that all of us were collectively owned/trained. That kept rivalries caused by vying for one single person's attention to a minimum, and allowed us to focus on our service, rather than on beating out one of the other servants for a Master's or Mistress' attention.

It is pretty challenging to come into a new household, with already established relationships and balances. Some of what I'm going to advise isn't going to be easy, but it -will- facilitate your integration into an M/s household. these recommendations also don't necessarily apply to other types of poly-growth situations, but are pretty specific to M/s relationships. Advice in your situation... stay calm and sure of yourself. You were invited to be here, and the Master wants there to be a place for you in his house. It isn't important -why-... the fact that he wanted you and you agreed is enough. Your chain-mates may try to get a rise out of you by making you question why you are there... but he wants you there, and that is the only answer they need.

Make yourself part of the family, and participate from the get-go, without being pushy and trying to take things over (unless they are things assigned for you to take on). Let your Master sort out assignments, or obey the first-servant if he's designated one, since the first servant (aka first girl) speaks with authority that is not -hers-, but that has been given to her to USE by the Master. That way, everyone knows that it is the Master's preference for things to be a certain way, and a firm reminder of who made the assignments and rules should negate any bickering.

As a newcomer, you'll probably get a hefty chunk of attention while you are adjusting. Don't take it for granted, and don't use that time to try to cut your chain-mates out of the relationship. That will only earn you enemies in the home. Be grateful for the extra time, but don't be clingy or set up "drama-needs" to increase the attention you get. Remember your dignity, always, and keep your purpose in being there (to serve your Master) at the forefront of your mind... and behave in the way that you know he would expect, whether he can see you or not. Oh...and be appreciative of your chain-mates if they are giving up some of -their- time with Master to help you acclimate or give you a bit of extra time with him while you adjust. It's hard to give up time that was "yours" to a newcomer, and as much as we tell servants that they don't "own" something like the Master's time, that still doesn't stop the -feeling- from happening... so be sensitive.

Try to work out problems with your chain-mates on your own as much as possible. No Owner likes whining, tattling and complaining... so anything that you can work out amongst yourselves will make you more pleasant to him. If you're always running to him with problems, the annoyance of being bothered with another cat-fight will soon outweigh any pleasure he gets from seeing the instigator/tattler show up in his presence.

A M/s poly relationship is a little different than a regular poly relationship, in that the primary aspect of the relationship needs to be established first. If this is primarily a M/s dynamic with poly overtones, one other piece of advice I can give you is to always remember that no matter what else happens, Master's word is law... the object is to be pleasing, and if he wants something, making sure that it happens, and in the most pleasing, efficient way possible will make life easier for everyone.

I'll let someone else deal with how to handle this if it is a poly relationship with some M/s overtones.

Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelynne

Greetings All,

i'm starting a new post because i could find very little information in the threads about poly relationships of more than 3... maybe someone could help me find a thread where this was discussed before or at least offer some opinions.
i am considering joining an arrangement where there would be one Master and 3 female slaves. it would obviously be mostly a "vee" where we are all bonded to the Master. but my question is, when left on their own, what happens among the females? my first inclination would be that 2 would bond and one be sort of left out. i'd expect the Master would do what he could to correct that but sometimes you just can't...
so does anyone have experience in a house with a Master and 3 or more slaves living together? i'm very curious to hear about others' experiences.

respectfully,
slave angela



angelynne -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 12:51:29 PM)

Thank you both for your comments, you have given me much to think about.
It is primarily a M/s relationship that happens to be poly, and my concern was about the female slaves, as i realize pleasing Master would come first always. with 2 female slaves it seems simple they they would have some sort of bond and i acccepted and understood that dynamic, i just have no experience with more than 2 slaves and wondered how that might pan out.

again thank you both for your responses.

respectfully
slave angela



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 12:57:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelynne

Thank you both for your comments, you have given me much to think about.
It is primarily a M/s relationship that happens to be poly, and my concern was about the female slaves, as i realize pleasing Master would come first always. with 2 female slaves it seems simple they they would have some sort of bond and i acccepted and understood that dynamic, i just have no experience with more than 2 slaves and wondered how that might pan out.

again thank you both for your responses.

respectfully
slave angela

Same way it does with 2 or 3 or 5. It's not about numbers, it's about connection.



fastlane -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 3:09:03 PM)

Cinco de maya.....is one too many holidays and one too many people. Quatro...I could work with..Tres...I like.....Doce...just plain boring.
So, my advice to you is this.
Don't go to fourwheel drive...until your happy in the bed you make and sleep in first....one person at a time!

Peace, Kevin



angelynne -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 3:17:30 PM)

the "original" slave has been with the Master 10 years... i think their relationship is pretty stable. with me possibly coming in now and bringing a sister (Master and slave for 10 years plus suddenly 2 new slaves equals quad) i figured it was gonna make things nutty for a bit... the advice of "one at a time" doesn't apply to our situation right now. i knew there were people out there who have been in similar situations and was hoping to get not only advice but warnings as to what could happen. i'd like to look at it from all angles before i actually make a committment.

thanks to all who have responded so far.

respectfully
slave angela



fastlane -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 3:24:58 PM)

Advice is usually cheap....we can all give it.
I tried to make you smile, nothing more. My advice would be follow your heart, your head, your instinct and ask many question to the Master and alpha slave, before you decide.

My best to you,

Kevin



angelynne -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 3:34:36 PM)

Thank You Sir Kevin,

i apologize that i'm unable to be lighthearted about this, if i decide to do it, it will likely be a lifelong change, i'm just trying to see it from all angles right now.

thank you for your well wishes.

respectfully
slave angela



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 7:15:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelynne

Thank You Sir Kevin,

i apologize that i'm unable to be lighthearted about this, if i decide to do it, it will likely be a lifelong change, i'm just trying to see it from all angles right now.

thank you for your well wishes.

respectfully
slave angela


Well bringing on board so many people all at once into a live in situation is well...crazy.

Doesn't mean it can't work, just that you are all insane.

The obvious question is- what do all of these other slaves and the master have to say about these questions?



angelynne -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/29/2005 7:49:57 PM)

They say, and i agree, that the primary relationship for each of the slaves is with the Master, and then things will evolve on their own between the slaves. it sounds good in theory but i know realistically we are not all going to bond equally, there are going to be some jealousies and some insecurities and some feeling left out. it's up to the Master to make sure everyone is comfortable and knows they are wanted there. i'm just having these awful fantasies about the other two girls bonding really well, and then me feeling left out ALL the time. or any of us left out... i have issues with the fact that we're not all going to bond equally. in my mind it would be far easier on everyone to just add one at a time, but they seem to think since i and the other potential slave have already bonded independently that it would be better to bring us both on board together... and because of having put ten years of work into the original relationship, they are confident THEY won't fall apart. i have no issues sharing a Master, i'm just not sure how to handle the sister relationships.
ok so point being, the original Master and slave are very confident about it, the 2nd slave seems okay with it, and i don't know yet how i feel. which i guess is why i'm the one posting.

thanks for all the questions and comments.

anyone else have experience to share?

respectfully
slave angela



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/30/2005 5:50:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelynne
it's up to the Master to make sure everyone is comfortable and knows they are wanted there.

Yeah that's a fallacy. It's up to EVERYONE to care for the health of the group relationship. That doesn't mean you are the slave's keeper, but everyone in a relationship is responsibile for contributing to and working towards the fulfillment of the group as a whole.

If you all simply sit around and make it all about the master, not only will he be completely burnt out to do anyone any sort of good, but you will be missing out on fabulous opportunities to MAKE those bonds that you want so much to happen.
quote:


i'm just having these awful fantasies about the other two girls bonding really well, and then me feeling left out ALL the time. or any of us left out... i have issues with the fact that we're not all going to bond equally.

That's very hard to get out. Just be as open as you can about it. Be as specific as you can about it. And remind yourself that you are ALL in this for eachother. Since you're going about this in a fairly insane manner, you should all be having LOTS of group discussions together so that everyone's expectations are understood. Who will do what chores? What are the sleeping arrangements? Sexual expectations? Standards of communication? All that groundwork needs to be laid together.
quote:


in my mind it would be far easier on everyone to just add one at a time, but they seem to think since i and the other potential slave have already bonded independently that it would be better to bring us both on board together... and because of having put ten years of work into the original relationship, they are confident THEY won't fall apart.

It is still an insane way of doing things. It can work though. Try and feed off of THEIR confidence.

quote:

i have no issues sharing a Master, i'm just not sure how to handle the sister relationships.
ok so point being, the original Master and slave are very confident about it, the 2nd slave seems okay with it, and i don't know yet how i feel. which i guess is why i'm the one posting.

thanks for all the questions and comments.

anyone else have experience to share?

respectfully
slave angela

I think it's pretty obvious how you feel- scared, worried, anxious, unsure. Would it be the end of the world if you got a bit more security BEFORE moving in? That's scary in itself, worrying that they will lose faith in you, admitting that you aren't ready for something. But ultimately, it's better to be sure than not. I think they would agree with that.

Is this the first time they have brought new people into the relationship?



angelynne -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/30/2005 7:01:59 AM)

thank you LA,

Nope, i do want more security before diving in, and that is why i'm here asking these questions. i haven't gotten an "offer" yet, we are still just talking things out. we've all talked to each other, sometimes 3 together, but haven't yet had a chance (due to personal schedules) to get all 4 talking as a group. i know i'm not ready to just pick up and move out there, and i am "attempting" to stick to the 6 month rule, if not longer.

Yes they have brought others in before, they have been looking for a permanent addition for a long time. i've heard the laundry list of why the other didn't work, and we've discussed that. the Master has experience with long term arrangements of 1 to 5 slaves, which is probably a large reason he's more comfortable with it.
So it seems their confidence comes from experience, and my insecurity comes from having so little experience in comparison to what they have. and the only way i can think to "close the gap" and feel more comfortable is just talk a lot and ask a lot of questions, as well as pick up some different points of view here, before we get anywhere close to making a final decision.


[/quote]
I think it's pretty obvious how you feel- scared, worried, anxious, unsure. Would it be the end of the world if you got a bit more security BEFORE moving in? That's scary in itself, worrying that they will lose faith in you, admitting that you aren't ready for something. But ultimately, it's better to be sure than not. I think they would agree with that.

Is this the first time they have brought new people into the relationship?

[/quote]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/30/2005 7:11:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelynne
but haven't yet had a chance (due to personal schedules) to get all 4 talking as a group. i know i'm not ready to just pick up and move out there, and i am "attempting" to stick to the 6 month rule, if not longer.

Frankly it bothers me that they are wanting new people to move in to live with them and can't even get you all together for regular dates or weekends. That just is a recipe for asking for problems and misunderstood expectations.

I think you're doing great at really opening up about yourself and seeing this in the long term. That's the only way it's going to work.



angelynne -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/30/2005 7:16:28 AM)

well it's only been a month and we all sort of happen to live across the country from each other... of course there will be in person meetings and all of that, but like i said right now it's still in the talking things out stage. remember i said i haven't actually gotten an offer from them, we're all still getting to know each other.



atlcouple2 -> RE: experience with a quad? (12/30/2005 12:49:03 PM)

I was raised in a Poly BDSM house where father owned more than a couple
of girls, all the time. (Atleast more than 2) From my experience most
of the girls were just all friends, but favorites did seem to come out.
And people ganged upon each other. Father often counter acted that by
taking the 2 that were picking on each other... and tying or cuffing
them wrist to wrist... typically both wrists together facing opposite
directions (Facing each other)and making them work together for a couple
of days. (A list of work like you wouldn't believe. It made me cringe
to think of the beatings they must have gotten for not working together
to actually complete the tasks.) Father had a heavy hand even with the
kids.

I guess when bound together, there is something about wiping one's
azz with another person helping, sleeping face to face for a couple days,
and feeding a person and counting on them to feed you in return that
makes people grow more fond of each other. (BTW no one in the house was
allowed to talk to the 2 bound to gether. They had to learn to deal
with each other or be very lonely. And they were kept away from anyone
that was an antagonist in the situation. This way they couldn't
encourage any bad feelings between the 2 bound. Father had little time or
patience for arguement) It was either this or boxing. And he would give
the people who were mad at each other a set of boxing gloves and tell
them to get to it. He would pull up a lawn chair, with a big old glass
of tea and say go and if you make a mess clean up the blood. The
gloves were quite heavy and most people don't have enough steam to just
start throwing punches and actually do any damage when it comes right down
to
it. The only time any one actually did start hitting another person,
and it was more than a playful swat, he asked her to leave the home and
never come back. I saw her later when I was much older and she said it
was the greatest regret she had. I think the most dominating
personality (Initiator) should also play a bit of a referee. Taking a premptive
hand helps the arguing between slaves. Master's should try to have a
little gumption to stand up when it is called for and just send a
person packing. Love a slave or not it's just not healthy for the group.

Most of the females, like I say, got along. And father had a "you
can play as long as you are available when he was ready" rule. (My
family is very open about the lifestyle if you haven't noticed.) I guess
that encouraged a good feeling between all the girls. And they all went
thru the same good and bad things together. So they got along.

He also had a standing rule if "one of you gets in trouble all of you
get in trouble". If it was bad!! and the do'er didn't confess. (No
tattling was allowed. That was a HUGE NO NO!) When it came to me
personally I got in trouble when my brothers did. One of my older brother's
shot one of the neighbors cats with his b b gun once. Dad made us all
move huge stones from one side of the house to the other. When he
didn't confess... after a day of moving stones in the heat, he asked if
anyone wanted to confess. When no one said anything, and we all knew who
did it, he sent us to bed and promised a wake up call at 2 am... to do
the stone moving thing all day the next day. We soap in a sock'd him
that night and the next day he confessed. He got a serious spanking for
it and then had to buy the woman a cat and do her yard work for the
next 2 summers, but he confessed quickly enough.

We also had a confession night. He would pop a "Lets all sit at the
kitchen table." And we had to go around the table and confess what we
did. (I went out the window when I was supposed to be in bed.) BUT
after around the table once, if someone else confessed to seeing us do
something naughty and we hadn't confessed to it, we got in more trouble.
(I saw Johnny climb out the window at 9 pm. He was wearing ___ and came
back in at ___.) Dad would judge it and say if it was believable.
Sometimes you could convince him and they would get in trouble, but
usually he could tell if the whole thing was true or not. So you told on
yourself all the time so you wouldn't get it worse. He had alot of little
tricks to make everyone stay in line.

Mainly it was that father earned everyone respect that made it work
of the house.

10 kids
3 to 15 women
and Father.
Yes we are a very large family and happy about it!
Merry Chr... Happy Haun... What every you celebrate hope you are
having a great one!
Peyton



Dom4sweetsubbie -> RE: experience with a quad? (1/22/2006 2:38:21 PM)

I have a question for Peyton.

When you were growing up, how did your poly family handle the issue of nosey neighbors who might not be understanding of a poly household? I mean, at some point, the mailman or UPS guy or lost pizza delivery guy or neighbors from down the street eventually show up at your front door, so what was their reaction, and how did your poly family handle their response? With 10 kids, were there issues with teachers/school district officials ever becoming 'aware'? How many of those 3 to 15 women reared those 10 children? If it was a diverse number, how did the doctors/hospital officials react to that?

The reason I ask is a situation where a poly group has moved in to the house next door to me. They rent the place, having been transplanted from numerous places (all 3 adults have cars with different state license plates on them - so most (smart) neighbors raise an eyebrow there... lol). The place they rented is rather small, which makes a poly household a bit of a tight squeeze, and again, it is something that is very noticable to the vanilla neighborhood to see 3 cars always parked in front of a rather small house, while knowing that 3 different adults drive those cars. They only male of the poly household was overweight and jobless when he moved in, the 2 women found work right away (low paying, in retail), but the male who had professional manager credentials was having trouble finding appropriate work. Nowadays, any manager-level individual seeking employment is usually subjected to background/credit checks, so its unknown if his troubles in seeking employement were due to background checks which drew conclusions about an unorthodox household.

For as quiet and "removed" from social interaction as the 3 people next door are, its fairly apparent to most of the neighborhood whats going on behind those closed doors.

So how did your father keep his 3 to 15 women off the neighborhood's radar?



Slipstreme -> RE: experience with a quad? (1/22/2006 4:10:27 PM)

I might end up in such a (open relationship) poly house hold. Except in my case I guess it would be Switch Dominant (me) sadomasochist; Switch; Switch submissive (Master) sadomasochist; submissive (slave) masochist. At first I was under the impression the Switch was a Dom, because he is dominant over the other two, and was afriad there would be major conflict with me, if I were to join. The Master/slave couple are very close friends of mine, perhaps currently, my closest, and yes, the slave would like to extend ownership to the other. This is still just a small possibility. It may, or may not happen.

If this happens, I know it would be wierd. But I think we would adapt. Ill however, will keep this information at hand. Thank you OP for bringing it up.



atlcouple2 -> RE: experience with a quad? (2/5/2006 11:51:20 AM)

Dom4sweetsubbie

I think many people have thin skin. (I am not one of those people and I don't think most of my family was either.)I have found that Father handled many of those problems for us as children. (UPS and the pizza guy and such. We just weren't allowed to open the door at a young age.)

Yes there was always some teacher that didn't like us because we were a group of crazy people. But all in all people were understanding when they got to know us. We also made a point of telling people were had a LARGE family and our parents had an open relationship. (We again were taught from a young age that was how to deal with the problem and any other questions should be directed to my father. I don't know ask my dad was a favorite quote.) People in our neighborhood understood and didn't think anything about it. We also got to a certain age and were home schooled. SO it became a non issue.

We had a couple women that helped rear children. I think some people are just child freindly and some aren't. If people don't show an appitude toward children then they shouldn't have a hand in raising them. I am certain that was how father had the house set up. I remember 2 particular women being my personal playmates. Usually they were in the children's rooms and areas all the time. I knew my mother was my mother, but she wasn't very maternal to be honest. Father was VERY concerned about all the children, and he was eager to know everything that was happening. So if the situation arrose where someone had to go to the hospital or with the schools... He was totally 100 % hands on. He is a very intellegent man and with so many resources to fall back on and discuss situations with he often had several solutions to any problems that arrose. We all learned to be resourceful children as we got older and so we all learned to deal with things to allow the younger children their special time with father as well. We just grew up fast.

Father never went about advertising his lifestyle choices, but I am sure it was very obvious. We had privacy fences... and in relation to his job he often had a high security life anyway. We weren't off the radar, in fact people stared at us openly. Trips to the grocery store or to the movies could be a real fiasco... but many times we all just looked like a big group of people that were together. Neighbors talked about us non stop. And there were those hecklers that annoyed us, but ultimately all hurt feelings came down to simple ignorance. I enjoyed the attention of my family and the people that became my friends were really friends. I became a stronger person even if it was difficult and unusual.

We complied to all the neighborhood standards... kept the yard maintained and the like, and we ever kept the cars down to something like 2 full sized vans, and a couple of small cars that parked in the garage or in the back of the house on designated parking areas, so we tried to not give people reason to complain. It helped that we lived on several acres of land and were kind of in the middle of nowhere.

I hope that you find this helpful and would be happy to answer anything else



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