am I cut out for this?

am I cut out for this? (Full Version)

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SoulBelow -> am I cut out for this? (12/2/2005 6:09:26 AM)
What I have found in my limited but fresh experience is that the idea of a polyamourous relationship is a lot easier than putting it into practise. I would love your thoughts and opinions on my current situation. I live with my master in the UK and he has another slave in the US who he had known for years before he met me. He never hid her from me and told me about her from the start. However about a year went by and he never mentioned her to me. He'd tell me he'd spoken to her but thier relationship was mostly online and on the telephone, he has only met her in person 3 times. Anyway earlier this year I found out that some things that upset me greatly. I found out he was planning to marry her so she could come live in the UK with us and get a visa. He'd never spoken to me about this so I was a little shocked. I felt hurt, like I'd been betrayed and I felt jealous, so jealous. Now master hates the idea of marriage but says if it's the only thing he can do to get her in this country then he will because he has made her promises. Anyway a while went by and master and I sorted things out and had lots of long chats. we'd always talked about having a little commune where people could come and be loved and all feel like a family. I was into the idea, I liked the idea so when he told me he was taking me to America to see his other slave I was quite excited by the idea. However when we got there I found myself unable to control my emotions. I just felt so jealous. I was never left out or neglected in any way and was always made to feel special and welcome by both my master and his other slave but at first I just couldn't shake these feelings of jealousy. If he kissed her or put his arm around her my stomach would go into knots, I'd start feeling sick. For a while it was awful. She was incredibly loving towards me and always showered me with love and affection and made it known that she thought I was gorgeous and really fancied me. Unfortunately although I liked her, I didn't feel the same. It was difficult because I had never been with a woman before and she has been with many. She has also had several masters and I am on my first. However I just didn't feel very sexual towards her. I know I'm attracted to women so I thought hey maybe I'm just not attracted to this one. We had threesomes and I enjoyed them but I still couldn't seem to shake the jealousy. After being there for 2 weeks I kind of got it under control and came to a place where I could be quite happy to see them together. We came home and she's still there, on the other end of the telephone expecting to come and live with us sooner rather than later. We are trying to form a bond and she is a wonderful person but I am worried that I will never feel the way my master wants me to feel about her. I don't feel the jealousy anymore, well only the occasional twinge but I do worry about losing my masters attention when she gets here and most importantly realising that we're just not compatible. I don't want to leave my master because I love him so much and my life without him would cause me great pain but at the same time I'm worried I won't be able to give him what he wants. I know he loves me. He loves me so much but I still feel insecure every now and then. Does anybody know how I can overcome these feelings? Do you think they'll ever go away? or maybe I'm just not wired for Poly? Please help.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: am I cut out for this? (12/2/2005 7:59:13 AM)
Everything beautiful takes time. It sounds to me like your Master and this woman have a history, and have had time to come to cherish one another. Taking your time, talking things out like this, keeping a journal and talking with your Master and your compatriot in the US about what you're feeling may help you to sort through things. Nothing that you are feeling is "wrong". It is what it is. At the same time, being honest about what you are feeling, and getting help from the other two people in your life to work on these feelings and see how deeply they go and whether you can come to a place that is more constructive for the growth of this collective the three of you are in the process of building will determine whether this will work out or not. There is no shame and no blame here. Accept that this is a path of growth for you, and no matter how it turns out, if you were all honest and worked diligently at solutions, the right thing will happen at the right time for all of you. I wish you the best. You're on the right track here, and so are they... just take the steps to the next level and make this a communication and growth process between the three of you and see what happens. Lady Zephyr

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: am I cut out for this? (12/2/2005 8:18:55 AM)
I agree with Bladewing. I also think it would behoove the dom to start bringing you into these planning conversations a lot earlier in the process. If he wantst o make everyone a family, that means a lot more than just physically arranging everyone in the same room.

SoulBelow -> RE: am I cut out for this? (12/2/2005 9:00:54 AM)
Thank you for your kind words LadiesBladewing. I know you are right and deep in my heart I know this could be a very beautiful thing because there were times admid the heartache when it was beautiful and it was comfortable and I felt so much love for these two people. They're all I could ever want really. I've spent a long time struggling to find somewhere I fit in, somewhere I feel like I belong. These 2 people accept me for who I am and tell me they love me despite the fact that I freaked out so many times whilst we were in the states. I'm taking it all as a learning curve and realise now that I wasn't wrong to act the way I did but that I was just adjusting to a totally new way of life, a way of life I'd had no experience in before. It scared me and still does sometimes but I can't shake the feeling that this is where I'm meant to be in life and that this is my destiny and it could make me really happy. I want to grow ever closer to master and his slave because I truly believe they're worth it. I just want to always feel like this and that there's no doubt in my mind but sometimes it gets the better of me and I want to understand why.

slavejali -> RE: am I cut out for this? (12/2/2005 11:38:31 AM)
i feel for you SoulBelow...i can only imagine the whirpool of emotions you have endured and are going through. Immigration can be a tricky thing. If immigration finds out your Master is living with another woman (you), while marrying this other girl from the US her partner visa would not be approved, during the process of application you have to detail total living arrangements, they want to know so much, they want affidavits from people who know whats going on in the home etc etc etc, they can call people in for interviews etc.......telling you this...cuz this girl from the US must know all this, imagine how scared she is about it..so she would be going through her own insecurities as well. Even just the fact of moving to totally another country is a big transition to make, leaving everything and everyone behind, everything you know etc. i wonder how well your Master has thought this out, i wonder how much research has been done? i wish you all the best SoulBelow, you are in for a very challenging time, in so many ways.

kyraofMists -> RE: am I cut out for this? (12/2/2005 4:30:48 PM)
I have asked myself that same question hundreds of times. Poly isn’t easy and will bring out many insecurities and irrational beliefs. I am in an open long distance poly relationship. My Lord and sis live in Canada and I in the US, and I am currently going through the immigration process to move to Canada. My Lord and sis are also intimate with others outside of the house. I have found that for me the insecurities and fears did not arise because of the poly relationship but because of the relationships outside the house. As I have stated in a recent post, respect for the other relationships is key to making this relationship work for us. I am slowly working through my fears and redefining the beliefs that lead to the insecurities. It is not an easy process and does not happen over night. I also agree with jali that immigration is not easy. I am going to immigrate to Canada on my own merit; this gives me some level of security that I will not be just kicked out of the country if the relationship with my Lord ends. It is also very terrifying to know that I will be leaving everything that I have known in my life to move there. It is a step I am willing to take and that I believe is worth it, but there are considerable fears and concerns that go along with it. I would recommend that you talk to your Master and the other slave and gain their perspective and an appreciation for the challenges that they are also facing. It will take the work of all of you to make this relationship fulfilling and happy. It isn’t an easy path but one that can be very rewarding. In the end, you are the only one who can determine if you are in the right relationship Knight's kyra

firefey -> RE: am I cut out for this? (12/2/2005 8:29:22 PM)
honestly, i think you have more or less answered your own question about this situation being right for you or not. you said you felt loved, by both parties, and not left out. and chances are that you will continue to feel that way if that is how they truly think and feel. why do you feel jelousy? you may as well ask yourself why you feel any other semi rational emotion. the end result is the same. you just do. the question should be, what are you going to do about it? because ignoring it will not help. let me repeat that, because it's important: ignoring it will not help. you are well within your rights as a human being to feel insecure, the stem of most jelousy. but what you do with those insecurities is the issue, not that you have them. think long, think hard, think about your past relationships and all the times you felt jelousy. i'll wager there are some commonalities. and i'll wager that somewhere someone made you feel disposable, and it hurt you deeply. the thing to remember, the thing to understand and work through, is that you are not a disposable entity. these are things your master should be able to talk through with you and help you develope new coping skills. and if not him, a mental health person. above all, think about how much effort it takes every day to make your relationship with your master work. now, think about all the effort it takes to maintain a very close friendship. combine the two and be prepaired to put at least that much effort into your relationship with your master and his slave (who might one day be called your sister). luck and love

MasterRobert1 -> RE: am I cut out for this? (12/6/2005 2:01:41 PM)
This is something you need to lay out honestly in front of your Master. Tell him. Explain it. Not just your fears (which are normal and valid), but your growth, your growing comfort with the ideas inherent in ploy. Be honest with him. You can overcome these feelings, but not by yourself. Master and the other slave will be part of your overcoming. But he has to be aware 9and make her aware) of what you're feeling. Both negative and positive. I think you give him the information he needs, and then you let him do what he feels needs to be done. If you really trust this man, then trust him to do the right thing. With your help.

fyreredsub -> RE: am I cut out for this? (12/7/2005 6:34:28 AM)
wow, you have alot to deal with,journal your feelings to explore them ,that way you are better able to discuss with your Master. i am blessed to be in a wonderful relationship w/ Master and sister(she is a TRUE sister) we are as friends first and for most, with the trust seemingly being as natural as breathing for us(which is odd, considering what life experiences we have had in our pasts).Master gets to smile....w/ our growth to each other...it is not uncomfortable being part of what is now a triad occurring in our lives.... now if i could just get my Sir, to speak w/ Master(they both are aware the other exists) all would be well for me ...as i do not wish one to not know the other or worry about motives/training/wahtever or my best interests for both are a part of my life.........however time will work it out, i am hoping for the best. good luck w/ your feelings..........hopes it all works out

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