Mixing Vanilla and D/s (Full Version)

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kiaya -> Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 10:52:52 AM)

Am i mixing vanilla feelings / relationships with D/s when i think that i am not good enough for my Master because He needs to train me as oppsoed to me being enough for Him to begin with? i know that Masters need to train their subs, because it is necessary to lean what He wants of me, but i still fell horrible when He says that i need to be trained. Does any other sub and / or slave feel the same? i would appreciate any input.

Thank You,

kiaya



nephandi -> RE: Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 11:03:05 AM)

i think it is quite commen that women, and quite a few men to feel this way, vanilla, bdsm or anything else that we are not good enough for our partners, parents and other loved ones, it is quite common and somthing you should in my opinion work to overcome, for if he had not found you good enough he would not have taken you in. Hum...look who is talking, i am the princess of low self esteem, but it is true what i say nontheless, you are a butiful, valeuble, wonderful person and your Dom is whit you become he like you, remember there is more subs than Dom`s out there, you were chosen from the masses, feel priviliged and proud, for you should be. That you need training is nothing to be ashamed of, we all do, most of us need trained, to learn, to evolve the whole of our lives. Good luck.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 11:09:36 AM)

You are right, it is an interesting balance.

Just for a tip- a lot of doms WILL take advantage of a novice by guilting and playing on their insecurities to get them to do what they want, even if they know it's not right for the sub in question.

You avoid that by going slow and being sure of things before committing to obedience.

It's very hard to hear "You're not good at this, this is what you need to do" and yet that is a very real part of training and growing in submission.

Something helpful to remember is that if they want a serious relationship with you, it means they want YOU, as you are now. Yes they want to improve upon you, but that just takes time and dedication.



Littlepita -> RE: Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 12:21:44 PM)

I have spent almost 40 years being vanilla and I need training. Fortunately, I have a Dom that believes in me and accepts me as I am now with the knowledge he can make me what he needs through love and discipline.

Last night he told me that I have come far in my training and then found it funny that I hadn’t realized he had been training me. I asked him if I’m suppose to realize it and he said he didn’t care.

Like LadyAlbatross said, if he is wanting to train you that means he already sees in you what he is wanting.

Even in the vanilla world we should never stop growing and learning to be the best we can be. That is no different for me now that I’m my Sir’s submissive. I will become, with his guidance the best sub he can ever imagine owning.




sub4hire -> RE: Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 12:44:36 PM)

quote:

Am i mixing vanilla feelings / relationships with D/s when i think that i am not good enough for my Master because He needs to train me as oppsoed to me being enough for Him to begin with? i know that Masters need to train their subs, because it is necessary to lean what He wants of me, but i still fell horrible when He says that i need to be trained. Does any other sub and / or slave feel the same? i would appreciate any input.


For year's I've been part of support groups. Every one feels the same way. Well not everyone but as someone said it is quite common. It is, there are support groups out there.
If I were out searching for a new dom today, even though I spent ten year's with a prior dom my current dom had to train me. If I found a new one I'd need to be trained again.
Bottom line is people are different and everyone wants someone different. To assume these duties as opposed to these.
I once met a dom who wanted full control. My dom has that...but not down to minute details. The one I was talking to wanted toilet paper put in the garage on a specific shelf. Didn't matter what kind you purchased as long as it was something like 1000 sheets and double sided. You had x amount in the garage on hand at all given times.

That was a wee bit much for me because it didn't end with toilet paper. It was all food in the home.
Anyway, we are all in the same boat as you are currently in when starting a new relationship. You're just being too hard on yourself. Lighten up and things will come together.




wipmebeetme100 -> RE: Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 1:45:13 PM)

quote:

The one I was talking to wanted toilet paper put in the garage on a specific shelf. Didn't matter what kind you purchased as long as it was something like 1000 sheets and double sided. You had x amount in the garage on hand at all given times.



What??? You mean everybody doesn't do this???

smiles,
cathy



lonewolf05 -> RE: Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 1:52:19 PM)

let me say this much. although i am male-------i am still on the s side of the D/s.
AND
She is still struggling with my alpha macho vanilla male side.

i am a domestics house slave,......un attached........un involved........so i STILL live and feel vanilla. no sex--------no romance. and very little s/m.

so it is highly difficult to shut-off myself. i AM vanilla in my head and heart.
i am NOT one of the run of the mill subby boys crawling around.
i AM dominant being i have run the streets all my life, and i do not adhere to the-norms of this lifestyle.

so your Q on training??

She has Her hands full.

wolf



slavejali -> RE: Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 2:04:07 PM)

Ive had two Master/slave relationships. a lot of my "training" now has been "undoing" the training i received in the last one, im not saying i was trained incorrectly last time, what this amounts to basically, is learning my current Masters style...there are no hard and fast rules as to "this is the way to be a slave" or a slave "must at all times do this" across the board for all slaves...a good slave learns her Master - we have been together 2 years now....and im still in training..as time has deepened our relationship..new areas of training have come into play. As others have said, life is a process of learning and growing...there is no need to feel horrible, its a beautiful thing.



sub4hire -> RE: Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 2:26:49 PM)

quote:

What??? You mean everybody doesn't do this???


Hehe, thankfully for me and millions of others out there everyone doesn't.



AlderTheKitty -> RE: Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 3:52:54 PM)

personal i see it as a honor for a domme to want to train me because wanting to commit to improving me



girl4you2 -> RE: Mixing Vanilla and D/s (11/14/2005 4:05:25 PM)

each Dominant/Master has their own way, and so to train is to teach and guide so that you may learn their way. it is not a bad thing, it is a good one, that you've been selected to benefit from that training to learn the way of that relationship. i wish you well with it (and sorry for the oops on the other board; i got flustured and did it on the wrong one).



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