RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors

Join Our Community

As the Collar Turns:

Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home Login Event Calendars Search

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 7:43:08 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

While you may have been trying to be funny, reading something like this can actually be very hard on those whose household -does- use symbols like this -- in particular for the submissive individuals, who realize that the commitment they made is basically publically scoffed at in the community. Just because you don't do it in -your- house doesn't automatically diminish the significance in other peoples' houses, and hearing such disrespect for the dedication and service that they are undertaking in a household that -does- do things this way might well be very painful and anxiety provoking. In particular, the comment about

quote:

Quoting Taggard:

And "Training Collars" which mean that while I want you to do my dishes and mop my floors, don't unpack your bags.

Just because -you- treat someone in a training collar this way, does -not- mean that this is what a training collar MEANS... and implying that this it the universal meaning of a training collar might do some serious hurt to someone who is truly dedicated and -trying- to do the best job they can, to be a worthy balance to the dedication being put into training them.

In another thread, I discussed why we use the training system that we have in place, and it -does- include different levels of collars. Striving for the next level of achievement and training, to my mind, is -not- a bad thing. It seems to me that, in recent years, people (not just lifestyle people, but people in all walks of life) have developed an "anyone who plays should get a prize, no matter how minimal their contribution" attitude, and that -definitely- isn't the attitude that we foster.

Yes, different households do things different ways, but it is rude beyond comprehension to publically diminish another person's practices and belittle the participants just because you don't see things the same way.

Oh.. and in the event that it matters... we keep NO online servants, and up until the servant that we are training now, all of our servants have lived with us full-time, so gradient collars are -not- just an online phenomenon with no practical foundation.

Quite peeved...and on such a pleasant morning!

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 7:49:36 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Boy You're not kidding. i used to spend alot of time in the Lobby, CM's official chat room. (For some reason, i cannot reach the chat rooms here anymore; support is working on it.) i was taken aback when a Man collared a woman He had never met; and people were expected to take this to heart. Most especially, other Men were not supposed to PM the woman. Lots of disputes broke out over that idea. Then, after a time, a Man would enter with a completely new submissive or slave He had "collared" inasmuch as He had "released" the first woman. We were supposed to provide emotional support for the woman who was released, and congratulate the new couple.

i guess some people just need a hobby.

candystriper

Some people need a hobby, some need to escape from reality...... its no big deal as long as the same kind of people with same expectations meet together. However there might be a bit of a problem when someone starts to actually take for granted that virtual world is going to match their reality since they met wonderful DomlyDom/sublysub online.
But none has died from broken heart yet........

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to candystripper)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 8:21:02 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1199
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing
While you may have been trying to be funny

No, try not. Do or do not. There is no try.

quote:

, reading something like this can actually be very hard on those whose household -does- use symbols like this -- in particular for the submissive individuals, who realize that the commitment they made is basically publically scoffed at in the community.

Welcome to the lifestyle. If you, or your subs, can't take public scoffing, you'd best be finding some other hobby.

The BDSM community, online and off, is one of the most judgmental, back-biting, cliquish, and closed minded goups I have ever come across.

Have a sense of humor, in particular about yourself, and it still can be one great bunch of folks.

quote:

Just because you don't do it in -your- house doesn't automatically diminish the significance in other peoples' houses, and hearing such disrespect for the dedication and service that they are undertaking in a household that -does- do things this way might well be very painful and anxiety provoking.

You have no right not be be offended.

quote:

In particular, the comment about

quote:

Quoting Taggard:

And "Training Collars" which mean that while I want you to do my dishes and mop my floors, don't unpack your bags.

Just because -you- treat someone in a training collar this way, does -not- mean that this is what a training collar MEANS... and implying that this it the universal meaning of a training collar might do some serious hurt to someone who is truly dedicated and -trying- to do the best job they can, to be a worthy balance to the dedication being put into training them.

You don't know me. You don't get the joke. It's ok...

quote:

Quite peeved...and on such a pleasant morning!

You might want to ask yourself why you were so moved by what I wrote. I find that it is the barbs with the most truth in them that really hurt.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.
http://bdsm.taggard.net

http://www.VerifiedBDSM.com/vsn?00000001

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 8:35:33 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

You might want to ask yourself why you were so moved by what I wrote. I find that it is the barbs with the most truth in them that really hurt.

Taggard

I was moved by what you wrote because I've been involved in the "cleanup" for the servant who comes in tears, thinking that becase she was put into a training collar, it meant that the owners of the House didn't really -want- her, because someone who thinks highly of themselves -told- her that a training collar is "crap" and that she was stupid for accepting it because they were destined to ditch her when they'd finished playing with her. (As a point of reference, this same individual is -still- with that same household, half a decade later).

If I had my choice, I'd never want to have to deal with that level of pain and dismay in someone who is basically a good person and trying HARD to thrive at the choices they've made, and, frankly, I find myself annoyed with people who mock others choices, trying to make themselves feel big, tough, and smart by belittling others and calling it humor. Sucks to be me.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 8:49:43 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1199
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing
I was moved by what you wrote because I've been involved in the "cleanup" for the servant who comes in tears, thinking that becase she was put into a training collar, it meant that the owners of the House didn't really -want- her, because someone who thinks highly of themselves -told- her that a training collar is "crap" and that she was stupid for accepting it because they were destined to ditch her when they'd finished playing with her. (As a point of reference, this same individual is -still- with that same household, half a decade later).

So it is your opinion that the "problem" in the above situation is that someone had an point of view that was different from the sub, and that person published said opinion? The sub should never have been subjected to views that differed from her own, or the people whom she was being trained by?

Don't you see the problem with that way of thinking?

If a child comes home crying about learning that there is no Santa Claus, wouldn't it be better to use that pain as a growth opportunity rather than an opportunity to find and beat up the person who told them?

If the sub above was so weak minded that she was sent into tears by a post from someone who knew nothing of her situation, speaking in generalities, then it was probably good for her trainers to discover it. I know I would want to know if I was training someone who could possibly react that way.

quote:

If I had my choice, I'd never want to have to deal with that level of pain and dismay in someone who is basically a good person and trying HARD to thrive at the choices they've made, and, frankly, I find myself annoyed with people who mock others choices, trying to make themselves feel big, tough, and smart by belittling others and calling it humor. Sucks to be me.

Life is pain. The good thing is, if you are smart, you only need to experience certain types of pain once. I am sure that the trainers in the above situation did a wonderful job in teaching the sub that her own opinion is more valuable than those of others, and she never again burst into tears over the random postings of strangers.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.
http://bdsm.taggard.net

http://www.VerifiedBDSM.com/vsn?00000001

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 9:05:01 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

So it is your opinion that the "problem" in the above situation is that someone had an point of view that was different from the sub, and that person published said opinion? The sub should never have been subjected to views that differed from her own, or the people whom she was being trained by?

Actually, no.. my opinion of the problem -isn't- that a different opinion was expressed, or that different styles of practice are out there. My opinion of the problem is that the -problem- is when people humiliate, degrade and belittle the way other people live for fun, and then expect someone else to clean up any messes created and not get annoyed about it.

I often share different styles of practice in varying forums, and I do so without disrespecting someone -else's- way of doing things. We encourage our servants to look and see what other ways of doing things are out there, because the only way they are going to know whether what -we- offer is the right thing for them is to know what the other choices -are-.

My -issue- isn't with variety, differences, opinions, and ideas. My -issue- is with people who insist that there is nothing wrong with -presenting- those ideas in ways that intentionally belittle the way others do things.

I may not agree with the way that you do things at your house, and I may very well take some time and present an alternative picture of what a similar situation might look like in OUR house...but I would -never- post publically or announce in a group gathering that anyone who considered taking a collar with someone who did things like you do in your house would be stupid or lame for taking your collar because all people who do things that way are insensitive boobs/posers/lame-os who would just use them up and spit them out. Nor would I make up belittling names for your training tools or disciplinary styles. See the difference?

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 9:28:10 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1199
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing
Actually, no.. my opinion of the problem -isn't- that a different opinion was expressed, or that different styles of practice are out there. My opinion of the problem is that the -problem- is when people humiliate, degrade and belittle the way other people live for fun, and then expect someone else to clean up any messes created and not get annoyed about it.

Ahhh...so the problem isn't people pointing out that your ways are only practiced by a teeny-tiny minority of the BDSM community. The problem is when people point it out in a humorous way. I get it.

I have said nothing belittling. If you feel little, you might want to get out a tape measure.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.
http://bdsm.taggard.net

http://www.VerifiedBDSM.com/vsn?00000001

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 9:32:34 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 1231
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

i'll have to keep these in mind,sir and i were discussing them this morning.something that will be elegant enough for black tie yet not too........elegant for the vanilla workplace....it has to go w/ business casual.we just want something that basically signifies our bond.
i like idea of the body jewlery that he had brought to my attn. also.

quote:

ORIGINAL: girl4you2

some of these websites had similar things:

http://www.elegantpicks.com/advanced_search.php
http://www.angelfire.com/tn2/gangstagold/slave_bracelets_rings_jewelry_2.html
http://www.elegantpicks.com/
http://secure.bidz.com/main/default.asp?promoid=miva30&url=http://ht.bidz.com
http://www.tiffany.com/international.asp

the elegantpicks one has some tiffany on it at *really discounted prices*. you can also search ebay for tiffany or any other type/brand of jewelry and find some deals. hope this helps. be well.

_____________________________

The glory of a slave girl is that she is a slave: and the misery of a slave girl is that she is a slave.
"Beasts of Gor" page 56

(in reply to girl4you2)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 9:39:58 AM

redheadedfire4u

Posts: 104
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline

TallDarkAndWitty, You certainly live up to Your nick lol .......
OMFG ROFLMFAO my god where on earth did You come up with that .... its taken at least 5 mins to stop the tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks ... that was sooooo good

but seriously I find some sense of security in protocol and formality, I don't know about color coding colars (I always thought that was something people do with towels and tiles in bath rooms but hey could be wrong) and do not support the over kill of anal retentive behavior that puts ritual and pomp above the true meaning of what is about to happen ... but I like the connection of a consideration collar that gives a fledgling relationship a simple form of comittment, a symbol to each that there is something that needs to be explored, an acceptance that there is a possible future in what has been started. It offers a formal security that both are serious in their exploration of each other, and should suggest that both are ready to accept the responsibilities ahead should all work out as it should.

You get engaged before you get married, I see the consideration collar in the same light as a stepping stone to a lasting commitment of being owned. just my views take em or leave em ..... but hell I can not wait to show this post to Sir ... He will die laughing at the collar of cornflakes lol

< Message edited by redheadedfire4u -- 11/12/2005 9:42:49 AM >

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 12:32:13 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 495
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Boy You're not kidding. i used to spend alot of time in the Lobby, CM's official chat room. (For some reason, i cannot reach the chat rooms here anymore; support is working on it.) i was taken aback when a Man collared a woman He had never met; and people were expected to take this to heart. Most especially, other Men were not supposed to PM the woman. Lots of disputes broke out over that idea. Then, after a time, a Man would enter with a completely new submissive or slave He had "collared" inasmuch as He had "released" the first woman. We were supposed to provide emotional support for the woman who was released, and congratulate the new couple.

i guess some people just need a hobby.

Ah yes I refer to this as the collar trot. Isn't my new name (collar) so pretty. Master Domly Dom is just the greatest. Next week the name is changed back & he's a dirty lying bastard.

(in reply to candystripper)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 12:53:11 PM

nephandi

Posts: 872
Joined: 9/23/2005
Status: offline

Well perhaps those chatroom games is their hobby.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/12/2005 1:33:27 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

The BDSM community, online and off, is one of the most judgmental, back-biting, cliquish, and closed minded goups I have ever come across.

Unfortunately there is a lot of truth to this. From people who continually say that being open and accepting is what the lifestyle is all about. I laugh.

(in reply to nephandi)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/14/2005 12:39:58 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 161
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Strange headspace I must have..... I absolutely found the humor in Taggard's collar varieties, and have seen the truth of his "online collars" comment. Loved it! But then again, my own sense of humor runs to the sarcastic side.

But I also understand LadiesBladewing's point as well. When dealing with others, tact and diplomacy go a long way. Deliberately belittling someone's lifestyle choices can create grief or pain.

In this case, though M'lady, methinks thou doth protest overmuch. Taggard's comments were clearly (at least as I interpreted them) directed toward and about the _online_ practices of the "velcro collar" set and the HNG sector of the BDSM community. They were not directed towards those folks who, in their homes and lives seriously practice using differing levels (or depths) of commitment through the various types of collars. If you _choose_ to take offense (and it is a choice) then so be it. I myself use the Consideration, Training, and Ownership levels of collaring, my girl janey is currently in her Training collar, and I found no offense in his post. Please try re-reading Taggard's post and think about the obnoxious OL and realtime bozos who use a collar as an excuse to get (and give up) the nookie (there are plenty of subs who will demand the collar before putting out, then tell DomlyDom they were sorry in the sack and to hit the road), and perhaps you will see the truth, and humor, in the post.

Then again, my janey knows absolutely that I am going nowhere without her at my side. We've been together over two years and she's known me for about 5, so she has no doubts about my character. Others impune my character and intentions toward her at their own peril! *grins* She's more protective of my reputation than I am!

As always, use whatever works for you and yours, discard the rest of what I write. My solutions are not guaranteed to work for anyone, including me! *grin*

YIK,
- Geoff
I'm no expert, I'm just a consumer with a lot of frequent user points!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: RFI: Of Collars and Colors - 11/14/2005 1:14:47 PM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 392
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
Then there are "Mentoring Collars", which mean that a slave is new enough to fuck once or twice, but not good enough to own. And "Training Collars" which mean that while I want you to do my dishes and mop my floors, don't unpack your bags.
Taggard

LOL...I liked that part.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Profile

Post #: 54