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Aton -> RE: Poly and the secrets from extended family (12/8/2005 10:24:44 PM)
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Oh I just have to ask the hard questions of life... :)
What would be possible for you in your relationship with your family if you were to express yourself rather than presenting a fasade? The person they know you to be, or at least who you think they know you to be, is not who you are. That is an unexpressed lie. Now I'm not saying to rub thier noses in it, but it could be brought up calmly and polietly in a way that say, "Mom and Dad I have people in my life that I love and I want to share them with you." Or how ever you would phrase it.
Through direct communication you will give them a chance to tell you what they think about you and your choises in life. This is a much different place to be in then what you are making up about how they might react. You don't really know until you have that conversation how they will be about this. Parents are full of suprises. And sometimes love trumps a choice they don't approve of. Love can be very accepting.
Above all your parents love you and you love them. Or you wouldn't be worried about their reaction and that is how parents are wired. So use that love to empower your relationship with them. Once the line of open and honest communication is present who knows what you'll find out about your parrents, what you mean for them in their lives, and how much you all really want each other to be happy.
There are many possibilities - create one that gives you power and go forward in life.
Living in fear of them knowing is killing your honesty with them and makes you a smaller person as you try to keep a secret in tact. You fear messing up someday. That secret will hurt them, and there is still the subject of the secret which will hurt them. I'd rather just have the subject rather than the double wammy.
Aton
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