Scene setup- Q on safe word

Join Our Community

As the Collar Turns:

Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home Login Event Calendars Search

Espanol

Deutsch

Francais

Italiano

Portugues

Scene setup- Q on safe word

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Scene setup- Q on safe word

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 5:49:13 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 292
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?

_____________________________

i accept everything about myself. no apologies, no regrets

Walk in Peace
Swt

Post #: 1

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 5:52:12 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 311
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?

I'll just say from *my* perspective.

If I fucked up like that, I'd take ANYTHING to get back in his good graces, screw "safewording."

C~

_____________________________

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style"

- Despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 2

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 5:56:44 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 1231
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

no b/c that isnt a script , it isnt a scene-someone got hurt(emotionally,mentally....)
the sub screwed up r/t, and is getting punishment, however, the DOm/me in question shoul;d not be punishing while angry.

_____________________________

The glory of a slave girl is that she is a slave: and the misery of a slave girl is that she is a slave.
"Beasts of Gor" page 56

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 3

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 8:29:20 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

There are lots of good threads on safewords to check out if you do a search for them.

If you use a safeword to mean "this is too much, I don't think I can take this anymore" then it makes sense to use it whenever appropriate.

If you use a safeword to mean "somethings wrong, emergency, stop now" then you use it when appropriate.

In any case, in THIS situation, I don't really care of the person uses a safword or just walks out of the house. A "safeword" is just a way to communicate, it's not some holy high symbol that protects all from harm. The woman obviously doesn't want to be monogamous, or is expressing some frustration in her primary relationship through having an affair. The man is understandable angry about it, but throwing things is never appropriate unless you're at a sports event on the field.

To me this situation has nothing to do with honoring a safeword and everything to do with just being communicating responsible adults.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 4

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 9:01:11 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling
A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?

Crossed the line.....
Knowingly and meaningly...
So any situation is worth a safeword........

So, you murder someone and the dom calls the cops......

NO NO NO RED !!!!!!!!!!!

I suppose if the sub said " you know honey, tonight I am going out, have a couple drinks fuck somebody, feel guilty and tell you about it....."
the dom says" Okey Dokey, see you tonight, love....."
Then you got a safeword coming.
Otherwise you are lucky to escape with your life, read the papers......many have not!

Ron

_____________________________

"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 5

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 9:09:44 AM

wolfinside

Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

I believe safe words should always be honored. But I guess I have only considered them being used in the right context.

In the context of something being done to the sub.

In this case, I don't think the safe word would be in the right context.

The dom in this example hadn't laid a hand (or anything else on her) so why should a safe word come up? And it isn't even a bdsm thing in the first place, it is a man being upset about his lover cheating on him.

I never even considered that a safe word could be used improperly, thanks for teaching me something.

What's next, ......... she uses a safe word if her steak isn't cooked to her liking?

Wolf

P.S. Using the safe word in that situation might be justified if on her checklist she stated that her dom having a tantrum is a limit. (and he agreed that he would never cross that line)

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 6

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 10:48:29 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 292
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I know about safewords I do not need to search any thread on them. This was merely a made up senerio to see what kind of responses there would be.
And how others veiw them.

_____________________________

i accept everything about myself. no apologies, no regrets

Walk in Peace
Swt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 11:10:01 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 337
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I don't think safewords apply at all. Like it's been said, this is r/t and the sub messed up big time. The Dom has every right to be furious. They need to talk and probably re-evaluate the relationship before punishment is given and forgiveness gained.

_____________________________

~There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength to yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked. By Yalda Tovah

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 8

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 11:53:30 AM

darkangel

Posts: 2339
Status: offline

In an argument, should a safe word apply?
Good question. Personally, I would say no.
In the scenario you mentioned, i would say the sub crossed a line that you can't come back from. I would be very surprised to see any Dominant put up with that. That sub would lose a collar, and a dominant without hesitation, whether she/he admitted to the transgression or not. Forgiveness? Yes - but also a realisation that the Dominant has no control over this person whatsoever.

Peace and Love

< Message edited by dark~angel -- 10/29/2005 11:54:05 AM >

_____________________________

Blessings

~Angel~

a belle fille violente
Do not scorn, or frown because I walk a different path to you...

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 9

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 12:11:04 PM

wolfinside

Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

I agree, this wouldn't be about me punishing her, this crosses the line in the relationship arena no matter if it is D/s or not.

It would get her the "boot" out of my life, not a punishment etc. (and in fact a former sub got just that from me for doing this sort of thing)

It was not fun bdsm play, it was extremely hurtful and devestating to be cheated on.

Wolf

(in reply to darkangel)

Post #: 10

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 12:14:16 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 851
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?

Safewords?

I think they left the Ds dynamic the moment the sub choice to stop obeying. Now its just like any other relationship -- messy and its gonna hurt on multiple levels (hurt both of them).

Wow, you know the sex without my permission thing is the one sure fire way to find the door opened and the words "Out of my house" spoken in 100% seriousness. Throwing stuffy, screaming, yelling, I think I'd just be numb and do the above.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 11

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 12:37:45 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 361
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?

I think asking if the safe word should be "honored" is a particularly ironic word, under the presented circumstances. I don't think the Dominant would be acting particularly dominant under the circumstances presented, but we are only human. And personally, I can see yelling, throwing stuff (though not at the submissive), and pushing stuff over as a not unexpected response to the situation. If the submissive was getting scared because of the Dominant's response, safewording would be worth a shot, I suppose, but if it didn't work, it also appears the door to leave was still available.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

"Myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths." - Joseph Campbell

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 12

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 1:25:39 PM

orfunboi

Posts: 229
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

It doesn't sound like a scene and from her actions, the sub doesn't understand honor anyway.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 13

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 4:31:10 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 292
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Forgive my mixup on words. I should of been more careful and not titled this Scene Setup. it was meant more as "What if"

_____________________________

i accept everything about myself. no apologies, no regrets

Walk in Peace
Swt

(in reply to orfunboi)

Post #: 14

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 5:25:57 PM

WickedKev

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

Safeword honoured.......no not in this scenario, it has nothing to do with BDSM. I personnaly would have behaved differantly, but probably because I would have been more mad about the fact she didn't call me and ask permission rather than the fact she did a sexual act on another man. I would first find out if she wanted out. If she wanted to stay then I would uncollar her and if she thought she had to work to get the collar the first time she hadn't seen anything yet.

< Message edited by WickedKev -- 10/29/2005 5:27:16 PM >

_____________________________

Those who can make you believe absurdities
can make you commit atrocities.
—Voltaire

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong
—Voltaire

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 15

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/29/2005 8:47:17 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 633
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

A sub has crossed the line - choose to be with another without getting her Dom/mes permission. She goes out after work with the girls to have a drink or two, meets a man there, they go out to his car, kiss...pet..and engage in oral sex... She goes home feeling guitly and tells her Dom/me what she has done. The Dom/me gets very angry, hurt, yelling, throws a few things, push's over stuff.
Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?

In my opinion, this isn't a safeword situation. It's not even a Dom/sub situation. It's one human being deliberately betraying another and then being shocked that that other is hurt and angry over the betrayal.

If it were my sub, the relationship would be over. Screw the safeword AND the tantrum. Out the freakin' door.

_____________________________

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 16

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/30/2005 12:31:57 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

If it were my sub, the relationship would be over. Screw the safeword AND the tantrum. Out the freakin' door.

Exactly what I feel too. And it goes for any kind of cheating. In the moment I find out someone is cheating on me, the relationship is over, and no safeword can stop me in dismissing someone. Without any tantrums, never do that.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 17

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/30/2005 6:58:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia
Exactly what I feel too. And it goes for any kind of cheating. In the moment I find out someone is cheating on me, the relationship is over, and no safeword can stop me in dismissing someone. Without any tantrums, never do that.

I got the impression that the safeword was to end the anger/throwing situation?

How would someone use a safeword to make cheating ok?

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 18

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/30/2005 7:04:42 AM

krikket

Posts: 380
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Question: If the sub "safes" in the middle of this tantrum, should the safe word be honored?

Just my opinion, here, but..why should the safe word be "honored" when the relationship had not?

jk

_____________________________

We could learn a lot from crayons: Some are sharp, some pretty, some dull, or have weird names, and all are different colors, but all have to learn to live in the same box.

Cor ad cor loquitur (Heart speaks to heart)

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 19

RE: Scene setup- Q on safe word - 10/30/2005 7:05:35 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I got the impression that the safeword was to end the anger/throwing situation?

Was it? But in that case one could use the safeword to stop almost anything that is hard to handle, from having justified anger situation to being rejected and even from having relationship ended.
To me it just sounds ridicolous. If someone messes up punishment should be beared, not safeworded.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Scene setup- Q on safe word

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition

Terms of Service

0.078