Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (Full Version)

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plantlady64 -> Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/21/2005 11:15:44 AM)

Hello All,
I've noticed even though my Master not only permits, but encourages me to play with multiple partners that people treat me like I'm not available overall.
Just FYI, I want to train under several Masters to get a better sense of what BDSM means to me on my own two feet & glean knowledge of alternating styles as I’m relatively new to BDSM all together.
From what two of my good friends that are attracted, but won't go there say they think it's because being owned means my Master has veto power.
I just don't get how they are willing to have 10 or 11 ladies to play with while they search for their one, but don't want to play with someone who does not want to be committed to them. It's not so much they seek monogamy, but it seems if they don't feel like they have full control then it's not worth it to them.
I would think to have a friend that had no ulterior motives would be a wonderful thing not a hindrance.
Do you think being in a committed relationship blackballs you from having play dates with new suitors?
Sincerely,
sub suzanne



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/21/2005 11:33:47 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64
Do you think being in a committed relationship blackballs you from having play dates with new suitors?

It can make it more difficult.

Lots of subs and doms both like the "possessive" thing- she's my toy, no one else gets her. And IF someone else gets her, it's got lots of rules, with the top watching like a hawk. For them it's a reassurance of security and togetherness.

Also, they might not want to get into a more "complicated" situation. Despite my being up front and extremely clear, it takes at least a few dates for most of my suitors to really GET that they don't have to worry about breaking a rule with me or stepping over the line. They have to wait for the shoe to drop and make sure that no one's going to bonk them over the head for doing something wrong with someone else's property. So avoiding that situation seems a reasonable justification for not getting into one.

It is indeed a unique situation where the slave is encouraged to enjoy activities from sources other than their master...but it's certainly one I have taken full advantage of.




MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/21/2005 2:33:07 PM)

Hello plant,

I think you answered your own question. These Dominants want to be able to pick and choose the one that they collar. They don't want you to take away the element of possibly being collared. Whats the fun in that. There's also the fact that if they hurt you (and accidents do happen) that they have someone who will hold them accountable for their actions. Being the Dominant, I do that all on my own, I don't need someone else to hold me accountable.

Yes, it does blackball you in a way. The reason I have a submissive or a slave is so that she can tend to my wants and needs on my timetable. If you're already collared to another then you take that away. My needs no longer come first, at best they become second. The only way this works out diiferently is if the second Dominant were to move in with the primary and you.


What emerald said makes alot of sense as well.



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/21/2005 6:40:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

Hello All,
I've noticed even though my Master not only permits, but encourages me to play with multiple partners that people treat me like I'm not available overall.
Just FYI, I want to train under several Masters to get a better sense of what BDSM means to me on my own two feet & glean knowledge of alternating styles as I’m relatively new to BDSM all together.
From what two of my good friends that are attracted, but won't go there say they think it's because being owned means my Master has veto power.
I just don't get how they are willing to have 10 or 11 ladies to play with while they search for their one, but don't want to play with someone who does not want to be committed to them. It's not so much they seek monogamy, but it seems if they don't feel like they have full control then it's not worth it to them.
I would think to have a friend that had no ulterior motives would be a wonderful thing not a hindrance.
Do you think being in a committed relationship blackballs you from having play dates with new suitors?
Sincerely,
sub suzanne



I think you've already seen the answer in the previous replies, but I'll give it my spin anyway. I think that being collared prevents you from being able to train with those who would not be suitable trainers for you. Those who won't touch another's property for fear of possible repercussion and those who are noly interested in working with their own property or someone who may become their property would likely not be able to give you the training you're looking for.
While we are seeking to add another to our poly-fidelitous household, I have no issues about working with others on a more limited basis. I occasionally top a good friend that lives too far away for anything permanent and isn't in a position to relocate. You may have difficulty finding the dominants who are willing to work with another's girl but we are out there. If you're ever in the Dayton area, look us up [;)]
Timothy



ChereeAmoor -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/24/2005 5:25:39 AM)

In my situation, we are poly-fidelitous. Nobody goes anywhere else for fun and games, and since that was agreed upon by all of us, so far there has been no problem. If it is perfectly clear that you are encouraged to gain experience with multiple partners, then I don't see why you should be turned down. Sounds like they have ego issues.



LadyTantalize -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/24/2005 9:06:53 AM)

quote:

If you're already collared to another then you take that away. My needs no longer come first, at best they become second.




This sums up My sentiments perfectly. Why be second fiddle to another? My needs are the priority in My household, then the needs of My poly-family. Play is PRECIOUS so why give it away to someone whose time and energy are dedicated to another? My slaves and subs want to be played and they deserve My time and attention. I seem to have oodles who want to "play" with Me, yet only a rare few who are capable of serving Me, slavery or collared submission - play seems to be so expected these days. And since My free time to play and scene is limited and so precious (i.e. let's be realistic, we all do have vanilla lives and responsibility that do get in the way!!) why use that valuable time to play with someone whose loyalty, obligation and priorities are to another?

Now if, as mentioned, it's a poly-household thing and there is a chain-of-command situation or if the slave is "on loan" and therefore in service and earning the play, then those are different situations.

OK, I admit I am a possessive bitch! I want My own toys and will play with those of another only rarely and only if the whim strikes. I believe that play with Me is very precious therefore must be earned via servitude or dedication!

So in My opinion, oft-times it's just not feasible for the Dominant.

Truly,

Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee Williams-




mruseyourlady -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/25/2005 10:13:52 AM)

I love playing with other's slave and subs--like to see if I can teach them something new or really get them off---but they Have To do It My WAY>>>>so if any of you wanna play in southern Illinois---e-mail me Mr. Jack



plantlady64 -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/25/2005 11:42:09 AM)

Hello All,
It seems the opinion is it's too much effort to train someone new if the sub has an owner. From what I read here if you can't consider the sub may be yours 100% then it's not interesting to most Masters.
I (as I said in my first post) see these same Masters playing with 8-10 women who are single, but have no desire to be considered in permanently owned relationships with them any more than I am. I guess the fact there's still potential in their mind since no Master has the veto rights.
I still think I can be a wonderful friend. I just thought a good friend with no strings attached could be good for both parties as you wouldn't have to worry theres an alternate motive to the friendship.

Thank you for all who replied.
I see I'm just going to have to keep the uphill battle going if I am indeed going to train under several Masters Styles. I think it's important to really understand myself as far as which approaches and styles work better for me.
Thanks,
sub suzanne



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/25/2005 5:03:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

Hello All,
Do you think being in a committed relationship blackballs you from having play dates with new suitors?


I don't necessarily think that being in a committed relationship blackballs a person, especially since one of our servants is in a committed relationship, and is working with us on a completely -different- area of her life...one that the indivdual she's married to doesn't have any background in. The catch, I think, is that we expect to talk to -everyone- involved, so for us, we'd need to talk to you -and- talk to your Master about expectations, what we are, what we do, and how that might interact with the existing relationship. If someone doesn't want their significant other (whether free or collared) to talk to us, warning bells go up for us, and we politely withdraw ourselves from the arrangement. Many of the poly households we know of share this philosophy -- everyone knows, and everyone plays a part in the process of shaping how the new relationship(s) will fit together. It may be that, because your Master isn't part of the process, some folks who would normally be amenable are reluctant.

Lady Zephyr




Soulhuntre -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/27/2005 2:13:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64
It's not so much they seek monogamy, but it seems if they don't feel like they have full control then it's not worth it to them.


I know for me it rarely is. WHile I do enjoy workign with the property of people in my close circle that is mostly for service tasks and almost never for "play".

The reasons are easy. Because most of my play involves breakign barriers, breaking limits and instilling a sense of longing and worship then it is not something I woudl liekt o do with the property of someone I respect. I certainly don;t mind doing it with the property of someone I don't have any allegience to - but in that case their ownership is irrelevant to me and I don't consider it limiting.

In short, I don't like having to play within someone elses rules.

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64
I would think to have a friend that had no ulterior motives would be a wonderful thing not a hindrance.


It depends on why you play, and how. Since I find almost nothing interesting about a physical top/bottoming scene when I am not digging deeply into someones head then it would be pointless for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64
Do you think being in a committed relationship blackballs you from having play dates with new suitors?


Nope. It is VERY, VERY common in the community for peopel to trade and share partners for basic physical play.



thetammyjo -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/27/2005 2:56:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

Hello All,
I've noticed even though my Master not only permits, but encourages me to play with multiple partners that people treat me like I'm not available overall.
Just FYI, I want to train under several Masters to get a better sense of what BDSM means to me on my own two feet & glean knowledge of alternating styles as I’m relatively new to BDSM all together.
From what two of my good friends that are attracted, but won't go there say they think it's because being owned means my Master has veto power.
I just don't get how they are willing to have 10 or 11 ladies to play with while they search for their one, but don't want to play with someone who does not want to be committed to them. It's not so much they seek monogamy, but it seems if they don't feel like they have full control then it's not worth it to them.
I would think to have a friend that had no ulterior motives would be a wonderful thing not a hindrance.
Do you think being in a committed relationship blackballs you from having play dates with new suitors?
Sincerely,
sub suzanne



Fox notes that he is in general ignored because he is my 24/7 slave but when I watch I note that others in Ms or owner-slave relationships themselves don't ignore him, they approach me first.

Are you approaching others to train you or is your master approaching them?

Perhaps if he approached them and asked if they'd be interested in training you they might be more receptive to the idea.

I've trained a couple of other mistress's slaves/submissives but I needed to hear from the owner/dominant exactly what was being offered and what was wanted. I also felt I needed to make it clear that I train my way, I'm not a trainer for hire whose going to train to someone else's standards or household rules.

Just an idea of how to find other people to train with.



wolfinside -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/27/2005 6:51:51 PM)


Not all dominants like to play the field. There are ones like me who consider themselves pretty much exclusivly D/s.

I am not interested in having more than one woman at a time. (even thought I do share my loves with other men sexually) Because when I am attracted to a woman and do the things I do with them, I tend to get emotionally attached and fall in love with them. Which is what I want.

So playing with lots of different women (that I am just more or less using) holds no real interest for me. Plus even if it did interest me, where I live there are almost no play partners I would be interested in. (Montana is a D/s wasteland)

Of course because of the way I am, I tend to spend long periods of celibacy between partners. (like right now)

It kind of sucks, but that's life. (shrug)


Wolf



phoenixMF -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/28/2005 11:46:06 PM)

sub suzanne,
I was just sitting here wondering... I bet if it was your Master setting up all of your play dates for you, as though he himself was arranging you expanding on your submissive training and education and all that... I bet you would find the other Masters are more receptive.

Maybe they are suspicious of a sub who is so confident of herself that she can be this proactive and efficient, etc. Or maybe their Domliness is threatened by this. Come on, suzanne, we know you're really a wolfess in sheep's clothing.... fess up....LOL



anopheles -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/29/2005 6:46:31 PM)

I think it is all about what you and your partner are looking for. To many, a particular "kink", for lack of a better word, farming their sub out to others is exciting. But for others, their Dominant is quite possessive of their charge and would never even consider it. It's one of those things that need to be worked out early in the relationship. If the two interested parties have very different views on whether the relationship should be exclusive, then no contracts or agreements to submit are going to prevent that from being a serious problem.


--Anopheles



Jacques1000 -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/31/2005 5:16:32 AM)

Hi all
I think the situation is largely idiosyncratic and dependents on the vagaries and verities of the personalities involved. I tend to look upon a sub's education in an analagous way to gaining a University degree. One Master might provide the specialist subject knowledge, whilst others might contribute knowledge, styles, oeuvres and techniques from other modalities.

To continue the metaphor, as a University lecturer, I consider that I have a wider obligation to students, not just to those undertaking dissertations or those in my particular areas of interest. For the student, there is a smorgasbord of knowledge that can be acquired from different sources. The extent, scope and nature of this is a matter of negotiation between the parties. To any student genuinely interested in learning more and developing their skills I will help where I can. I think exclusivity and rigid notions of owership are little anachronistic, but that is a personal opinion.

I hope that is useful, especially to plantlady64.

Master Jacques



JerryInTampa -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/31/2005 9:03:47 AM)

quote:

It's not so much they seek monogamy, but it seems if they don't feel like they have full control then it's not worth it to them.
That sounds like a good assessment of some. It's hard to feel like you are controlling someone that someone else has better control over.

Although I don't generally, I could see myself topping someone that was someone else's; but it would (does) feel rather different.

That said: No, it does not.



JerryInTampa -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/31/2005 9:04:42 AM)

quote:

In my situation, we are poly-fidelitous. Nobody goes anywhere else for fun and games, and since that was agreed upon by all of us, so far there has been no problem.
My personal preference as well... though rightnow we are shy one partner :)



DarkDreamers4u -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (10/31/2005 8:10:06 PM)

quote:

Perhaps if he approached them and asked if they'd be interested in training you they might be more receptive to the idea.

I've trained a couple of other mistress's slaves/submissives but I needed to hear from the owner/dominant exactly what was being offered and what was wanted. I also felt I needed to make it clear that I train my way, I'm not a trainer for hire whose going to train to someone else's standards or household rules.



TammyJo touches on the essence of this issue, your Master's involvement.

I as well have trained several subs for as service subs or personals for their Owners because they did not have the time or expereince to do so. And again I train the sub in my way but talored to the Owners specific needs. It is the Owner that always approaches me and they hand over the responsibility of training to me.

your Master has to get involved, if it is training that you want then let Him help you get proper training from Doms that He respects. As you are new to bdsm and may have a hard time judging between what is quality training and not.

I wonder however if it is training that you really want as in your closing you metnion play dates, suitors???. Play and training are two very different things, at least it is for me. Training involves a deeper responsability and commitment from the Master training and from the sub then simply play. Though it is sometimes possible to combine both. Personally I will not play with a sub who approches me if I know that she is collared to Another whether I respect her Dom or not. I would tell her to send her Dom to me and offer her to me for play if that is what He wishes as her wishes in this matter are irrelivant to me. Otherwise it is NO!

My friends will not play with j if she asks them, something she would never do with out my concent anyway. They know that if I want them to play with her I will ask them. However if j has a desire to play with another Dom she will ask me and if I judge them to be suitable I will make the initial approach and offer to lend her for play.

So in my humble opinion, No your being collared does not keep you from playing or training with other Doms, as long as the proper protocal is followed. suzanne your Master has to get directly involved in your training or play with others. Why isn't He getting involved in the first place that is waht I am wondering? If He doesn't, you may find yourself unknowingly playing with a Dom who has no respect for you or your Master and that may lead to a negative or even harmful experience. Respect and protocal are important in BDSM understand that and it will make your journey much easier.

Dreaming Darkly
Mister M.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (11/1/2005 5:54:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDreamers4u
Respect and protocal are important in BDSM understand that and it will make your journey much easier.
Dreaming Darkly
Mister M.

Respect is important in life in general and protocol is a unique and individual thing.

I understand that's your code of honor and how you do things, but it's not necessary to be the only way to do them.



KnightofMists -> RE: Does having a Master take you out of qualifying to play with others? (11/1/2005 11:55:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

Hello All,
I've noticed even though my Master not only permits, but encourages me to play with multiple partners that people treat me like I'm not available overall.
Just FYI, I want to train under several Masters to get a better sense of what BDSM means to me on my own two feet & glean knowledge of alternating styles as I’m relatively new to BDSM all together.
From what two of my good friends that are attracted, but won't go there say they think it's because being owned means my Master has veto power.
I just don't get how they are willing to have 10 or 11 ladies to play with while they search for their one, but don't want to play with someone who does not want to be committed to them. It's not so much they seek monogamy, but it seems if they don't feel like they have full control then it's not worth it to them.
I would think to have a friend that had no ulterior motives would be a wonderful thing not a hindrance.
Do you think being in a committed relationship blackballs you from having play dates with new suitors?
Sincerely,
sub suzanne



suzanne

Firstly, I think to use the term “blackball” is an unfair characterization of your situation and the choices others make to choose not to involve them selves with playing with you due to your situation. “Blackball” is a negative characterization of person or situation which I don’t believe applies to you or the individuals that choose not to play with you. Should I consider myself “Blackballed” because you “seek only local friends only”? No, it is a choice you make for your own self and is not a reflection or judgment of myself. When we blackball someone, we are making a negative judgment of them… however; I don’t believe your situation automatically means you are blackballed any more than you blackball me because I am not local to you.

Appreciate that we each have our own particular preferences and make choices that will limit our options and we will have consequences to those choices. You are collared and even thou you are available to play, your to be in your current situation and your expressed preferences limit the number of people that would consider you available for play. My situation is not much different. I own two slaves and in addition I have a bottom that I play with as well. My choice to be in this situation limits the possibility of being able to find and enjoy other play partners. This is my consequence to my choices… If I don’t like the consequences;… I need to change my situation and make different choices.

Suzanne I suggest that instead of looking at why others will not play with you because of your situation… be content that you have that situation and accept the consequences of your choice to be in that situation… else change the situation by making different choices. *G* now if you didn’t have an issue with a person being local *EG* We might be more available to each other, then again maybe there are other unknown issues and preferences that preclude us from ever being connected into a Power Enhancing experience.

It doesn’t matter what others consider of you situation… it matters only that you content and happy with the situation and continue to proceed forward to make it better than it is.

Mmmmmmmm now where is Silver Springs anyways… (goes to get my map)




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