RE: Advice- first timer

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RE: Advice- first timer - 10/16/2005 7:10:52 AM

RandBcouple

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot
I wonder if things will be just fine or you well eventually lose him all together, or he may begin seeing someone else without your knowledge. That is if having more than one submissive (slave) is something he really desires and is an important piece he wants as part of his life..Just a thought...

Edited to add; Maybe it would be a good idea, if you were to ever try it again, to hold off on the sexual intimacy until you bond on an emotionally intimate level...Just another thought...*shrugs*...

*Brightspot

If i were to ever lose Master, i doubt it would be over something like this. He and i are in a very commited relationship, we married for life, i know the possibility of something going wrong exists in every relationship, but i do feel secure in our relationship - my problems with poly aren't driven by fear of losing Him altogether, just the aspect of sharing the man that i love and our intimacy that i just have a hard time dealing with.

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RE: Advice- first timer - 10/21/2005 5:56:49 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 337
Joined: 10/6/2005
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This is a very interesting thread and I plan to send it to my Sir. Have you considered just getting someone to play with on occasion? Like the Swingers do? My Sir and I have discussed this and I am so much like you Babygirl. I think I could see us playing with another person. I just don't see myself sharing him or his love. Good luck to you.

_____________________________

~There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength to yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked. By Yalda Tovah

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RE: Advice- first timer - 10/21/2005 6:31:43 PM

felineone

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/24/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

I wonder if things will be just fine or you well eventually lose him all together, or he may begin seeing someone else without your knowledge. That is if having more than one submissive (slave) is something he really desires and is an important piece he wants as part of his life..Just a thought...

[
*Brightspot

This is what happened to me in a previous relationship.. i struggled, and had such a hard time, and then when i said i just couldn't do it, he said he'd drop it, but instead just went into hiding. It is something that has to be dealt with. it won't go away.

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RE: Advice- first timer - 10/21/2005 9:19:46 PM

taliaTW

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/20/2005
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quote:

I think I could see us playing with another person. I just don't see myself sharing him or his love. Good luck to you.

Greetings,

I grimace when I hear people, men or women, feeling or verbalizing that they cannot share a person's love. I wonder when during our childhood are we are taught that we must "possess" someone, or be the only one they love intimately, to really be loved by them?

My master and I play with different people, sometimes in a scene setting, and sometimes, in a personal, more intimate setting. I can almost orgasm just seeing him bring alive another girl, seeing in her, the same reactions and feelings that he excels at bringing alive in me. Not to mention, that I am usually encouraged to arouse, tease and play with her too.

Why do people, vanilla, poly, or lifestyle, think they can ever get 100% of what they need from one person? I think it's impossible. If you have an open and honest line of communication between you, I don't understand the fear that playing with another will damage your relationship.

This is my own personal opinion, disagree if you will, but accept it as mine. I think of monogamous relationships as unions. I think subs/slaves get so comfortable with their dominants that they become mediocre, relying on the inital sprks that fueled the relationship in the very beginning. We need to comtinue to thrive and continue to strive to please those that own us...not ride into the future on the coattails of our past successes.

Sometimes I wish females were wired alittle more like men. Most men do not associate sex with love....why should we?

Just my thoughts,
talia

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RE: Advice- first timer - 10/22/2005 4:37:56 AM

sunshine333

Posts: 173
Joined: 8/16/2005
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talia ... i couldn't agree more!

one of the difficulties in poly is that society doesn't support it. we're not raised or encouraged to be in polyamorous relationships. yet ... as human beings ... i believe that our love is boundless and all inclusive. i know that sounds very idealistice, especially applied to an intimate and intense relationship ... but it's possible. it really is.

i was in a successful poly relationship with a married dominant couple for two years. the two things that made it work were 1) we all genuinely loved each other and truely wanted each to be happy and fulfilled. and 2) we were all very clear on our "place" in the relationship. the relationship eventually ended and i spoke with my Mistress months later about it. she wanted to be intimate with a female friend of hers which was very upsetting to me. i won't give all the details of that as it would be too much to read. but something she said to me stuck with me when we spoke afterward. she said i thought that i "owned that part of her." i was insulted to hear that but in my private moments saw the truth in her statement. i ... as a slave ... did think that somewhere deep down.

i am learning that a slave must always be kept and owned as a slave .... not a girlfriend ... not a wife (in the traditional sense). it's when she forgets her place and loses sight of her priorities that things start to get confusing. emotions like jealousy and possessiveness start to arise. sometimes our owners help us to keep that in check, reminding us in their oh-so-special ways of our place. but sometimes we, as slaves, have to take responsibility for where our mind wanders.

slavery is (should be) simple. i, personally, always wish to remain a slave. i want to be loved and cared for ... even cherished and adored .. but always, always as a slave.

humbly,
sunshine

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RE: Advice- first timer - 10/22/2005 9:20:29 AM

MasterJediJohn

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RandBcouple

Tomorrow Master and i are meeting a sweet sub we've been chatting with...

~Babygirl

Greetings

I am new to the lifestyle and have a few observations and questions for all involved. A relationship is about many things and people see this differently. I wonder if there was to be a goal stated before you decided to take the poly leap. Such as: “We are doing this to enhance our sex life.”, “We are going to train a sub, Master’s new sub/sub’s new pet.”, “We are looking to play and need a new toy.”
In my own life I will eventually take a number of subs and Doms for training purposes. I am discovering that I am a mentor and have been told that I have a natural ability to Dom. Even though I am a newbie; I still see myself doing this poly thing in the future.
I would hope that poly would only be considered after you have established a bond and have come to a stage in your life where others are invited to share in the intimacy. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks in advance.

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RE: Advice- first timer - 10/28/2005 10:07:33 PM

phoenixMF

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Joined: 10/17/2005
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Hi Babygirl,

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, it was very interesting. It was nice that you shared your personal perspective in such a clear way. If you haven't totally given up yet, on having a poly family, you may want to try having a heirarchy in place... for any future potential slave.

For me, having a very clear heirarchy system... knowing exactly where my place is, in the pecking order... makes it so much easier. I am not the alpha slave in our household... I am secondary. To please my Master and the alpha slave, I will always be acutely aware that I am respectful to my position and will edify our poly relationship in many ways, like being grateful for any time Master gives me... knowing how valuable his time is... and that the alpha slave needs him also (for one example).

I mention this because you may find that you ARE able to please your Master and be secure as well, with a heirarchy system. You are the alpha slave and the secondary should be considerate at all times, that YOU are happy also.

That's just the way I am, not sure how other poly families with heirarchy systems function, but this works for us just fine.

"Seniority rules"

< Message edited by phoenixMF -- 10/28/2005 10:09:23 PM >

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RE: Advice- first timer - 11/1/2005 7:07:22 AM

Jacques1000

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Joined: 10/30/2005
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what a sage Emeraldslave is !

Another piece of sound advice....but he should be sympathetic, not necessarily empathetic of your plight....

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RE: Advice- first timer - 11/1/2005 12:37:41 PM

dzera

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/29/2005
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well babygirl perhaps i can share my experiences in a poly relationship as well.i am the second sub to my sir.when entering this relationship i entered with a blank page due to the fact that i had no idea of what i would feel or how i would react.the three of us all belong to the bdsm scene out here in israel.and btw we are also members on this site.my sir's first sub initiated contact with me before we ever actually even met.we talked on the phone nearly everyday for hours.we had such a strong click between us that we knew we had to meet eachother right away.we had planned our first meeting at my house one weekend,kindda like a girls sleep over thing.when she finally arrived i was supprised to see that our sir had joined her for the visit.we had nothing planned,no rules to abide,and no pressure.from that lay out grew one of the most beautiful and touching experiences i've ever had.it was the most natural thing in the world.we just flowed.it was all about giving.no ego crap.no competion.no lies.no games.since then we have only grown closer .we relate to eachother as if we were sisters.we talk everyday.disscus our emotions about our sir.help one and other out when one has been missunderstood by him.we are a team.her and i even spend time together alone.i always say that the best gift my sir gave me was his first sub.we are crazy about eachother.but and there is a but....our sir is curently thinking of adding on a third sub.i must admit that i have a few probloms regurding this issue.not because i can't share him,or want him all to myself.i just think that he will be spreading himself to thin and that sub#1 and i might start to feel insecure.maybe because we both haven't reached that point of total security with him yet.even though we both totally trust him.and here is the place that i must emphasize that i am not at all jealous.our sir engages in sex with different women all time.sometimes in our presence.but the is a huge difference between one night stands and adding on another sub.to sum this up i would have to say that when you leave all your pre-conditioning behind and open your mind and heart to experiencing you can only gain in the future.life is meant to be lived

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RE: Advice- first timer - 11/1/2005 10:24:32 PM

DarkQuin

Posts: 37
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Any personal relationship, whether it's poly or monogamous, needs to start off with friendship. Because, after the wonderful sex, the adventurous weekend, the afternoon walk, etc if you aren't friends then it's just another event in our lives and nothing more. Anybody can take a walk through a park, but when friends do it it's an another experience all together.

Quin

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RE: Advice- first timer - 11/2/2005 12:31:00 PM

MistressKvonM

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Joined: 11/2/2005
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babygirl --

i have to say, everything you posted about this is exactly what i'm thinking and going through with my Master. he's interested in finding a sub for both of us, but we both know that goal may be years down the road. we're fine with that. and i've got far more hurdles to jump than he does because he's much more experienced than i am, and i don't have any experience with another woman, though i'm definetely interested and willing.

reading your post both accentuated and alleviated my own fears about the whole situation. the one thing i can say is that it's nice to see i'm not the only one who goes through this.

and kudos to everyone who's given such lucid and eloquent advice. i'm taking it all to heart as well.

~~ mistress to Master

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RE: Advice- first timer - 11/4/2005 11:41:02 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 1329
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: Southern California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplySubmissive

MadameDahlia...
what an excellent idea!!

I'm curious as to how many Doms would agree to this?
what if you came back and said, nope, no chemestry... what then?
Would the Dom then drop it?

Thank you.

I would agree to allow two submissives to interact in order to determine if there was any chemistry between them.

As much as I see myself as poly I understand it isn't for everyone - and I would never make interaction with another submissive (of the same gender or otherwise) a mandatory part of being one in my home. If two should find themselves interested in each other on a physical level that's fine. They would talk things over with me.

But I do require respect and agreeable behavior. As long as two can agree to get along and provide for a harmonious household I see no problem in housing two submissives who have no interest or intention of being with one another in an intimate manner.

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Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

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