What is it you really need??? (Full Version)

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mistresswolfeyes -> What is it you really need??? (10/5/2005 9:16:41 AM)

Dear slaves and subs,

I am a Mistress to be married to a Master. Last night we sat down and discussed our past experiences as a 'single' Master and Mistress. We've decided are very interested in a Poly-type lifestyle.

However, he and I both know without slaves there would be no Masters. Given this, I decided to post here and hope to hear truths about what a slave in a Poly life really needs. Not only what she needs but what she absolutely could not live through again or what makes her unhappy.

There are no right or wrong answers of course, but we both would be grateful for honest insight and true thought. We would very much like to know from a submissive / slave point of view what makes or breaks this arrangement. We would like our sub / slave to be very happy and we know that with your help / suggestions, this may actually come to pass.

WHAT WOULD IT TAKE FOR YOU TO BE VERY HAPPY AND CONTENT INSIDE A POLY RELATIONSHIP WITH 2 DOMS?

We very much look forward to hearing any and all suggestions and thoughts any of you have on this very important subject.

Truly,

Mistress Wolf Eyes



JohnWarren -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/5/2005 9:21:06 AM)

Each poly relationship is distinct and it's hard to draw a lot of generalities, but the successful ones I've known had continued and non-judgemental communication.

There is an excellent book called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. It's all about kinky flavored poly play and does a wonderful job. It's available from most online bookstores and the publisher www.greenerypress.com




EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/5/2005 9:23:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistresswolfeyes
WHAT WOULD IT TAKE FOR YOU TO BE VERY HAPPY AND CONTENT INSIDE A POLY RELATIONSHIP WITH 2 DOMS?

Well I will only quickly note that oviously all slaves aren't built alike. You won't work for every slave and not every slave will work for you.

Barring that, poly slaves need the same things that monogamous slaves need, so that cuts this list way down. Everything a healthy relationship needs, this type of poly relationship needs too.

Specific additions are:

-a united front of security, stability and authority from you both
-room to adjust your own relationship to fit the confines of a new person
-absolute and clear communication between all partners at all times about expectations and current status

I'd also suggest not looking for or taking on a slave for at least a year or two after you are married. This will give you both time to adjust and conform into your new situation with eachother and sort out what YOU will really need from a slave.



Kasia -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/5/2005 2:43:44 PM)

Not a slave, not poly (polysexual yes but polyamorous no), but I really believe that you question can be answered only individualy.

Edited to say: of course I didnt mean to replay to EmeraldSlave2 but to OP [:D]



ChereeAmoor -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/6/2005 5:22:36 AM)

First things first - Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I hope both of you do the Happily Ever After thing!

I currently live with two Masters and am so contented that I probably disgust people. Your saying that you WANT your slave to be very happy is 1/2 the battle. Your saying you realize there are no right/wrong answers is extremely reassuring - obviously you are level-headed and based in reality, another huge help.

For me, for us, the relationships began with simple friendship(s) and morphed from there. We did not rush into anything. We have remained the best of friends even when that Pink Cloud of romantic love floated away and we argued.

What would break this arrangement? a lack of loyalty - we all want our best friend to see our side of the story, and to stick up for us even when we are mostly in the wrong! If we were not loyal to each other, this setup would have gone down in flames a few times that I can recall! But even when we are lusting after someone else, or in no mood to put up with another's crap, or too exhausted to put forth any efforts, or what have you. The loyalty, the friendship that was our base, was far too valuable to all of us to walk away from.

Best of luck to you both!



Kasia -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/6/2005 12:11:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChereeAmoor
I currently live with two Masters and am so contented that I probably disgust people.

You dont disgust me - I am just green from jealousy [:D]
Edited for typos *sigh*



wipmebeetme100 -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/8/2005 9:57:45 AM)

quote:

WHAT WOULD IT TAKE FOR YOU TO BE VERY HAPPY AND CONTENT INSIDE A POLY RELATIONSHIP WITH 2 DOMS?


You have just described my Perfect World.
Something that i feel is a necessary ingredient in order for this to happen...a high level of communication.

Peace,
cathy



thinktress -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/10/2005 9:53:29 PM)

well Mistress Wolf Eyes,

i am a sub, who has experienced being in a poly relationship. He was our Dom, but she was a very dominant, and had nearly total reign over me. part of my 'position' in the relationship, was to keep her happy. i knew what he wanted, and what she wanted, and i enjoyed pleasing them both. Their dominance never butted heads, because she was his, and he had final word. this was my experience, i dont really know how it would have worked with two Dominants. i imagin that my biggest problem would have been them not being in clear agreement with what they want and or expect of me. Part of what i needed from them was to be clear in what they wanted of me. i would have been very troubled if i had to try to decide what to do. I needed affection from both of them. i needed to know that they needed and wanted me independantly from bdsm or even the threeway poly relationship.

Generaly, i need stability, rules, consistancy, and honesty.

peace and pain,
salimah



MistressWolf4u -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/20/2005 8:12:02 AM)

Dear John,

Thanks for sharing your advice. I will get the book - I've read many of yours already! lol

Mistress Wolf



MistressWolf4u -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/20/2005 8:31:22 AM)

Greetings emerald slave, Please look for the *** inside this reply for comments and questions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Well I will only quickly note that oviously all slaves aren't built alike. You won't work for every slave and not every slave will work for you.

***I agree emerald slave - i also believe this statement generally covers all relationships in every spectrum, friendship and romantic, vanilla and not.

Barring that, poly slaves need the same things that monogamous slaves need, so that cuts this list way down. Everything a healthy relationship needs, this type of poly relationship needs too.

Specific additions are:

-a united front of security, stability and authority from you both
-room to adjust your own relationship to fit the confines of a new person
-absolute and clear communication between all partners at all times about expectations and current status

***May I ask, Emerald, for you to define what you consider to be 'absolute and clear communication' in detail? Also, you seem to have experience in this aspect and I would very much like your opinion as to how you think the Doms should go about implementing what you have stated above. In your opinion, how could we incorporate this into a reality?

***Thank you for your thoughts and I hope to hear more from you regarding same.

Truly, M. Wolf



MistressWolf4u -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/20/2005 8:41:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChereeAmoor

First things first - Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I hope both of you do the Happily Ever After thing!

I currently live with two Masters and am so contented that I probably disgust people. Your saying that you WANT your slave to be very happy is 1/2 the battle. Your saying you realize there are no right/wrong answers is extremely reassuring - obviously you are level-headed and based in reality, another huge help.

For me, for us, the relationships began with simple friendship(s) and morphed from there. We did not rush into anything. We have remained the best of friends even when that Pink Cloud of romantic love floated away and we argued.

What would break this arrangement? a lack of loyalty - we all want our best friend to see our side of the story, and to stick up for us even when we are mostly in the wrong! If we were not loyal to each other, this setup would have gone down in flames a few times that I can recall! But even when we are lusting after someone else, or in no mood to put up with another's crap, or too exhausted to put forth any efforts, or what have you. The loyalty, the friendship that was our base, was far too valuable to all of us to walk away from.

Best of luck to you both!


Hi Cheree Amoor, Thanks for your kind words and your detailed response. I enjoyed and agree with everything you've said, and can see where the benefits lay inside your relationships. You mentioned friendship. In your opinion, would it be feasible for us to look for a service slave in order to build upon friendship and trust and then once those are established, and only once those are established, move to a sexual relationship? What are your thoughts on this?

Thank you much,

M. Wolf



MistressWolf4u -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/20/2005 8:49:42 AM)

[b]Hello salimah,

Thank you for responding. It seems open communication, and a mutual front from both Doms is required. The relationship you described above is exactly what we will be asking our potential slave to surrender inside of. For I am in service to my Dominate and soon to be husband. I will always be submissive to him - this is what are relationship has been and is based on. However, we would very much like to find a slave of our own that can be as much a part of our lives as we are to eachother.

Again, thank you for your reply.

Best wishes, M. Wolf



MistressWolf4u -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/20/2005 8:52:51 AM)

Thanks to all that replied to my post - everyone has given me much to consider.

Blessings,

M. Wolf



gypsyeyez -> RE: What is it you really need??? (10/20/2005 10:27:37 AM)

quote:

WHAT WOULD IT TAKE FOR YOU TO BE VERY HAPPY AND CONTENT INSIDE A POLY RELATIONSHIP WITH 2 DOMS?


I personally just came across this and have found it to be a most appealing question as I currently live in a 2 Dominant House just as a girl.... by the is I mean I am not collared to either One of Them. I have had almost 2 months of living with Them to think about this very question in my own mind. I think truly it boils down to time and love.

What do I mean by this.... yes the love between partners is different then the love between a Mistress/Master and slave would be. But the love I speak of is the love given to a sub or slave. That care and respect given to someone who is useful to Your life. Someone who makes your world a better places to live in. But also as a person for at the core of the soul of any sub or slave there is still a real life human heart beating that will bleed even break if mistreated, abused, ignored etc....

Beyond being loved and cared for as a sub or a slave... actually more in combination with it. Is the need for time. If a Dominant has no time to invest in a third party it is best not to get one until such time can be set on designated times. Whether it be quality time as a quote family or whether it be one on one time. Time spent is very important to nourishing the heart and soul of a sub or slave in Service to One or more.

Just a few of my thoughts on the issue at hand.... though I may add more later if anything else pops into my head from recent thoughts and meanderings...





lonewolf05 -> RE: What is it you really need??? (11/1/2005 4:03:25 PM)

2 dominants?

not in MY world....no.
i have my Ms...and Her vanilla hubby.......and She SAYS She wants a couple more boys....
but as far as "I" see it........i answer to 1 Domme....in MY eyes ya DON'T have 2 masters for a dog and ya don't have 2 bosses for 1 employee.
it should-be..1 on 1.

and as to other boys if She gets em? as long as they do their job and i don't have-to pick up their slack or we are going to go around on it.......know what i mean ?

i have NO qualms with it. since i am not attached emotionally and i am too old to care....i have NO definition for jealousy. in MY eyes that word is for inexperienced 13 year olds.

take care
wolf



anopheles -> RE: What is it you really need??? (11/1/2005 6:57:30 PM)

The thing that you need more than anything is communication. Myself and the luvdragon have been dealing with a situation the last few days with some friends of ours, where the communication apparently broke down, and what seemed like something that was essentially perfect, has turned into a complete mess of confusion and hurt feelings.


--Anopheles



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