LadiesBladewing
Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
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Not everything works for everyone, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it's just a matter of perspective. I think that one difference with us is that being family doesn't necessarily mean living together. Work requirements, caring for elderly family, and even death have separated some of our members from the fold, but the parting wasn't a parting that diminished our sense of family. We just expanded our sphere to keep the relationship with distant loves.
We're pretty flexible about what commitment to the family means, taking into account as many of the varied shifts in fate that might befall us as we can think of or encounter--and committing ourselves to that kind of flexibility to be able to continue to cherish one another no matter the turnings of the Universe that shift things around. I have to admit that we also keep kind of a "hierarchy" of family...there is our core family, and these folks have proven our commitment to one another over decades. Then there are levels of friends, associates, and peripheral acquaintances with whom we have varying levels of committments to one another. Our "family" is intimate to the core -- and we have a luxury that most people don't have, in that we are truly completely honest with one another. Even the things that most people won't share with anyone -- the secrets that you would never dare share, we do. At the same time, we also can tell one another honestly when the other person is screwing up, and we know each other well enough to be perfectly frank about it without phrasing it in a way that opens old wounds or pushes old buttons. For all of us, what we share as the core of House Bladewing is something deeper and closer than even what we share with our blood families or, in some cases, even the people we were married to prior to our experiences with HB. (For at least two of our mates, becoming a full member of our family saved their own relationship -- over time, they learned how to talk with one another and share things that had kept a distance between them for years, mostly because they were afraid that if they shared the secrets, their partner would freak.) I suppose, when I talk about "forever" in terms of family, I'm talking about the folks who are core. There will probably never be many of those, but even death has (so far) not diminished our feelings towards those who get in that close.
As far as holding on to unhealthy relationships, I've been there as well. I spent 13 years in a marriage that probably should have been left to fade into the woodwork in the first year -- but pride kept me hanging in long after I should have just let go. It taught me a valuable lesson (one which I'm glad that the others to whom I am attached share knowledge of). I learned that it is better to let go at the point at which your gut, heart and spirit tell you things aren't going to work, than it is to let brain and pride keep you in something that inhibits your growth. Sometimes, separating is the greatest gift we can give someone (and ourselves). We don't have a lot of people who hang around long enough to make it to the core, but the few that we do have are solid gold, and we have learned how to make letting go a relatively positive experience, but we have no real problem, at this point, in knowing when to say farewell long before the person is welcomed into our core. And because we try to stay positive, even when it doesn't work out, we've had the joy of having quite a few friends and associates (what one of our dear friends calls "buddies") that we can truly enjoy. Fortunately, my former husband and I make -much- better friends than we did mates, so even with that, there was a silver lining.
Time may prove us fools, but at least we're learning a lot and enjoying one anothers' company in the process. *chuckles*
Lady Zephyr
quote:
ORIGINAL: ChereeAmoor
Family for all time? I am not a big believer in that, either. Families can actually fizzle out, due to death, geography, lack of love, you name it.
< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 10/5/2005 4:37:27 PM >
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"Forever" slaves - 
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