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advice for a beginner


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advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 2:13:50 PM   
subkirsten


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		I am exploring my submissive nature more than ever before (known this about myself for 10+ years, but finally opening up to it more in the last year or so). I want to explore beyond spanking with the hand, which is very arousing to me, but no longer seems "enough". Where would you start?...I can't seem to find anything online that discusses the levels of pain, the severity of the welts, etc. that would come from various implements.

How would you explain the advantages/disadvantages of whips, floggers, paddles, etc. of different materials. What is most painful, most intense, what is least? What leaves marks? Which ones have the steepest "learning curve"?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 2:33:02 PM   
night101owl


Posts: 74
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline 		The different tools can all create very different sensations, depending on the skill of the person wielding them.

You say that you're exploring your submissive side, but from your more specific question, it sounds like you're really interested in exploring your masochistic side (or at least, exploring whether you're a masochist or just someone who likes sensual play). Not everyone who likes to be spanked/flogged/etc. is a submissive, and not all submissives are turned on by this kind of play.

A heavy flogger with soft material (suede, no sharp edges on the falls) can easily provide a gentler, more thuddy, massage-like sensation, and can also be thrown harder to create a more slappy, punchy kind of pain. Crops can also be used lightly for small stings, and harder for welts. Save single tails for after you're tried floggers, and canes for after you've tried crops. My advice, for what it's worth.

The trick is, find someone who knows how to handle these tools, who knows how to start soft and work up to the harder stuff, so you can discover your limits.

(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 2:34:44 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1199
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline 		My advice:

1) Learn to use the right terminology for what you seek. From what you wrote, it seems you are lookiing to explore your masochistic nature, not your submissive nature. You wish to explore the realm of painful pleasure...so call it what it is.

2) Floggers can range from fluffy (I have this wonderful leather flogger that couldn't kill a fly unless I swing it for all I am worth) to heavy and thuddy to stingy. But these are all just words, untill you experience them. Paddles are slappy. A lot of teh time, someone who knows what they are doing with floggers and paddles can do the job without leaving welts, if that is their desire. Whips, scourges and canes leave marks and are considered much more intense.

3) As far as learning curves, start slow with floggers and paddles and work your way up. Find someone in your area who has some experience, and negotiate a scene. Get (and use, if need be) a safeword.

4) This shit hurts...don't pretend you know what it feels like until you have actually felt it.

5) Have fun!

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.
http://bdsm.taggard.net

(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 3:19:46 PM   
Awakener


Posts: 88
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline 		There are in most areas, usually SM groups, SM community centers, or just SM shops that will have classes, advice, etc. In my city there are many, but the first place I ever went was an Adult Toy Store. Which did not evn specialize in SM. But They had/have workshops on Bondage techniques and safety, how to use Whips, Clamps, and just about anything else.
I'd sugest asking people from your area about what is available.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 3:59:23 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkirsten
I want to explore beyond spanking with the hand, which is very arousing to me, but no longer seems "enough". Where would you start?...I can't seem to find anything online that discusses the levels of pain, the severity of the welts, etc. that would come from various implements.

That's because it completely depends on how hard you hit, where you hit, the pain tolerance of the other person (which can vary a huge amount even in the same person from day to day)

The best way is just to start experimenting, find partners to try things out with, all over, a few different times.

(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 5:01:32 PM   
leatherylace


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		SM 101: A Realistic Introduction
Jay Wiseman

_____________________________

A leather hand and a lacy soul

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 6:14:04 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I like using a flogger I made with the tails made from rubber strips frim a bicycle tube.... It stings like all hell. (Missed a pillow when testing and hit myself BOL)

_____________________________

Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear


Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........


The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly



(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 6:17:09 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 280
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		I suggest 2 things...1) Look for someone you trust to try different items on you. The items can be used to cause different sensations. Don't rule out things until you try them. There is no need for you to go to the harsh kinds of implements such as singletails and a few others. 2) Try to find demos in your area. There are groups that hold them in any area. At a demo, usually they will let you try out things that they are showing..It's a good, controlled environment. I hope you find what you are looking for..

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.

(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 8:23:36 PM   
anopheles


Posts: 240
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline 		An addendum to to good advice that you have received, is to test out mentally what your potential submissive or slave is into. The mental aspects of poewer exchange often unlock things in people that you didn't even know existed. It's more about exploring and not just spanking. There may be things that a LOT of people would find just flat out distasteful, but the particular person that you're paired with might find completely ravenous and leave them quivering at your feet.


Floggers are a good place to start though, there's not a lot of potential for damage with most of the heavier weight ones with wide flails. It feels more erotic than a hard flat surface. Paddles will sting the shit out of someone and could be unpleasant, if you're with a sub that isn't in to pain.

_____________________________

You've got me so high, my shoes are scraping the sky -- for my Luvdragon

(in reply to sultryvoice)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 8:24:58 PM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 161
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkirsten

How would you explain the advantages/disadvantages of whips, floggers, paddles, etc. of different materials. What is most painful, most intense, what is least? What leaves marks? Which ones have the steepest "learning curve"?



I would explain them by demonstration, starting off with low intensity and increasing until you reach a threshold where the stimulation borders on being too intense.

Are you in SC or within a reasonable distance? *LOL*

Seriously though, others here have already made the excellent suggestion of getting involved with your local groups. Find someone and negotiate.

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 8:40:05 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 1026
Joined: 11/29/2004
Status: offline 		You can read a zillion online articles, stories and essays, but you'll still never know what it feels like until you experience it. You may have a better idea, but that's about it. My advice to you is to look for DIY pervertables (wooden spoon as a paddle, blinds twister as a cane, etc.) that way you don't have to spend a lot of money at first, and experiment! See how quickly and hard you like to be beaten, what instrument you like the best, and while you're at it, play around with nipple torture, and other fun options. Experiment, experiment, experiment (within the safe, sane and consensual motto). Otherwise you'll never have anything but an idea of what it feels like. Once you gain a bit more experience, if you wish you can invest in more expensive toys. It also might help you to attend a local Munch and other BDSM gatherings. Talk to the people there and get some first-hand opinions directly from the source.

_____________________________

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth (Jareth/ David Bowie)

"Last night I heard from good God above at the slap on my ass by a lipstick-kissed elbow glove."
~Shudder to Think

(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 8:48:09 PM   
MistressKay


Posts: 41
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		Hi Kirsten,

If you really want to know what the different toys are like, I highly recommend getting involved in your local bdsm community. There are always many many lifestylers with full toybags ready to share knowledge, suggestions, and safety concerns. Most major cities in the US and Canada have good BDSM groups that meet once a month for a "munch" (this is a vanilla meal in a public restaurant where you get to socialize with others who share bdsm interests without being outed publicly). Some groups are harder to find than others but they are worth the effort as there is a wealth of information just waiting for you.

Chatting online about what toys can and cannot do may be useful in general knowledge - but will not help you when it comes to the reality of a scene. Meeting with others, seeing their toys, perhaps taking a stroke or two will give you more first hand knowledge than you can handle and they can usually show you the safe use of these toys. Often communities offer workshops and demonstrations and they too are certainly worth looking into.

You have so many new sensations to explore - just keep in mind that endorphin play can be addictive and as you play more your threshold for pain increases - what was once intense, becomes common place and the need for more intense grows. If you have a wise partner they will take all this slowly with you allowing you to savor each new sensation along the way.

I do wish you all the best on your journey,

Lady Kay

(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 10:11:26 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 616
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Kirsten, and welcome to the boards!

All the above is great advice. I'd only add that you want to start slow and work up to things. It's really important to work with someone you trust and can communicate with on all levels. Pick a safe word and use it if you need it. There's nothing wrong with that, especially when you are finding your 'learning curve'.

The other thing you might do is contact JohnWarren on here. He has written a very good book on BDSM, but more importantly he (and his wife) go out and give lectures and demonstrations. He might be coming to your area and you could get in on a demo.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly!!!

(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 10:37:58 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 1931
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves

Hi Kirsten, and welcome to the boards!

All the above is great advice. I'd only add that you want to start slow and work up to things. It's really important to work with someone you trust and can communicate with on all levels. Pick a safe word and use it if you need it. There's nothing wrong with that, especially when you are finding your 'learning curve'.

The other thing you might do is contact JohnWarren on here. He has written a very good book on BDSM, but more importantly he (and his wife) go out and give lectures and demonstrations. He might be coming to your area and you could get in on a demo.[/font][/size][/color]


Actually, I've been keeping pretty quiet here since I hit this notestream a bit late and was impressed at the good advice that's already been handed out. We do have a good crew here.

Since my heart attack and stroke, Libby and I cut down a lot on the long distance travel but we do occasionally get out for demos, but even watching a demo can't really tell someone what something will feel like to him or her. Take a Wurtenburg wheel. Most people like it; some hate it and some just look at me and say "why?"

One of the greatest things a group can do is setup what used to be called "An Exploritorium"(lawsuit threats from the trademark owner ended that name) but basically, the group sets up a dungeon with "stations". Each station is staffed by people skilled in a particular activity like spanking, whipping, bondage and so on (I generally get the 'electricity' station) People can come to the event and get a chance to sample various sensations.

Now nothing is going to tell you how something can feel when being done by someone you love and are loved by, but this gives a pretty good idea of the basics.



< Message edited by JohnWarren -- 9/28/2005 10:38:47 PM >

_____________________________

----
www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to OscarHargraves)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/28/2005 10:45:59 PM   
LADYBOA


Posts: 54
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline 		Floggers are my choice.. they can go from soft to leaving welts...
Depending of course who is welding them and their skill at such.

(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/29/2005 2:26:04 AM   
subkirsten


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you to all for your wonderful advice.

I apologize for not explaining correctly or using the right terminology in my original post.

I appreciate the suggestion to reach out into my local community, but I don't think that my significant other is ready or willing to do that. I make small steps in getting him to explore this with me over time, and that would be a very large leap for him at this point.
We all do what we can do from where we're at, and I know that he's doing what he can, as am I.


(in reply to LADYBOA)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/29/2005 7:05:35 AM   
sub4mistressnsir


Posts: 89
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkirsten

Thank you to all for your wonderful advice.

I appreciate the suggestion to reach out into my local community, but I don't think that my significant other is ready or willing to do that. I make small steps in getting him to explore this with me over time, and that would be a very large leap for him at this point.
We all do what we can do from where we're at, and I know that he's doing what he can, as am I.


Well as Mistress says.. for each two steps forward there is one back.. and eventually you get to where you are going... I say.. that you can only do what you can do when you can do it.

(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/29/2005 9:13:55 AM   
MistressKay


Posts: 41
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkirsten
Thank you to all for your wonderful advice.
I apologize for not explaining correctly or using the right terminology in my original post.
I appreciate the suggestion to reach out into my local community, but I don't think that my significant other is ready or willing to do that. ...


Contact your local sex shop store - they often sell toys and you can get a light feel for them right there in the store (against your own leg of course). Ask questions, more often than not the store owners either know or know someone who knows. You can still get to know people in your town who are into this even if your husband is not ready for that step. One can never have enough friends anyway and you have absolutely nothing to loose by doing a bit of homework.

Wishing you and yours all the best,

Lady Kay
Ottawa, ON Canada

(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/29/2005 10:36:01 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkirsten

I am exploring my submissive nature more than ever before (known this about myself for 10+ years, but finally opening up to it more in the last year or so). I want to explore beyond spanking with the hand, which is very arousing to me, but no longer seems "enough". Where would you start?...I can't seem to find anything online that discusses the levels of pain, the severity of the welts, etc. that would come from various implements.

How would you explain the advantages/disadvantages of whips, floggers, paddles, etc. of different materials. What is most painful, most intense, what is least? What leaves marks? Which ones have the steepest "learning curve"?

quote:

How would you explain the advantages/disadvantages of whips, floggers, paddles, etc. of different materials. What is most painful, most intense, what is least? What leaves marks? Which ones have the steepest "learning curve"?


--------
ummmmmm not to be a smartass........but uh....in 1 word..

experience is THEE best teacher........

there is NO way to describe .intensity. online. ya gotta be there.
or at least as "I" see this.

woofie

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to subkirsten)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: advice for a beginner - 9/29/2005 1:18:41 PM   
subkirsten


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		Not to be a smart ass right back at you, but I guess what I was asking was for PERSONAL OPINIONS about where these different implements line up on a continuum. I must not have been clear enough in my original post.

Again, I apologize for not wording it correctly or expecting too much from online research and personal testimony from those who've gone before me.

Honestly, I'm more than a little put off by the "online is useless" attitude that comes across on this forum. I don't understand how it can't be a small piece, or the beginning piece for those who are ready and able to start there. We aren't all able to jump into our local communities and seek out everything in real life today, as much as we might want to. And now I'm worried that there's some kind of clique that I don't know the secret handshake for or some damn thing. I mean, who wants to think that they'll be shot down for using the wrong term, or not being exact enough in their line of questioning?

(in reply to lonewolf05)
Profile   Post #: 20
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