RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (Full Version)

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angelheart -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (9/29/2005 6:19:42 PM)

With all due respect it is not polygamy, its polyamorous, polygamy is taking on more than one spouse, polyamory is having love for more than one. Being in a poly family myself, i can tell you that i am fulfilled. Why it works? because entering the relationship, we all knew what was to be expected, and where our place was.. Mistress, Sir, and me, their slave. When one of us is down, or is in need, another one is strong.. When Mistress has had days where she was quiet, Sir was there to talk and cuddle.. Since we all have those days, its nice to have another available. It does not mean that any in the family love each other less, or desire each other less, in fact i believe we desire each other more, because there is a uniquely choreographed dance, between more than just 2. I agree that this has to be discussed before entering into it, taking a girl who expects a single soulmate and is told now she has to share, it may be heartbreaking.. The other thing to remember, that as sub/slaves, it is not our place to question our dominant in His/Her intentions, make suggestions maybe, but true submission comes when we say Yes Sir/Maam even when its not what we would choose. Be safe well and loved.. angel



Soulhuntre -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (9/29/2005 11:22:12 PM)

Hey all :)

As is my custom, I figured I'd introduce myself by just jumping into a conversation that interested me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OHFiremaster
I am not refering to a random sub. Every sub I have had, have been the kind that want their life mate in a dom. I want to get into poly play.


You know, most of the dominants I know personally are actually sucessfully poly. However I think that has a lot to do with the fact that those dominants I associate with are seriously in the "service / ownership" portion fo the lifestyle instead of the romance driven one.

Service submissives are often well aware that the house they enter will have others in service and they understand that. Since it is the service dynamic primarily that forms the power bond, not love, the problem is much less central to the dynamic. Generally they are also aware that their will be a power hierarchy, and they probably won't be on top of it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
Probably the best way to put it is that you want a bi fucktoy on call.


Am I missing something? Is there a problem with wanting a bi fucktoy on call?



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (9/30/2005 3:29:16 AM)

Let me ask honestly for doms wondering why subs are not positivly thrilled to go poly. Would you personally be all for it and oh yes please Ma'am if it was you on the other end of poly. Beiong a mistress wanted her subs to be poly wanted to share them with another. Many men themselves have stated no to never shareing their girls with other doms, but then will quite happily expect the girls to share master with other "sisters"



Soulhuntre -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (9/30/2005 4:04:35 AM)

Hey :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion
Would you personally be all for it and oh yes please Ma'am if it was you on the other end of poly.


You mean would I share some of the authority over my property with other dominants? I do. ALl the time.

The other trainers at The Estate have authority over my girls that is second only to my own. Additionally there are a small number of dominants I respect who have authority over my girls (also second to my own). I have no problem seeing my girls obey another.

Obviously there can only be one final authority - but that is just a practical reality in addition to my preference.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion
Many men themselves have stated no to never shareing their girls with other doms, but then will quite happily expect the girls to share master with other "sisters"


Here's the thing about these types of relationships - they are inherantly asymmetrical. For instance I don't give my submissive the ability to order me around, yet I demand that authority over here... it's the same thing. it isn't really useful to expect these things to be equal or mirrors of each other.

There is absolutely no problem with demanding things of my property they have no ability to demand of me.



elfie -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (9/30/2005 6:14:53 AM)

I am in a very well put together poly family and there are 4 kids in the house. they have no clue as to what is going on but you know what they do know? they know they are loved by 2 sets of parents, they know SOMEONE will always be there for them. those are the only things they need to know at a younger age, perhaps when older if they ask they will be told what it was about but they are all young now. to think your children wont be affected is wrong thinking indeed



OHFiremaster -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (10/3/2005 11:33:52 AM)

I chose to give my children a sheltered life when it comes to bdsm. Therefore when they come of age if they discover it, they have a choice as to vanilla or not. Now if you are saying children should not be excluded, then we have a problem called pedophillia. If this is what you are into then there is no place for you in bdsm.



Soulhuntre -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (10/3/2005 1:35:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OHFiremaster
I chose to give my children a sheltered life when it comes to bdsm. Therefore when they come of age if they discover it, they have a choice as to vanilla or not. Now if you are saying children should not be excluded, then we have a problem called pedophillia. If this is what you are into then there is no place for you in bdsm.


While I certainly think there are good reasons for adults to shelter young children fromt he "kinky details" of BDSM.... I think it is absolutely possible for children to understand the power dynamics of the adults around them. Experience tells me that it is basically impossible to hide much of such things from them.

Of course the term "pedophile" is tossed around often these days, and almost never used in a technically accurate way so that is somehting else to consider.

While you or others may disagree with what a parent chooses to tell their children about their lives, a parent who chose to educate their child about power based relationships is no more a "pedophile" than one who was proactive about sex education.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (10/3/2005 1:37:34 PM)

I agree totally with all of this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre

Of course the term "pedophile" is tossed around often these days, and almost never used in a technically accurate way so that is somehting else to consider.

While you or others may disagree with what a parent chooses to tell their children about their lives, a parent who chose to educate their child about power based relationships is no more a "pedophile" than one who was proactive about sex education.




sirstoi -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (10/3/2005 2:06:59 PM)

so basically you want your cake and eat it to. You want a sub but be able to play with other subs..so my question back to you is...why would this be appealing to the subs in question. What do they possibly get out of it. Now however if you are saying you allow her to freely play with whomever she wishes to play with..then i am all for that. I understand poly households and think it can be quite a beautiful thing, i also understand poly relationships where both partners are poly and i happen to think that is great to. What i don't understand is how a Dom can think he can play with whomever he wishes while his sub is at home all alone. I just don't see why any submissive would want to do that to themselves.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (10/3/2005 3:48:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirstoi
What i don't understand is how a Dom can think he can play with whomever he wishes while his sub is at home all alone. I just don't see why any submissive would want to do that to themselves.

Why does a sub want a relationship where the dom gets to do X and the sub cannot? It fulfills them beyond the immediate action X. Every single Ds relationship I know is set up such that the dom gets to do something that the sub doesn't get to do- directly enforce obedience. In fact that's pretty much the reason they WANT it to be Ds and not vanilla.

I'm perfectly fine if a dom wants his sub to be kept in a gilded cage ike that, or kept as a poly booty call, or whatever floats their boat. The particular scenario here will be a tall order to fill, specially over the long term, but it's not impossible. I'm sure there's someone out there who thinks this situation is the greatest miracle on earth.



Soulhuntre -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (10/3/2005 9:23:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirstoi
so basically you want your cake and eat it to.


If by this you mean that I have the audacity to desire arranging my life in a way I find most pleasing then yes... I do. I see absolutely no reason not to live how I wish.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirstoi
You want a sub but be able to play with other subs..


Well yes. In fact not just yes but "hell yes" :)

I'll own as many as I find useful, play with anyone I find interesting and sleep with anyone I find attractive - at my sole discretion. In other words I will act as what I am; the soveriegn authority of my own house.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirstoi
so my question back to you is...why would this be appealing to the subs in question. What do they possibly get out of it.

[ snip ]

What i don't understand is how a Dom can think he can play with whomever he wishes while his sub is at home all alone. I just don't see why any submissive would want to do that to themselves.


Well the first answer is easy... I "think" I can do it because I do do it :)

As for why? All I can say is that they feel it is worth it. They find the benefits of serving my and my house to be worth the difficulties, problems and challenges. If they want to be with me these are the terms... and apparently they find those terms acceptable.




Lordandmaster -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (10/3/2005 9:26:55 PM)

Advantage to being a polyamorous harem lord: You get a harem.

Disadvantage to being a polyamorous harem lord: All the polyamorous-harem-lord-wannabees are very envious.



LaMspeach -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (10/3/2005 9:32:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Advantage to being a polyamorous harem lord: You get a harem.

Disadvantage to being a polyamorous harem lord: All the polyamorous-harem-lord-wannabees are very envious.


Advantage to being a polyamorous harem lord: You get an alpha bitch to keep track of the harem.

Disadvantage to being a polyamorous harem lord: Trying to pick the right ummmmmmm ones for the harem.



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play (10/4/2005 2:53:32 PM)

When my girl first approached me about entering into my service, we had a lengthy discussion on her expectations and motivations. My girl explained that she has no interest in multiple sexual partners but also doesn't feel it's her place to concern herself with what I may be doing with other submissives. She told me rather plainly that as far as she's concerned, as long as I don't infect her with a disease, she doesn't think it's any of her business what I'm doing or with whom I'm doing it. Our agreement lays out her responsibilities to me and my duty to her. As long as we're both living up to what we've agreed to, there is no conflict.
This may be unique to us, but we find it to be a very simple and effective means of interaction. So long as I can continue to meet my obligations, I'm providing the environment I promised, regardless of any outside activities I may partake in. If I hold up my end of our agreement, why would my girl have any objections?
Timothy



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