RE: Behaviour from a Dom

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 8:08:53 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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I say do we really CARE if the guy is married?

The fact is the guys has flaked, numerous times, and obviously has lost the support of this person and it will take a fair bit of commitment and consistency to gain it back.

If you REALLY feel connected, you can allow him that opportunity, but don't sit by the phone waiting for it. If he wants to make the commitment, he will. Until then, do what makes YOU happy.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 8:36:46 PM

blueeyedgirl

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in response to the note from bright spot...i did not travel all the way to the US solelyn to meet this man...i was spending the summer with my best friend.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 10:23:07 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 616
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You already have a lot of good advice here so I'll be brief. A REAL Master would not do this. A REAL Master would be upfront and honest. He would not expect you to travel that far and then stand you up for meetings. Once, maybe if there is a good reason (and he should be communicating that reason to you! You shouldn't have to ask.). More than once and he's a jerk not a Dom. I'm sorry that this happened but don't give up please. There are a lot of us out here who aren't jerks and who honestly appreciate what a Sub like you goes thru for us.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 10:29:52 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves
There are a lot of us out here who aren't jerks and who honestly appreciate what a Sub like you goes thru for us.[/font][/size][/color]

WHy do you think doms can't also be jerks? Dominant is an orientation, not a personality.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 10:44:45 PM

StrongEagle

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Joined: 5/13/2004
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A relationship is built upon trust and standing you up is NOT building trust it is building uncertainty, not a good foundation!

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/17/2005 11:03:06 PM

EvO

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/30/2005
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He's an Asshole.. pardon my french. It is just pure rudeness that he on several occasions decided to not show up. I know some will reply back, "well it's his choice".. but to many, including me, it shows his lack of respect.

On a brighter note. Don't give up on your search. I did that once, wasn't even interested in looking or considering for almost two years, and it might have been even longer if a very special person hadn't literally popped into my life. You just need to keep your chin up, and don't ever "settle". Keep in mind what you are looking for, and strive your hardest for that. Usually it's when you're not looking, when the good things pop up.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/18/2005 12:33:15 AM

brightspot

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quote:

in response to the note from bright spot...i did not travel all the way to the US solelyn to meet this man...i was spending the summer with my best friend.

Thanks for making me aware of that fact, it is somewhat easier to digest.
I wish you the best.

*Brightspot

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/18/2005 5:03:54 AM

DrkAngl

Posts: 141
Joined: 4/9/2005
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Just my five cents worth here.

If a guy really is interested in you, BDSM or Vanilla, they will make every effort on their part to get to you. Sounds like a blow off to me.

There is a good book out there called "He's just not the into you" A local radio show host, Delilah, suggests it often on her show. It may list some of traits there. One of them, I know, is not calling or showing up when he says he is.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/18/2005 9:57:06 AM

arayofsunshine55

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You don't know if he's married, if his life is completely out of control, if he's a drug dealer, or if his elderly grandmother needs him to run errands. What you do know is that he consistently cancels on you. Either that works for you or it doesn't. He could have very good reasons and it could still just not work for you. Rather than figure out what his issue is just figure out what you can handle, how you want to be treated and go from there.

And my belief is that people put their best foot forward at the beginning.

sunshine

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/18/2005 10:31:15 AM

Angrylibrarian

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I will probably be in texas sometime this year. Want I should make a visit? Wouldn't be a problem at all. I've got no warrants in that state

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/18/2005 11:24:27 AM

thelight

Posts: 82
Joined: 7/31/2005
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i won't opine as to his marital status. i will, however, say that if i were interested in someone, and something came up that required me to cancel a date, i would make damn sure showed up the next time, and the time after that.

if someone stands you up twice in a row, you can safely assume that they're not all that in to you.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/18/2005 11:25:20 AM

IronBear

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Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Lass, what ever you do, don’t give up. There is a right Dom out there, perhaps you just haven’t found him yet.
Even if he does actually turn up to meet you, don’t jump in, he has to prove himself to you now. Who knows, maybe he has cold feet and is scared shitless at the chance of getting his grubby paws on some real live female submissive flesh. Perhaps he is married and is caught between a rock and a hard place and hasn’t the moral fibre to be open with you or his wife. Or perhaps he is just an wanker who loves playing mind games. You do need to find out or cut your losses and email him and tell him to place his head in a dark interesting part of his anatomy.

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/18/2005 3:39:39 PM

LadyJulieAnn

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Joined: 6/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: blueeyedgirl

i'd like to ask all the Doms/Masters here what they think about the following situation...i have been visiting Houston from the UK and have met a Dom with whom i had been corresponding on this site.There have been three meetings in total and as many more that have been cancelled,sometimes as late as 20 minutes before He was due to come and collect me...He professes to still be interested in conducting a relationship,and yet i have been 'stood up' again today when He knows full well that i leave the country tomorrow.What i want to know is this - is this some form of breaking my spirit down and ensuring my submission, or is He just acting like an *******?(feel free to fill in the blanks)Due to bad experiences in the past it took a great deal of courage for me to even meet Him in person once,and right now i am very close to abandoning my search for the right Dom as i very much doubt He exists.
Respectfully
blue

He is showing a lack of respect for you with his behavior, and this has nothing to do with submission, in my opinion. I would seriously take a look at your situation and think about whether it is acceptable to you. I would consider his treatment of you a "red flag".

Be well,
Julie

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RE: Behaviour from a Dom - 8/18/2005 3:49:49 PM

cellogrrlMK

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Joined: 3/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I say do we really CARE if the guy is married?

Apparently some people DO care if the guy is married. If he is married and his wife does not know what he's been up to it's a world different than if he is married and in an open marriage where she IS aware of what's going on. His behavior, as described in the OP, seems more the former.

blueeyedgirl, I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Heck, I only travelled halfway across the country to meet with someone I'd been corresponding with, in hindsight, for far too short a time. It was a vanilla thing and while this guy was divorced it was still a waste of my time and I was angry rather than upset; maybe more at myself than at what an asshole he was. But I was a total newbie to anything online, and I chalked it up to a learning experience, one that only lasted less then 24 hours, as I got my tush out of there at the earliest opportunity.

Enjoy Houston (if there's anything to enjoy there), stay cool, and get back on that plane to the UK with your head high.

cello

< Message edited by cellogrrlMK -- 8/18/2005 3:52:34 PM >

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