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RE: Is staying unattached better?


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RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 7:22:16 AM   
subcheryl


Posts: 273
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat


I am not a submissive/slave, but I'll venture an answer anyway. In some cases, avoiding male friendships is probably a very good idea. Someone could get hurt.

Bob



Hello There,
I totally disagree with this statement. I am a collared slave to my Master. I am permitted to have an open relationship and other full contact Doms. All of them have had to play with me in front of my Master for his approval for private dates (To be sure I'm safe with them). I do develop close friendships with my bedfellows and they have a special place in my heart. I could not have a relationship on this level with someone I didn't trust, respect and care about. All of the Men I've seen know my Master holds my heart firmly in his hands and that he has full veto power and ultimate control of my actions. This dynamic actually works very well for me. I can be very close to them, care about them, enjoy our special unions, and still keep it in perspective their feelings as it relates to their position in my life.
I think if the lines are clearly drawn and respected multiple partners in an open relationship can be a very enriching thing for those involved.
If I feel the other Doms are getting too dependant on me emotionally I remind them where my loyalties lie & that we are just good friends.
Sincerely,

sub suzanne



sub suzanne, I think what DesertRat meant was for zaynab to stay away from these type of relationships due to fact of her multiples and for the very reason she posted, she as the primary personality and the Dom she was associating with ended up hurt and confused due to one of her personalities, If I remember right DesertRat has had some experience with multiples, and understands this a bit more. Zaynab, this is notthing against you I beleive you do not want to hurt anyone else either but if your Master is going to allow you to chat with other Doms you are going to have to trust him to more or less pull the plug when he sees things getting out of hand and before you all end up in a situation that can hurt you all. Not just the emotional hurt feelings of one or more of your alters and perhaps that too in the future is something to state in your next attempt if there is any, is for your multiples to understand that your Master holds the right to pull the plug on the chat if things get out of hand, and also it is good idea for the other dom to keep in touch with your Dom since he knows about your "others"

(in reply to plantlady64)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 8:19:14 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 1447
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		Yes, subcheryl, that is what I meant with my comment and why I said "in some cases". I also wish to affirm that, yes, my comments are somewhat based on some experience with DID people. I think there is a chance that this particular set of circumstances stems as much from fear and insecurity as it does from any purported DID-related cause.

Who knows? Other things like, say alcohol, could even be a factor? It's such a common problem, it gets overlooked or downplayed a lot.

Bob

< Message edited by DesertRat -- 8/17/2005 8:20:22 AM >

(in reply to subcheryl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 8:19:18 AM   
ChereeAmoor


Posts: 184
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		I would never get involved with anyone who tried to isolate me or didn't trust my judgement.

(in reply to subcheryl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 8:31:27 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It might be the hard choice, but perhaps it would be better for you not to agree to submit on those terms UNTIL all of your alters can agree to submit.

(in reply to zaynab)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 8:43:28 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 684
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
I conceed that in relationships with DID people I have no practicle knowledge base. I still feel that in general as long as you are clear in your conversations no matter which personality speaks that zaynab could keep these other Doms at arms length if they respect her desires and intentions. I also sent her a private letter that explains the way I keep my other friends from getting too close is by only having private time once or twice a month with my other Mentors I see.

I can accept I'm not speaking from practicle knowledge, just from my heart and my experiences. I can also accept that my opinion may be bad advice for someone with DID.

I guess in all I can agree we disagree, and I value your opinion.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to subcheryl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 12:48:44 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 403
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		As long as it did not go beyond friendship i was allowed to have maie friends. my Master knrw he could trust me so did not mind me having other Dom friends cause he knew it was just that friends.

littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 8/17/2005 7:07:29 PM >

(in reply to zaynab)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 6:53:16 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		"MPD or DID is defined as a condition in which "two or more distinct identities or personality states" alternate in controlling the patient's consciousness and behavior."

www.ahealthyadvantage.com/topic/topic100587168

*sigh...that's about all I have left to say.... to explain what happened.

(in reply to zaynab)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 7:02:23 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 1447
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		Have you explained it to the people involved? Oh, that's right...you can't. Nevermind.

Bob

(in reply to zaynab)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 8:41:30 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat

Have you explained it to the people involved? Oh, that's right...you can't. Nevermind.

Bob


To answer your question, DesertRat Sir... Yes, I did explain it to the person involved, to a great extent. That was the bulk of our conversations, actually.

He was very aware of my condition and also, it's mechanics. I made sure of that, as it was also a learning experience for everyone... on how alters can and do relate to others.

My opinion is that the Dom involved, could not have handled it any better than what he did. I was the one who fell short. I am the only one responsible for my alters and their behavior(s), no one else.

< Message edited by zaynab -- 8/17/2005 8:52:06 PM >

(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 8:53:28 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat

Yes, subcheryl, that is what I meant with my comment and why I said "in some cases". I also wish to affirm that, yes, my comments are somewhat based on some experience with DID people. I think there is a chance that this particular set of circumstances stems as much from fear and insecurity as it does from any purported DID-related cause.

Who knows? Other things like, say alcohol, could even be a factor? It's such a common problem, it gets overlooked or downplayed a lot.

Bob


Alcohol wasn't any part of the problem.

(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/17/2005 8:56:23 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

It might be the hard choice, but perhaps it would be better for you not to agree to submit on those terms UNTIL all of your alters can agree to submit.


That IS the only true solution, Emerald.... thanks for saying it for me.
It will probably take me 3 years to have all the group meetings with my alters that I would need to have to figure out what we would be looking for as a "group operating as a whole" as I have alters in every single sexual preference category you can think of.

Might be easier just to fantasize and jack off. *sigh

_____________________________

zaynab[DM]
quote:

i used to care... but now i take a pill for that

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/18/2005 1:26:56 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 1161
Joined: 3/22/2005
Status: offline 		Hello zaynab,
I am in an open relationship, so, yes, I am allowed
to have friends with either sex as long as they do not
interfere with what goes on in my and my Domina's
relationship.

Same goes for possible lovers.
Now this has never happened yet mind you, but that
is what we have agreed upon.

*Brightspot

< Message edited by brightspot -- 8/18/2005 1:29:16 AM >

_____________________________

*Brightspot

"Cheer Up! The worst is yet to come" ~Philander Johnson

"Common sense is very uncommon" ~Horace Greeley

"Words are the most Powerful Drug of Mankind." ~Kiplin

(in reply to zaynab)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/18/2005 5:14:50 AM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

I still feel that in general as long as you are clear in your conversations no matter which personality speaks that zaynab could keep these other Doms at arms length if they respect her desires and intentions.



Hi suzanne,
If you are saying that if one of my personalities (alters) speaks out about the other Dom staying at arm's length, and that person respects that.... that there would be no problem... that would be true for that ONE alter.

But they are all extreme opposites... and individuals... I guess one alter should not have the right to say "come hither" to a Dom, when others are thinking "Look buddy, I'm a lesbian so back off" or "I'm a heterosexual man, so I'm not interested".

As soon as I have time, I'm going to learn more about the "alter egos", "age play" and etc. that I have seen referred to many times on this website. Surely, there has to be others in the bdsm world and even on this website, who have similiar challenges that I have, regarding living with so many different parts of themselves and how hard it is to have friendships.

Thanks for posting, friend. *smile


< Message edited by zaynab -- 8/18/2005 5:17:55 AM >

(in reply to plantlady64)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/19/2005 7:21:23 AM   
BenevoleMasterFL


Posts: 28
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		If you fall that easily, you would be better off
to stick close to your Master. You run a serious
risk of losing what you have. So, if you
value that relationship, don't venture far.

To sub suzanne. I love your attitude and
your devotion to your Dom. I hope to have a
sub like you.


_____________________________

A Benevolent Master in Florida

(in reply to plantlady64)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/19/2005 7:39:39 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 684
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevoleMasterFL

To sub suzanne. I love your attitude and
your devotion to your Dom. I hope to have a
sub like you.


Good Day Sir BenevoleMasterFL,

You are so very sweet to say this to me. I am so very flattered by your remark I'm embarrassed & blushing.
Thank you very much for your comment, but I really can't take the credit you feel I deserve. It is actually I who's a very lucky person to have a Phenomenal Master like mine to be devoted to. He's a rare find indeed & He is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I wish you luck in love and all your heart desires Sir.

Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to BenevoleMasterFL)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/20/2005 1:49:12 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevoleMasterFL

If you fall that easily, you would be better off
to stick close to your Master. You run a serious
risk of losing what you have. So, if you
value that relationship, don't venture far.



Great advice for me! Thank you for posting this. I think I'm going to memorize it. *smile

(in reply to BenevoleMasterFL)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/20/2005 5:11:58 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 1386
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Suzanne
I think you articulated your situation extremely well and not only do both parties D/s know the role, expectations, and limits, you both respect them and honor them. You have not allowed anyone other than your Master to leech on to your heart and your Master trust you enough to that this would not happen....very cool. However, this thread is about someone who did allow her heart to be tugged upon and feels a strong loss. That's where the danger comes into play and I think that is what Bob is trying to say?

Just my .02

Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to plantlady64)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/20/2005 9:02:28 PM   
masteravon


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/20/2004
Status: offline 		Funny how I got to this thread.......I have experience with DID person, my ex-wife had 8 alters with the main alter who controlled all the others but remained a secert from the outside world. I want to offer this advise, if you have not started interation of your alters( with 33 alters your therpaist must be trying to do this) this will continue to be an issue. I f you as the Host is in control all the time, allowing the other time as you see if make a deal with the alters. Like any relationship there is give and take and you must put limits on your outside relationship with the alters who are involved. Make boundaries and stick to them so that the other person you are friend with don't get hurt. I hope I helped.

Master Avon

(in reply to zaynab)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/21/2005 1:49:32 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advice, Master Avon....
I am familiar with making deals with the alters, I've done that in the past for less significent problems and it has worked successfully for those items.

Last night, my Master helped me find out which alters were causing my strong rebellious nature... so I could work with those alters and get them to quit getting me punished and also to quit causing emotional harm to outsiders.

Out of my main alter group, I have 8 who are vanilla, 4 who are dominant, and 13 who are subs. There are only 3 alters who are extremely rebellious. One of them can be helped with that, but the other 2.... I doubt they will ever change.

I don't think I will be able to help them heal past wounds significently enough to make them feel more trusting and cooperative, they are too extreme, but making deals with them may work. I'll have to think up something really impressive for them.... thanks again for the advice. *smile ~ zay

(in reply to masteravon)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is staying unattached better? - 8/22/2005 6:40:45 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 319
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		Alters? Jesus - only in america!

(in reply to plantlady64)
Profile   Post #: 40
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