quote:

ORIGINAL: aching2pleaseher

Hello! I am new, and my profile is awaiting approval. After 'filling it in' I am not so sure that I made it as enticing as possible. Let's be honest here, a sub male, married, newbie....that's not exactly the best category to be in when you're trying to find a true blue non-abusive Domme. I would greatly appreciate it if some of you kind, intelligent Mistresses would assist me in making myself competitively marketable. Any advice on how to meet the right domme in the real world would be fantastic! If you wish, you may email me also at [email protected]. Thank you for your time. Scott

quote:

ORIGINAL: saret

I agree 200% with SadisticPrincess about your wife -- you've sown that garden to grow for a lifetime, methinks you should tend to it before picking other people's flowers.

-S-

quote:

ORIGINAL: saret
Always be polite, always ask her opinion on subjects, and if you are making a choice on something, wait until she can up her mind on the issue, and defer to her choice. Very slowly step back from the driving seat in the relationship, allowing her to build confidence in herself and her choices.
<snip>
I agree 200% with SadisticPrincess about your wife -- you've sown that garden to grow for a lifetime, methinks you should tend to it before picking other people's flowers.

quote:

Hello! I am new, and my profile is awaiting approval. After 'filling it in' I am not so sure that I made it as enticing as possible. Let's be honest here, a sub male, married, newbie....that's not exactly the best category to be in when you're trying to find a true blue non-abusive Domme. I would greatly appreciate it if some of you kind, intelligent Mistresses would assist me in making myself competitively marketable. Any advice on how to meet the right domme in the real world would be fantastic! If you wish, you may email me also at [email protected]. Thank you for your time. Scott

quote:

'Tis true, revamping one's personality is a long and difficult struggle, and not for everyone. It also depends on the person themselves; another person can help tremendously, but they ultimately can not make the descision for anyone else to be a stronger person.

(Not to say that submissives are weaker in personality, simply to say that as I gained a stronger sense of self, I also gained a better sense of what I genuinely liked, and so my sexual tastes also changed dramatically.)

It sounds like you spend many years trying to get your ex to take the lead, and no, it isnt for everyone. Im sorry things didnt work out.

Ive seen a lot of guys try to force dominance on women, and that can be as aggravating and a huge turn-off. I know nothing of either relationship, so I can only speak from assumptions and personal experience. From the original post, it sounded like he gave it a shot (which is admirable), but when the first or second try didnt work, he went off to find someone else -- without, I think, considering how much being involved with a Mistress may weaken his marrage. Because BDSM, whether involving sex or not, is deeply intimate.

Its a serious turn-off when a guy talks about chivalry and servitude, then talks about "happily" screwing his wife but wanting to be psychologically intimate with another woman.

Its a shame she doesn't fufill all of his needs, but he chose to marry her! Problems in a marrage (as Im sure you know) are solved on the scale of years, not on a scale of excitements. She may or may not ever fufill that need in him to submit, leaving him frustrated and resentful in the long term. In which case he should consider why he's still married to her, and what is more valuble in his life. Sadly, compromises rarely work in situations like this. (Sometimes they do, and thats wonderful. Usually they don't.) These are damn difficult questions that have to be asked if he has an ounce of respect for other people.

I was just saying that by showing his wife some serious, uncompromising, long term adoration in everyday life - without her asking for it, she might start liking it. Maybe even get confident enough to abuse him (consensually, of course.)
Loads of shy people fantasize about exerting control, but then immediately think "Oh I could never do that." And it takes months, even years before they start realizing "Maybe I can do that!"


Wow, That was deep!, You really read between the lines !

Scott, you need to be open and honest with your wife and
with yourself?
If you desires your fantasy to come true be Honest and Seize
your day!
Don't cheat on your wife, you loved her at one time and do you
have any kids????

Straighten out your real life first...before you start trying to let
your fantasies become reality.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

*Brightspot

"Cheer Up! The worst is yet to come" ~Philander Johnson

"Common sense is very uncommon" ~Horace Greeley

"Words are the most Powerful Drug of Mankind." ~Kiplin

(in reply to saret)