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SherriA -> RE: Safety for Old and New (2/14/2004 6:45:17 PM)
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NOTE: you in this post refers to the generic "you" out there, not to chya specifically.
quote:
ORIGINAL: chya
have safe calls to someone that knows of your lifestyle at least every 30 minutes and set a time that you may leave the meeting to call so that your SAFE CALL will know that you are ok.
I know this is an unpopular position, but I've yet to get a satisfactory answer to my questions, so I'll ask them again here. What do you expect your safecall to do, exactly? Is s/he supposed to call the police? Will the police do anything? Are you sure and have you talked to local police to find out what their policy is on this issue? Many will do NOTHING if an adult is out on a "date" and doesn't call in at the appointed time. They'll insist you wait 24 hrs and file a missing person's report.
So, if calling the police isn't going to be effective, then do you expect the person who agrees to be your safecall to come and find you if you don't call at the appointed time? Does s/he understand the risks you're asking him/her to take? What do you expect him/her to do when s/he gets there? Physically confront your "date"? Take a battering ram to the door and come in on a white horse to rescue you? I'm being extreme, of course, but stop and think about it. Just what do you REALISTICALLY expect from your safecall? Is it really going to keep you safe? Or is just going to give you a false sense of security so that perhaps your internal radar isn't on full force? IMX, a safecall does little to protect anyone, other than perhaps making you *feel* safer when in actuality you're not.
quote:
ORIGINAL: chya
make sure you have a correct copy of ID from the person you are to meet
I'd NEVER give my identification to someone on an initial date, and if I'm not willing to give it I don't think it's fair to ask for it either. No one needs to know my driver's license number, home address, unlisted telephone number, place of employment, social security number, or any of the many other things that I've seen suggested in various places.
quote:
ORIGINAL: chya
Please use safe words at the beginning of any relationship so that you can get to know your potential partner
Another panacea, imx. I feel *much* safer using clear communication rather than code words, especialy with someone who doesn't know me well enough to tell the difference between yellow (my hands are getting numb) and yellow (if you keep pushing that way I'm going to be done) and yellow (ouch ouch ouch that HURT!!!!). Shortcuts like safewords are more effective once someone know you, imnxho. At the beginning of a relationship they can get in the way of good communication. There was a good thread on this topic here not too long ago.
quote:
ORIGINAL: chya
Always try to make it safe, sane and consentual
Ugh, don't even get me started on SSC. I do not, nor will I ever describe myself as a SSC player, and I tend to run rapidly in the other direction when anyone throws out that mostly meaningless mantra. What I do is often not "safe", many would consider it far from "sane", and even "consent" can be questionable in some cases (con/non-con scenes, for example). Hell, even the originator of the phrase is appalled at how it's thrown around these days. His article to about that is very interesting reading. I can provide a url if anyone is interested in it.
I think, if you want to be reasonably safe, you do just what you would in vanilla dating situation - listen to your instincts and do active on-going risk assessment.
-- Sherri
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