MistressDREAD
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Joined: 1/1/2004
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BD D/s &Sm Safety Tips
Making That Transition From Cyberspace to Real Life
At one time, this lifestyle was solely real-time. Close-knit communities were formed and they were mostly private. Now in the Electronic Information Era, there is Cyberspace and cyber communitiies, Where people can meet, explore, learn and play with others from the safety of their own homes, with some degree of anonymity. But how do we really protect our privacy and not compromise our own safety? There really isn’t a set standard, aside from using common sense.
We all know, “what seems too good to be true, probably is too good to be true.” And, at times, our gut instincts may say, “this doesn’t seem right.” But in the world of Cyber, there is one element that may set unsuspecting men and women up to become “victims” in a vicious game. It is a flaw in the cyber-structure that we ourselves have created and allowed to happen. Its the becomming public Our Lifestyle and now out in the W W W.
Can we make it right? No, the damage has already been done. But, we must reclaim the lifestyle and give it back it’s dignity,pride and Honor that once held these real-life private communities together in a tight bond. The tight bond of the private communities protected and educated, helped others to flourish and banished those who strayed from the BDSM law (so to speak). It is our duty to be the guides and educators for those who could easily become victims to the players of Cyberspace. When all of those who proclaim D/s as their lifestyle can stand up and firmly hold their heads high and vow to protect, guide and educate, then we can help to save an innocent and unsuspecting being from becoming injured or killed.
No matter how long you have known a Dominant or a submissive, you must remember “safety first”. Talk is cheap. A person may stake a claim to a certain persona that may appear to be desirable to a specific group of people. Although this lifestyle claims to hold true to Honesty being an essential and non-negotiable need, there are players who break this rule. You will simply never know if Master-Whoever is who he truly says he is till you have gained his real life information to do a back ground check.
You simply don’t know
..the person’s criminal history.
..the person’s economic status.
..the person’s psychological/mental or physical health conditions; disabilities or, potentially fatal or transmitted diseases.
..if the person is married or, if they have been divorced (or reasons why he or she has had numerous divorces). Some information may be conveniently omitted – spouse beater, child abuser, etc.
..the person may have drug or alcohol issues.
..if the person has violent tendencies toward others and is using the D/s lifestyle (and confusing D/s with BDSM) to act out fantasies or otherwise use it as a means of taming that need to abuse someone.
..if the person could be a con artist, and is only out there to take what it is that he/she wants and then leaves you cleaning up the aftermath.
Food for Thought
Someone may withhold information from you that you need to know until they have you at a disadvantage – you have given them your trust. Who will suffer the consequences? You? Your family? Your friends? All of the aforementioned! Use your common sense.
He/She is/has:
a convicted sex offender, or convicted of any violent crime.
chronic alcoholism or drug addiction problems.
anger control issues.
married and is only looking for fun, because their spouse isn’t giving them what they desire.
not really as experienced in D/s or BDSM as they claim to be.
and the list could go on and on. These are just a few examples.
How to protect yourself
Stay within an area that you know well, where people who you know can check up on you, unless you are a masocist and desire the thrill of not knowing sumthing and take your very life in your hands daily. If a Dom/me or submissive offers to purchase airfare, train or bus tickets to bring you to their home or hometown, refuse it and keep control of your first meeting even if it means driving your self there. If they are sincere, they will travel to you or meet you in a place that is not their home territory as well. Alienating you from your surroundings and removing you from people that you know leaves you susceptible to becoming a victim. I personally ask for next of kin phone info and make whom I meet tell call family members to state where they are at on a hourly basis on a first meet. Its just common sence and since I am real I have no issue letting My posible intended new posessions family know who I am where I am what I am and when I intend to become a part of their family members life and how. The laws in the land I live still look at Me as a person whom could be concidered dangerous by social standards because I am a Sadist, but unlike most Sadists whom hide what they are I do not for I am a Sadist whom is in control of My * kinks* and have no issue standing up for what I am and what I do and paying the price for that right to be able to say I enjoy this and that and have done so on many occations with Police Officers whom come to check up on My Home as a community service to see that those with in My Home are always S S C F because I am a Sadist known publicly and they desire to keep things on the up and up which I have no issue with and always invite so that they too can learn the differances in those of Us whom practice S S C and those whom are preditors and killers. It is the preditors out there whom harm and maime and kill, not those of Us whom admit to Our likes no matter how perverse society deems Us to be and give a service to the masocists of the world whom desire Our kinks.
Set limits, not just BDSM ones, but general limits: no overnight stays unless it is you who gets your own rooms with no commitments, no drinking or drugs, etc. Common sense limits. Until you feel most comfortable with the person.
NEVER give out your personal information over the internet to someone that you barely know especially if you are a sub or slave: if a person wants you to become theirs they will give you an address to send this kind of information and a phone number as well to check up on you and they will be willing to also give you the same information as well to check them out if they are real and truly commited to owning or being owned in real life. whole name, address, credit card information, social security number or other identifiable information that will allow for checking up on sumones statuses. This is a way to know if sumone is real or not because anyone whom is not willing to send their information for verification is hiding sumthing possibly and you have to remember to protecting those around you comes from not giving out info so anyone whom does not give anything of their selfs but claims to want it all be it Dominance or suplication tend to be sumone whom is hiding sumthing and being protective and if a person stated they are looking for real life ownership or to be owned are just as willing to give information that can be obtained ffrom any employment application for referal and check up befor having them come to your home and finding out to late sumthing is not right. Many people boast do not give any information out to anyone about any thing but I tend to disagree on this because if sumone is truly looking for another BDSMer they are secure in where they are and have no issue on giving this information out to those whom could be the next Owner or property and it is the gaining of information on sumone how it is done that is important. I am a Dominant and I have My business info on line that can be checked and used and anyone whom desires to come serve Me in MY HOME will fill out a application giving Me certain information to check out just as tho they were a nanny I was hiring to watch over My kids. Its as simple as that and if sumone has a issue with doing this and states they desire real l ife with Me then sumthing is wrong in the pudding if they expect Me to let them come to My Home with out learning details that can be verified about them befor they come to Me. and this can go the other way around as a slave I would be willing to give this information out after I checked sum status of the possible Dominant and see if they are willing to give out Addresses and phone numbers which to call Me on as well as a way to verify business info and the like if a Dominant has nothing to hide. Although it may seem to be a contradiction in terms, submissives who are being pursued by a Dominant should ask for personal information before meeting in real life; real name, address and telephone number business info a car tag info. These should be verified before a meeting is to take place and the same goes for Dominants.
Safe calls are important, but not always foolproof. Have a list of people on your person that you can check up with by phone and ask for the persons whom you are meeting licence plate to their car. This information can lead straight to information on the net of whom this is as it is public information and that in its self is a security stance. I give out My cars plates, My phone number at home and My cell number, My address to send snail mail and expect mail to be sent back as a way to secure that it is a good address and of course as I said a real DOMINANT will be settled and have a Home and Business info that can be easily checked or A employer at the least. Set up a password so if you are experiencing anything that make you feel uncomfortable, it is a private signal for help. Some word or phrase that you can say that will sound trivial. Such as, “I am having a great time” as opposed to saying, “everything is okay.” “Everything is okay” may be a sign to a predator that you are fearful, you don’t like him/her, or that you may have caught on to the game, etc. This is when a “poker face” is needed. Let those on your safe call list know where you will be, who you will be with and when you are expected to call in or be home.
No sex is safe sex, No scene is a safe scene. Until you know a person better and you have solid evidence that a person does not have a sexually transmitted disease by going with them for mutual testing no touching and befor you trust in a scene see what sumone says about them that has scened with them befor in real life, A suggestion would be to get a blood test done WITH the other person when it has been mutually decided (yes, mutually) that sexual activity is desired which includes a Aids test and TB test not to mention all of the STD tests and what not. It generally takes 1-2 weeks (perhaps less) to receive the results, but one can pay for a lifetime if you don’t follow this safety precaution. Don’t take the person’s word for it. We strongly urge you to go with the person you intend to scene with to retrieve the test results. It is easy to falsify a document with today’s computer technology.
Meet in groups, in public. This can be a foolproof method. How? Simple. You meet with the person and make it a double date. Have a fifth person sitting off in the sidelines. Meet in a public place. I had a slave whom was sooo commited to serving Me online and wanted to do so in real life and when the time came he drove down from New York to Florida at his choice to serve Me and when I met him at a public park to a hospital and he got to see that I was forreal when I commanded him to bow in public at My feet and quite strict in My ways to have him speak in third person just as I had been on line his statement was, I dident think it would be so much like the way We are on line but you really do expect Me to act and talk this way all the time? Its so hard I dont know if I can do this...... of course he ended up leaving unowned and I going back home slaveless as it was clear that he hadent any actuall real life experiance as he had stated and when faced with the real life lifestyle froze in complete fear of what he realized he was being asked to give up and I released him letting him know that this was not what he wanted even if he wasent aware of it yet and now he has taken on a vanilla life once again and will think twice befor taking actions in the heat of the moment for the cheap thrill seeking. Ask the Dom/me or submissive to stay behind for a half hour after you have left and have the fifth person that is unknown to the Dom/me or submissive stay behind to watch. This way, the person cannot follow you without you knowing about it. Make sure that the fifth person has a cell phone and you do as well, so that contact can be made at all times. Or, if you cannot afford a cell phone, simply walk 2 blocks, then circle the third block. As you do, the fifth person can come around the other way to meet you. So you will know if something is wrong if you see that person approach you.
Do not invite the person to your home or go to a motel with them on first meeting even if it is a long distance meeting. Some people think that if they get a motel room some place away from their residence, that they might be safe. No place is safe. Rape, torture, death and violence happen everywhere.
Ask questions frequently and document the answers. Truth never changes. If you ask the same questions and receive different answers from previous questioning, then perhaps this person does have something to hide.
Talk is cheap. It is easy for predators to talk the talk, sound so convincing and then later you find out otherwise, sometimes you never find out and it may be too late. Read what is between the lines, ask others in the chat rooms that the person frequents what they think of the person that interests you. Question the sincerity and value of their words. Talk until you are comfortable with the person. Most predators give up after 3 to 6 months (sometimes less). Not all, but most, look for easy victims so dont become one no matter if you are Dominant or suplicant.
On-line collars are becoming widespread and are now available with easy and convenient Velcro closures. Don’t accept a collar right off the bat of ownership[ nor give them but instead give a training colar or a colar of concideration. If someone forces you to take a collar, that person is not true to the D/s lifestyle. It takes time to earn a colar and a true relationship, if it is one on one you seek or even one of many and remember that most BDSM starts are not relationship based but scene based and there is no emotions involved in such a comming together, and a collar is symbolic of love and commitment.
Do not show signs of weakness. This is where a predator feeds, to reel you into their tangled web be they a Dominant preditor or a submissive preditors and yes, there are an abundance of both. They grab hold of what you fear and work from that, to give you the illusion that you need this person to protect you from harm. What it causes is this feeling of false-dependence or need as you will, which later will make you become their next victim.Remember: Safe, Sane and Consensual. Look for things like patience, kindness and even silliness. Do they lose their temper are they simply stern and strict or are they really trying to fix things, even if the other person is not willing? Dominants will tend to stand up for the little guy in unusual ways which might seem Demanding but are only used to gain attention to the problem seen. Little things like this go a long way. Real Dominants have genuine patience most times and display kindness as well as sterness when needed, and they possess a general sense of concern for everyone regardless of status and will give out information for all to use. They may be slightly reserved or even on the playful side, but they have the chivalrous side to them, almost gentlemanly or ladylike qualities that sets them apart from the poseurs. A true sub or slave will always be one whom shows respect for all others around them and their selfs never gaining much attention to their selfs in their actions and be patient as well as show kindness at every corner if it kills em. They have a inside aura that shows their need to serve and be protected and will naturally levitate to those whom can provide this in a S S C manner.
More of My rambling opinions that I am sure many will not agree with but over My Lifetime of BDSM living of 45 years and over 18 years online this kind of proceedures and ways has worked for Me and those around Me. OOOOH GAWDDD IM GETTING SO OLDD!!!
_____________________________
♥I only need 4 kinds of Animals in My life♥
♥A Jaguar in My garage♥ ♥A Mink on My back♥
♥A few Lions in My bed♥ ♥A Jackass to pay for it all♥
♥~smiles evily~♥
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REAL LIFE SAFTEY FROM A FEMALE DOMINANTS POINT OF VIEW - 
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RE: REAL LIFE SAFTEY FROM A FEMALE DOMINANTS POINT OF VIEW - 
, MistressDREAD, Bravo
~ She started out slow, but then She got really ruff. i knew the safe words, but was having trouble breathing and speaking.at one point She got out a long tail whip and snapped my ass about 20 times.
She got out a leather paddle with holes in it and little studs. Then She must have hit me about 30 times.
mind You i am 5'11" 140 lbs. 
I wasn't feeling too ancient and creeky till I read this. 
RE: REAL LIFE SAFTEY FROM A FEMALE DOMINANTS POINT OF VIEW - 
So Sir Estrict, the group had it's problems it disbanded about 2 and a half years ago~ at that time the groups where fitting about who was in-charge and what not. but times have changed, and we move forward. 
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