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punnishme -> RE: Non-poly woman w/poly man (7/25/2005 1:06:24 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash
I'm a little concerned as I am not so sure you are involved with a man that is poly, but more someone who plays the field. I guess that comes from regarding poly as a family type dynamic where everyone lives together and there is no outside interaction. In any case however, it is unlikely that someone who is actually mono, would ever be satisfied with any version of poly. It's not something you can conform to just because that's the situation you are in, unless perhaps you already have some curiousity and an exploratory spirit that makes you want to try it. It sounds like you tried it and don't like it, so getting away from it may be the best solution.
I have to completely agree with this post.
Many Dominants and submissives / slaves alike mistake poly for just playing the field plain and simple. i'm currently living in that situation right now but like your probably thinking showing this off in a poly form is the best way to get your questions answered. I completely understand and I'm doing the same thing.
Months prior to today I'm remembering circumstances that forced me to make a decission in my life, I never told the one i serve but it was a private, confidential promise that if the circumstance happened again I would have to leave no matter how much it devestated me.
Months later I am preparing myself for it to happen again and I am forcing myself to find out as much information I can about bringing others in and becoming lower than what I was before to my Owner. I adore the man, but if the relationship isn't going to work for me, it's going to ruin everyone elses fun too. Why hurt innocent people who dont understand what's really happening or going on especially when it's not their fault? They are not the ones who are suppose to be responsable. The responsability falls back on the Dominant, when a submissive or slave is feeling hurt, and unwanted it is the Dominants job to nurture, protect and inform the sub or slave in a possitive way, in a way such that the sub or slave isn't left feeling undesirable anymore.....
I'm not really considering my feelings to be jelousy but what I do consider it to be is me, myself, and i trying to protect MYSELF from getting hurt emotionally and mentally and it is my understanding as it should be yours that this is a consensual relationship we are talking about here, you have every right to explore your options, find the information that you want and make your decision based on that information.
I dont consider my owner to be selfish for wanting other people, wanting a variety, wanting someone else around when I'm not, but I do consider it selfish in a way when I say that I dont want to get hurt again, that I dont want to go through a previous circumstance again, and then have him turn around blame the circumstance on me, and get defensive, then tell me that He is the one with control. That's what I call selfish because with that He's basicly saying that He doesn't care about me, or what happens to me, not caring about all of the time, energy and money i've spent on him. I'm not saying that to backstab him, I'm not even saying that this actually happened because if it ever did my decision would be made at that moment, and it wouldn't be for his bennifit but, it would be for mine and i'd be gone.
The best information that I can give any sub or slave out there in this circumstance is to find someone who truely cares about you, who will look out for your best interest and not take advantage of what you do or dont have to give. If you ever need an ear or want to chat please feel free to contact me.
Edited to add:
I belive that Jerry is right, if this man is dating again, it's looking like what he wants is a variety, not a poly life if he's the only one seeing the other girls. The problem that I have with this: If he's not sharing the interest, if he's not discussing the interest and not interacting with everyone at the same time unless there is good reason (like he lives with a family member or there are kids involved) then he's just playing the field, wants a variety, and / or is hiding something major. I believe you also said something to the effect of he gave you something, what makes you so sure that he hasn't given the others something to and that's why no one sees anyone else but the Dominant here himself?
Dont play the game if you want to find someone that's worth your time, and who wont play games or lie, or get you involved in something you dont want to be involved in. Whether you stay or if you leave, your going to be miserable, if you leave now, the hurt will go away sooner, and if you stay and dont accept his lifestyle then well your only hurting yourself more than your already hurt. Trust me I know first hand all about this issue. Dont make the same mistakes that many of us have already made! I wish you the best of luck and my emails always open if you need an ear!
Punnishme
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