RE: A "line" in the sand (Full Version)

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zaynab -> RE: A "line" in the sand (8/29/2005 3:53:27 PM)

Hi Jewel,
I think what you have described sounds just about perfect. But I would get lonely sleeping alone most of the time. I'd probably request if we could get another sub to sleep with me lol. ~ zay



kyraofMists -> RE: A "line" in the sand (8/29/2005 6:02:33 PM)

Jewel,

It has been a couple months since your original post. I do not know if you are still in need of thoughts on the subject, but being a new slave to a poly family myself I thought I would share my experience with you. Unlike your situation, I am a slave in a House with a single Dominant and another slave. The dynamic is different, but I can relate with feeling the "outsider" at times. I know that it is not a feeling that neither my Lord or sis wish me to feel, and that it is more my perceptions that make me feel this way than anything they are doing. They have this history together of shared jokes, memories that I have no knowledge of simply because I am new to the family. It is not that they are trying to keep things from me but they are in fact eager to share their past and their lives with me.

What has helped me is effective communication with them both and most especially with my Lord since He makes all the decisions for the House. I keep a journal of thoughts that I write to myself and my Lord reads it; it helps Him grow in understanding of me and keeps Him informed of my thoughts and feelings that are so difficult to share at times.

We respect each other's boundaries and the relationship that we all have. I have a great need for private time. This is something that I have to have in order to stay centered and balanced in my life. I have a need for routine. As my Lord and sis know, surprises, even good ones, throw me for a loop. They took the time to learn these things about me and give me the space to take care of my well-being. I in turn, do the same for them.

I have an individual relationship with each of them. These are not relationships where if the Dominant were to no longer be around that the slaves would part ways. I have an emotionally, spiritually and physically intimate relationship with both of them. Making time for both of these relationships and them making time for me as well, helps me feel more connected to the House.

The three of us have a relationship together. I have said it before in another post, but the three of us have this chemistry when we are together. Others have commented on it and said that we all seem to just flow together. They let me know that I bring something unique and valuable to each of them and to the House. For them our relationship is a dream that has come to reality; for me, I am finally accepted for who I am.

When I am at home with my Lord and sis we usually share the same bed. There is a bond that forms just from simply sleeping with another human being that you love. It will not always be the case that we all share the same bed. For now, distance prevents me being at home for long periods of time. Once I move into the House, my Lord will create a room for us where my sis and I can have our private time away from the world. For now, we are all content to pile in bed together.

It also helps that I am secure in myself and that I have taken great effort in learning who I am and what I have to offer others.

These are some of the things that have helped me feel a part of the House. There are significant challenges but the blessings far out weigh them.

Hope that these thoughts will be of assistance to you.


Knight's kyra



krazysubbiekat -> RE: A "line" in the sand (8/29/2005 7:01:25 PM)

Well, I would like to add another perspective here. As a submissive who is very interested in poly relationships, I think that a two Dominant household would be very intimidating to begin with. Add that to the fact that you are in a long term loving relationship, and you have the makings for a very intimidating combination. In a single D/s relationship, it takes a lot of communication to find out if there is a fit there. When you add another Dominant, you have to explore two entirely different relationships. Given that there is a fit with Both, then you have to explore the dynamics between the trio. I think that everyone has to bring total honesty, open communication of needs, and basically a sense of humor.

The logistics of this thing...I think that it is important to include the third in the small things...coffee in the mornings, TV at night, cuddling at bedtime, decision making (what laundry soap...what color to paint the living room...that sort of thing). You would probably be surprised at how far these little things would go toward making a third feel like an integral part of the relationship.

From my own personal point of view, I would feel better about becoming involved with a primary relationship that is a secure as yours. Knowing that two people are that much in love, that committed to one another, would be very reassuring. I can't imagine the devestation of joining a relationship and then later that relationship dissolving for whatever reason.

I can only wish you luck in your search. And tell you that whatever submissive you chose to include in your family would be a verylucky girl indeed.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: A "line" in the sand (8/30/2005 8:58:02 AM)

quote:

Well, I would like to add another perspective here. As a submissive who is very interested in poly relationships, I think that a two Dominant household would be very intimidating to begin with. Add that to the fact that you are in a long term loving relationship, and you have the makings for a very intimidating combination.


This is something that I have finally come to believe, not that I fully understand it yet, but I am trying too.

quote:

The logistics of this thing...I think that it is important to include the third in the small things...coffee in the mornings, TV at night, cuddling at bedtime, decision making (what laundry soap...what color to paint the living room...that sort of thing). You would probably be surprised at how far these little things would go toward making a third feel like an integral part of the relationship.


We do include them in these things. Granted a very wonderful and wise submissive had to point out a few things to us... like the fact that we have two love seats instead of a sofa... that makes it hard to sit all together. So we are buying a sectional and getting rid of the loveseats...lol We don't insist on her getting up to have breakfast with us, she chooses to, after all, we get up at 4:45 am. And not only do they get to help decide on colors and such, I actually seek them out for advice. We don't want a third or forth wheel, we want members of our family.
quote:

From my own personal point of view, I would feel better about becoming involved with a primary relationship that is a secure as yours. Knowing that two people are that much in love, that committed to one another, would be very reassuring. I can't imagine the devestation of joining a relationship and then later that relationship dissolving for whatever reason.

I can only wish you luck in your search. And tell you that whatever submissive you chose to include in your family would be a verylucky girl indeed.


I can only hope that there are others that feel that way too krazysubbiekat... unless you're single.... lol Thank you for the wonderful compliment.

Jewel



krazysubbiekat -> RE: A "line" in the sand (8/30/2005 12:39:05 PM)

*BIG grin*



MaamJay -> RE: A "line" in the sand (9/4/2005 3:59:03 AM)

I can understand how difficult it would be to find a sub who is comfortable with two Dominants to serve, yet I know 2 different couples here (gay and straight) who seem to be making a go of it. Not to say the process was all smooth sailing! However, the teething troubles seemed to last about 6 months and since then all has been generally well other than the usual ups and downs of life. Their recipe for success? Take your time in searching, choose wisely, then communicate a LOT! And each combination has some together time and everyone gets a bit of private time too.

Spare a thought for this situation. Switch lady and sort of subby hubby as the primary couple ... then her subby side meets and falls in love with Master who eventually moves in from interstate. Imagine being the main Dominant in a new household, which You don't own, unable to find work, no family or other friends nearby and being younger to boot! There's no thoughts of sharing beds as the 2 men are NOT sexual in any way together. They probably wouldn't have become mates if they'd met in other circumstances. Who feels like the third wheel?

Answer later [;)]



ClassicV -> RE: A "line" in the sand (9/5/2005 1:29:20 PM)

I am often surprised to read that many dominants don't care for their property...esp in a "poly" household. After all, polyamorous means "loving more than one".



chellekitty -> RE: A "line" in the sand (9/5/2005 1:56:47 PM)

hi SJ Ma'am, its been a while since i've caught you and Scooter in chat and i thought i would throw my two cents in in this thread...

i have subbed to a Dominant Couple in the past and thuroughly enjoyed it...unfortunately, i wasn't able to make financial contributions to the household (am a full time student and trying to get thru that) so they released me...i try to keep in contact with them still, they have a collared slave now who they live with who served at the same time as me...she actually came into the equasion after me but was better suited for what they were looking for, so they sent me on my way with their blessings....she has her own room completely seperate from the Master and Mistress and has absolutely no problem with it...heck she's spent most of her life sleeping in her own bed, having her own room, she quite likes it that way...[:)]
as i am bisexual, i would love to serve a Master and Mistress, and all the much better if they are together, its like...for lack of a better comparison, having an set of parents that you get to choose....without all the incest ickiness...the support is not comprable to anything else i've found...adding a bro and sis to this make the family all that much stronger when they understand and agree with the foundations of this particular polyamourus situation....
while you're both Dominant, i suspect that one or the other has more power (in my past relationship, it was don't make Mama mad/upset lol so, she had the last say) and as long as all acknowledge this power structure and recognize that it does not diminish the power the other has it works great...

darn it, i don't know if i can do this monogamy thing [;)] maybe i can talk Him into a permanent sis or Mistress that would be friends with him...hmmm this sounds a lil backwards, anywho....
take care

chelle



Sylverdawn -> RE: A "line" in the sand (9/5/2005 5:45:53 PM)

I am Dominant by nature and so is the hubby.. and we are best friends.. we enjoy each others company, and are each others best resource in times of question, concern or strife. I would make only this suggestion having been in the sitituation.. CO OWNERSHIP.. which means that you and your partner have to really work to be on the same page. Espcially with fem slaves.. Im sorry if I hurt someone's feelings.. but girls fall in the LOVE with their Dom partners and if you arent in a co ownership place then it just leads to tension and the big JEALOUSY thing and the third wheel syndrome.

Why not make her bed big enough to share.. the one night a week you can all share or whatever.. make her room the *play room*.. Ive never understood the need for a sub to have a small bed...



MsPurrmeow -> RE: A "line" in the sand (9/6/2005 12:02:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJayThere's no thoughts of sharing beds as the 2 men are NOT sexual in any way together.


Jay,
I'm always astounded at how many people mix up two very distinctive words... bed and sex.
Believe me, it's entirely possible for two people to sleep on a soft surface in the same room without having their dicks magically finding an orifice to invade. Really! I kid you not. The darn things don't really do it... no matter HOW homophobic you are.

*sigh* Sounds like someone has some phobias to work through.

Purr



MaamJay -> RE: A "line" in the sand (9/9/2005 4:30:14 AM)

In reply to MsPurrmeow,

Point taken LOL! I didn't explain the situation well enough, My fault. It's not a homophobic thing, it's just a total lack of interest in each other in that sort of intimate setting. As both have said, they would probably have never struck up a friendship with each other if they'd met in vanilla circumstances. As it is, it has taken over a year for them to establish a working daily social relationship. Outside of the sort of play W/we do at play parties, neither would want to see each other being sexual with Me either. So sharing the bed just wouldn't work and W/we really wouldn't want to do it. To say nothing of the practicalities of having 3 people (and the cat!) all snoring at once and how the hell would I (being the one in the middle as I am when W/we all sit down together!) get out of bed to go and pee in the middle of the night LOL!

I know other poly households work very differently, where the 3 or more people involved are all intimate with each other. That's fine for them but it's not O/our thing with the personnel W/we currently have. But I'm a great believer in "Never say never" so things could change in the future. Anyway, thanks for Your comment.

Following up from My original post, people could be forgiven for thinking that Master was the one feeling like the third wheel. There are occasions when He does, but moreso it's been hubby feeling that way. Partly because he was expecting too much "friendship" (on his terms) from Master, (eg talking about motorbikes which hubby is into but Master isn't etc), and also because he wasn't adequately fulfilling his position in the household as My sub. That hasn't exactly endeared him to Me or to Master (because Master dislikes seeing Me distressed). It might have been easier if hubby was prepared to acknowledge Master as his Master, or at least as Master of the household, but that's not really been the case. Overall, he's ostracised himself by not making the agreed effort to fulfill his agreed role. However, W/we have recently had a bit of a watershed, changed the dynamic between him and I a bit, and things are rolling along more smoothly. Phew!

And before anyone jumps on Me like a ton of bricks proclaiming that "this isn't really poly" or some such thing, I would suggest not wasting your time. I'm not really interested in semantics, I believe everyone's poly situation is different. While I am interested in learning how different ones operate (and may find gems of wisdom that I can apply to this situation), I am not here to critique and hope others can resist the urge to do so. I share in the spirit of openness, not painting Myself with a target. However, I am interested in constructive comments. Thanks!

Mistress Jay



LadiesBladewing -> RE: A "line" in the sand (9/9/2005 5:24:31 AM)

This has been an ongoing problem for us. The dynamic we have is interesting, and I think it is overwhelming for folks when they meet us. It seems that once they realize that it really is two -dominants- looking, rather than a dominant and a submissive (and that we have a long history), it becomes daunting to figure out how to fit in.

We now have a more communal situation, which is a bit easier, but lends itself to some measure of transiency--so there is our core, which is stable, and a wider ring that "tries us on for size" and then goes on when the fit is not what they (or we) had hoped.



Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel



I've told you that because that is where that line in the sand comes from. When dealing with potential submissives, particularly ones that have never really experienced a poly family before, there seems to be this invisible line that seperates us from them. Jewel



LadiesBladewing -> RE: A "line" in the sand (9/9/2005 5:38:02 AM)

I am trying to understand where this came from, since it seems that most of us are discussing an aspect of -how best- to care for and welcome a servant in this type of situation.

As an aside on linguistics, for us, our preferred definition is POLYFIDELETOUS--We don't use polyamorous, except in the situation of lists where others may not understand our terminology. We share dedicated relationships, but don't necessarily call those relationships "love" from the early points. We feel that love comes only over time, and while we may enter into a relationship and develop the framework of commitment, the loving part comes after years of getting to know one another and coming to trust one another.

2 cents--and with inflation, that is less than one might think. *s*

Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassicV

I am often surprised to read that many dominants don't care for their property...esp in a "poly" household. After all, polyamorous means "loving more than one".



MsPurrmeow -> RE: A "line" in the sand (9/16/2005 12:02:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay
In reply to MsPurrmeow,
Outside of the sort of play W/we do at play parties, neither would want to see each other being sexual with Me either.


Do you have to have sex before sleeping? Honestly, any sexual activity in my house takes places during the day or evening when the other one is out of the house. I don't have sex with one and make the other watch, nor do we engage in threesomes. We still manage to sleep together every night (for 9 years).

quote:


... and how the hell would I (being the one in the middle as I am when W/we all sit down together!) get out of bed to go and pee in the middle of the night LOL!


Let me teach you some of my patented "middle-of-the-bed-gotta-pee" acrobatic maneuvers. I was concerned for a while, and with the Queen-size bed it always shook someone to half-awakeness, now with the King, I can get in and out just fine. (Caveat: This always depends on where the Furry Overlords have chosen to plant themselves.)

Good luck in making it work.

Purr



ChereeAmoor -> RE: A "line" in the sand (9/16/2005 6:39:39 AM)

I have two Masters, and there is none of this getting sent to a separate room after we are done playing. That is probably the fastest and best way to alienate someone. On another board, I suggested buying a Real Doll.

What was done to smooth the way? Not excluding anyone from anything. Easier said than done, I know, but definitely worth all the efforts and screwups!



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