That thin line....? (Full Version)

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ShiftedJewel -> That thin line....? (5/12/2005 10:23:43 AM)

I am part of a Dom/Domina polyamorous couple and recently we’ve gotten involved in a very deep (or what I consider deep) conversation about that thin line between inclusion and exclusion.

So, I’ve come here for opinions. Where is that line that separates a dominant couple from the submissive/slave(s). I see dominants and submissives/slave as equal human beings and only their chosen roles differentiates them in any way. So, my next question would be how do you avoid crossing that line between being an “owner” and becoming a friend instead? Please note, I used the word “instead” rather then saying “as well”.

How do you maintain the mindset of two “owners”, keeping your stance as the dominants, without excluding the submissive/slave(s) to the point where they feel less a part of the group and more of an outsider? And in the same respect, how do you bring the submissive/slave(s) into the relationship to a point where they feel that they are a part of the “relationship” with out crossing the line between “owner” and “partner”?

Jewel



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: That thin line....? (5/12/2005 11:06:44 AM)

Shifted I'm not really sure I understand your question- are you asking "how do you form a relationship that is based on the authority dynamic without the complications of also being friends?"



ShiftedJewel -> RE: That thin line....? (5/12/2005 11:23:57 AM)

quote:

Shifted I'm not really sure I understand your question- are you asking "how do you form a relationship that is based on the authority dynamic without the complications of also being friends?"


I knew this was going to happen... lmao

It's so difficult to put into words and make it make sense. Yes, I want the authority dynamic as well as a close emotional bond, it's very important to Us. My question is where is the line between holding that authority over the submissive/slave(s) while maintaining that bond as opposed to crossing the line and loosing some or all of that authority by seeing them as more of a friend then a submissive/slave? And how do you avoid crossing it? What is a good mindset to keep, like a focal point, or reference point, we, as dominants, can use to keep that line crisp, but not so crisp that the submissive/slave(s) feels like an outsider.

Followed by the equally hard to put into words... How do you (generic you) include the submissive/slave in the relationship with out putting them in the position of being more of a partner then a submissive?

I guess what I need to know and understand is this... is it appropriate to view them as a cherished and desired "pet"? And can that be done without loosing sight of their "humanity"?

Does this make more sense or did I do it again?

Jewel



kisshou -> RE: That thin line....? (5/12/2005 2:39:55 PM)

ShiftedJewel,

I have been reading your posts for quite some time now and they are always so clear. I would respectfully submit that in these postings somehow your emotions are clouding your logic.


"My question is where is the line between holding that authority over the submissive/slave(s) while maintaining that bond as opposed to crossing the line and loosing some or all of that authority by seeing them as more of a friend then a submissive/slave?"


You are the Mistress/Owner/Dominant only you personally know where that line is for you.

I am a slave, the focus of my life is to be found pleasing by the one who owns me. So , I do not see how a slave could feel left out of the relationship between slave/Owners.

From my understanding of reading many of your posts , you and your co -dominant are each others primaries. A separate relationship between only the two of you precedes all other current relationships. This co-dominant relationship is independant of the slave/Owners relationship. Iif the slave feels left out of that relationship then the slave is confused over his place (or maybe jealous or wanting more attention.

I would think it would be really hard to dominate someone else if you did not know what you want. So to me the mindset would be "I am the dominant, I know what I want and I expect to teach/train/use my authority to get it".






ansfrid -> RE: That thin line....? (5/12/2005 2:58:37 PM)

My simple question would be, do you want your mistress/slave relationship to be 24/7? Is it viable to spend day to day life being a close friend and equal partner, and to be a mistress when you choose to adopt the mantle, which could be a diverting 5 minutes, or an dedicated full day.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: That thin line....? (5/12/2005 3:07:29 PM)

quote:

I have been reading your posts for quite some time now and they are always so clear. I would respectfully submit that in these postings somehow your emotions are clouding your logic.


Or, worse yet, my logic is clouding my emotions?

You have some wonderful insights and in turn and given me the chance to step back and take a look at my own confusion with a clearer mind. Thank you.

Jewel



ShiftedJewel -> RE: That thin line....? (5/12/2005 5:25:12 PM)

quote:

My simple question would be, do you want your mistress/slave relationship to be 24/7? Is it viable to spend day to day life being a close friend and equal partner, and to be a mistress when you choose to adopt the mantle, which could be a diverting 5 minutes, or an dedicated full day.


It would be a Master/Mistress/slave, and yes, it would be 24/7. And no, I don't believe it would be viable to spend most of my day (as I do not work and am at home all day) as an equal partner. For me it is difficult to go from one role to the other, I would also be uncomfortable asking them to do the same.

Jewel



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: That thin line....? (5/12/2005 6:06:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I guess what I need to know and understand is this... is it appropriate to view them as a cherished and desired "pet"? And can that be done without loosing sight of their "humanity"?

Does this make more sense or did I do it again?

Jewel[/color]


I'm going with this since it's the part I thought I could really speak to.

Yes and yes.

When I talk to doms who say they have a hard time punishing or being harsh on their slave when they KNOW they won't like it, when they KNOW they aren't happy, I just remind them- the foundation of this relationship is on you having authority.

Of course you can love and cherish them, but above all they must respect your authority. Call it tough love, call it for the greater good, call it layers of a cake- ultimately, they made a commitment to serve and obey. If you allow that to fail, there's nothing left.

If you uphold the authority, the love will flow through it naturally.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: That thin line....? (5/12/2005 6:41:41 PM)

quote:

Of course you can love and cherish them, but above all they must respect your authority.


Just as we must respect their submission.

quote:

When I talk to doms who say they have a hard time punishing or being harsh on their slave when they KNOW they won't like it, when they KNOW they aren't happy, I just remind them- the foundation of this relationship is on you having authority.


Beautifully clear, concise and to the point. Thank you.

Jewel



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