developing as a switch

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developing as a switch - 8/29/2004 4:07:55 AM

MasterMyke

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/23/2004
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I have just been introduced to this lifestyle over the past year and have been participating and reading about it on line and in real life.
I have determined that I have been a switch for a lifetime and I have figured out that while I have both Dominant and Submissive tendancies I do not participate in real life currently and or in gorian practices.
My question to A/all of you is: How does a passive Switch become a good Master when the domminant part is not based on the physical (machoistic) view of life.
My litergical (religious) and moral beliefs do not allow me to fight in any fourm out side of sporting activity, butI can verbally, which leaves me appearing as a weak person. How do overcome this and how do I overcome emotional attachments on my part.

< Message edited by MasterMyke -- 8/29/2004 4:15:50 AM >

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RE: developing as a switch - 8/29/2004 7:33:44 AM

MistressKiss

Posts: 296
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I'm not sure I understand the question....especially the last sentence. I would warn you that entering this lifestyle on a serious basis is a prelude to developing emotional attachments. Perhaps I am reading the question incorrectly, but even those who participate and are not in love with each other usually form some sort of emotional attachments. I wouldn't play with anyone who didn't care about me in some form or the other, and it's much better when there is an emotional attachment...it does't have to be love. I think I need more understanding of what you are asking to help. My first inclination is to recommend finding a mentor both who is a Dominant and a mentor submissive that you can learn from. If you are lucky enough to find a switch who is good at both, all that much better. Best wishes to you.

_____________________________

"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

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RE: developing as a switch - 8/29/2004 3:24:03 PM

Destinysskeins

Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline

Greetings,

Hmm, not sure if i've got this right either but this is what i see you saying...

You are interested in developing yourself as a Dominant but do not have any interest in the sadomasochist aspects. You don't see how it's possible to be a Dominant without participating in these things. Right or wrong?

Ok, working on the basis that i am right (but of course!

)....

It's very possible to be a Dominant and not engage in SM. Control can be established in non-physical ways - voice, demeanor, positive reinforcement, etc. Punishment for not adhering to commands, control, orders, etc can also be non-physical - time out in a corner, removal of a priveledge, scolding, withdrawl of Dominant's attention, etc. I think that most would agree it is the act of disappointing one's Dominant that is the most disturbing for a sub.

Hopefully, i am on the right track.....please respond back in regards to that so that others with more experience in measuring out control and punishment can add to this and give you a better idea of how to proceed.

Oh, yeah....the idea of a mentor is a great one as well - perhaps look through the DaddyDoms type as i think you'll have the best luck in finding someone with a style similar to what you would like to achieve in that realm.

Well wishes!

_____________________________

Wilted petals fall from a rose like bitters tears wrung from a heart whose dreams have shattered. What hope for the future can be seen by eyes that are darkened with sorrow neverending?

i'm not manic-depressive, i just have an elliptical personality

(in reply to MistressKiss)

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RE: developing as a switch - 9/2/2004 6:53:22 AM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 480
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMyke

I have just been introduced to this lifestyle over the past year and have been participating and reading about it on line and in real life.
I have determined that I have been a switch for a lifetime and I have figured out that while I have both Dominant and Submissive tendancies I do not participate in real life currently and or in gorian practices.
My question to A/all of you is: How does a passive Switch become a good Master when the domminant part is not based on the physical (machoistic) view of life.
My litergical (religious) and moral beliefs do not allow me to fight in any fourm out side of sporting activity, butI can verbally, which leaves me appearing as a weak person. How do overcome this and how do I overcome emotional attachments on my part.

I suggest you find groups in your area http://www.soj.org/groups.html#other and attend munches etc. BDSM is an umbrella term for a wide range of activities, if S&M does nothing for you, that doesn't make you less of a Dom. I currently have 3 part-time subs in my stable, one client and two public play partners. For each person, I must keep in mind their individual styles, limits and boundaries. One of my part-time subs doesn't care for pain, except face slapping, he prefers service. Naturally, I keep pain to a minimum, focusing instead on developing my mental and verbal domination over him. I demand meticulous adherance to the rules I have set up for him.

As far as emotional attachment, a caring Dom/me gets attached to some extent, however my way of avoiding focusing my romantic feelings on one person, I have a stable. I can love, cherish and care for the subs without being "in love" with any of them.

Hope this is helpful. I have become a Domme who can bottom occassionally, I guess that still qualifies me as a switch.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

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RE: developing as a switch - 9/4/2004 7:26:50 AM

pixieunleashed

Posts: 105
Joined: 7/11/2004
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My question to you, MasterMyke, is;

What is your GOAL here?

In order to have any idea of how you want your question answered, I need to have your purpose for getting involved in the D/s "lifestyle". Why are you asking questions about how to become someone you claim to be in your user name.

My guess is that you want to impress a woman (hopefully a sub/slave cause it is really groovy to be able to boss someone around and get my way all the time) in order to lure her into a lifetime commitment (sex anytime, all the time, especially if she is a sub/slave).

I wouldn't be the first time I was wrong though, please state your goals clearly either to me directly via my collarme mail, or on here so that I can gain a better understanding. so that I may assist you further.

Who said getting physical was any way to gain respect or keep from feeling weak anyway? (think on that and try to figure out where you first heard that notion).

thank you for reading this, have a great day,

pixie

_____________________________

**please note that I realize that I am just as full of crap as everybody else, feel free to remind me anytime**

If you understand it.......you've missed the point.

[image]http://img33.exs.cx/img33/2424/pixieunleashed-2.jpg[/image]

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RE: developing as a switch - 10/23/2004 3:58:28 PM

tswhore

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline

Greetings. I am a lot like you are. I have a religious background; however, I have had a need for this type relationship. I started training with a mentor. He was able to lead me to this point.
I am a female, and I have been given a slave.
It is a process of taking each step and accepting it as you go. For example, one needs to start with basic stuff like spanking, and learn the terminology. I also recommend a Mentor to help you learn the lifestyle before going into it.
I am writing to you on my slaves site. My email address is [email protected]. I also have a group that specializes in helping the novice through the lifestyle.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

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RE: developing as a switch - 11/15/2004 3:54:00 PM

slutrobert

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/15/2004
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I am a switch, I enjoy most things. I used to be a straight dom male and over the years have learned to enjoy being a sub. I prefer to be sub if the female is dom enough.

[email protected]

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RE: developing as a switch - 11/20/2004 10:51:54 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 543
Joined: 9/9/2004
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First, you must understand that dominance is not sadism. It's an easy mistake to make, especially if you're new to the scene, but to be dominant is to be in control, to be sadistic is to inflict pain. Very often both traits are combined, but not always. I do not know why you would want to overcome any emotional attachments (to me, it is the emotional attachment that makes me want to rule or to be rules) but do not worry about your religious requirement towards pacifism. If you can roughhouse or play in violent sports like football, you can play SM games with a clear conscience. You do far more damage to a person as an athelete than you ever will in S&M, assuming you follow the proper safety procedures. Remember that BDSM is supposed to be consensual, as well. While there is a fantasy element of violence, it is not actual violence - it is a game, a sport, at which you and your lover play.

Pacifism is not weakness. I understand this, because I am an avowed pacifist as well. I have not struck another human being in anger since I was a child. I still have the will to interpose myself between a dangerous person and the people I care about, and I have been hurt because I would not willingly do anything to hurt the attacker, but I have still defended those whom I care about. I have often managed to defuse a potentially violent situation without any punches being thrown.

I am a sadist. I enjoy hurting people. This is a large part of why I am an avowed pacifist. I refuse to allow my darker passions to rule me, and if I became a "scrapper", I could very well lose control. Nothing delights me more than when my lover asks to be hurt, or if within the boundaries of our love play, I am allowed to discipline my lover. While I may inflict pain, I never cause harm. I do not injure, I do not maim, I do not maul. I don't even do blood play or play with needles (although I have allowed others to do so with me, if I trusted them enough, and if they desired it). What I do rarely even leaves lasting marks. I do not consider what I do to be a breach of my pacifistic ways, because there are certian very clearly defined lines I do not cross.

How you come to terms with your dominant self is really a matter of self-discovery. Play, experiment, learn. The universe is your laboratory, it's there so that you can experience it. Knowing that it is in you to be dominant, study what it is, to you, to be dominant (and not to anyone else, not to the author of a book, or the faceless mutterings of anonymous web users, or some person you met at a fetish shop, or an acquaintance from a play party or munch).

Since you identify as a switch, consider what it is that YOU desire in a dominant. What is your ideal? Try to become that person, or like that person. Your fantasy is essentially a projection of your own inner self, after all. Introspection is an invaluable tool for self-discovery and self-mastery, and if you can not master yourself, you will never master anyone else.

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SI HOC LEGERE SCIS NIMIUM ERUDITIONIS HABES

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