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chastity desperate - 3/30/2004 2:56:37 AM   
nic


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/30/2004
Status: offline 		my husband is my sub, he asked me to put him in chastity, we decided and it was so. in the beginning i teased him alot and then i gradually teased him less. he didnt like that much, we had a fight and he took the cb3000 off while i was sleeping. the next morning i felt weather it was still on it wasn't, his reply he wanted to see weather i was still interested in the chastity play. physical punishment is a problem as we live in a house with three children. i would love to whip his ass, put in a butt plug gag him show him pornos and make him pleasure me but the kids pose a problem. i have now asked him if he is ready for a new cycle and he said yes, but we must have more foreplay. i really need to play this game professionally like a mistress, but don't know how to punish the disobedient little shit!

please help = web pages, links, mail adresses, support groups, clubs anything.

we live in south africa

< Message edited by nic -- 5/3/2004 4:46:21 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: chastity - 3/30/2004 4:16:26 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 234
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		hide the key!!!!

_____________________________

"Yes, we women are inventive," she said. "Be careful. When you find your ideal, she might easily treat you more cruelly than you like."

(in reply to nic)
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RE: chastity - 3/30/2004 6:19:35 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1416
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nic

my sub is in chastity some times he gets cross and removes the belt what can i do to really punish him good so this does not happen again



Anyone who thinks their upset is reason for them to abandon their commitments is not ready for submission...or a relationship.

Perhaps a therapist is in order?

_____________________________

Suz

In honor of the impending ski season: If you're not livin' on the edge you're takin' up too much space!

(in reply to nic)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: chastity - 3/30/2004 1:03:42 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Huh? He should not be able to do that easily.

What kind of belt is it, the tissue paper model?

He can't remove it without your permission. That is a period. (Yes, with lawyers, guns, and money and other Warren Zevon songs everything is escapable.

The first thing you need to do is tell him of that fact since he thinks he can get out whenever he wants. Then if changes his mind; tough, he knew the rules.

If you are using a very escapable one, say with a plastic lock, use a pad lock. If that is a hardship with metal detectors, he brought it on himself.

If it is a design flaw for you, (I'm thinking of the acrylic screws in the water hole belt) change belts. Apparently security is a concern. Shop accordingly.

If you end up feeling guilty, remember this is what he said he wants.

If you and he (why am I assuming it is a he?) don't work it out then I'm afraid MizSuz is right. He's not ready for any kind of commitment in any kind of relationship.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to nic)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: chastity - 4/4/2004 3:53:52 AM   
UtahGoddess


Posts: 199
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
Status: offline 		nic

Not knowing anything more about the situation than what you have offered in your opening question, the part that struck me was you stated he "gets cross and removes the belt".

Removing his belt is his way of showing you he has withdrawn his submission......and that happened in his head before it happened externally. Are his needs being met? Is he cross for justifiable reasons or is it a temper tantrum?

Is this relationship a cyber relationship or a face to face one? Do you use chastity as a way of teasing and harnessing his sexuality and submission ..... or do you use it to punish him ..... or so you won't be bothered with his needs?

I don't have enough info about your specific situation to give you any advice except this.......You can always buy a better mousetrap, but it is useless if you can't lure the mouse inside.

Ms Sandi

(in reply to nic)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: chastity - 4/4/2004 5:12:43 AM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Ms Sandi,

Please do not change your profile to EstrUtahGoddess. (To let you in on the joke, Estrict and Estring are often confused and one is named Sandy.)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to UtahGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: chastity - 4/4/2004 6:19:52 AM   
UtahGoddess


Posts: 199
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
Status: offline 		iwill....

OK My blonde is seriously showing as I have no idea what you meant by that. LOL Neither of them are in Utah.

Ms Sandi

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: chastity - 4/4/2004 7:34:48 AM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Just a joke.

My body hair was blond. Then I had my ass shaved and it grew back brunette. I've been a smart-ass ever since.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to UtahGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: chastity - 4/4/2004 4:40:02 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Haveta say Suz hit it on the nail for me.

If they are *getting out*, there is a far greater issue there than the chastity device enabling escape. *That* is what needs attention and focus, not the device, but the underlying issue that causes one to resit, struggle, or withdraw where their submission is concerned.

Far bigger issue than getting another device. Chastity devices, in my opinion, only ought to add to the sense of being restrained, the REAL chastity should merely be in effect because I indicated it should be so. My indication that it is my desire and wish to have them be chaste *ought* to be enough. The device is really only symbolic in my eyes.

If they break their word, or escape their chastity, the ONLY one they are fooling or cheating there - is themselves. They are in effect cheating themselves of the very thing they state they are seeking - my control. To sabotage it, or get around it, only serves to create a self-made obstacle to the exact thing they dream would happen to them, so the issue there would be not that they escaped - but why are they deliberately - even if it is unconsciously done - seeking to prevent the very thing they were seeking in the *first* place?

That is the issue at hand there that needs to be addressed. Not the flaws in the device itself.

JMO, FWIIW.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: chastity - 4/4/2004 5:32:05 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Far bigger issue than getting another device. Chastity devices, in my opinion, only ought to add to the sense of being restrained, the REAL chastity should merely be in effect because I indicated it should be so. My indication that it is my desire and wish to have them be chaste *ought* to be enough. The device is really only symbolic in my eyes.


I thought it through and have to admit you are right. The device is the secondary issue.

Still, as one who wore a belt I have to agree on the quote but emphasize the "ought" more. It will vary for anyone but everyday the siren song of cheating by masturbating get stronger. Eventually I would need a crutch. (In that respect the belt is actually a kindness.)

If I ever really decided to cheat, it would mean the submission was not there, not that the belt was insecure. (I'd still look askance at that belt, however.)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: chastity - 4/4/2004 6:27:03 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1416
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Diva:

I agree with your assessment. I still also think that a very relevent and telling thing is that he gets upset and then removes his belt. In the final analysis, regardless of what the issues are, he believes that being upset is a good enough reason to abandon his commitments.

This says to me that he has the emotional maturity of about a 16 year old. My experience has also told me that in instances in which the subject has 'stunted' in their emotional maturation process the chances of chaos, drama and baggage are very high.

This would NOT be the game I would have signed up for.

It's a red flag for me.

_____________________________

Suz

In honor of the impending ski season: If you're not livin' on the edge you're takin' up too much space!

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: chastity - 4/4/2004 6:35:42 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu
Eventually I would need a crutch. (In that respect the belt is actually a kindness.)

If I ever really decided to cheat, it would mean the submission was not there, not that the belt was insecure. (I'd still look askance at that belt, however.)


The device *is* the crutch. *smile*

And yes, if you *willfully* disobeyed your dominant and their expressed wishes, then yes, you are *not* submitting. I think we all have those moments - not so much a failure as much as needing to learn a lesson and try harder next time - depending on the motivation for that transgression, of course.

The belt is merely a trapping of the action, so of course you will look at it with some trepidation - for it is symbolizing the loss of your control to dictate when you choose to have an orgasm. If you are one of those males that is used to beating off on a daily or hourly basis, this will be far worse for you than if you were a guy that masturbates once a month. For the obvious reasons. lol.

And btw, when the desire to please your dominant far outweighs your desire to get off despite the wait, or discomfort, or whatever your wishes might be, then you know you have found one to which you do submit to on a very profound level.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: chastity - 4/7/2004 3:31:16 PM   
SarcasticBitch


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/6/2004
Status: offline 		There are a couple reasons he might be removing the belt, none of which have to do with the design of the belt as everybody has pointed out already. One he's not ready for this level of submission no matter what he says. 2 he's not taking his submission seriously and is going to do what he wants to do, or 3 he's doing it to get attention. Talk to him and make him tell you how he's feeling and why he's taking it off. Don't accept "I get frustrated" as a response, if he's doing it for attention make it clear that any and all attention will stop if he keeps this behavior up, if he's not emotionally ready for the chastity belt put it aside and work up to it, and finally if he's just not taking his submission seriously, tell him to come talk to you when he's ready to behave like a submissive and not just a man who is going to be sexually fulfilled no matter what you say.

Trinity

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: chastity - 4/8/2004 2:41:15 AM   
tweetygirl


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline 		the issue of the belt is irelavent

the isusue is willful disobance he found the thing that would mess with you the most. It has nothing to do with the belt. if he removed a set of handcuffs it would be the same or if he did anything else he was told not to do. It sounds like he isnt serious or didnt want what he signed up for

Amanda

(in reply to SarcasticBitch)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: chastity - 4/10/2004 12:38:40 PM   
TalN


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SarcasticBitch

There are a couple reasons he might be removing the belt, none of which have to do with the design of the belt as everybody has pointed out already. One he's not ready for this level of submission no matter what he says. 2 he's not taking his submission seriously and is going to do what he wants to do, or 3 he's doing it to get attention. Talk to him and make him tell you how he's feeling and why he's taking it off. Don't accept "I get frustrated" as a response, if he's doing it for attention make it clear that any and all attention will stop if he keeps this behavior up, if he's not emotionally ready for the chastity belt put it aside and work up to it, and finally if he's just not taking his submission seriously, tell him to come talk to you when he's ready to behave like a submissive and not just a man who is going to be sexually fulfilled no matter what you say.

Trinity



I have to agree entirely. And the mention of the "need for attention" reminded me of a particular sub that took extreem delight in the challenge of escaping from any and all physical restraints. Otherwise he was very obedient, not defying the emotional and psychological restraints I place upon him. But when boored and left to his own amusement, what I called his "houdini syndrome" would kick in. A definite SAM, but if informed of specific punishment should he remove the restraint the problem ceased - usually. And yes, this was the result of some immaturity, but at least it was sometimes amusing.

Now I am wondering how he would have managed a really good chastity device.

(in reply to SarcasticBitch)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: chastity - 5/3/2004 5:01:59 AM   
nic


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/30/2004
Status: offline 		mam have you read my latest posting

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: chastity desperate - 5/3/2004 5:51:56 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1416
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nic

my husband is my sub, he asked me to put him in chastity, we decided and it was so. in the beginning i teased him alot and then i gradually teased him less. he didnt like that much, we had a fight and he took the cb3000 off while i was sleeping. the next morning i felt weather it was still on it wasn't, his reply he wanted to see weather i was still interested in the chastity play. physical punishment is a problem as we live in a house with three children. i would love to whip his ass, put in a butt plug gag him show him pornos and make him pleasure me but the kids pose a problem. i have now asked him if he is ready for a new cycle and he said yes, but we must have more foreplay. i really need to play this game professionally like a mistress, but don't know how to punish the disobedient little shit!

please help = web pages, links, mail adresses, support groups, clubs anything.

we live in south africa



My suggestion would be to find another submissive who keeps their commitments and play openly with that person, citing commitment as the reason you are refraining from playing with the husband. If he doesn't want to play by the rules, play with someone else who will.

_____________________________

Suz

In honor of the impending ski season: If you're not livin' on the edge you're takin' up too much space!

(in reply to nic)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: chastity desperate - 5/3/2004 12:47:14 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
bringing kink into your marrage and bedroom
is a worthwild effort to bring back life to a stale
relationship and kids can have sum say in the play
however I will suggest that if you choose to play
with D/s that when iin your prospective positions
both adhear to their rights and with a sub if they
choose to stop the play then it is stopped and as
a Dominant this is the tiime to discuss the reasons
why, but remember that the ball is in Your court
becuase as the Dominant befor any other kink is
used You must be also a partisapant and here is
where You say if you as sub do not do this then
I as DominanT will not do this either. take a walk
and take the paddle with You the thigh is a very
good place to apply on the sly around the block
and leave the kids at the House to clean an do chores
such for painful pleasure and humiliation into play
and if you intend to use paddling for redemption how
ever I FIND that using sumthung one dislikes for
punishment corrects the problem much sooner.
The keys never leave the Dominants posession
this was Your failure in this scene by not keeping
control of it with the key factor hence it failed and
the sub did not feel Dominanted. Try again and this
time keep Your Dominant Hand thru out the scene.

_____________________________

♥I only need 4 kinds of Animals in My life♥
♥A Jaguar in My garage♥ ♥A Mink on My back♥
♥A few Lions in My bed♥ ♥A Jackass to pay for it all♥

♥~smiles evily~♥

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: chastity desperate - 5/3/2004 12:53:53 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		OK
FYI
I DO BELEIVE THAT
THIS IS A MARRIED
COUPLE WHOM BOTH
USE THE ONE NIC- nic
FOR BOTH CORRESPONDANCE.
IN ONE THE WIFE SPEAKS AS DOMINANT
AND IN ANOTHER THE HUBBIE SPEAKS AS
SUBMISSIVE SO DONT NO ONE GET CONFUSED
OR MAYBE ITS ONE PERSON WITH A SPLIT PERSONALITY??
~~SMILES~`

_____________________________

♥I only need 4 kinds of Animals in My life♥
♥A Jaguar in My garage♥ ♥A Mink on My back♥
♥A few Lions in My bed♥ ♥A Jackass to pay for it all♥

♥~smiles evily~♥

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 19
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