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aching to be released! - 3/20/2004 9:12:13 PM   
smartasssub


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/19/2004
Status: offline 		To all the subs:

i'm aching to be released from my current Master, but don't want to anger Him.

There are a few probs with our "so-called" relationship; we have an online relationship and not only have i not met Him in person, He has not even provided me with a pic, even though i've asked a couple of times, and when i piss Him off, He refuses to call me, not for a few days, but WEEKS at a time.

i know that i'm being naive by even asking; but: do you think he's got a wife or g/f?
He told me that He did not.

Also, while i want to be released, i don't want to piss Him off, He knows too much about me, and i worry about the repercussions.

Suggestions anyone?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: aching to be released! - 3/20/2004 9:22:42 PM   
Estring


Posts: 1266
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You might want to start by taking the smart out of your nick and just go as asssub. How does he know too much about you, yet you have not even seen a picture of him? Dump the loser, and I bet he won't call you for years at a time!

(in reply to smartasssub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: aching to be released! - 3/20/2004 10:39:23 PM   
inyouagain


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smartasssub
i know that i'm being naive by even asking; but: do you think he's got a wife or g/f?
He told me that He did not.

Suggestions anyone?


He could be an axe murderer, or even a priest... any number of things, with the exception of a Master. From what you've said, he seems to be quite effective in his apparent hobby of Master Temp (I pray that's not his alter-name in his alter-real life, but will use it here for illustrative purposes only).

How is it that Master Temp has acquired so much apparently vulnerable/sensitive information from you and you don't even know what he looks like? You said it was an online relationship, but he would become angry and not call for weeks. That would infer you also gave him your phone number... a man you've never even seen or met?

If there ever were a real life parallel to the movie "True Lies", where Bill Paxton played the Used Car salesman that seduced women with his elaborate "Secret Agent Temp" schemes, this comes close.

IMHO, SAS needs to do several things to include envoking the "no Master wannabes clause" in whatever contract/agreement binds them to this foggy Master Temp. Release yourself before you get sucked in any further.

Another is to take a good hard sober look at yourself and determine what about yourself allowed you to find yourself in this situation. There lies your key to knowing and understanding exactly what you are actually offering to a Master (or a Master Temp!).

The big problem is that you have not found the only one out there... there's plenty more out there, and in some cases they may even be your own bored/unsupervised co-workers... think about it?

You need to adapt your own habits/nature in order to survive those who would demand your trust vs. earning it.

bravo Estring, well put!

Inyouagain

(in reply to smartasssub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: aching to be released! - 3/21/2004 12:52:46 PM   
feline


Posts: 804
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: GA
Status: offline 		i have to go along with the others. Lose him, and quickly. Who knows, he might be a nice guy, but do you want to take that chance? Change phone numbers, passwords and block him from your emails and anywhere else. You may even have to change your online name. But better safe then sorry. And then when all is done, sit down with yourself and learn from this experience!


Take care,


Thumbnail Image


Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~
Property of Master Anthony

(in reply to smartasssub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: aching to be released! - 3/21/2004 5:35:05 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Don't worry about pissing him off because

1) he ain't worth your concern, and
2) there is no way to "let him down easy"

You got good advice here. Change everything you know he knows. That means passwords, PIN number, etc. Close any credit cards he knows of. Close bank accounts he knows of. If he knows your social security number see a lawyer. (And wonder why the US government helps him in identity theft.)

For your sake, hope he is married. He would not want to antagonize you and have it become public.

In the end, learn from this. Seriously. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. (In metric, a gram of prevention is worth a kilogram of cure.)

Oh, if he knows your profilechange your name. (I like Estring's "drop the drop the smart from your name" idea.) Unfortunately that's not all you must do.

Your profile could provide other clues. If you list a city, change it to one nearby, or leave it out entirely. Instead of using the same profile description, write a new one. If you had a face picture on the profile, don't have one on the new profile. Depending on how paranoid you are you may even want to lie about your age one year. (I.E. if you were born in 1962 you might want to put 1963. You'll have to explain the lying in the future when you get a real Dom, but it may be worth it.)

The biggest thing, and to everyone who is not you it may seem obvious, give him no warning.

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 3/21/2004 5:46:07 PM >

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to smartasssub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: aching to be released! - 3/21/2004 6:35:57 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 730
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		For the life of me, I am wondering what I am missing. Why does everyone seem to be overreacting? She said he gets angry when asked for personal info, not that he is violent. For that matter, when he gets angry, he IGNORES her, not stalks her.

My advice is you flat out say: This lifestyle is about trust. For it to work, you must feel you can be open and honest in everything, and communication is a MUST. I am sorry, but I do not feel you are being open with me, so I feel it would be better if we both look elsewhere. I wish you well in your search.

There is NO reason to *assume* the man will do anything other than go away. Stop making people paranoid to end things :)

Oh, on a side note will, I think Estring was saying that a SN like hers make her sound like someone who is *playing* not serious, not that she should change it to hide. And, as she has no reason to believe she is in danger, to create a profile of lies will only make her look bad (as someone who isn't honest) in the long run.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to smartasssub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: aching to be released! - 3/21/2004 6:54:16 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 428
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Go offline...find new sites/chatrooms, etc...change your nick...and educate yourself about internet safety.

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: aching to be released! - 3/21/2004 6:58:49 PM   
Estring


Posts: 1266
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Sandy, I agree with you totally. That is why I told smartasssub that if she drops him, he may not call her for years at a time. The subsequent posts were talking about him being a danger. I think he will forget about her quickly and move on. Just as she would prefer.
And the reason I told her to get rid of the smart in her nick is because she is not acting smart in this instance. I was only being half serious. I think she was making an easy decision much too hard.
Now I see why we are so easily confused as to who is who.

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: aching to be released! - 3/21/2004 9:05:30 PM   
inyouagain


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EStrict
For the life of me, I am wondering what I am missing. Why does everyone seem to be overreacting? She said he gets angry when asked for personal info, not that he is violent. For that matter, when he gets angry, he IGNORES her, not stalks her.

What's the difference between angry and violent (specifically with regards to requesting personal info from an intimate partner)?

IMHO, neither anger nor violence are redundant, predictable, coercive traits of a repectable lifestyle Dominant. Especially with regard to personal information, and when the Dominant has acquired a vast knowledge, to include 'vulnerable info/data' (could include pics?), phone number, and who knows what else from the sub.

The way I saw it, the relationship had to be at least 'weeks old'. During the relationship, information exchange was obviously only 'sucked' upwards, and when info was requested downwards it encited anger from above.

IMHO, I also saw signs of co-dependency and starvation for attention, as I could not envision how a sub could submit themselves fully to a 'faceless & placeless' Dom.

My "boogerman spectrum" response was to her single naive question (which I quoted), of wondering "if he was married or had a gf". Her attention and awareness were romantic, and not realistic. She was trying to justify her faceless & placeless Dom's actions of anger... in a foolish romantic notion rather than in a human survival notion.

Notice she did not ever ask if her faceless & placeless Dom may be a bogus Dom, hell no... she's sold on his validity, and has opened herself way way up to him... without the benefit of even knowing what he looks like.

Perhaps you and others missed the level of her involvement, or lack of control that was evident in her post... just look at the title "aching to be released!" If this in fact was a sincere post, there was plenty of evidence provided to make observations of a sub in trouble, to which the biggest problem was realizations about herself she has not yet made.

What does one do, throw benefit of doubt to this post being a joke?

quote:


My advice is you flat out say: This lifestyle is about trust. For it to work, you must feel you can be open and honest in everything, and communication is a MUST. I am sorry, but I do not feel you are being open with me, so I feel it would be better if we both look elsewhere. I wish you well in your search.

There is NO reason to *assume* the man will do anything other than go away. Stop making people paranoid to end things :)

How could she get a word in edgewise, without his anger and 'isolation' mind control?

Your advice seems to be based on a 'new meeting or acquaintance', not on her described situation of an existing "co-called relationship" in which she has already poured her guts out (and obviously became vulnerable in some way due to info provided) to her faceless & placeless Dom.

I might add:

There is NO reason to *assume* the man will NOT do anything and simply go away either.
IMHO, erring on the side of caution is the better stance.

As far as paranoia:

IMHO, it is better to be paranoid than to always wish you had been...

quote:


Oh, on a side note will, I think Estring was saying that a SN like hers make her sound like someone who is *playing* not serious, not that she should change it to hide. And, as she has no reason to believe she is in danger, to create a profile of lies will only make her look bad (as someone who isn't honest) in the long run.

I took it as telling her she was not deserving of the prefix 'smart', a sort of spank telling her to look inward at herself, but not emphasizing a full blown self 'soul search'... akin to quit being stupid.

I further emphasized her lack of being 'smart' by my reference to the 'con man' movie character's schemes, so she could see herself in better perspective.

As far as advocating dishonesty, I never did.

Inyouagain

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: aching to be released! - 3/21/2004 9:23:42 PM   
sweetieboop


Posts: 92
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I also agree with Sandy. However, if it's a question of being afraid of him because he's made threats to you or something like that, then (I can't believe I'm actually saying this, lol) I agree with iwillserveu.

I think it would be safe to say that she made a mistake and has learned something from it. I don't think it's helping any (accept to make it worse) to keep pointing out her mistake. I know I've made some stupid mistakes in the past and have learned from them. I don't know what your situation is smartasssub, but when I came into the lifestyle I was brought into it by someone and then cut off to find out everything on my own. I didn't understand things and was not aware of all the fakes. So I made a lot of mistakes before I learned what I know now. :)

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: aching to be released! - 3/21/2004 9:58:10 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 730
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What's the difference between angry and violent (specifically with regards to requesting personal info from an intimate partner)?


To me there are many differences Sir. I get angry when the baby purposely throws his plate on the floor. I most assuredly do not get violent with him. I have seen people get angry when they step in dog shit. It doesn't mean they kick the dog. I know people who get angry when they get cut off in traffic. Most of them do not pull out a gun and shot the other driver. I could give you a thousand examples, but if you do not understand the difference already, it would be a moot point.

quote:

Perhaps you and others missed the level of her involvement, or lack of control that was evident in her post...


I missed nothing Sir, I just don't read it to be as dark as you chose to. Perhaps I do not read enough into it, but it is just as possible you read to much into it as my post suggests. I guess we will only know if/when she responds with more info. However, I do see no place where I make a joke of my observations.

Mind control? I don't see it. Sure, he ignores her and she doesn't like, but she is not so *controlled* that she isn't perfectly capable of seeing the very real possibility he has a g/f or wife and has the self presence to ask others.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to inyouagain)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: aching to be released! - 3/21/2004 11:34:11 PM   
inyouagain


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline 		While you may have missed nothing, you certainly did not see everything. I advocated this person see her own mistakes and problems which allowed her to be involved in such a lop-sided relationship, while encouraging her to question the 'carte blanche' validity of her obviously volatile Dom. You may have gotten other's comments overlapped with my own... I pointed her back to herself and the issue of her trust, not advocating her to lie, cheat or steal.

I posed a question to others in a clearly qualified context, and you wrote a paragraph of examples totally out of my designated context... but state you missed nothing? What has stepping in dog shit got to do with asking for someone's picture? His repeated anger over such requests certainly has nothing to do with a baby throwing a plate, or road rage... it's a tad more sinister, and very worthy of her concern.

Your comment about your interpretation of another's post included a refrence that she may 'be playing', and not serious... I take that to be an inference she may be joking.

As far as your opinion that I read too much into it, you are perfectly entitled to same, just as I am. I saw what she wrote, and of course I have my own opinion in which I try not to overlook the obvious.

Mind control? Yes, it is apparent to me who is controlling whom... all they have are their minds involved, as it's an online/phone relationship. She also has her heart obviously involved, but I don't see any evidence that he does. She is questioning his 'attachment status' as opposed to his validity as a shadowy faceless figure. She has thrown her trust to him obviously, as she provided him lots of info, some possibly incriminating or embarassing?

Exploiting romanticism and a hungry heart is a simple but subtle and effective technique and has been used since the dawn of time.

IMHO, being prepared for the worst and receiving the best is much more pleasant than being prepared for the best and receiving the worst.

It is unfortunate she has removed her profile, as I don't think we will benefit from further comments from her... thus this whole thread is essentially a moot point, a couple of foggy shadowy figures and another disgusting day in paradise.

Thank you for volunteering to not explain the thousands more of out of context moot point examples of differences I had not even questioned (that was very admirable). But I'm confused why you even bothered to post the several out of context examples of differences which I did not even ask for? It would appear to be a slur, but for the record it was an out of context slur... go back and read within the parenthesis of my question.

Perhaps I read too much into your slur, eh?

Inyouagain

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: aching to be released! - 3/22/2004 2:08:01 AM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It is better to be paranoid than dead because you were too trusting.

Just because you are paranoid does not mean "they" aren't out to get you.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to sweetieboop)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: aching to be released! - 3/22/2004 5:22:32 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1416
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		There used to be a book called "When I Say No I Feel Guilty." Perhaps you might start there and figure out why the notion of upsetting others is so abhorrant to you that you will keep yourself in a distressing situation just to avoid their upset.

This is someone you don't want to serve anymore - THE END.

Be honest, be forthright and be quick. He's grown, he'll get over it and so will you, eventually.

Watch for signs that you might need to make changes as suggested by others, but I predict you will find that it's not necessary.

Do you have his phone number or any of his personal information? There are ways to parlay that into other information should the need arise. As I said, I don't think the need will arise.

But what do I know?

_____________________________

Suz

In honor of the impending ski season: If you're not livin' on the edge you're takin' up too much space!

(in reply to smartasssub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: aching to be released! - 3/22/2004 8:59:33 AM   
Estring


Posts: 1266
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hey Suz, I think you know quite alot. Very good answers.

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: aching to be released! - 3/22/2004 9:33:08 AM   
EStrict


Posts: 730
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Well Sir, I fear we will have to *agree to disagree*. I see you reading too much into things (including things I have said), you see me as not seeing enough. It happens.

What will *not* happen is me arguing this with you. I am entitled to my opinion, you have done nothing to change it. The same is true of you and my comments it seems.

The only comment I will explain is the one about the dog shit that you seem to feel has no bearing. It was used to show a differnece between anger and violence. It was you that conteded there is no difference, I do not agree.

One last thing Sir. I wasn't speaking about you (nor did I say I was) with my comment about her changing her proftile being dishonest. Though people have confused me with others, I have never confused you with Iwill.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to inyouagain)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: aching to be released! - 3/22/2004 1:25:41 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Sandy,

I agree everything we said was a blatant over reaction. Look at the worse case scenarios.

1) she needlessly changes everything and loses time.
2) she doesn't change things because it is all unnecessary and regrets it.

Changing everything is probably overkill. Unfortunately the penalty for being wrong is severe. (Worse than a caning!)

I think this is just one thing we agree to disagree on. (Yes, I am paranoid, so?)


PS few worthwhile would think your post is an argument starter.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: aching to be released! - 3/22/2004 3:27:19 PM   
inyouagain


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EStrict
The only comment I will explain is the one about the dog shit that you seem to feel has no bearing. It was used to show a differnece between anger and violence. It was you that conteded there is no difference, I do not agree.


I maintain my contention that dog shit has nothing to do with my question:

quote:


What's the difference between angry and violent (specifically with regards to requesting personal info from an intimate partner)?


Since you continue to quote me out of context, I will explain for you, so you may hopefully realize that dog shit is not involved.

The presence of repeated anger or violence in an intimate partner setting is a huge red flag. Considering most other flags are in the green flag category, the red flag category of items includes excessive anger or violence... BOTH are red flags, NOT green flags.

In the proper context in which I presented my question, my point was, and remains valid. Anger and violence are both red flags with regards to requesting personal information from an intimate partner... both should exist in the same category, as "red flags" to the intimate partner subject to either.

I'm not sure dog shit is a red flag with regards to requesting personal info from an intimate partner, but if that is your opinion, that is splendid indeed. If it is your opinion that excessive anger is not a red flag issue... very well, quite splendid.

All I expect is that anyone quoting me simply try to offer "in-context opinion" and there will likely be much less "out-of-context debate/banter" over same.

Rodney King - Why can't we all just get along?

Inyouagain

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: aching to be released! - 3/22/2004 4:24:38 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 730
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

He has not even provided me with a pic, even though i've asked a couple of times, and when i piss Him off, He refuses to call me, not for a few days, but WEEKS at a time.


Hi SAS, since people are so concerned, can you please be more specific? Some seem to see him as being abusive or violent, and repeatedly. If I spoke to someone 100 times, and two or three times they got upset with me for asking something (especially if it was something he already said not to ask)(ie *a couple* as you stated), I have to admit I wouldn't consider that *repeatedly*. Also, you said that when you piss him off, he refuses to talk to you. Does he threaten you, tell you how stupid you are, tell you how worthless you are, or *just* ignore you?

Don't get me wrong, I do agree that there is reason to believe he is not what he says, but I just don't see the threats in what you have said so far. And just his being dishonest is enough of a reason to be rid of him. Trust is one of the most needed ingredients in this lifestyle to work.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to smartasssub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: aching to be released! - 3/22/2004 6:16:41 PM   
ShadowHwk


Posts: 156
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: Huntsville, Alabama
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smartasssub

To all the subs:

i'm aching to be released from my current Master, but don't want to anger Him.

There are a few probs with our "so-called" relationship; we have an online relationship and not only have i not met Him in person, He has not even provided me with a pic, even though i've asked a couple of times, and when i piss Him off, He refuses to call me, not for a few days, but WEEKS at a time.

i know that i'm being naive by even asking; but: do you think he's got a wife or g/f?
He told me that He did not.

Also, while i want to be released, i don't want to piss Him off, He knows too much about me, and i worry about the repercussions.

Suggestions anyone?


smartasssub,

Just my opinion, but it's my guess he is married or has a g/f. The fact that you have had (at least) a multi-week online relationship, yet he has not provided reciprocal information is a big clue. He is hiding something.

This is a pretty simple thing…. “Reciprocal information sharing”. EXCHANGE phone numbers. EXCHANGE pictures. Don’t give your phone number, picture, address, etc away without receiving the same in return. Use a webcam on BOTH ends of the conversation (way cheaper than a plane flight). If you are given a phone number – USE it at least once or twice to verify it. If it is a “wrong number” discontinue the interchange and move on.

In your case I would suggest telling him directly why you are moving on and walk away.

Peace and Light
Terry

(in reply to smartasssub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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