Why such problems with humiliation?

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Why such problems with humiliation?

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Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 3:48:59 AM

LadySadira

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

I have been noticing in the last few years (maybe 3 or 4) that there has been a huge swing away from humiliation play. I get a lot of Mistresses/Dominas/Doms etc telling Me that it's awful that I do humiliation play or "how can you be so cruel to a submissive, don't you know what they give you is a gift"
Well HELL YES I know this - I started as a submissive and am aware of the level of the GIFT given. However, I am wondering why - if two consenting adults are into humiliation play - why everyone has such a problem with it? It sort of facinates me I guess. I do of course have limits to how far I would take humiliation and of course if I am playing with a submissive/slave who I know has low self-esteem then I would not play in the area of humiliation. But, all submissives/slaves do not have low self-esteem. I have tons of men as well as women who approach me about having a humiliation scenes and more and more frequently are saying it's hard to find.
So, the question is - what is the hang up? If you can smack someone's ass or tie them up, have them call you Master/Mistress/Daddy/Ma'am etc then why the hang up with calling someone a slut or making them crawl on the floor?

Just curious?
Thanks
Lady Sadira ~

Post #: 1

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 4:56:21 AM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

Some folks just don't like it.

I enjoy it here and there with someone that also enjoys that but it gets old real fast usually for me. It's just not that huge of a fun button for me. I also tend to think when you do it sapringly it makes it a thousand times more effective when you finally DO go and do it.

That and it can be draining unless you are heavily into humiliating someone.

_____________________________

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(in reply to LadySadira)

Post #: 2

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 6:42:35 AM

Oumae

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

Whilst I may not wish to base a whole relationship on humiliation I do enjoy it at times ... it can be very freeing for the sub and I enjoy the rush.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to LadySadira)

Post #: 3

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 7:04:44 AM

Obeyher

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Don't know how widespread the trend away from humiliation may be, but I (and I suspect thousands of males slaves like me) thrive on it and love it.

Some posters here may be aware of forniphilia - human furniture. This form of humiliation is particularly exciting for both sub and Domme. Trust me, there are few things more erotic than being used as a footstool, doormat or chair by one's Mistress. For me, one of the most erotic of all femdom poses is for a Mistress to stand over a prostrate slave with Her foot on his head. This pose is humiliating, and is meant to be, as it represents elegantly and lucidly the proper relationship between the sexes.

Such explicit forms of physical humiliation also have an obvious link to concepts of Female Supremacy - which again, will strike a chord with many Women and men.

Happily embracing humiliation ;)
Obeyher

(in reply to LadySadira)

Post #: 4

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 7:34:49 AM

mariakneels

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/9/2005
Status: offline

i love to be humiliated and wouldn't want it any other way

(in reply to Obeyher)

Post #: 5

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 7:50:01 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 851
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Is calling someone a slut or making them crawl the same as humiliation?

I don't humiliate my partners simply because I can't, its not part of who I am. On the other hand my slave is a total attention slut -- not a humiliating thing to say, just a fact.

I think its all a matter of what two people call humilation.

Beyond this it sounds like the age-old problem of people feeling they have the right, maybe even the job, of trying to control other people's sexuality and relationships. I still think folks who do that are too insecure with themselves and thus try to bolster themselves by attacking others. SAD.

I say, LadySadira, that you ignore them if you can and if not, (it isn't easy to do if they get into your face) let your partner(s) know you need some care time of your own to be told that he/she/they love it when you humilate.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

(in reply to LadySadira)

Post #: 6

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 8:26:16 AM

wipmebeetme100

Posts: 192
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Some folks just don't like it.

O.K....they don't like it. I didn't realize that this was about what "i" liked.
If as a submissive a/o slave my owner strictly limited activities to things that i liked to do, where is the growth?

I am very interested in humiliation. Not because i like it....but because it is something that is very hard for me to do. Or maybe i should say that i like it because it is difficult to do. There is a great sense of accomplishment when your owner has demanded this difficult thing from you...every single cell is your body is screaming out...NO, DON"T DO IT!! You don't listen to that voice in your head...you respond as you have been trained...IMMEDIATE OBEDIENCE, WITHOUT QUESTION. To me there is no greater freedom.

Peace,
cathy

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

Post #: 7

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 11:24:53 AM

Sartoris32801

Posts: 172
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySadira

I have been noticing in the last few years (maybe 3 or 4) that there has been a huge swing away from humiliation play..... - why everyone has such a problem with it? It sort of facinates me

I have tons of men as well as women who approach me about having a humiliation scenes .......Lady Sadira ~

Are these statments a bit incongruous?

Perhaps it's just me!

Sartoris

< Message edited by Sartoris32801 -- 10/13/2005 11:29:11 AM >

(in reply to LadySadira)

Post #: 8

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 12:19:21 PM

fastlane

Posts: 1386
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Sartoris uses humiliation to make her point......LOL

Yes, you are right Sartoris, those statements are!

Now, back to my Geometry/English lessons.

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Sartoris32801)

Post #: 9

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 12:53:23 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Is calling someone a slut or making them crawl the same as humiliation?

I don't humiliate my partners simply because I can't, its not part of who I am. On the other hand my slave is a total attention slut -- not a humiliating thing to say, just a fact.

*grin* I understand completely.

And for me humiliation is a very different vibe from being erotic, and yet it greatly increases the erotic vibe most of the time. If you know femcar and her perspective, mine is pretty similar to hers (though it comes from a different source and she uses the energy in a different way than I do).

Whatever it is for me, it's extremely intense. I'd love to be able to do some of the humiliating things in public because the public aspect of it would be part of the humiliation. However, the scene public just wouldn't take kindly to it and that would mess up the vibe of the whole scene completely.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 10

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 1:32:18 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 1062
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySadira

I have been noticing in the last few years (maybe 3 or 4) that there has been a huge swing away from humiliation play. I get a lot of Mistresses/Dominas/Doms etc telling Me that it's awful that I do humiliation play or "how can you be so cruel to a submissive, don't you know what they give you is a gift"
Well HELL YES I know this - I started as a submissive and am aware of the level of the GIFT given. However, I am wondering why - if two consenting adults are into humiliation play - why everyone has such a problem with it? It sort of facinates me I guess. I do of course have limits to how far I would take humiliation and of course if I am playing with a submissive/slave who I know has low self-esteem then I would not play in the area of humiliation. But, all submissives/slaves do not have low self-esteem. I have tons of men as well as women who approach me about having a humiliation scenes and more and more frequently are saying it's hard to find.
So, the question is - what is the hang up? If you can smack someone's ass or tie them up, have them call you Master/Mistress/Daddy/Ma'am etc then why the hang up with calling someone a slut or making them crawl on the floor?

Just curious?
Thanks
Lady Sadira ~

My first thought ... that the people who are messaging you to tell you how horrible you are, are really trying to get their need to humiliate others served by abusing you rather than someone else.

If it's your thing, then great. If it's not theirs, and you aren't trying to force it on them, then it is none of their business. I agree with those who said to ignore the idiots. You've had your vent, I hope you feel better.

(in reply to LadySadira)

Post #: 11

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/13/2005 11:45:39 PM

LadySadira

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

Well, Sartoris -

If you don't like it - don't reply. I am asking for some honest opinions from fellow members of this community not nasty retorts. If you had read the post correctly, I was asking why Domiants seem to have a problem doing humilation play - not the the other way around.
To simplify - I have had a lot of male submissives stating that they have found it hard to find Dominas who will engage in humiliation play with them. A lot of these submissives go to Professional Dominas due to this fact.
I do hope that this has cleared up the statements that you found inconsistent?

Thank you,
Lady Sadra ~

(in reply to Sartoris32801)

Post #: 12

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/14/2005 1:11:09 AM

JustaTop

Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

The only real problem I have with humiliation play is those who seek it to reenact past abuse. In which case,one runs the risk of becoming identified with the one who did it ,to begin with. Never a healthy sort of dynamic to get involved with.

I do this stuff for fun-to to be an enabler to some sad-assed re-run.

(in reply to LadySadira)

Post #: 13

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/14/2005 2:52:26 AM

LadySadira

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

Just a Top -

Exactly - That is why I do heavy negotiation before doing humiliation. Also, I won't do it with anyone who has low self esteem. It's dangerous and as I like to build My submissives/slaves up not tear them down.

Lady Sadira ~

(in reply to JustaTop)

Post #: 14

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/14/2005 11:54:51 AM

londonsubm

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

Would say it's fallen out of favour for the same reason as there are so many money whores on this and other sites now.

BDSM has become more socially acceptable and knowledge of it more widespread, consequently you get a lot more "tie and tickle" people and chancers in general.

Personally i get off on humiliation more that any other activity, because it's something i wouldn't acept in vanilla life. That fact that i take it is evidence of power exchange.

lsm

< Message edited by londonsubm -- 10/14/2005 11:56:40 AM >

(in reply to LadySadira)

Post #: 15

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/14/2005 12:07:04 PM

realsumissive

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline

Lady Sadria,

It is my opinion that any submissive male who enjoys feminization, will accept, and even thrive on a bit of humiliation. This is unless he is one of the type that would like to spend every minute of every day as a woman, but without the cost of the surgery. There are many of them also.

My one thought is that if it were a man that wasn't shy, or insecure, and had some intelligence, then you may find it difficult to come up with a scene that would truly embarrass him. I for one would have a hard time getting overly embarrassed in a place where I didn't know anybody, and was certain that I wouldn't see them again.

(in reply to LadySadira)

Post #: 16

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/14/2005 1:18:26 PM

misstressbexuk

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline

i think a Mistresses/Dominas/Doms should use humiliation so that they know where they stand i also think a lot of subs like to fills this as it is something the would get at any other time or place

(in reply to realsumissive)

Post #: 17

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/14/2005 1:27:47 PM

realsumissive

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/10/2005
Status: offline

You have a point. Many subs visit a domme to experience things that they wouldn't in any other setting. I can imagine in most vanilla households, if a man said he wanted his wife to dress him as a slut and put hin in cuffs so he couldn't undress, she gladly indulge him. Then she'd take him directly to divirce court with possibly a quick stop at a sex therapist along the way.

(in reply to misstressbexuk)

Post #: 18

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/14/2005 4:26:24 PM

misstressbexuk

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline

if it was something i did not enjoy i could understand why but i have found that subs become more rounded when showen every aspect and humiliation is one of them

(in reply to realsumissive)

Post #: 19

RE: Why such problems with humiliation? - 10/14/2005 7:43:06 PM

LadySadira

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

londonsubm -

I really hope that comment about money whores was not meant towards Me? I am not a whore for anything. I live this lifetyle 24/7 and happen to work in this field for two reasons.
1) I freakin love it
2) Because there are a lot of submissives out there who do not want a relationship, but want to experience BDSM - and there is a call for people like Me and other Professionals who know what we are doing, and are not going to harm someone due to lack of knowledge.

If you have a problem with Professional Dominas then don't go to one - but don't put all of us in one pile.

Lady Sadira ~

(in reply to londonsubm)

Post #: 20

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