When did you realize you were submissive?

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When did you realize you were submissive?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive/Slave >> When did you realize you were submissive?

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When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/17/2005 10:37:28 AM

sissybri76

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

I was just thinking back to the time that I remeber saying to myself, "so THIS is how I feel" I was wondering what kind of experiences one had to lead them to the revelation that they are a submissive/slave? I know some are going to say, "I have always known/felt that way", which is valid :) Just curious:)

_____________________________

"Erin Go Bragh"

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RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/17/2005 10:49:15 AM

Isolde

Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline

I have always exhibited (my form of) submissive tendencies but I wasn't able to put a name to it until I was nineteen or twenty. An online friend of mine invited me to play on a roleplaying game that was dedicated to BDSM exploration. He was gay so he introduced me to a lot of the non-sexual aspects of kinky play (all online, yes, I know it wasn't real, etc etc.) and it struck enough of a chord with me that I started hunting for more information. That's when I realized I did identify with a submissive role, but I didn't call myself a submissive at that point. I felt somewhat less like a freak, though.

(in reply to sissybri76)

Post #: 2

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/17/2005 3:52:31 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Always been there. I figured it was just another weird part of me being weird.

I realized there was a WORD for it, a CULTURE for it in Nov 98 when I stumbled into a bdsm chat room while looking for cyber sex.

(in reply to sissybri76)

Post #: 3

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/17/2005 5:17:45 PM

Fawne

Posts: 137
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

I could say I always knew I was submissive, but I had no idea that the way I felt, my deepest fantasies, or the type of charismatic man I was drawn to had anything to do with SM!
Of course I knew that SM existed. Leathermen, masochist jokes + just didn't resonate with me.
Until one day I met a man who was an experienced Dominant. By the things he heard me say, such as- I have had to overcome submissive body language to succeed, I need to look up to a man with respect, on and on.
He assumed I knew. Shocked the hell outta me! I said "What the...!" He kindly explained D/s. Ohhhhh
So, being the curious type, as well as a student of life, I looked it up!
And there I was. Never would have guessed that love, honor + had anything to do with whips and chains!!!! Silly girl..

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 4

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/17/2005 5:54:49 PM

fourpeas

Posts: 242
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline

I had somewhat felt this way my whole life. I have always been the one to say things like 'It doesn't matter to me which movie we see" etc, so on, so forth, always been the one to run out of the way to do things for other people, to try and be as much of a servant as possible to the people around me. I knew I was like this my whole life but after I saw the movie "Secretary" I was able to put together the pieces. It was like. ohhhh... so THAT'S what that's about....

Right before I started becoming really unhappy in vanilla relationships, I was dating this guy who was in medical school. I really liked him at the time and I thought that he was "the One" whatever the hell that means. Well he was not really aggressive and so the relationship never really went anywhere. We didn't even fool around!! We barely even kissed! But at some point (through a random happening) I got a job working at a doctor's office. Shortly after that, and mostly because of him, I started feeling all this crazy desire to go to medical school and like, be some kind of doctor and I had all these fantasies of working with him and being his true and utter partner and sharing my life with him...

>.. And right after we broke up I was like WHOA...?!?! I'm not in any way shape or form interested in doing that?!? What was up with that? And then it all started to make sense to me, my desire to really meld with another person and dissolve somewhat into a bond with another person... Without losing myself.

So. And as for the kink aspects, I got spanked by someone accidentally once during sex and then had a boyfriend who was very rough, yet tender and loving in bed and whew.... that started a whole crazy thing for me :) There are many aspects of submissveness and I definitely feel that I am a service-oriented sub. My Dom and I prefer to say that I'm "in service" rather than just submissive. But I had these feelings a long time it was a matter of putting the pieces together in the right order.

(in reply to Fawne)

Post #: 5

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/17/2005 7:14:15 PM

perfection20005

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

I think that I have been submissive all of my life. But I didn't know anything about what to do with it till about a year ago. Thats when I met a man who got me started into the lifestyle. And I am so glad I finally knew what to do with it

perfection

(in reply to sissybri76)

Post #: 6

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/17/2005 8:04:23 PM

babyland

Posts: 12
Status: offline

I would say I knew I was submissive when I found it on the internet. That’s when I could actually define all those fantasies I had as a child. Then I suddenly realize, damn, I have been this way my whole life.

(in reply to sissybri76)

Post #: 7

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/18/2005 5:17:40 AM

mossy

Posts: 185
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

Have always been amazed that my first strong male domination fantasy was at age 12. Yet it was not until 27 years later, that my subconcious allowed it out again!!!
i find this an amazing occurance. Yet i find i am certainly not alone in this.

At age 39, 10 years ago i was finally able to re-connect with my submissiveness once again. Also remembering the guilt that 12 yr. old felt, and the 17yr. that tried the
rope/bondage on herself, and was immediately ashamed. Quickly points me to the reason 27 years passed, without a whimper. Spilt milk

(mossy runs obediently to get towel to clean up spill) <smiling no more time(or milk) was lost>

_____________________________

~~inner peace & mental clarity are my goals with a quiet non-judgemental spirit & a light heart~~

(in reply to babyland)

Post #: 8

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/18/2005 5:28:37 AM

kisshou

Posts: 704
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

It was not realizing I was submissive, it was realizing I was not the only person who was this way. That in reality, there were so many other people who had so many of the same feelings I do, that there was actually a term for it. That term being submissive. After finding that out , it was with great joy that I could now feel free to embrace being submissive when up til then I had been critisized for expressing my true nature.

(in reply to sissybri76)

Post #: 9

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/18/2005 6:08:50 AM

BlouLady

Posts: 148
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

I used to get into some wild fights with my husband,and he's so gentle it would really piss me off. I would do things to make him hit me. I know they say you can't MAKE someone hit you,but believe me if you smack someone a couple of times while screaming obsenties at them everyone has their breaking point. It would get me so turned on when he finally got mad that we would have really rough sex and I'd be content for a couple of weeks. Then the cycle would start. It's not that I'm a violent person it's that I NEEDED to be Dominated. Of course when I figured out that this was the problem I stepped back and really lookedat myself. I've always needed a man who was stronger then me,I needed to know he could take care of me. When I told hubby what I'd discovered life became easier.By this time he recognized the look and knew when I needed to be put in place.We've only recently discovered (in the past year) the lifestyle,but it's been a part of our lifes for years.

(in reply to sissybri76)

Post #: 10

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/18/2005 6:21:12 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 684
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
I just found myself 2/05.
It's funny but my Sister's been in the life for about 5 years and kept trying to invite me to a presentation.
I of course thought her brain had taken a left turnand would not even consider it.
I met a man in early Feb. who'd always wanted to try his hand at being Dominant. After two way hot vanilla sexual encounters, I though I owed it to him to let him try what he liked.
We went to a restaurant with me in a completely sheer shirt and tight slacks. Being I wouldn't have been caught dead in public without my bra, it was very different & stimulating for me. All the sudden every man in the place had his eyes on me. I was very excited and turned on.
Then we went to a toy store. I was not permitted to talk. He ask the clerk to help us. He said I was an anal virgin (which was true at that point) and he needed to start my anal training. I was blood red and couldn't even look at them. That really stirred new feelings inside me too.
We picked a few outfits to try on & went into the dressing room together. We did not try on clothes, but rather I kneeled in front of him and gave him head while he mercilessly fingered me to climax. We then went out and paid for the butt plug he'd selected and a book and went back to his place for some seriously hot vanilla sex.
After about a month he said he'd decided he actually was 95% vanilla. He unfortunately he said he'd decided he thought it was hotter when it was in his head. He went so far as to say he was tying me up and spanking me only for me as it really didn't turn him on so much. We parted as friends & now my Master is a man who's been int he lifestyle for 25 years. I'm very blessed to have his experience and knowlegde he affords me daily. I live and breathe to please him and learn from him.

Once I had experienced total domination I woke up to who I'd been my whole life. Not only did the light come on, the key be put in my hand, the door be opened, but I took it off the hinges & sent it to the dump never to return again in this lifetime.
I' have always treated the man in my life like my lord and master. I just never linked it to the sultry slut in the vanilla world to the sub inside.

I've been beyond on fire for my education in this matrix of power. I could never in my life consider being vanilla again. I would be bored to tears.
It's funny I use to crave getting laid all the time. Now I crave the other intimate attention so much more. It fulfills me in ways I'd never dreamed I'd want to go.

I have a bumper sticker I'd like to tell you about. It says,

"Don't worry it's only kinky the first time."

That's how I feel. Once I found my sub self, this is not strange to me any more. It's who I am, how I want to live, And one of the very best things that's ever happened to me in my life.

Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to sissybri76)

Post #: 11

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/18/2005 6:32:15 AM

playfullyHis

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/12/2005
Status: offline

As a child i was spoilt by my father, well all the men in my family really, i wasn t a particularly bad child but i got away with much more than i should have done...as a teen the trend continued, play up to men, bat your eyelids and pout behaviour, and it always worked, but there was something missing....it wasn t until 3 years ago that i started chatting online with a very intelligent, and Dominant man, of course He had plans for me from the start and gradually made me realise what had been missing all those years, i was submissive by nature, wanting to please at any lengths, but i needed discipline, i needed a strong, male figure in my life to guide me....He introduced me to D/s and i became His chosen one, from the day He placed His collar around my neck, i felt complete....thank You LM

(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 12

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/18/2005 2:23:40 PM

tigress31047

Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

As several others have stated, i also knoew i was differnt from an early age..when the other girls were reading nancy drew i was reading romance novels at age 10 and fantising about being captive to a rogue pirate and at His mercy. i just always thought i was weird...I have been through 2 marriages (vanilla) and never felt completly whole in either..after my 2nd husband passed away 4 yrs ago i started chatting on the net and ran across a guy in a yahoo room...after a couple of weeks he asked me what one of my fantasies was..I instanly came up with a bondage scene.His reply was "Are you into bdsm?" iI of course said no .. butit sparked a curiosity and i started researching.. I found Castle Realm and immediatly knew Ii was submissive...It would be hard to explaine the feeling joy and pleasure knowing finally that there was a term and a lifestyle to fit my desires and needs.. After alot of research and few fumbled attempts of being a sub to someone . I have finally found the One I want to serve and please (or rather He found me) quite by accident as neither of us were searching at the time W/we met.

(in reply to playfullyHis)

Post #: 13

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/18/2005 2:51:21 PM

shyguyuk

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/3/2005
Status: offline

ive been submissive all my life, in the way i act and live out my life..i think i found i was sexually submissive when i hit puberty and started to have fantasies about being punished (usually spankings ^^ )

mike x

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 14

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/20/2005 7:01:22 AM

Hissweetshiv

Posts: 176
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline

The light came on REALLY SLOWLY for me, lol. Over the course of a year, there was a "nilla" boyfriend who introduced me to little things, a few encounters in chatrooms, a few websites (yep CastleRealm was the first.) Overall, it was "oh! oh... hmmm... OH! WOW I GET IT!" lol

(in reply to shyguyuk)

Post #: 15

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/20/2005 12:44:46 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 476
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

I can trace it back to things I wrote as a nine year old, (women being tied up and interrogated, women astronauts landing on planets where the women were literally tied to their mates)...or further back to being the one always volunteering to take off my father's cowboy boots for him...Loved being at his feet.

My first b/f was very much in charge and I even provoked him to spank me in public once for bratty behaviour. I remember considering it a validation that he loved me...also loved being at his feet...

But, I didn't really get it until I was in bed with a very strong, but gentle, man in my early 20's and he pinned my wrists above my head with one hand...I felt a bolt of lightening go through me and for the first time it crossed my mind "Oh shit, THIS is what I have always wanted..."

Scared the heck out of me. (Not his bondage which sadly only lasted seconds) but the idea that I wanted to be tied up and taken. BTW, I loved being at his feet too.

I didn't get up the nerve to explore it until 5 years ago...ahhh, the internet...Met a local man online (I had no idea he was into BDSM), a few months after coming online, and he knew within 10 minutes of our first phone conversation that I was submissive. After a long patient conversation, I finally had to accept it. I met him offline and he was wonderful about introducing it to me...slowly, bit by bit, until I knew there was no going back.

I believe once you enter this lifestle, there's no going back. At least I've yet to meet anyone who turned their back on it permanently...although I imagine a small percentage do.

Cin

_____________________________

quote:

Merriam-Webster defines KINK as a clever, unusual way of doing something...and I'm okay with that!
~ Me ~

(in reply to Hissweetshiv)

Post #: 16

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/20/2005 3:01:14 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 3834
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I knew around 11...near 12 while taking human sexuality classes. Well sexual dysfunction was the name back then.
I could date back to things I remembered at 3 that I just did that were submissive.

I never fantasized though, it is a way of life for me. Not sexual. Even though I love sex and bondage.

_____________________________

"The dumbest people I know are those who know it all."

Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to sissybri76)

Post #: 17

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/20/2005 8:27:26 PM

faithNZ

Posts: 44
Joined: 11/28/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

For me, I was introduced to BDSM in a chat room about 4 years ago. The scenarios definitely turned me on (no question about that!) and it's something that I've explored, 98% of the time online, ever since. I have my own ideals and living where I do, it's not easy to meet someone with similar ethics about it as me.
But in saying that, I think I've always been somewhat submissive, in the respect that I like to please other people. Service oriented I guess, at least to a certain degree. I am who I am, put my own interpretations into what I read and take it from there.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 18

RE: When did you realize you were submissive? - 7/21/2005 12:08:23 AM

nenakajira

Posts: 191
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

Woohoo.. story time. :)

I was 16 or so and I got hooked up with an older guy.. well.. 22 or something like that. I remember that I said something smart ass to him after our date when we were sitting in his car chatting and he pulled me over his lap and spanked me. And I liked it.. lol. And after that I started hunting on BBS boards and I ran into GDV's site. After meeting her friends (bdsm'ers and Goreans) I started exploring and had some words to put to my feelings.
I suppose I was lucky. I got involved with a group much earlier than I should have.. but it made me realise that I was far from a freak. I've been a lifestyle slave for most of my life from that point forward. (13 years and counting, gods save me) :)

(in reply to sissybri76)

Post #: 19

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