Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 As the Collar Turns:
 Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home  Login  Event Calendars  Search 
Espanol  Deutsch  Francais  Italiano  Portugues 

When You are clearly wrong


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> When You are clearly wrong Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:25:15 AM   
kissmike


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline 		To the Dommes here...

i have encountered situations where the dominant in a given interaction was clearly wrong with respect to something of importance. It could be a point of discussion, or a simple proper social obligation, or basically something that could clearly be demonstrated as not proper. Having been called out as wrong, the Domme was exposed and reacted negatively. What would You do or feel if it was clearly pointed out that You were wrong in a given situation? Its kinda like being caught red handed stealing candy and then struggling to avoid embarrassment. In the case of a Domme, i have seen Her struggle like a cornered animal to avoid admitting fault. Have You ever been in this situation or have You witnessed this type of situation whereby the Domme's power is clearly threatened by admittance of fault. How would You or have You addressed the issue?

mk
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:29:34 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2052
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I think that if you corner anyone and point out fault that most people would get defensive, especially if the fault is pointed out in front of others.
Personally, I hate being wrong, but will generally admit when I am wrong if someone can back up their statements. Although, if I am in front of a group then I will fight to the death even if I know I am wrong, it's a pride thing.

_____________________________

Want something fun to do to?

Click here to visit me new store! Please let me know what you think of it

(in reply to kissmike)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:31:55 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1002
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

To the Dommes here...

i have encountered situations where the dominant in a given interaction was clearly wrong with respect to something of importance. It could be a point of discussion, or a simple proper social obligation, or basically something that could clearly be demonstrated as not proper. Having been called out as wrong, the Domme was exposed and reacted negatively. What would You do or feel if it was clearly pointed out that You were wrong in a given situation? Its kinda like being caught red handed stealing candy and then struggling to avoid embarrassment. In the case of a Domme, i have seen Her struggle like a cornered animal to avoid admitting fault. Have You ever been in this situation or have You witnessed this type of situation whereby the Domme's power is clearly threatened by admittance of fault. How would You or have You addressed the issue?

mk


Well, it would entirely depend on the situation. If we are talking a public dungeon with a DM, then the DM has final say. In public play situations, everyone should be well acquainted with the club/organization rules prior to play. If someone does something that warrents the DM to call them out, they are obligated to defer to the DM. Usually, this is an ideal sitation, in that DMs in these situations are usually qualified to make this judgement call; however, I was recently in a situation where a DM made a call that was uncessesary and I felt it was simply to flex his 'power' as DM. Regardless, the DM has final say.

Everyone has a breaking point...Dom/me Sub/Slave, etc. You deal with it an move on or you don't last very long in WIIWD.

Lily

_____________________________

If it's not fun, why bother?

(in reply to kissmike)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:41:10 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 960
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kissmike

To the Dommes here...

i have encountered situations where the dominant in a given interaction was clearly wrong with respect to something of importance. It could be a point of discussion, or a simple proper social obligation, or basically something that could clearly be demonstrated as not proper. Having been called out as wrong, the Domme was exposed and reacted negatively. What would You do or feel if it was clearly pointed out that You were wrong in a given situation? Its kinda like being caught red handed stealing candy and then struggling to avoid embarrassment. In the case of a Domme, i have seen Her struggle like a cornered animal to avoid admitting fault. Have You ever been in this situation or have You witnessed this type of situation whereby the Domme's power is clearly threatened by admittance of fault. How would You or have You addressed the issue?

mk


If a dominant cannot admit she is wrong and apologize like anyone else, that's a character flaw. Mind you, it's not only femdoms that do this. It's a character flaw a lot of people have, kinky or not.

If you are saying you're in a relationship with a dominant woman who can never show an ounce of humility, or a glimpse of weakness, or anything "undominant" then I think she might be insecure, or feel that these characteristics might compromise her power.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha'sWeb - All original femdom erotica and articles since 1995
http://www.akashaweb.com
AUDIO TRAINING Starts Feb. 22!** Relationship Help

(in reply to kissmike)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 2:33:36 PM   
MsIce


Posts: 56
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		When I am clearly wrong I have absolutely no problem with admitting that Im wrong and apologising. That is just a fact of life really. I had an issue a time ago with my slave which esculated into quite an upset. Once everyone had calmed we took time out to go for a walk and discuss the problem. The problem was that I had made a grave error regarding my treatment of him. We were at cross purposes, I thought he understood what I was trying to achieve, although to be fair I had never actually discussed it with him out of scene. He was totally confused and upset by my behaviour. It became obvious I was in fact in the wrong. I apologised. Problem solved.

IMO no matter what a persons demeanour we should all be capable of saying sorry, its not that big a word but carries a lot of power.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 2:51:39 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 2933
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kissmike
To the Dommes here...
i have encountered situations where the dominant in a given interaction was clearly wrong with respect to something of importance. It could be a point of discussion, or a simple proper social obligation, or basically something that could clearly be demonstrated as not proper. Having been called out as wrong, the Domme was exposed and reacted negatively. How would You or have You addressed the issue?
mk

Not taking criticism well is a character flaw, being Dominant not withstanding.
Perhaps it's difficult for some dominants as they may associate being called on something as being challenged, and the only way I could trully critique the Domme's reaction would be if I knew what exactly happened (the problem may have been obvious and would have been corrected by her as soon as she noticed, or not), how you pointed out the problem and where you did it.

I consider myself fairly honest about the fact that I don't know everything or even most things I'd like to know; I haven't a single problem with learning from a sub or anyone for that matter; but try to shove your ideas/will down my throat with disrespect or condescension, and you will find that I will lose you faster than you can lose a set of keys. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to kissmike)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 3:24:29 PM   
Shayna


Posts: 175
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline 		There are so many details missing I find it hard to respond. What would be most important to me is how do YOU feel about all this? If you felt betrayed, shamed, lied to and this event has weakened your trust for her, then it's a huge problem. You could be running down a dead end street trying to figure out what she was thinking/feeling. It's your life and its up to you to choose whom to be in a relationship with; I support you in choosing one that is healthy for you with someone you trust.



(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 3:32:54 PM   
MistressInNYC


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline 		Me, too.
I'd admit if I'm clearly wrong. I'm not "knowing it all" dominant nor am I "knowing it all" vanilla person.
Most of the posters said "character flaw" that's what it is and has nothing to do with dominance (to me).

A dominant should accept the fact she was clearly wrong, and then handles the situation accordingly as a dominant.
It would be more painful to lose an intelligent sub than losing my face in a moment.


(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 4:18:07 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 1850
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Just because one declares they are Dominant does not all of a sudden give them omnipotence- at the end of the day when the latex is hung away they are still human with human failings, carrying the whip does not make Me perfect-- it DOES charge Me with thinking clearly about My actions and decisions just as I do with My child, but I still make mistakes-- however there are Dommes who say they never make mistakes and bad decisions----must be nice--when I am I wrong I deal with it with the same aplomb I do in vanilla life--I do know a situation with a dear friend of mine, where the Domme is clearly in the wrong regularly and never admits blame-- its a bad situation--its always someone else's fault usually whoever is closest---btw whats with all these new postings about Dommes asking for money and not admitting error? Giving Domme-hood a bad name I'd say--<smiles>---

_____________________________

"I would rather 30 seconds of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Steel Magnolias

Mistress Hathor

Proud owner of subtoFemDommes--who is known as Her private label in training.

(in reply to kissmike)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:18:42 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 1329
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		-picks up a flogger and beats a dead horse-

If I were trying to tell someone that ten and twenty equaled fifty-seven point six I'd admit to being wrong. And I'd probably thank whomever (as long as they were informative and not condescending) for educating me.

I do not like being viewed as ignorant. If someone politely steps in and whispers a correction in my ear I'd be thankful to them for the information.

If someone takes something I said and tells everyone else how stupid I'd been to say such a thing I'd be less than pleased, defensive... and still wrong.

I can accept a correction. I would only hope that the person correcting me possessed enough tact to refrain from embarrassing me.

< Message edited by MadameDahlia -- 4/27/2005 9:29:52 PM >

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/27/2005 9:26:28 PM   
MsSilvie


Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. That's a wonderful feeling of freedom that some people miss out on. The ability to say, "Yep, I sure was wrong there, glad I know better, now let's move on."

I might take some offense if someone pointed out a mistake in a way that is intended to make me look bad in a public way. But guess what? I've made it thru those experiences. It didn't kill me. The bad feelings I have in that situation dealt with the fact that it was not done in the spirit of doing the right thing and mentoring/guiding. Not that I made a mistake. I make plenty.

Two quotes I like a lot:

Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.

Learn from my mistakes, you don't have time to make them all on your own.

(in reply to kissmike)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 4/28/2005 12:28:22 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 1216
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Dominant or not, I have no problem in being advised, in a polite, tactful and proper manner, of course, that I may be wrong about something. It could be anything from erroneous information I am disseminating, to a misunderstanding due to a lack of proper communication. And it doesn't matter who needs to point it out to Me: co-worker, friend, Dominant, submissive or slave.
And I apologize, and learn, and try to remember. W/we all have O/our faults, and if W/we refuse to see them, W/we cannot grow.
But then, I honestly do try to live by My favorite Zen saying below!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/28/2005 12:30:43 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
Please do not get caught in that place where you think you know. Zen
Don't put Me up on a pedestal if all you want to do is look up My skirt
http://www.nitetflirt.com/Dustygold Hypnosis available
http://www.geocities.com/goddessdustygold

(in reply to kissmike)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 5/16/2005 4:55:48 PM   
MistressJude


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/8/2005
From: Connecticut
Status: offline 		I have to agree with siamsa24 to a degree. It really all depends on how the submissive (mine or anyone else's) calls me on an error. I tend to me more defensive in a group by nature (kinky or vanilla) but if the person whispers to me or asks to speak to me away from the group and calmly explains where they think I'm wrong I will be far more open to processing their view of things and handling the matter from there - whether it is explaining why something was done/said or apologizing. But if a sub/slave (or even Dom/me) gets in my faces, makes a loud scene, or goes about some other obnoxious way to point out my mistake it seems like they're doing it to be malicious or to "take me down a peg." I have no issues with saying I screwed up and that I'm sorry - IF it's clear that I am and IF it's handled properly.

_____________________________

Mistress Jude
While I might not be your Domme I do expect some modicum of respect and I'll return the same.

(in reply to kissmike)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 5/30/2005 10:24:11 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 1062
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I just thought I'd bump this, as another thread has brought it to my mind again.

(in reply to kissmike)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: When You are clearly wrong - 5/31/2005 5:58:25 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 1447
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		I would...and have...admit fault, apologize if appropriate, and offer an explanation of my action, if I thought that would help the situation. If the error caused harm to someone, even minor harm, I would offer to make amends as well.

I would (have) also look a bit deeper. Like, for example, what was I trying to accomplish when I made the goof? Did my action succeed at all? Just a little? Have the opposite effect? What caused my error? Was it a simple mistake...like misfingering a chord or making a typo? Or was it because of some character flaw I need to work on? Not to make too much of this....sometimes a goof is just a goof.

The important thing for me is to admit it...every bit of it....correct it...and move on.

More coffee is needed here!!

Bob (DesertRat)

< Message edited by DesertRat -- 5/31/2005 5:59:28 AM >

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 15
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> When You are clearly wrong Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.070