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What should I know - 7/26/2004 2:42:51 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

OK, I'm going to date a woman who lists herself as a switch. In her profile she says she is 90% Domme. While I'm only 2% Dom I can stretch.

OK, seriously, other than "She's woman you idiot," is there anything special about her being a switch I should know? And won't she tell me or do I have to guess when she switches?

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

Post #: 1

RE: What should I know - 7/26/2004 5:14:59 PM

SherriA

Posts: 553
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Switching, for most of us, is about the energy we have with a partner, not about flipping a switch. So, if you push her dominant buttons then you really needn't worry about her switching roles on you (unless you're one of those rare folks that can push her submissive buttons as well, but it doesn't happen often).

You should also understand that she has two distinct sets of needs, and will probably need to have both met. That means multiple partners, usually, since it's rare to find one person you can switch with. If you can only fulfill her dominant needs, then it's likely that she'll need to have a dominant partner (or partners) as well. If you can't handle that, it's good to say so up front.

And, of course, like any other relationship (or potential relationship), if the chemistry/energy isn't there, it doesn't matter what percentage she defines herself as dominant, cuz it ain't gonna work regardless.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 2

RE: What should I know - 7/26/2004 6:42:08 PM

proudsub

Posts: 3896
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

is there anything special about her being a switch I should know?

Better take those paddles with you iwll.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 3

RE: What should I know - 7/26/2004 6:57:51 PM

SherriA

Posts: 553
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub
Better take those paddles with you iwll.

I know this was a joke, but it did bring something to mind for me.

Just because someone is a switch doesn't mean that s/he has any interest in switching *with you*. People seem to have a hard time realizing that. If the energy happens to flow both ways, then great, but imx that's quite rare. Generally the dynamic is one way only with a specific partner. So, if you approach someone with the understanding that you're looking for a submissive partner, don't expect that at some later point s/he will necessarily have any interest in dominating you.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 4

RE: What should I know - 7/27/2004 3:24:13 AM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

SherriA,

Can I borrow those handcuffs?

Seriously, thanks. I was hoping for the scret hand shake, but...

If there are needs I can't meet I can't justify any jealousy, but knowing I failed to meet them will bug me. (To change ME and only ME if I am internaly seriously wigged by it. If I'm bugging her by being bugged that is something I'm doing I can change or fail- I'm babbling, sorry.)

Proud,

Thanks for the joke. Just FYI I am not stupid enough to bring up sex until she does. Until then we discuss kids, diet and exercise, #$%^&in' Yankees, and are catty about what other people are wearing in the restauraunt. I can hope to subject comes up, however.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 5

RE: What should I know - 7/27/2004 7:40:56 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Oh, if I have not said it enough, "Thanks!"

<<I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day....>>

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 6

RE: What should I know - 7/29/2004 8:34:16 AM

Zoycite

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/15/2004
From: Hopewell Jct, NY
Status: offline

For a switch in general, I agree with SherriA. I am considered a switch because ti depends on the person I am with whether or not I am more submissive or more dominating. There is alsways that person who pushes you either way. I can be more dominating then anything else, but when I find the right person, I am their kitten.

For instance, my ex boyfriend, I was his submissive completely... my current, he is my slave. All in the chemestry deary.

Good luck on your journey.

_____________________________

"Love is a double edged emotion, both pleasure... and pain"

[image]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v19/zoycite/Untitled6.jpg[/image]

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 7

RE: What should I know - 7/29/2004 3:30:33 PM

atmt777

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

And i "thought" you were single Zoy. I think the man at the top should just gon on and wear the sub shoes on that date. A switch can read you if they think your a sub they'll dom in order to make you more comfortable the opposite is also true. At least thats the way it is with me an unfought unspoken power exchange. I feel a little above the exchange personally because being a switch i feel comfortable on the domi and subi ends, however as a man i get to choose when i switch and if i switch and i am coming to believe that with female switches it is more of an unconsious decision based on the mood.

_____________________________

Vs0.0 and a bag full of nuts...

(in reply to Zoycite)

Post #: 8

RE: What should I know - 7/30/2004 3:38:10 AM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Wher can I get a pair of these "sub shoes".

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to atmt777)

Post #: 9

RE: What should I know - 7/30/2004 9:01:53 AM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

SherriA couldent of said it better in her posts
there are many ways and forms of Switching so
be aware they might come out where you least
expect it. What should you know? Know that
if you hurt or harm Beckett in any way youll
have My rath to contend with as well.

Im just kidding

~~giggles~

but really Im not .....

.....so you better be nice....
~smiles wickedly~

_____________________________

♥I only need 4 kinds of Animals in My life♥
♥A Jaguar in My garage♥ ♥A Mink on My back♥
♥A few Lions in My bed♥ ♥A Jackass to pay for it all♥

♥~smiles evily~♥

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 10

RE: What should I know - 7/30/2004 10:09:35 AM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I know it was a joke but I better reply seriously anyway. Lady Beckett knows nd gave her blessing. This "other woman" whose name I'm too smart to mention knows of Lady Beckett. In fact, Beckett and I stopped becausae we misinterpreted her and thought we should. Then she asked how it was going with Lady whatshername. (Enforced chastity began at midnight last night. At 11:59:59 I had a ball.

)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 11

RE: What should I know - 8/1/2004 10:02:13 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Niceeeee

_____________________________

♥I only need 4 kinds of Animals in My life♥
♥A Jaguar in My garage♥ ♥A Mink on My back♥
♥A few Lions in My bed♥ ♥A Jackass to pay for it all♥

♥~smiles evily~♥

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 12

RE: What should I know - 8/11/2004 11:02:20 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

hehehe iwill!

All locked up and glowing - I love it!

lol

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 13

RE: What should I know - 8/12/2004 8:40:07 AM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

Shade! It is so good to see you back among us!!!! You've been missed, yanno!!!

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

Post #: 14

RE: What should I know - 8/14/2004 11:02:40 AM

MistressEden

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: atmt777
, however as a man i get to choose when i switch and if i switch and i am coming to believe that with female switches it is more of an unconsious decision based on the mood.

why is that men, even switches that seem to understand a little better, keep putting women in the non-thinking and only feeling role. I will say that it isn't an unconsious decision based on a mood that makes me switch but instead It is what I am picking up from my partner. I have gone on dates with men who claim to be dominate and can say all the right things but just don't the strength of personality, meaning the don't have the self assurance within themselves to be a Dom to me. Usually they come to realize that the chemistry is wrong and end any relationship. sorry atmt but you pushed a button with that one.

(in reply to atmt777)

Post #: 15

RE: What should I know - 8/14/2004 11:16:46 AM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

quote:

I have gone on dates with men who claim to be dominate and can say all the right things but just don't the strength of personality, meaning the don't have the self assurance within themselves to be a Dom to me.

Because they don't "get it". It isn't something they can "say", or a "look", or a style of "dress". You're right, someone either has the self assurance...or they don't.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to MistressEden)

Post #: 16

RE: What should I know - 8/15/2004 1:55:19 PM

Thanatosian

Posts: 688
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline

quote:

why is that men, even switches that seem to understand a little better, keep putting women in the non-thinking and only feeling role.

maybe because as humans we are prone to making generalisations, and, in general, women do seem to make many of their decisions based on mood or feelings

(borrowing Sinergy's line) JM, CBW, BTYG

_____________________________

Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to MistressEden)

Post #: 17

RE: What should I know - 8/15/2004 8:30:17 PM

Laura

Posts: 393
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Thanatosian

maybe because as humans we are prone to making generalisations, and, in general, women do seem to make many of their decisions based on mood or feelings

True, but mood and feelings don't come from nothing. Being with a certain person can put you into a mood. Situations give you feelings. Every mood and feeling is a cause and effect from something. I think Mistress Eden was right. I do get different vibes/ feelings from different people. Also when I've had a tough day I'm not feeling like I want to serve or submit. Mostly, it is based on reactions to outside things.

Do you really just randomly choose to Dom or sub on a certain day or is it based on something outside yourself?

I'm really curious, not trying to put you on the defensive.

(in reply to Thanatosian)

Post #: 18

RE: What should I know - 8/16/2004 10:39:10 AM

Thanatosian

Posts: 688
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline

I am afraid I cannot satisfy your curiosity, as I am a straight Dom, not a switch

_____________________________

Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 19

RE: What should I know - 8/17/2004 11:41:13 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett
Shade! It is so good to see you back among us!!!! You've been missed, yanno!!!

Awww thank you! *smile* That is very sweet. I *finally* have been finding little tiny chunks of time for me to have some *playtime* online. lol

::looking at all the posts on the boards:: You people have been *awfully* busy!

Yanno?

LOL!

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to LadyBeckett)

Post #: 20

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