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What makes a sub who they are?


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What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 6:03:30 AM   
michaelMI


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I am curious about what others think of this subject.

for me it's giving control to someone i can trust, honor and respect...three things i hold dear and live by. i have always been submissive, in my daily live, my work (being a server in restaurants is my favorite job, i get to meet new people and serve them...this is not to say that i would serve everyone in the lifestyle, just a preference to me)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 6:24:59 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		just a preference to you.....................you say.

ok....and?????????

you are entitled. don't let anyone tell ya---ya ain't entitled.

as to ME???????

i am naturally -------in a vanilla setting........as dominant as i can be.........macho ........loud------over bearing.........i don't take guff off anyone..........including many bosses i have had.....i enjoy telling people where to get off at. i'd just as soon as pop someone upside the head as look at em.

even around Mistress i am aggressive in my views and feelings. i don't roll over and play dead for ANYONE..........

but hey..............guess what?????? "I" am entitled TOO!!!!!!!!

have a good day

wolf


_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to michaelMI)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 6:47:00 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I have no idea why I am oriented as a slave any more than I know why I am oriented as a bisexual or why I love rope and bondage so much.

I can tell you what they do to me, what I like and don't like about them, how they shape my perspectives in the world.

But why...no clue.

(in reply to michaelMI)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 6:48:19 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1199
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelMI
i have always been submissive, in my daily live, my work (being a server in restaurants is my favorite job, i get to meet new people and serve them...this is not to say that i would serve everyone in the lifestyle, just a preference to me)


That is interesting, as a lot of submissives are submissive in their interpersonal relationships because they can not be submissive in their professional lives. They are teachers, lawyers, CEOs and what not, and need a place where they no longer have to be in control.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.
http://bdsm.taggard.net

(in reply to michaelMI)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 6:55:14 AM   
hawk58


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/23/2005
Status: offline 		Actually, in most instances, i am anything but submissive. However, i have accepted the yoke of slavehood to Master Hawk, and concede to His authority.

Why? I dont know. I dont waste my time trying to analyze it. I focus my time and attentions on how to best please Him and make His life easier and more important. If itried to analize WHY i do what i do, and why i am who i am- the focus would be on *me* not Him, now wouldn't it? Not a good idea to have my focus diverted from Him. Especially when my goal is to be the best slave i can be, meeting His needs.
-dove

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 7:29:01 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It's about melting. I like to melt.


(in reply to hawk58)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 7:57:57 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 212
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline 		A mix of nature and nurture, same as everything else that makes us what we are.

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 8:04:18 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 428
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelMI
i have always been submissive, in my daily live, my work (being a server in restaurants is my favorite job, i get to meet new people and serve them...this is not to say that i would serve everyone in the lifestyle, just a preference to me)


That is interesting, as a lot of submissives are submissive in their interpersonal relationships because they can not be submissive in their professional lives. They are teachers, lawyers, CEOs and what not, and need a place where they no longer have to be in control.

Taggard



These are a perfect example for the old submissive vs submissive dictionary debate. Michael I would hazard a guess would not be insulted by my calling him 'subservient'...it is inherent in his character, its what makes him tick, its what makes him happy, been helpful to others... if out and about, in an instant I can pick men and women as 'submissive' by their similar traits in interactions with myself and others... To me, this is what a 'submissive' is....subservient with a willingness to serve and be of service...a giving of oneself to the needs of another.

Whereas submission as described by Taggard I don't always see as been inherently about being a 'submissive' to anyone...rather submitting to an experience...they may submit but they are not subservient...

I've found one 'controls' the former and 'dominates' the latter.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 9:21:11 AM   
MistressYlwa


Posts: 52
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline 		Afraid there is not an absolute answer for this, that I can give.

In my conversations with others, they express it as a desire they have always had. They do not know why or where it comes from. It is just what it is.

Taggard has seen what I have, as well. People in power at work, who have contacted me, have a strong desire to give up that power at home. To be released from the stress and responsibility.

Don't know that this helps. Is just one more opinion.

Mistress Ylwa


You see what power is - holding someone elses fear in your hand and showing it to them! - Amy Tan

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 9:37:10 AM   
LilWhiteWolf


Posts: 58
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		I often wondered about this myself. I am definitely not a submissive person at work or in my everyday life yet with my Dom, it comes so natural. I have quit trying to figure it out and just enjoy it. The "sub space" i enter is the most erotic thing i have experienced so whatever or whoever has made me like this, i would just like to say THANK YOU !!

(in reply to michaelMI)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 9:59:50 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 1657
Joined: 11/1/2005
From: Upstate New York; living in Ohio
Status: offline 		In my life, there have been joys and happiness and worldly success, but the yearning for someone to take charge, be protective, know me intimately, never left me. i could not indulge these feelings and i also thought they were signs of weakness.

In jan '04, i found Castle Realm and it opened a whole world of new feelings and experiences. There were others like me...and Men who wanted them. i was amazed.

i think i have "felt" submissive all my life, but never before was in a place where i could indulge those feelings. These days, even after a few idiotic emails, i try to remind myself of that.

candystripper

_____________________________

Ovid's "Art of Love"
http://www.san.beck.org/AB5-EmpireofAugustus.html

Love hides a multitude of faults.. ~Anon.~

(in reply to LilWhiteWolf)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 2:38:43 PM   
girl4you2


Posts: 1259
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		i, too, cannot say why i am the way that i am. i just am. to be anything other than deeply submissive is not possible for me; it's not a choice. as an irish woman, i'm certainly not without my feisty temperment, but that shows itself mostly outside of a D/s or M/s relationship (or else sometimes it has consequences).

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.

(in reply to michaelMI)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 2:47:49 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 495
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

hey are teachers, lawyers, CEOs and what not, and need a place where they no longer have to be in control.


Very true, one of my best pony boys ran a fortune 500 company from the ivory offices and said that the root of his divotion to service was having to carry the weight of so many others future on his shoulders all day long.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 2:58:04 PM   
fredrik21


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/15/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know how valid my perspective on this is. I have no real experience in bdsm, so I can only reply based on my thoughts about it.

Anyway, from all these answers it's clear that the reasons are very individual. I'm not entirely clear about my own either, I have a mix of things that draw me to submitting. Giving up control (of course), pleasing another and making them happy, but the big factor for myself would have to be trust. I want to have that kind of relationship where I, in time, can trust someone else with my body and mind. It just seems so fulfilling. As I said though, with no experience, I don't know if it would be as fulfilling as it seems in my head. I don't know how much the first experience usually "dissapoints" because you have built a too good fantasy.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 14
What makes a sub a sub? - 11/11/2005 3:02:24 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		As is frequently the case, the answer is both complex and surprisingly easy.

I've spent the better part of my life trying to understand who I am and why I am the way that I am.

Sexually, I almost demand to bottom. I love to serve the female, cater to her needs, pleasure her to satiation. I enjoy denying myself my pleasure so as to satisfy her. I also enjoy and believe I deserve to be punished. The pain is cathartic.

The simple answer is how our sexuality is fixed (and when it is fixed), and that is dependent upon our parents, siblings, and extended families.

Our sexuality has a fixed number of modes of expression. Take a foot fetish. There are no elbow fetishes, no left sholder fetishes, and so on. There are leg men, ass men, breast men, but no knee men or forearm men.

Our complex sexual desires therefore have a finite number of avenues to express them.

One who enjoys pain with sexual overtones probably experienced physical punishment, heard about physical punishment, or otherwise incorporated these experiences with a longing for the approval of the parent.

That's my theory, in any case. It holds for me.

(in reply to michaelMI)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 4:28:29 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 244
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

hey are teachers, lawyers, CEOs and what not, and need a place where they no longer have to be in control.


Very true, one of my best pony boys ran a fortune 500 company from the ivory offices and said that the root of his divotion to service was having to carry the weight of so many others future on his shoulders all day long.


Or perhaps it is power understanding greater power. My work is demanding and I am in a hyper-responsible position: employees, budgets, deliverables!

Yet, when I met Him, I knew I had met someone whose own power dwarfed mine and instanteounsly I recognized his strength. I feel protected, cherished and serve him willingly. Wow! If my employees could see me, they'd never believe it.....LOL

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 5:19:51 PM   
krikket


Posts: 380
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		If i had a dime for everytime some toppy type told me i "don't seem or act submissive" i'd be a rich woman..well, maybe not rich, but i could buy me a couple cups of coffee..lol. i'm not submissive in my daily life. i can't afford to be as my job, my kids, my creditors, etc., all expect me to be in charge enough of my life to do my job, raise my kids, and pay my bills...

For that one special man i was lucky enough to find, if even for a short time, he saw not just the me the world sees, but the me that's inside that most don't bother to take the time to see. i try to remember i have once been so blessed, and that perhaps i shouldn't expect more out of life...

jimini

_____________________________

We could learn a lot from crayons: Some are sharp, some pretty, some dull, or have weird names, and all are different colors, but all have to learn to live in the same box.

Cor ad cor loquitur (Heart speaks to heart)


(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 6:19:49 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 721
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline 		in my working life im very in control and carry a lot of responsibility. i would not say that is why im submissive in relationship though, however it is a stress release in many ways.
Work is work, its just getting things done that need to be done etc etc etc
The real reason i love being enslaved is it feels natural to me. My slavery allows me to feel my femininity entirely and so deeply and that part of me just wants/needs/desires to surrender to a Man.

(in reply to michaelMI)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 6:45:32 PM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 1231
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		lil bits of what the3 posters before me.......said


_____________________________

The glory of a slave girl is that she is a slave: and the misery of a slave girl is that she is a slave.
"Beasts of Gor" page 56








(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What makes a sub who they are? - 11/11/2005 7:00:27 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I have always wondered at the wonderment and endless analyzation of this phenomena...........

Why does there gotta be a why?

Curiously,
Ron
Look, if you buy the assumption; you buy the deal.

_____________________________

"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

(in reply to fyreredsub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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