Too much of a good thing

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Too much of a good thing - 2/12/2006 12:22:09 AM

SabrinaRising

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Dread, Albatross...et all;

So being as new to all things poly as I am, I am finding all of a sudden that Dante was indeed right and gluttony is one of the deadliest of sins...wicked smile :)

From your long term experience...how many relationships...are too many relationships...meaning how many number wise? And I know that seems nonsensical...but look I am like a kid in the candy store right now...and hey...imma gonna get me some...however, I also have some grey matter...and I have a genuine concern for people and I don't want to be "less than" to any one of them.

So...a) how many is too many?
b) how do you make sure you have enough time for all of them?
c) In the Quran it says a man can have as many wives as he can fulfill, and treat equally. But I am finding I don't feel equally toward them all...if I feel less for some does that mean I should let those ones go? Should I only focus on the ones I am fully into on a number of levels?

Truly, I have a male perspective on this from several sources. But I would like a female perspective.

Thanks girls.

Sabrina

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/12/2006 10:00:52 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SabrinaRising
From your long term experience...how many relationships...are too many relationships...meaning how many number wise?

Depends on what kind of relationships you mean.

For many men, even the ones who CLAIM to want polyamory, more than one is too many. For many unstable people, even one is too many for them to handle.

However, if you're talking lifetime ongoing committed intimate relationships- 4 GENERALLY seems to be the limit. That's due to many factors and is not at all a solid number. This does not include casual partners, or partners in affiliation to a family type situation.

quote:

So...a) how many is too many?

When someone gets burnt out or feels like they are not growing into themselves.

quote:

b) how do you make sure you have enough time for all of them?

Time management. Everyones priorities and situations are different. I see my Boston partner about once a weekend every other month. I see my boyfriend every few months for a long break (wish it were more but we deal for now). I see my local partner a few times a week.

You have to work together, schedule, see what everyone really needs, see what everyon really wants and see what life will allow.

quote:

c) In the Quran it says a man can have as many wives as he can fulfill, and treat equally. But I am finding I don't feel equally toward them all...if I feel less for some does that mean I should let those ones go? Should I only focus on the ones I am fully into on a number of levels?

YOu need to focus on whatever it is that will get you to your goal.

If you want 10 sex slaves on call per night, you don't really need to focus on their education.

And no, no one ever gets treated "equally" in relationships. However, we can do our best to make sure everyone is as "equal" as possible when it comes to the overall health and solidity of the relationship. I have very different feelings for my boyfriend than I do my local partner than I do my Boston partner. I consider that a GOOD thing because it means all of my relationships are based uniquely upon them. I also make it a point to communicate with each of them HOW my other relationships work and how things all fit together.

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/12/2006 4:46:58 PM

KnightofMists

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only you can really establish what that number can be.

Modifiers to the number... up or downward will depend on many factors... to name a few

you own situation - responsibilities - emotional stability etc.

your partners situation - responsibilites - emotional stability etc

the type of relationship... degree of commitment/expectations between the people involved.

be your own judge..... of what you and your partners can cope with... discuss it with them!

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/12/2006 9:26:58 PM

SabrinaRising

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Thanks for the detailed responses.

So far so good...I think only I feel over extended. The boys all seem well and good. Not really inteding on making a stable. More extended family.

And I am going to agree that 4 seems to be the magic number....the problem I am having with 4 is now more and more keep becoming available to me. So, I struggle with do you keep the 4 you have, or do you shuffle some?

Ahhh, who knows. I think I have decided to work with what I have for now, they are a stable lot, not a stable Albatrossi...

I wouldn't ever want to treat anyone like chattel...not my game.

I think that you said something brilliant in this...the uniqueness of each relationship...and I am doing my damnedest to work on that.

Knight~ Thanks lovey...I think you're right...and I have heeded your advice herein in the past...communication, communication, communication...and thus far it seems to be working fine.

Sabrina

< Message edited by SabrinaRising -- 2/12/2006 9:28:08 PM >

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/12/2006 11:11:11 PM

CitizenCane

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There's no such thing as 'equal'. If you could feel 'equally' about them, would they be the same? If they're not the same, why would your feelings be equal? If their needs are different, but you treat them the same, is this fair or desirable? It would seem to be best for whoever fits your standard of treatment, and not so good for those whose needs diverge from that standard. What people deserve in any relationship is to be addressed for who and what they are.

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/13/2006 6:31:40 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SabrinaRising
So, I struggle with do you keep the 4 you have, or do you shuffle some?

Life shuffles everything. It's good that you're making an effort to really think through things, but I can tell you that there's nothing to gain in rushing. Let relationships evolve on their own, see what occurs organically.

quote:

I think that you said something brilliant in this...the uniqueness of each relationship...and I am doing my damnedest to work on that.

Time together through life helps a lot on its own.

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/13/2006 8:34:36 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SabrinaRising

And I am going to agree that 4 seems to be the magic number....the problem I am having with 4 is now more and more keep becoming available to me. So, I struggle with do you keep the 4 you have, or do you shuffle some?

This paragraph caught my attention. Maybe i misunderstood it. Do you mean, there might be "better" ones out there, so, is an option to get rid of some that you have to make room for better? That is how i understood it. If i did not understand correctly, please forgive my next reaction! my first thought when i read this is, people are not puppies (well unless you're a puppyslut...but that's a different issue)! Do you take ownership of people with the idea of, if someone better comes along you let them go? How secure can a submissive feel in an environment like that? my Master may take a 2nd girl, but has assured me of my security with him. If for a moment i thought he might get rid of me if something better came along, i could not possibly serve him as deeply as i do now, because my foundation would never be stable.

Obviously it is a Mistress's/Master's right to do with their slaves as they wish, but i don't understand the concept of shuffling people around like that.

Apologies if this came on a little strong, again - i may have misunderstood your intention in the first place.

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/13/2006 8:40:08 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Do you take ownership of people with the idea of, if someone better comes along you let them go? How secure can a submissive feel in an environment like that?

Pretty secure actually. After all, if they go into it knowing that this will be the situation, they accept it as right for themselves.

Some subs and slaves are fine with relationships knowing that they are only with their dom for certain reasons and should those reasons change, they will be given away, sold or released.

quote:

Obviously it is a Mistress's/Master's right to do with their slaves as they wish, but i don't understand the concept of shuffling people around like that.

It's a matter of output. A person who puts a lot into training and feeding a racehorse won't just let them out to pasture- they breed them, sell them, show them off, trade them, etc. Some slaves are fulfilled being in that sort of dynamic.

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/13/2006 1:54:57 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
It's a matter of output. A person who puts a lot into training and feeding a racehorse won't just let them out to pasture- they breed them, sell them, show them off, trade them, etc. Some slaves are fulfilled being in that sort of dynamic.

Goddamn, that is hot!

Taggard

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/13/2006 3:43:49 PM

Sensualips

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quote:

don't understand the concept of shuffling people around like that.

My impression was she meant shuffling schedules, etc...to make room for more.

Although there are some submissives that are compatible with the idea as a situation changes and evolves and relationship may evolve or end. In some ways it is more honest than promising "forever," even with good intentions.

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/13/2006 3:49:30 PM

amayos

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Obviously not a female, but take or leave as you see fit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SabrinaRising

So...a) how many is too many?

As many as you can manage comfortably. For me this is usually three or four, tops.

quote:

b) how do you make sure you have enough time for all of them?

By monitoring my own level of contentment. If I start to feel like I should be getting paid for the attention I give, there is obviously a problem. A submissive / slave is meant to elevate you and add to your worldly gain, not complicate your life or subtract from your pleasure.

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/13/2006 8:58:56 PM

SabrinaRising

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Amayos,

Thank you! That summed it up nicely. My sentiment exactly, I don't feel they should be complicating my life, but simplifying it and bringing me joy. I have one lil booger who seems be a bit of a handful....and therefore...the questions. If I were truly this cast aside sort someone has hoped to describe me as...well the moment he started showing the green demon and having pissy fits I would have dumped him off the quickest bridge...I don't work that way;however, I am not willing to put all my eggs into one over needy basket either. But that's just me.
I know a good deal of people who go about this, one at a time. And I know a good deal of people who like myself, take things as they come. I am more interested in exploring whatever fate throws my way...then primary focus on one slave until that slaves is perfect (does that ever really happen?) and then moving forward.

Someone else asked if I intend on shuffling them out...actually I value anything I take on. I also beleive I am taking responsibility for them. I am investing a good deal of time and effort and resources into them, I can't imagine just tossing them to the wind. However, I have finite resources and time and yes, if someone comes along...whom I am more interested in and proves to be of better value to me...meaning they prove more contributory to my life, et all...then I assuredly would find somewhere else for one of mine to go and take in the new one.
But, just as I wouldn't just dump a dog off, I would never just dump a pet off either...

Part and parcel to that I beleive it is important that those that I own know their place in relationship to me. They are by no means disposable, but they are most certainly replaceable...this helps them keep their focus and maintain their station. The race horse analogy was perfect.

That may sound harsh to you, but I found in my service that having finite rules with which to live in made my life extremely rewarding.

On this board people are talking about many nuancical relationships. Everything from just pure free love poly....to multi slave M/s. So it is understandable how we can all have varying attitudes toward those we love, or work with, or own; such as the case may be.

Sabrina

< Message edited by SabrinaRising -- 2/13/2006 9:06:39 PM >

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/13/2006 9:16:43 PM

ownedgirlie

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It was i who asked about shuffling, because i did not understand your intent when you posted originally. Thank you for clarifying so that i better understood. One of the questions i asked my Master before begging his ownership was just that - - as he holds the right to own other slaves in addition to me, would my station as his slave be secure? His reply was to the nature of, as long as i am pleasing to him, i would have no reason to worry about that. That was a good incentive!! He has also invested time and effort in me to teach me how to be pleasing according to his liking, thus helping me to succeed at my ultimate goal - his happiness and pleasure.

Often in posts, intentions are not seen behind messages. That is why i asked what you meant before deciding for myself what i took you to mean. i was glad to see your follow up. Thank you.

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RE: Too much of a good thing - 2/15/2006 7:26:28 AM

Dracironsgirl

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