Time Management and Mentors. How does it work?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> Time Management and Mentors. How does it work?

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Time Management and Mentors. How does it work? - 6/20/2005 7:21:41 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 684
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello All,
Thank you for reading my question.
I have just found the natural sub that's been in me my whole life in February this year. Prior to this metamorphosis and evolving process of my identity, I had been faithfully monogamous in all my relationships in the vanilla world.
As I am on a driving quest to fully understand how I personally fit in this matrix I've read tons of information, joined societies, and played in dungeons already. I've also been collared by a 25 year practicing old school Master. All the training materials warn that a new sub should not tie herself down to only learning from one Dom. My Master will permit me up to 4 private Mentors that will have access to all my orifices, and lot's of Dungeon Mentors to help me with my journey.
I have My Wonderful Master, and Two friends so far. One of them is actually the guy who convinced me to open my kinky door inside. As I care about all 3 in different ways I want to feel like I'm spending enough time to really develop bonds to each of them.
I'd also like to mention My Masters desires would override any other date I had, and he communicates with my other mentors in open play or I don't meet anyone. He has to approve of my choices before I can play privately and I trust his judgment 100%.

My first question would be how in the world do you schedule your time to not offend anyone? Finding time to make each mentor in my life have enough quality time, going to the society meetings and events I attend, and keeping up with my job, friends and family is hard to balance without feeling like someone's been left out some times or exhausting me terribly.

My second question would be why do a lot of Dom's think there must be something I lack in receiving from my Master to be permitted to play outside of my relationship with him? Shouldn't I be able to communicate here with anyone I choose? Lot's of Dom's tell me this is not typical. People keep saying I don't understand the Master/sub relationship to be searching for people I'd prefer to train under instead of my Master picking them all.

I appreciate any support in these areas I'm given as my inquiry is very sincerely felt, and I'd love to understand my position more comfortably.

sub suzanne

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RE: Time Management and Mentors. How does it work? - 6/20/2005 7:44:23 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

Well, it isn't a "typical" scenario, but that doesn't make it wrong. Whatever works for your Master and you really isn't anyone else's business. I know of at least two people here who can probably answer your questions a lot better than I, re the scheduling, so I'll leave it to them.

best regards,
f

_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to plantlady64)

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RE: Time Management and Mentors. How does it work? - 6/20/2005 7:49:58 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64
My first question would be how in the world do you schedule your time to not offend anyone? Finding time to make each mentor in my life have enough quality time, going to the society meetings and events I attend, and keeping up with my job, friends and family is hard to balance without feeling like someone's been left out some times or exhausting me terribly.

Hi Suzanne, don't know if you saw me Saturday, but I saw you again :)

How? You make sure that everyone knows your schedule beforehand, you make sure everyone knows where everyone else is on the authority scale and you make sure everyone knows that you put your mental health first.

For me, I send out group emails almost daily, updating schedules, asking questions. Even if it's not an event my Boston partner can ever think of making it, I still include him in the email so he knows whats going on in my life and feels informed. As long as people feel in the loop, they are ok.

Keep a tight calendar, put things on it as they occur and do not overschedule yourself. You have to be comfortable telling people no. Being new you're still somewhat in sub frenzy and wanting it ALL RIGHT NOW, but you will burn yourself out if you don't keep alone time as a priority as well.

But it can be done, there will be things you forget, everyone will be irritated at times, but as long as you keep everyone in the loop, all will be well. What I have come to call the "Owner Chaos Factor" will sometimes make everyone out of sync, but we deal, because that's what everyone accepted when they became a part of your life.

quote:

My second question would be why do a lot of Dom's think there must be something I lack in receiving from my Master to be permitted to play outside of my relationship with him?

LOL cuz they suck? I haven't have that impression at all actually, more just happy that they have such a cool person to play with.

quote:

Shouldn't I be able to communicate here with anyone I choose? Lot's of Dom's tell me this is not typical.

Lots of doms say lots of things. If you're obeying your owner, that's all that matters.

quote:

People keep saying I don't understand the Master/sub relationship to be searching for people I'd prefer to train under instead of my Master picking them all.

Those are known as "one-true-wayers."

quote:

I appreciate any support in these areas I'm given as my inquiry is very sincerely felt, and I'd love to understand my position more comfortably.

sub suzanne

I'm sure we'll see eachother at the Crucible and such.

(in reply to plantlady64)

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RE: Time Management and Mentors. How does it work? - 6/20/2005 10:48:05 AM

kisshou

Posts: 704
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64
My second question would be why do a lot of Dom's think there must be something I lack in receiving from my Master to be permitted to play outside of my relationship with him?

Thank you for starting such a wonderful thread.

I have a great respect for a Master who is secure enough in his control and authority over his submissive that he permits this. If you stop and think for a minute, nothing is really outside of your relationship with him because as you stated

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64
I'd also like to mention My Masters desires would override any other date I had, and he communicates with my other mentors in open play or I don't meet anyone. He has to approve of my choices before I can play privately and I trust his judgment 100%.

It sounds like you have a bunch of wonderful relationships going. Who the h-e-double hockey sticks "a lot of Dom's" to judge your Master, that to me is just wrong.

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RE: Time Management and Mentors. How does it work? - 7/4/2005 9:42:09 AM

wolfspirits

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

I Think They Judge Because Their Jealous, Some Are Ingnorant And Feel They Have To poke Their Nose Into Other Peoples RelationShips And Label Others Saying.... Their Not A "Good Master" Or Someone Isnt Submissive Etc. What Matters Is What Works For You And Your Master. So Your question, Your Master Is First, And Your Relationship To Him Is Top Priority, Next With Your Masters Guidence,Work The Others In. Radical Communication With Everyone, Check On Whats Happining With Them Their Feelings And So Forth. Then Tell Everyone That You Love And Care For Them And That You Dont Want Anyone To Feel Left Out (theres only one you) Make Out Your Scheldule Of All Your Time And Masters Time And Fit Others In. The Key Is Communication And Being Mindful Of Your Others.
Lady Silver,Of WolfSpirits.

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RE: Time Management and Mentors. How does it work? - 10/8/2005 10:18:33 AM

wipmebeetme100

Posts: 192
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

My first question would be how in the world do you schedule your time to not offend anyone? Finding time to make each mentor in my life have enough quality time, going to the society meetings and events I attend, and keeping up with my job, friends and family is hard to balance without feeling like someone's been left out some times or exhausting me terribly.

First establish the frequency in which you will see each of the people that you are involved with, once a week, once every 2 weeks, once a month, etc. Once i have done that i will then check and see if there are certain days that work best for each person, Jim 2nd Tues, Master T 1st & 3rd Fri., etc. I then get a blank calender page and fill the days and dates for the next month. I block off the days and time that my job requires. I block off any time that i have scheduled for any family activity, teacher conferences, girl scouts, etc. I write in any society meetings, events, play parties, that i would like to attend. (Don't forget to schedule yourself some FREE TIME). Now it is time to put the names of the people that i am involved with, in the preferred days based on the contact frequency. If my local BDSM group is having a play party the 3rd Fri of the month....this means i will be attending with Master T. This does get easier....you will find that a lot of your activities are reoccuring each month. I always e-mail everyone a copy of the monthly calendar a few days prior to the start of the month...and follow that up with a weekly break down each Sunday night for the coming week. By doing this i have eliminated a lot of questions...and wondering on everyones part. One thing i must point out....just because i do this each month does not mean it is carved in stone...it still must meet with Master's approval, as do any changes suggested by the others i am involved with.

Peace,
cathy

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RE: Time Management and Mentors. How does it work? - 11/5/2005 10:24:42 PM

jilleena

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

The biggest question you have to ask yourself and what should be your main focus is............is this what my Master wants? Are we happy? Am i serving Him to the best of my abilities?

Whether you are or are not is totally nobody elses business but His and yours. Everybody has an opinion, and they are entitled to it, but there is only 2 opinions that matter, His and yours. If other people don't like how He runs His household, then that is their problem not yours.

Continue doing what is right for your Master and yourself.

Honored to be His,
jilleena
House of Blackthorne

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RE: Time Management and Mentors. How does it work? - 11/6/2005 8:20:22 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
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oops.

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RE: Time Management and Mentors. How does it work? - 11/6/2005 4:45:27 PM

jilleena