Switches in poly relationship

Join Our Community

As the Collar Turns:

Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home Login Event Calendars Search

Switches in poly relationship

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> Switches in poly relationship

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Switches in poly relationship - 10/4/2005 5:09:55 AM

SIRSTAFFS

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

I don't know whether to post this one in this forum or the switch one, but i'll give it a go in here.

I was just wondering if a switch is necessary for a poly relationship, especially if it is live-in. I personally am intrigued by such relationships, but because i work away a lot I envisage a hierarchy would be needed if I was away for prolonged periods....where the switch could be mistress to the sub. Neither of them would need to work in the vanilla world, so they may be together for prolonged periods.

Perceived pitfalls:
*jealousy on the subs part if the switch enters the relationship later on
*the switch getting too free a reign to become the subs mistress while i am away
*domination from a distance can be tricky with bratty/feisty types

Is this predicament just pertinent to my situation or could a hierarchy aid a poly relationship?

Would having two-subs when true 24/7 can be obtained be better?

Particularly interested from people in poly relationships or where the relationship has broken down

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Switches in poly relationship - 10/4/2005 5:23:58 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 1931
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

I don't see it as "necessary" at all. Libby and I are poly. She's a switch and bisexual. I'm gender- and role-challenged. Some of the people we play with are switches; some are not. Some of them are bi; some are not.

Being switch and bi does add a certain degree of flexibility but it can also add complexity to the situation.

Short answer: Whatever floats your boat.

_____________________________

----
www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to SIRSTAFFS)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Switches in poly relationship - 10/4/2005 5:51:39 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SIRSTAFFS
I was just wondering if a switch is necessary for a poly relationship, especially if it is live-in.

No. In fact the most common poly relationship you hear about in bdsm relationships is one dom/multi slave/no switch configuration.

quote:

where the switch could be mistress to the sub. Neither of them would need to work in the vanilla world, so they may be together for prolonged periods.

That works for me. However, just because they don't have a vanilla job doesn't mean they will be together for prolonger periods, there's still work to be done, families to attend to, etc.

quote:

*jealousy on the subs part if the switch enters the relationship later on

That's no different than any concern in a poly relationship, no matter what configuration.

quote:

*the switch getting too free a reign to become the subs mistress while i am away

A reasonable concern, but I don't think the issue is too free a reign, but lack of taking responsibility for the reign and submission they have taken upon themselves.

quote:

*domination from a distance can be tricky with bratty/feisty types

Well you can either not get into relationships with brats (which is what I do) or train them better. Switch does not equal brat, nor does it equal power struggler.

quote:

Is this predicament just pertinent to my situation or could a hierarchy aid a poly relationship?

Depends on the people. Your issues are more related to training and communication, not anything inherent in switches or heirarchies.

quote:

Would having two-subs when true 24/7 can be obtained be better?

Better than what? Better in what way? Are you saying you are having to make a choice between "true 24/7" and "having two subs"?

(in reply to SIRSTAFFS)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Switches in poly relationship - 10/4/2005 12:08:31 PM

plantlady64

Posts: 684
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
Often in a poly relationship the first sub/slave in the Masters home is considered a queen bee or number 1. It means no matter how many other sub's come into the relationship the first mate of the Master usually has the authority to determine things like chores etc. when the Master's away. Some times the queen bee or 1st isn't the best one suited to the task of being a matriarch and then it would fall on whom ever the Master thought best fit the job.
I’d like to say overall it’s the Master’s choice as to who the family must listen to in his absence. Each Master makes his own structure. Really there’s no right or wrong answer as it’s what works in the specific unit that counts more than averages.

I don't think to be a switch would be a benefit or hindrance in these situations necessarily.
It would give the other sub's someone to play with in their Masters absence if they are bi, but a lot of subs in poly relationships are not necessarily bi.
In every poly family there is the chance of jealousy and problematic communications and again being a switch does not resolve these issues on it's own merit.

Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to SIRSTAFFS)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Switches in poly relationship - 10/5/2005 7:51:17 AM

SIRSTAFFS

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

cheers for the replys all....I guess poly relationships can get quite complicated unless the hierarchy is well established, which is why the autocrat at the top should decide the solution to the predicament on merits

(in reply to plantlady64)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Switches in poly relationship - 10/5/2005 7:55:27 AM

ChereeAmoor

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

What is necessary for a poly relationship is love and trust and respect and privacy and open communication and more time and courtesy and an extremely good sense of humor and all of that gets dragged into play just around the breakfast table. There is much more required than these few little things - as I am still working on getting enough coffee into my system, all of the above is off the top of my foggy little head.

(in reply to SIRSTAFFS)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Switches in poly relationship - 10/5/2005 8:16:35 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SIRSTAFFS

cheers for the replys all....I guess poly relationships can get quite complicated unless the hierarchy is well established,

Or not. Many poly relationships have no clear heirarchy at all and work quite nicely.

quote:

which is why the autocrat at the top should decide the solution to the predicament on merits

Or hold a joint session, or a full committee meeting to work out a solution with everyone.

(in reply to SIRSTAFFS)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Switches in poly relationship - 10/5/2005 6:43:59 PM

ScooterTrash

Posts: 267
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Hmm, no a switch isn't necessary as far as I can tell. I and my wife are both Dominants and it works quite well, although having sub/slaves around does fulfill those little "things" we simply can't or won't do for each other (since we don't switch)...lol.

_____________________________

Scooter.....It's not the destination..it's the journey

(in reply to SIRSTAFFS)

Profile

Post #: 8