Switches in a sub role of D/s

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Switches in a sub role of D/s - 7/8/2005 12:23:59 PM

pandoravampire

Posts: 319
Joined: 12/6/2004
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i am confused about a question asked of me.
Im in a D/s hetti relationship that is monogamous. I identify myself as a bi switch. Spent all my bdsm ltd experience as that, until i met my Sir.
Im thoroughly enjoying this relationship and the power exchange element of submitting. We are both very in love with each other, and there is a negotiation of monogamy.
Today, my Sir asked me to consider, how i address my need to top someone? Currently, i do not have that need was my reply. He suggests that this may be a need in future, and that therefor its worth considering now.
He states that he is not thinking of the usual fantasy of two female subs, though admits, its a fantasy, but not something he wishes for in reality. More that this is to address my need to top, not his fantasies. He says he does not have a answer to his own question, but it would have to be whilst being monogamous.

We ran out of time to discuss this fully, i left it, that unless we break the monogamy rule, or i could find a service sub who'd clean my house etc gratis (like thats gonna happen!) i cant imagine a answer.

Although i dont miss topping, coz im having such a ball bottoming. I do miss vanilla sex with another woman. (never had bdsm with another woman, so that could be fun too). But certainly not enough to be described as a need, more a want. and if its not broke, why fix it keeps running through my head.

Any thoughts anyone, or is this all as confusing to you as it is to me?

its been puzzling me on this long night shift im working at the moment.

regards
pandoravampire

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RE: Switches in a sub role of D/s - 7/8/2005 1:51:45 PM

Gem

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Joined: 2/11/2004
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Brightest Blessings

If and when it comes up or you need comes up, why not just Top no sex involved just the SM and then have sex with your Owner. Or you co-top together.

Blessed Be
Gem

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RE: Switches in a sub role of D/s - 7/8/2005 1:57:09 PM

wednesday

Posts: 89
Joined: 6/21/2005
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I went through this negotiation not long ago myself.

I do, periodically, feel the need to top someone. While I am very, very happy with my relationship, sometimes the feelings just need somewhere to go and being beaten isn't taking care of it. I can't deny the fact that I am a sadist.

We are monogamous, and very dedicated to each other. But as he says, he would never want me to do anything that would cause me regret, or to resent him. I determined that over time, if I didn't do anything about it, it would lead me to resent him. So we worked it out that I am able to top someone else with the following guidelines:
1) he must be present and give his permission
2) it must be someone with whom I have no lasting relationship (so that there will not be issues of jealousy on anyone's part. We don't want a 3rd party in our relationship)
3) no fluid swap
4) no using any toys or items that we use at home (duplicates are fine, but not the specific piece. This is more in concern of safety than sentimentality)
5) not in our bedroom or theirs. Neutral territory only.

He also has no desire for multiple subs, or to have sex with other people. But he wants me to be happy and fulfilled, and that includes the occasional sadistic indulgence

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RE: Switches in a sub role of D/s - 7/10/2005 9:02:39 PM

pandoravampire

Posts: 319
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thankyou both for responding.

i do not see this as a problem, i do however have the following difficulties. I do not share well, i would therefor not wish to share my energy with another. With regards to the bi question, the LAST thing i would want is some bloke in on the action. My attraction to female to female sexual contact is the difference in the intamacy that two females share, to have a male around would ruin this for me. Guess im more a lesbian in that situation than a bisexual if that makes sense.

I am not a practicing sadist. This is a choice i made some time ago, as i lack the control to play safely in this field. I accept this. It is a delightful kink, not a need in me. So i can ingnore this side of me well, im 41, so would know by now i think. But perhaps, with my Sir providing extra control where mine lacks, perhaps?

Co-topping with him there. That is a possibility, and yes, certainly a one of occasion, never to be repeated with the same person, coz i would have too many jealousies rampant in my head.

I will discuss this again with my Sir, i simply couldnt think of how this might occur, and still dont think it will, but ive learnt something in life, and its never to say never.

thanks again
pandora

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RE: Switches in a sub role of D/s - 7/13/2005 10:17:12 AM

imtempting

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He might want another sub and for you to control that person.

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RE: Switches in a sub role of D/s - 7/15/2005 5:19:19 PM

Rubyb

Posts: 71
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: California
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Pandora,

You and your Sir have a big advantage by even discussing these things.
That he is thinking about your needs and desires is wonderful.

My hubby, T, and I have been married in a monogomous relationship for over 20+ years. That said, my need to top isn't always met. He's such a dom. LOL

Recently a friend asked if I would take him on as a sub. I wasn't seeking a sub, yet T and I really thought about what it would do for us and for him.

It took us weeks to decide and finally T said yes with lots of boundaries to be followed. Since I don't want to do anything to damage our relationship, T's boundaries and priorities come first.

It's been working out very well. I'm feeling more loved and cherished than ever before, Nat has the Miss that he needs and craves, and T is very happy to satisfy this side of me.

Nat and I webcam, phone and fantasy play, but we are 2,000 miles from each other's bedrooms.

That's a good thing. Cause I want to give T as much of me as possible. Setting boundaries on Nat's and my playtime has helped make this multifaceted relationship a big success.

Rubyb

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Ruby Bloodstone
Author and fan of erotic vampire fiction.
Lifemate and pet to T, Nathaniel's Miss

Ruby's portfolio at writing.com:
http://Writing.Com/authors/rubyb

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