Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 As the Collar Turns:
 Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home  Login  Event Calendars  Search 
Espanol  Deutsch  Francais  Italiano  Portugues 

Service- Be careful what you ask for


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Service- Be careful what you ask for Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 3:47:00 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 1850
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I wanted to share a recent situation that happened to a Domme friend of Mine and as always get your insight--A submissive approached Her offering housecleaning and errand services--She asked for references which she provided but ran out of time to check--but he was a very upstanding citizen---She was very clear that it would be service only, no perks, no benefits, simply service for the joy of serving---he indicates again he was fine with that--sent her his available schedule and they made plans to meet. At that meeting, She interviewed him as She would any "assistant"--talked of the errands that were needed, housecleaning etc. And the relationship began--She was considerate of the hours he was available and even arranged for a gas stipend--She gave him a list of things to do--contacted those firms and indicated that he would be contacting them shortly--some of the errands took some research and he worked diligently on those--the first few--however, in time, nothing really got done expect getting the drycleaning unless She reminded him---most displeased, She told him that She expected expeditious treatment of Her requests and updates how things were progressing--he started on her housecleaning, and in the middle of work committed to, left abruptly ( he had an injury over the weekend and indicated he had done too much)leaving dirty wet towels in the sink and a poorly attacked plan of cleaning--in the middle he offered to run errands for Her female friends-- He later called Her to assure Her he was working diligently on Her behalf, some of the errands had been completed finally after promising and promising they would be done--one key one that involved reservations for a critical cocktail party still were not done though the invitations for the party went out believing that the arrangements had been completed.

The day came today and he was to pick up Her charge at a specific time---when the charge walked out of the building, no submissive--calls where made to discover he was stuck in traffic ( no call to the Domme to indicate any such situation)--finally the charge was picked up, when they arrived at the house--he indicated it just wasnt working--it was too much, he was spending too much time doing little things with little exposure to the Mistress. Needless to say---

So, this should bring some interesting opinions about service, this situation, experiences with service submissives???

_____________________________

"I would rather 30 seconds of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Steel Magnolias

Mistress Hathor

Proud owner of subtoFemDommes--who is known as Her private label in training.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 3:52:14 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 2933
Status: offline 		Yeah, it's that no strings housecleaning thing... I'm a very trusting person, but I haven't got a grip on no strings service yet; it's one of those I'll believe it when I see it. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 3:58:35 PM   
Chaingang


Posts: 368
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		You get what you pay for.

There was no meeting of the minds. No one got what they wanted. The relationship failed.

_____________________________

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect." - Steven Wright

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 4:11:01 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 1850
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

You get what you pay for.

There was no meeting of the minds. No one got what they wanted. The relationship failed.




Do you think anything could have been done differently?

_____________________________

"I would rather 30 seconds of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Steel Magnolias

Mistress Hathor

Proud owner of subtoFemDommes--who is known as Her private label in training.

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 5:49:35 PM   
LadySiraufgaube


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/20/2005
Status: offline 		MY question would be - How can you trust someone you have just met with intimate and important arrangements and /or unsupervised housecleaning? She didn't check his references and I'll just bet he was as charming as the day was long and of course soothed any misgivings she had about that. It's my opinion that she's lucky that she was only inconvenienced and not robbed blind or worse.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 5:51:58 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 1850
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		smiles, good advice, She did check his vanilla references, but never made it to the Domme one---

_____________________________

"I would rather 30 seconds of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Steel Magnolias

Mistress Hathor

Proud owner of subtoFemDommes--who is known as Her private label in training.

(in reply to LadySiraufgaube)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 5:55:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's always good to assume that, unless they are a professional at what you are asking them to do, that you will need to do a walkthrough with them at least once to make sure they really know HOW to do it, and HOW to do it YOUR way.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 6:01:07 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 458
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's always good to assume that, unless they are a professional at what you are asking them to do, that you will need to do a walkthrough with them at least once to make sure they really know HOW to do it, and HOW to do it YOUR way.


Very good advice. I am not so sure I would of felt comfortable with a submissive who I had just met, handling my personal affairs and cleaning my house. Regardless if they had refferences. But then again, I am an extremely private person, so I probably wouldnt of felt comfortble with anyone cleaning. This past weekend, my sub came and cleaned my house, as I have been sick and also had to work. I felt odd about him doing it, but I had no problem with trust issues with him. I do trust him completely.

_____________________________

MoGa
Happiness Is Having An Obedient Puppy!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 6:15:39 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 428
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang
There was no meeting of the minds. No one got what they wanted. The relationship failed.


And I'll add to that: no one can exist in a vaccum.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
Do you think anything could have been done differently?


I've had service slaves serve me for three or six months at a time doing similar errand and houseboy type service. I want something done, I call, they do. Sometimes not earning a moment of my time for weeks at a time. However, like I said above, no one exists in a vaccum, thus am painfully aware of their need to do more than just run a few errands or clean my lavatory to remain committed to me.

Things I might have done differently?

Developed a stronger sense of servitude. Rituals, daily tasks, punishment for ill preparedness or laxed attention, placing a symbolic 'collar' on them (rubberband around their wrist is simple enough), and allowing an opportunity to act out their servility to me. For example, one errand boy took a good couple of months of simple on off requests once or twice a month, sometimes more, before I even let him through the door. He had met me two or three years previously, having had a professional dungeon session with me. But this time he approached not for a professional service but to be of service thus he was well and truly having to play on my terms, and with the patience of a saint he did as asked. Often I would contact him with for no reason, just to remind him he was mine to do with as I wished, or simply to ask how his day was. Out of the blue I ordered he be at my place. Having gotten to know him I knew when life was bad and I knew when life was glad. Thus he was ordered to present himself. Thinking he was going to be sent off with a task in hand, he was pleasently suprised to be given a long over due caning and opportunity to kiss my feet. I knew he was in a bad headspace with work and giving back to him something was more important a need than any of my wants at that point in time. He use to do things like come to my home every Friday morning before 10.30am and put my rubbish out. If I was feeling generous he would be allowed in the door and worship at my feet. If I wasn't he would get told to make me a coffee and leave. Sometimes he wouldn't see me at all. I think what I'm trying to suggest is it is not enough to simply say 'I am the Mistress, this is what you will do' and NOT actually be a 'Mistress' to them (if that makes sense).

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 7:02:35 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314


quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

You get what you pay for.

There was no meeting of the minds. No one got what they wanted. The relationship failed.




Do you think anything could have been done differently?


Yes, definitely. He wanted more, obviously. He needed to be honest up front and state he wanted more of her attention than just a service relationship would give.

I used to be the same way myself. My first houseboy situation ended up being very frustrating because I ended up doing a massive amount of work and almost no contact with my Mistress. The relationship finally ended because I didn't feel like I was actually in one.

Nowadays, if I'm going to be doing a service relationship, I need something in return. I need to be involved. I will do a wonderful job, and I'll be one of the most dedicated service-oriented submissives a woman has possibly ever experienced. But I think it's fraud to say you don't want to be involved with her as a submissive, if you are a submissive. I really think a LOT of people pretend such a person exists a lot, when in fact people are just not capable or willing to communicate what they really want.

I turned down a few potential slave relationships because I discovered the woman wanted what that guy in the original post was claiming to be. I'm not that. And I'm not going to waste some woman's time pretending to be something I'm not.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 7:43:54 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 1850
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		How very insightful---much to learn here--nicely stated

it seems this is where his head was, as I believe his parting comments were, "it's not fun for me"--i work an hour and a half for 5 minutes--much food for thought

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 1/11/2006 7:46:09 PM >

_____________________________

"I would rather 30 seconds of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Steel Magnolias

Mistress Hathor

Proud owner of subtoFemDommes--who is known as Her private label in training.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 7:59:56 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 107
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

How very insightful---much to learn here--nicely stated

it seems this is where his head was, as I believe his parting comments were, "it's not fun for me"--i work an hour and a half for 5 minutes--much food for thought


I learned a lot too, thanks for posting this. I have never pursued a 100% service oriented situation, simply because I never believed that anyone would provide good service for basically no reward.

Better to develop some understanding of each other, and some motivation in the submissive to please...then introduce a service element to well established connection.

Smythe

_____________________________

Have him cleaned up and brought to my tent.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 9:32:25 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 514
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Being a strict service slave is the bottom of the BDSM heap. Any Mistress going there with a sub should have moderate expectations, especially when the service involves work/chores/errands and and no investment in the sub. On some level, I think any DOM needs to be able to turn the tables and ask themselves, "would I ever do that." If the answer is a categorical "no," or a "I'd hate it," then this is a red flag for how the sub would be doing the same thing.

I wonder how often it happens that something just snaps in a slave or a sub, and they just tell their DOM off and walk out. Naturally, that's my not-so-submissive side talking. The example that clearly comes to mind for me here are those poor, lowly "money slaves," at some point I can only think they turn the tap off in exasperation and self shame.

Back you, the thing I don't like about the service sub in your story was his basic failure to live up to current promises. If it were me, I would have tried my best, and if it were too much or I didn't like it, then I would have said somethinsg. Promising a performance and not performing --- not good.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 9:36:38 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 514
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
>I think what I'm trying to suggest is it is not enough to simply say 'I am the Mistress, this is what you will do' and NOT actually be a 'Mistress' to them (if that makes sense). <

I think this is obvious to anyone with a brain or a soul.

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 10:03:40 PM   
ZenrageTheKeeper


Posts: 83
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline 		The Domme in question could have made a list of low priority chores for the servant to take care of for a couple months before moving towards high priority items. I suppose like any training, it would just take time.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 10:23:37 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 541
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		IMHO the sub was either not completely honest with himself or the Domme about what he wanted out of the relationship, or, he didn't understand the magnitude of tasks that would be assigned to him by the Domme and their importance.

100% service for the sake of service is much like charitable works in that it's all about the doer feeling good about doing for someone else. If it becomes a hardship on the doer it no longer creates those good feelings in the doer and he/she becomes resentful and bitter if they continue.

What to do differently? Maybe not looking at a subs genuine offer of service as a way to have a slave that she didn't need to feed, house and clothe? Maybe looking realisticaly at the motivation behind such an offer? Maybe not entrust very important and urgent matters to a part time volunteer with a morale deficiency?

_____________________________

-Tress


"If a woman has to tell you that she's a lady, chances are, she isn't."


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 10:51:17 PM   
subtlesubie


Posts: 49
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		I'm new to this planet - so, you can't get something for nothing. Interesting.... I'll have to remember this.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/11/2006 11:29:53 PM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 305
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I wanted to share a recent situation that happened to a Domme friend of Mine and as always get your insight--A submissive approached Her offering housecleaning and errand services--She asked for references which she provided but ran out of time to check


She didn't check. Even if she did it could have been the same. Be fortunate that it didn't cost more than a gas stipend.

D (owner of j)

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/12/2006 3:36:06 AM   
sunshine333


Posts: 173
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm new to this planet - so, you can't get something for nothing. Interesting.... I'll have to remember this.


... laughs ...

exactly.

and please keep in mind that people, in general, are not always capable of expressing their needs. the Dominant ... being the leader ... should take responsibility for learning his/her submissive. some of what we need and crave in a relationship brings us embarrasment to admit to .. much less request.

everyone already pointed out the obvious ... that she did "get what she paid for." it makes no sense for anyone to expect more from a relationship (regardless of the nature of it) than they're willing to give.

humbly,
sunshine

(in reply to subtlesubie)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Service- Be careful what you ask for - 1/12/2006 3:45:19 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 700
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: NC, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

Do you think anything could have been done differently?

I realize that your post is probably only part of the story and there are likely many details missing. But going on what I read, yes, there are several things that could have been done differently.

First of all, she showed no leadership in this situation from your description. By that I mean she did not effectively set goals, create motivation, deal with misunderstandings, communicate effectively, or solve problems that arose. When problems became apparent, she continued giving him tasks expecting them to be done, but she did nothing to change his behavior or correct the problems (its foolish to expect a different outcome from doing the same thing). From the description she basically handed this guy a list of things to be done and expected him to do them with no further thought on her part. I've yet to see that work in any situation... whether its dealing with employees, volunteers, or submissives.

Intially things went well, attribute that to the submissives own energy and excitement at embarking on something new. But that will always wear thin over time and that energy will be lost unless the dominant does something to maintain it. Apparently, your friend did nothing to maintain that energy level.

When things started to go wrong, your friend did not stop and assess the situation, identify the problem(s) and find solutions. She didn't enforce discipline or reinforce what the goals were.

Apparently she also did nothing to provide motivation... I find it curious that there is no mention of praise or reward of any kind. In the end the submissive expressed this problem (but by then it was too late). He wanted time with her. That may have been something as simple as recognition from her, a little praise, maybe an afternoon just being around her, listening to her, being in her presense. From the description you gave it seems she treated him almost like a robot, input instructions, expect automatic output... people just don't work that way.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

http://www.bardicheart.com

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Service- Be careful what you ask for Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.186