Replies and Manners

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Replies and Manners

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Replies and Manners - 8/31/2005 10:48:06 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 963
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

Just wondering if a person no matter what side of the enjoyable life style they are feel that if they receive a massage from someone who to them is not who they wish to either continue chatting with or be with think it is great to not reply instead of just saying thank you for showing some intrest but no thank you

Post #: 1

RE: Replies and Manners - 8/31/2005 10:55:09 PM

themischievous1

Posts: 49
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline

I think it is polite to reply to all, unless the message is obviously rude and crass. I don't respond to "baby, I want to cum all over you, etc.." Thankfully I get few of these types of messages as they do nothing at all for me. I get pretty squicked by them, in fact.

I feel that if someone takes the time to bother to write to me, even if they aren't what I'm looking for, the least I can do is thank them and let them know I am flattered that they made the effort. Hell, I could have an empty mailbox ;)

mischie

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 2

RE: Replies and Manners - 8/31/2005 11:22:36 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 2933
Status: offline

quote:

I get pretty squicked by them, in fact.

I could infer from the way it's used that it's a bad feeling, but what is squicked I've seen used a few times? M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 3

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 1:14:39 AM

tuttalila

Posts: 47
Joined: 8/17/2005
From: Italy
Status: offline

More than you ever wanted to know about "Squick" (From Wikipedia)

... introduced in the Usenet newsgroup alt.sex.bondage in the early 90's to refer to an otherwise unremarkable act that crossed your own personal boundaries in an extreme fashion.
It was then propagated to the newsgroup alt.tasteless where it took on the derivative meaning of having sex with a trepanation in a (recently) living person's skull.
...
The intejection 'Squick!' is a common reaction to boundary-crossing images, posts, and concepts of all kinds.

_____________________________

put out that lamp when thou wishest.
I shall know thy darkness and shall love it.

R.Tagore

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 4

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 1:20:25 AM

slatyb

Posts: 42
Joined: 1/17/2005
Status: offline

I don't think it is necessary to reply to people who obviously haven't read your profile, or have chosen to ignore clearly stated preferences. Someone who states clearly that they are looking for someone local between 25 and 40 has no obligation to reply to messages from people who are remote, too old, or too young.

It seems that every woman who creates a profile here is instantly flooded with mail, so much mail that replying to everyone could be a full time job for some time. So even though it would be nice to reply to every message, it's not reasonable to expect it.

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 5

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 1:20:51 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Check out Ask a sub/slave forum, topic: Please be polite, answer your messages it's near the top of the first page

(I didn't link, don't know if it's allowed to link from other forums here)

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 6

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 2:39:16 AM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 963
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

We undersatnd about people not reading profiles and just rushing in but are really wondering about those that receive proper and respectful messages but then choose to ignore them as if just in collarme to feel so smart and rude

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 7

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 3:44:53 AM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

i have been one of the lucky women on cm that haven't been bombarded with emails from every tom, dick, and harry so i have no problems replying to all the messages i receive, of course i have yet to receive the "on your knees" message yet, that one would definetely just get deleted w/o a reply.

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 8

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 4:10:59 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 798
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

A lot of times I will reply to well mannered messages. Even though I say "thank you for your interest but no thank you" the fact that I answered is often taken as an open door. I am then bombarded with messages from that person usually asking for very personal information. I guess that they assume it is a no means yes situation. Then I'm put in a situation where I have to come across as being rude when they are the ones who have stepped across the line. It's just easier to not reply.

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 9

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 4:43:03 AM

Dracironsgirl

Posts: 175
Joined: 7/2/2005
Status: offline

i think it's rude not to reply to an email, whether or not you are interested in further contact with them after that, ...just my two cents.

_____________________________

~love a Man in control~

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 10

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 4:50:15 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Check out Ask a sub/slave forum, topic: Please be polite, answer your messages it's near the top of the first page

(I didn't link, don't know if it's allowed to link from other forums here)

Yes it is!

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 11

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 4:57:51 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDiandSirHugh
Just wondering if a person no matter what side of the enjoyable life style they are feel that if they receive a massage from someone who to them is not who they wish to either continue chatting with or be with think it is great to not reply instead of just saying thank you for showing some intrest but no thank you

To expect everyone to be polite is way to great an expectation. I used to reply to all emails but I too got *squicked* by some of the messages that I received.

I'm currently not searching. I used to have a lot more complete profile. It had a photo. It had a thorough description of me. But it all started off by saying that I wasn't searching. I had put the other info up so that if other participants who posted here wanted to get a better idea of who I was, they could. But unfortunately, it was much too tempting for the horny little bastards. So down it came.

What I have done to deal with this situation is reduce my profile to almost nothing and take the pics down. I put a message on my profile saying "I am not seeking out submissives at this time and note that I will not respond to anyone seeking to hook up." So they know not to waste time on me. And it works. I have not had one person court me since then. *Knocks on wood*.

I don't blame anyone for not responding to a rude email. I don't think anyone has the obligation to respond to any email. We might like them to but every situation has 2 facets and often when people chose not to respond to email it's because they themselves feel that they have fallen subject to an act of rudeness.

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 12

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 5:25:07 AM

Oumae

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

I don't think its great not to reply... I do think it is personal choice. I reply to first e-mails once they are not rude after that it depends on how the e-mails are going.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 13

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 6:06:31 AM

sultryvoice

Posts: 280
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline

There are several other forums with this subject discussed further..Search them out and you will get more info..I am not proficient in doing the links and such yet!

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 14

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 6:15:52 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 461
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I guess that really depends on what you consider proper and respectful. IMO, labelling anyone who doesn't reply as only being here to feel 'so smart and rude' is neither proper nor respectful. JMHO, of course.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDiandSirHugh

We undersatnd about people not reading profiles and just rushing in but are really wondering about those that receive proper and respectful messages but then choose to ignore them as if just in collarme to feel so smart and rude

_____________________________

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds ~~ Albert Einstein

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 15

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 6:43:40 AM

TahoeSadist

Posts: 42
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline

I think what you run into is the myth of "common courtesy". That old fashioned (and apparently deceased) concept which says that a "thank you for the email, but no"-type reply should be sent to at least let a person know that thier email didn't get swallowed up out there in cyberspace. I've seen this topic a few times here, and usually the thread is flooded with people bleating "but I get emails from people who don't read my profile, are too old, young, tall, short, distant, close, and/or who drink their beer at the wrong temperature" thus implying that someone else's behavior causes them to behave without manners. It's not only a problem with online people of course, it's visible throughout society, in and out of the bdsm world.

Eric

_____________________________

As long as one of us enjoys it, it's not a total waste

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 16

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 7:08:14 AM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 616
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

This is not the only site that has this problem. Almost everyone of them has reams of Rants about people like this.

Personally I would prefer to answer any initial letter I get. I can always so "No, thanks anyway" and leave it at that. If I get more letters from that person (which I rarely do) I can use the 'block' feature and nothing from that person ever comes thru again. I can see where this is a lot more of a problem for you ladies but I still think it's very rude not to answer at least once.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly!!!

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 17

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 8:42:07 AM

krikket

Posts: 380
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

i almost always reply to the first email someone is kind enough to send, but when they write back asking "why" i'm not interested, shouldn't i reconsider, yada, yada... i rarely bother to reply.

Like greenie, i rarely get so many emails that i can't at least say "no thanks", but i do admit the rebuttals get a big old. i often wonder if they don't bother to read my profile or they don't "understand" my reply, how would they react to either my hard limits or my save word. It's not something i want to find out..

jimini

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

A lot of times I will reply to well mannered messages. Even though I say "thank you for your interest but no thank you" the fact that I answered is often taken as an open door. I am then bombarded with messages from that person usually asking for very personal information. I guess that they assume it is a no means yes situation. Then I'm put in a situation where I have to come across as being rude when they are the ones who have stepped across the line. It's just easier to not reply.

_____________________________

We could learn a lot from crayons: Some are sharp, some pretty, some dull, or have weird names, and all are different colors, but all have to learn to live in the same box.

Cor ad cor loquitur (Heart speaks to heart)

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 18

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 11:02:35 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 414
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

Polite is ALWAYS good.
If they keep contacting you then ban them and report their unconsiderate selves...

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
Able Office Machines
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

Post #: 19

RE: Replies and Manners - 9/1/2005 11:08:21 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

No matter the content, i always reply politely the first time. The "ON YOUR KNEES" email may come froma Man new to collarme who feels that is what subbies want...and so may turn out to be a friend. The second time, i explain why this is not going to work out, if i can, or answer a question put to me, and request no further contact. The third time is what "block user" is for, in my opinion.

In my opinion, a Man (or woman) has complimented me by taking the time to write, inquiring, and 90% of all initial emails are at least polite. i feel such compliments should be acknowledged. i have no opinion on what S/someone else ought to do.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 9/1/2005 5:51:08 PM >

_____________________________

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
~ Bob Goddard ~

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 20

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