Reality of my reaction

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive/Slave >> Reality of my reaction

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Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 8:08:14 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 798
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

Before this became real time for me I had major fantasies of being blindfolded.
It was always a huge turn on.
I am finally able to participate in real time with someone that I am extremely comfortable with.
So here's my problem. I was blindfolded and really looked forward to it.
Had been anticipating it like you wouldn't believe.
Then reality hit.
I freaked a bit, actually a lot, and couldn't handle it. Had to have it removed.
He, being very aware of my inexperience, had no problem with my request as he wanted me to be
as comfortable and calm as possible with our first few meetings.
I am so disappointed in my reaction. I was not expecting that to happen at all.
I'm also so worried that something that I had so looked forward to, and still find so mentally appealing, may forever be ruined for me.
Do I wait to try again?
Get right back on the horse?
Keep working at it until I get comfortable? And what if I'm never comfortable?
I've discussed this with him. He says we continue at my pace in all of this, but what if my pace and his never agree?
I'm just a bit scared and unsure at the moment that maybe I've taken on more than I can handle.

_____________________________

You're just as cool as a bug.

Post #: 1

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 8:12:59 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It's very normal, and things were handled great.

I've always said a person should try something at least 3 times to see if they are interested. The first time you just have that visceral immediate reaction. The second time you process more and get a new exposure. By the third time, you have enough info to know whether you want to keep going or not.

And you can always change your mind later.

Don't be so hard on yourself and don't lose perspective- one freaked out moment does not an eternity of lost opportunities make.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 2

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 8:50:09 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Try it again. It may be something you enjoy. I wouldn't write it off because it didn't work the first time. I enjoy it, but I can see where you'd be edgy the first time it's tried.

_____________________________

Will you show me something that nobody else has seen?
- R.E.M.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 8:50:27 AM

kezzo

Posts: 17
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

[] just take it slow ...then you will know if you like it or not ....if your dom is kind and thoughtfull you will get to likee it
go with the flow at your pace
have fun
Kezzo

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 8:54:33 AM

tendergirl

Posts: 44
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline

i always preferred to be blindfolded as i felt i could relax more as i was quite self conscious of my naked/bound body. For the first month or so, it was part of the ritual of beginning a scene.

i obtained my first injury due to a black leather ill fitting blindfold rubbing my nose so we changed to a strip of some sort of thing he found. It was great when He completely "bound" my eyes. But it was so tight that if i blinked, it hurt and dried out my eyes.

Recently, He bound my mouth, eyes and head with a length of my own bondage rope, wonderful experience.

Being blindfolded now is more about the scene we are in, not a part of the ritual. He almost prefers now to watch me watch Him and i do like to watch Him in my large dressing table mirror, it is like watching a film.

i never freaked out about that, but although i love being gagged, the ball gag i have is quite large and i often choke when on my back. that did scare me a little and i was surprised at my own reaction.

i also am often surprised at how i feel after a scene has finished, especially if i am freaked out the next day even if it was me that pushed it to upper limits.

Basically, i think it is normal what happened to you and it was great that you were looked after so well.

i hope that helps a bit.

love from tendergirl

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 11:23:49 AM

DragonNphoenix

Posts: 248
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Do try it again. I hated blindfolds when I was with my previous. But now that I am with My Dragon... it is something that I like. It sounds like you have a good Dom... trust in him and try it again. If after a couple of times you still dont like it... then let him know. But dont give up on the activity due to one session.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 6

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 12:40:49 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 2326
Joined: 6/18/2004
From: Palos Verdes Estates
Status: offline

Aileen,
First - CONGRATS to you and the Dom. His action illustrates that he deserved your trust.

I would consider being blindfolded "advanced" play. Blindfolded the sharp end of a feather quill can be a dagger, warm chocolate sauce - blood. A blindfold forces a person to focus on sensation and sounds. From a Dom's perspective a scene is easier, because two people are working to intensify the scene; the Dom, and the mind of the submissive.

The truth about other senses being heightened when one is eliminated is true. We are most visual creatures. Cutting off that sense the brain creates all kind of images, often "scary" even without the additional facilitation of a "sadistic" Dom.

You don't say how much prior scene experience you had with your Dom. However, if this was one of your first times, I'd suggest you "keep the lights on". If it's possible, try to log the different feelings each different toy generates. Then when you are blindfolded you'll have a reference point. But that only holds if you don't completely "space out".

If you used a blindfold in conjunction with bondage, a compromise for your next "experiment" maybe to use the blindfold without bondage, or with loose bondage enabling you to reach your eyes with your hands. The lack of control panic may be lessened.

Take your time! Relax! Remember, enjoy the journey. It's most satisfying looking back on all the hurdles and "limits" that you've overcome.

_____________________________

Merc & beth

"The words printed here are concepts. You must go through the experiences." - Saint Augustine

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 7

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 1:28:57 PM

fastlane

Posts: 1386
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Aileen...Hi! The decision is really yours. Many people freak out the first time they try something new, but if it is something that you think you can enjoy, try it again. The important thing to remember is that this is meant to be a pleasurable experience, so only you can decide whether it is worth your effort to try it again.

As for me, Damn, I fell in love with blindfolds the first time I played pin the donkey!

Good luck, Aileen!

Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 8

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 1:53:11 PM

slavejali

Posts: 721
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline

It's interesting hey. It can even work the opposite way, things we *think* we wont like ..and yet do when they come into reality.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 9

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 10:03:26 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 688
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Many things are difficult the first time...(and sometimes second...and third...and...).

Try visualizing yourself in one...fantasize about your next situation with him, and you are blindfolded. Write about it, put yourself there. Observe your emotions and fears, as well as what intrigues you.

As for your pace and his agreeing...my Master always said it is my submission that he enjoys, and seeing me work at pleasing him. Even if i fail repeatedly (and there are some things...well...never mind), as long as i keep trying, he is pleased with my effort. Talk to your Dom about this. Tell him of your concerns. Let him know what you are thinking. It is possible as you grow to trust him more the fears associated with being blindfolded will subside.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 10

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/16/2006 10:48:24 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 798
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

Thanks all for the support, advice and confirmation that I'm still normal. Somewhat? Maybe? :)
It's definitely something that I'm working through in my head and I'm itching somewhat to try again.
Plus I hate admitting defeat of any kind.
I am confident that I'm exploring this all with the right one for me at this time.
He has been well worth the wait and someone that I connect with on many levels within all of this
and in vanilla aspects too.
I'm discovering how important communication is in this.

_____________________________

You're just as cool as a bug.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 11

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/17/2006 12:05:30 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 688
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Well, we didn't say you were normal.....

Best of luck to you!

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 12

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/17/2006 5:23:08 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 1850
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I am going to let the boy respond here as he has great insight and much better wording regarding the issue of fantasy versus reality---but this isn't a horse that you can look in the eye, stroke, brush and touch, this is a fantasy that touched something subconscious--to be disapppinted in your reaction puts more stress on you and may move you to move ahead with something that could cause you more harm in the future---move slowly--and not all things are right for all people----

_____________________________

"I would rather 30 seconds of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Steel Magnolias

Mistress Hathor

Proud owner of subtoFemDommes--who is known as Her private label in training.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 13

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/17/2006 11:10:05 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 493
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Hollywood, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
If you used a blindfold in conjunction with bondage, a compromise for your next "experiment" maybe to use the blindfold without bondage, or with loose bondage enabling you to reach your eyes with your hands. The lack of control panic may be lessened.

This was my thought as well. Take it slow. I would even suggest something as simple as starting off with no scene play...simply a blindfold. Familiarize yourself with His touch, His sounds, His smell. Have him touch you with different objects to aid in building your sensory perception.

I'm claustrophobic. What helped me the first time i participated in a bondage scene was to hold something (i was given a smooth rock) in the palm of my hand with the ability to move my fingers over it's surface. It was nothing more than a reference point when my mind leaped into panic mode...but it worked! How liberating it was the day i determined i no longer needed that damn rock...

_____________________________

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a beam of light to catch.
~Prot

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 14

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/17/2006 3:28:35 PM

littleone35

Posts: 403
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I myself love blindfolds but sometimes it is erotic to watch also. Maybe you can ease into it but haveing it on for only 3 mins or so then maybe move up to 5. If it still freaks you out i would not worry about it we are all different what works for one does not work for all. Good Luck.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 15

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/17/2006 4:35:17 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

You are goddam lucky he wasn't a 'real' dom........

Id'a repeatedly slapped you in the face with some old limburger, and you woulda been begging for more sensory deprivation than a lousy blindfold, love...

LOL,
Ron
Yeah, pal: I'm OK You're (well; I don't know..........kinda cheesy, I guess)

XO

_____________________________

"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 16

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/17/2006 4:49:28 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 798
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

Haha.
i would expect nothing less from you Ron.
I would prefer provolone over limburger though. I am Italian you know.
And as the saying goes...It ain't easy being cheesy.

_____________________________

You're just as cool as a bug.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 17

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/17/2006 5:13:38 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68
I would prefer provolone over limburger though.

Ja, I just bet you would prefer.....

Still limberger.............suffer

Ron

You need to try it again, knowing that the cheese thing is out of the way......maybe a few more moments this next time.....consider what is what, perhaps in your secret ganglion, you have overthought yourself and since it did not exactly and immediately coincide with your fantasy, you panicked (old world spelling). Perhaps..... not concentrate on the blindfold and the disconnection, but the panic. What is the longest you have ever panicked? Say penquin. (you know why right?)

This is called growing....

_____________________________

"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 18

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/18/2006 4:30:47 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 798
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

You need to try it again, knowing that the cheese thing is out of the way......maybe a few more moments this next time.....consider what is what, perhaps in your secret ganglion, you have overthought yourself and since it did not exactly and immediately coincide with your fantasy, you panicked (old world spelling). Perhaps..... not concentrate on the blindfold and the disconnection, but the panic. What is the longest you have ever panicked? Say penquin. (you know why right?)

This is called growing....

Thanks Ron. Every now and then, when I can figure out what the hell it is that you are saying, I realize that your advice is very accurate. It's very much appreciated.
Although I am clueless about the penguin line.
I never do expect to understand everything that you say. *smile*

_____________________________

You're just as cool as a bug.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 19

RE: Reality of my reaction - 2/18/2006 7:23:27 AM

wyldchyld2

Posts: 14
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

i could not believe your post was here! i am looking so forward to my first experience next weekend and this was EXACTLY what i was coming in here to ask about...

i haven't even read the following posts, which is what i'm going to do right now....

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 20

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