Possibly "the age old" question?

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Possibly "the age old" question?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive/Slave >> Possibly "the age old" question?

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Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/12/2004 4:52:04 AM

subinfyniti

Posts: 18
Joined: 6/10/2004
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Has anyone besides myself ever noticed that there are many, many more couples looking for a submissive for either a long term relationship or a casual encounter than there are submissives looking for a couple for either a long term relationship or a casual encounter?
Maybe if I do the math, I will find out that there just may be ALOT more males out there in the first place, secondly, could be the female gene that is for the most part "relationship seeking" for a mate or partner? And, though I haven't noticed, are there more couples seeking couples in the lifestyle? All these thoughts that I ponder and it is only Monday morning.....

Peace all.....

Post #: 1

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/12/2004 9:18:16 AM

Estring

Posts: 1266
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Yes

(in reply to subinfyniti)

Post #: 2

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/12/2004 9:24:05 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Hello,

I havent really noticed, but it would not surprise me.

There are many more male submissives seeking Dommes than there are female submissive seeking Doms.

I would be curious as to the psychology of a committed relationship seeking a play partner. I was married and met a bisexual submissive online, who was then called and harrassed about my talking to her by my ex-wife. My ex-wife had bisexual tendencies, and invited the submissive to come stay with us.

Probably a poor choice. At that point in the marraige I was pretty much fed up with her for various non-lifestyle reasons. I was not looking to leave, but this was probably the catalyst to break the marraige apart.

But back to the question. If you do the math you will discover that unattached women tend to outnumber unattached men at age 30 by 150%. By age 60, this disparity is about 10 to 1. It is entirely possible that female submissives, especially ones with bisexual tendencies, could be doing this to get access to relationship of both genders in a bear market.

Hope I didnt leave you more puzzled and/or worried about my (lack of) mental health than before I started writing the post, but there ya go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to subinfyniti)

Post #: 3

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/12/2004 11:34:45 PM

Sundew02

Posts: 458
Joined: 2/6/2004
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I also have not noticed this trend. Maybe it is the age group I hunt in. Many do say they will accept a couple, but are really looking for A dominant female/male. Tess

_____________________________

~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to subinfyniti)

Post #: 4

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/17/2004 5:01:40 PM

MzBerlin

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/3/2004
Status: offline

subinfyniti-
I have noticed (mostly on b.com, since that was where I have been hanging out/hiding the past few years) that I am generally contacted by couples and by men that are far too old for me (IMNSHO). I don't have the stats on this, but I wish I did. The men that I have chosen to talk to in pursuit of a relationship has been this number: 2. Either I am really picky, or there 'aint a lot of pickins. Either way, that is my experience and I hope that it helps out in your Monday morning fact gatherhing thoughts.
As Always-
Berlin

(in reply to subinfyniti)

Post #: 5

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/19/2004 5:33:57 AM

tanna

Posts: 37
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline

Yes, I have noticed more couples looking, as well as more men who are 'married but looking'.. The problem with this is that most of the submissive women I know are looking for One, rather than a couple or a discreet relationship. It also seems to me that despite putting that you aren't interested in married people in your profile they contact you anyway. I also think that the abundance of couples seeking may be those that found the lifestyle as a way to spice up their relationship and add to it for the purpose of sating a desire of one in the couple that the other can't satisfy.

tanna

(in reply to subinfyniti)

Post #: 6

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/19/2004 6:57:26 PM

shylittleheart

Posts: 100
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Yes there are so many married couples seeking another, so many married men seeking someone to play with on the side but unable to tell their other half. this would make me run if i was a single female for if one can not be honest with their spouse how could they be honest with another.

I am a slave and live with my Master, We are not married yet we do seek another to join the home and a family member, a sister and companion to me and servient to Master in all areas. We are firm believers in a poly house and believe it does work with work and open communication. Our lifestyle we all live is one of great enjoyment and fullfillment. We make it what it is.

shy

(in reply to tanna)

Post #: 7

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/20/2004 4:19:41 PM

tanna

Posts: 37
Joined: 6/29/2004
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And if that's what you are looking for, great. At least you are honest and upfront about it.

It's tough enough trying to start and then maintain a relationship with one man. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to add an extra person into the mix.

I don't know the stats on poly relationships involving children either, but know that it's highly unlikely that I'd get involved in something like that because I am raising children.

tanna

(in reply to shylittleheart)

Post #: 8

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/21/2004 2:17:25 PM

MsSimone

Posts: 34
Joined: 7/15/2004
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Sinergy,
Currently in Chicago, there are more female submissives seeking masters than male submissives seeking femdommes.
It has been this way for about a year. I think many of the males are safely staying behind their computers and cybering with online mistresses. The females on the otherhand desire a relationship and a connection so are out in the community more often.
Couples are always seeking a third to play with, its a fact of our lifestyle.

Mistress Simone

_____________________________

www.chicago-mistress.com

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 9

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/21/2004 3:11:25 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Sinergy,
Currently in Chicago, there are more female submissives seeking masters than male submissives seeking femdommes.
It has been this way for about a year. I think many of the males are safely staying behind their computers and cybering with online mistresses. The females on the otherhand desire a relationship and a connection so are out in the community more often.
Couples are always seeking a third to play with, its a fact of our lifestyle.

Mistress Simone

Thank you for the clarification, Mistress Simone.

I am not sure where I am going with this, as I dont cyber and as Taggard says, direct marketing strategies are successful some infinitesmally small percentage of time.

I desire a relationship first, followed by D/s and bdsm, so frankly I avoid the questions about compatible kinks until I discover whether she loves to dance, knows the difference between existentialism and impressionism, and can enchant me with esoteric knowledge about things I have never been exposed to.

I know that in time, if it is meant to be, it will happen.

Enjoy your evening,

Sinergy

< Message edited by Sinergy -- 7/21/2004 3:12:09 PM >

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to MsSimone)

Post #: 10

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/22/2004 11:23:25 PM

lilgirldomdaddy

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/19/2004
Status: offline

I'm not certain why it should come as any great surprise or mystery, that some secure & loving couples have decided to seek a third person albeit a sub or a dom to share their love & affection with. There are as many reasons to do so, as there are stars in the night sky…each unique & as varied as people on the planet.

For us, it’s simply an extension of our wonderful loving & nurturing relationship, that we already enjoy.
We’re both very secure & nurturing people, who’d like to extend that to a submissive female & quite possibly to a switch female. The dynamics of such a relationship can amazing, the important thing to remember is the person with whom you invited to share your life is a person with feeling who’s not a toy regardless of what games you might play. In short it takes a couple who’s already stable & secure to properly ensure a successful lifestyle with another person.

Anyways good luck with your pursuits everyone!~*
-Rick & Amy

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 11

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 7/26/2004 4:50:38 AM

subinfyniti

Posts: 18
Joined: 6/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSimone

Sinergy,
Currently in Chicago, there are more female submissives seeking masters than male submissives seeking femdommes.
It has been this way for about a year.
Mistress Simone

Being in New England for several years I have come to find just the opposite. The Dom's out number the submissives. It seems like for every 3 submissives looking for a Master, there is 30 Master's looking for a submissive. People have commented to me how they are not interested in coming to a munch due to the fact that it will be a room full of Doms.
That is just our area.

peace
infyniti

(in reply to MsSimone)

Post #: 12

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 8/6/2004 9:01:56 PM

NightDaughter

Posts: 260
Joined: 1/23/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

can't say that I have noticed that. Then again, I still get single dom's asking if Master would share me with them (rather rude, but then again not uncommon unfortuantly).

I guess some couples feel that they need something extra to spice things up for them. personaly, I can't imaging adding another to an already great relationship. Then again i'm not into poly in any shape or form.

_____________________________

NightDaughter
My Blog - http://www.livejournal.com/users/nightdaughter/
"I never said that I could spell, but I do try my darndest to get my point across" - ND

(in reply to subinfyniti)

Post #: 13

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 8/7/2004 12:08:13 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Being in New England for several years I have come to find just the opposite. The Dom's out number the submissives. It seems like for every 3 submissives looking for a Master, there is 30 Master's looking for a submissive. People have commented to me how they are not interested in coming to a munch due to the fact that it will be a room full of Doms.
That is just our area.

I have a friend in Hawaii who says that there is an almost complete lack of Doms on the island.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to NightDaughter)

Post #: 14

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 8/7/2004 1:13:28 AM

WayHome

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilgirldomdaddy
I'm not certain why it should come as any great surprise or mystery, that some secure & loving couples have decided to seek a third person albeit a sub or a dom to share their love & affection with. There are as many reasons to do so, as there are stars in the night sky…each unique & as varied as people on the planet.

Well said.

As an example, I will tell you about my situation. My wife and I have been together for about 12 years. We have been in the lifestyle for about 6-7 and our relationship gradually transitioned from a vanilla one to a D/s one. Looking back, the spark of it was always there for both of us.

We were poly people before we were BDSM people. She is bisexual and values male and female equally. When we first got together she stated that she wasn't interested in a relationship that would keep her from experiencing both.

Like most boys, I had that recurring fantasy of two women. It was perhaps more persistent and stronger for me. Probably the first "fetish" that I was aware of. Unlike most men, when the reality of a threesome with two women finally presented itself, it was not a disappointment or intimidating. It was everything I hoped.

Over the years we have never been "monogamous" though several years went by where we were only with each other. We were never swingers or much "on the prowl" but we were always open to special friends joining us.

As the D/s dynamic took hold of us, we decided early on that having a female submissive in our lives would make us more complete. We also knew we were not ready for such a thing. We had a lot of work ahead to learn and to develop our own changing relationship. We also had to get our careers in order since one or the other of us has been in school for most of the last 15 years (occasionally both at the same time). Now we have reached a beautiful place in our relationship and are approaching the financial ability to support another.

We do not have children and never will. If we did, then we would not pursue this.

I love being a teacher. I have taught one thing or another since I was a teenager, from science, to psychology, to martial arts. My wife has also been my student in many things, as I have been hers. Having another to share this with and to "raise" or "mold" to some extent probably has to do with parenting instincts that are unfulfilled.

We both realize that all of this will not be easy. That is part of the point. Through toil comes wisdom. It's clearly not for everyone, but then neither of us is really "typical" in almost any aspect.

Sorry for the length of post, but the subject is very close.

(in reply to lilgirldomdaddy)

Post #: 15

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 8/7/2004 10:56:14 AM

Sundew02

Posts: 458
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline

Sinergy, I have always enjoyed reading your posts. Sometimes you provide a source of interesting thought and even, smile brain cell activity. I even research to delve deeper when you have peaked my curiosity. This said, I do not seek a male to mirror my interests or education. I enjoy learning new things, nothing is more exciting than a good (adult) debate or new subject to explore. Now, the dancing and physical activities I do look to fairly well match. Say, if they are tone deaf or have absolutely no rythm, that would be a problem. Or as I love to camp and be outdoors and they are allergic to fresh air, sunlight (said tongue in cheek) etc. then that would be a relationship blocker. The old saying opposites attract, at least for me, means an exciting relationship, instead of a bland match. I realize you mentioned learning new things, but you did state that they had to know the difference between philosphical theories and painting styles (or did you mean music style here?). But wouldn't it be more fun to find a willing listener? One you could introduce to something new? Well, my rambling thoughts, laughing. Sundew

_____________________________

~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 16

RE: Possibly "the age old" question? - 8/7/2004 11:29:09 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Sinergy, I have always enjoyed reading your posts. Sometimes you provide a source of interesting thought and even, smile brain cell activity. I even research to delve deeper when you have peaked my curiosity. This said, I do not seek a male to mirror my interests or education. I enjoy learning new things, nothing is more exciting than a good (adult) debate or new subject to explore. Now, the dancing and physical activities I do look to fairly well match. Say, if they are tone deaf or have absolutely no rythm, that would be a problem. Or as I love to camp and be outdoors and they are allergic to fresh air, sunlight (said tongue in cheek) etc. then that would be a relationship blocker. The old saying opposites attract, at least for me, means an exciting relationship, instead of a bland match. I realize you mentioned learning new things, but you did state that they had to know the difference between philosphical theories and painting styles (or did you mean music style here?). But wouldn't it be more fun to find a willing listener? One you could introduce to something new? Well, my rambling thoughts, laughing. Sundew

As in all things, Sundew, I would hope to find reciprocity in my relationship.

I love to dance. I love to talk. I love to cook. I love a lot of things.

Many things are out there I would hope to learn. As much as I would enjoy
teaching the things I already know.

I would hope to find a partner who was as interested in what I am and what I have to say as I am interested in them.

Clear as mud?

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to Sundew02)

Post #: 17

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